I have crinked myself. I was moving really heavy boxes of paper at work yesterday and ZING! This morning it is full blown ugly. I have a heat patch slapped on and I gotta say when you can’t move your arms like you usually can it is a challenge to get those sticky things on in the right spot...but never fear...I prevailed and am enjoying the minty hotness burning my neck and shoulder. I would really prefer to have this peaked and over with my Saturday morning please and thank you. Skulking around the city like Quasimoto is not my ideal way to spend a day...besides Laura has enough reason to mock and harass me (homemade hair cut etc) I don’t want to show up hunched or I will never hear the end of it. She has already threatened to take me kayaking and hiking...

Today it is the office lunch at Milestones...red curry rice bowl here I come. I can taste the bliss already. If you have not had the red curry rice bowl then I just feel sorry for you.

BOUGHT A RECORD PLAYER LAST NIGHT ON USEDVICTORIA. OMG I am stoked to play records again...I am slightly sad I didn’t save my whole collection BUT this will make thrift storing even more awesome now that I can buy up all the cool K-Tel records I see and used to have when I was 11. I loved K-Tel records!!! They were always a welcomed gift at xmas...I have recently seen some humdingers that I am eager to fetch! The new record player will be going in my room as that is where one listens to old records...in a bedroom...this creates a far more intimate experience with the record being listened to. Trust me on it. I have spent countless hours in a bedroom listening to records...I know shit.

Facebook is starting to bring me down man...not only am I aware of its vacuous time wasting traits the new ‘update’ is really annoying...and yes I know it is free...but that also means I have the option to stop using it or limit my use in a dramatic way. Guy has recently hit the bricks b/c the privacy settings are so retarded...I thought they would remedy that...give it a tweak...but it appears it was ON PURPOSE...?? The thing that bothers me most is as a user I can go though my entire friend list ONE BY FUCKING ONE and untick a box for each friend that will prevent me from seeing them comment on other ppls posts...ppl I am not even friends with...YET I do not have an option to untick or tick something so that i can PREVENT my friends from seeing EVERYTHING I do on other ppl posts...it is a huge lack of privacy and even though I am doing nothing illicit or shifty I am insulted that I have no control over these settings...I am pretty much 100% sure that not every one of my friends is going to go through their entire list of friends and untick this feature...so...I have found myself rather turned off...and Google+ doesn’t feel like much of an alternative...Twitter is gay but its simplicity is at least its simplicity is straightforward and not invasive. I am not rushing into anything – I have in the past deleted my FB account and then regretted it hahaha but I have noticed since getting Facebookitis I don’t read ppls blogs anymore or follow many or participate on message boards...which irritates me...FB has become a DEFAULT and I am thinking that needs to change.

Just over a month before Aunty Cathy gets here...Weeeeeee!! 2 days for Liam Finn! 8 days til I am in Bellingham hanging with my American pals...24 days til Sam Roberts...60 days til Matthew Good! 73 days til Tori Amos!
Oh and fuck CHRISTMAS! Me and Ayla decided to stay home and be SUPER MINIMALISTS this year...make a nice dinner but not get sucked into the hype...Because she is going to Mexico in March we are focusing all $ on that and grad so this year will be her 1st adult style xmas pile...which sounds incredibly dirty and perverted but that’s not what I mean at all. It will not involve sex toys or poo. I mean that present pile will be VERY small...I have already started preparing her.

Grind begins again at 5:45 am

I enjoyed this Monday off...it was cold and rainy and I stayed in cooking and cleaning out my bedroom closet...prepping my emergency kit after seeing CONTAGION yesterday...JHC...ppl touch their faces over 2000 times a day...that movie mind-fucked me...my favorite part was when Tracey and I were fully enthralled some lady up front started coughing...I may have had to turtle my poop it was THAT spooky. The movie is good...how they break it down how shit spreads will haunt me for life though.

Back to work tomorrow...5 days til I am off to the city for Liam Finn...and hang out time with Laura...I look fwd to Laura (hairdresser) judging my home cut hair...it will give us hours of amusement...and will branch off into the countless hours of material from 20 yrs ago where she gave me terrible perms and hair cuts and all the time I have fallen down in her presence. We laugh a lot...we have VERY LITTLE in common but we have history and that goes a longggg way! Oddly enough I am feeling really weird about going to Vancouver...the sky train system is nuts now and while Laura is planning on picking me up i am prepared in case something comes up and she can't and the thought of dealing with Vancouver transit is causing me mild anxiety..I admit it...I know once I am there and in it I am fine but like with everything I am good at being a gawd damn alarmist.

Oh and the best part of it all...I will in GROUND ZERO MENSTRUAL HADES...hahahahahah fugg.

I SEE YOU KID!

RIFFLANDIA 2011 - Mother Mother **PHOTO BY KERI COLES**

recycle bin find....such a parental FAIL!

10 Hours Ago....

I ate nachos for lunch with my boss...1st time I have eaten anything that 'bad' in a few mths and it is still sitting in my stomach...feeling undigestable...on the upside (b/c I am such a bloody optimist) I didn't shit my pants 30 mins after eating them so...yay for me!

It is a quiet Friday night here...quiet meaning I am doing laundry and listening to Liam Finn in preparation for being able to sing along to all his songs in 1 weeks time...I can hear the bands at the Rifflandia Festival down the street - that's where Ayla is this weekend - lucky duck. My hopes of going have fallen through so it is on to plan b - plan b consisting of NOTHING haha I am ok with it since next weekend I am zipping to Vancouver to hang with Laura and see Liam Finn and the weekend after that heading to Washington to visit Michelle and Harrison and Mia and EMP....so this weekend is CHILL TIME.

Congrats to my lovely friends Guy & Donna for landing a live-in park caretaker gig...this is a great opportunity to live rent free for a change so I am super happy for them...also b/c I was a little worried they might leave the island if they didn't get it so it was good for everyone! :o)

That siblings of suicide study I participated in - I got the study/report in the mail this week...very clinical and not all that informative to me but would be to others...Michelle B growing up as an only child really got a lot out of it and Connie and I have yet to dissect it...she's written many of these in her days of getting her masters in clinical psych so that will be an interesting chat. My sister participated as well but I haven't heard her opinion on it all yet. Was interesting...but not life altering in any way for me personally. I like details, stories, the guts of the issue...peoples perceptions...these studies are very dry, impersonal and vague...yes vague...

It was fuggin hot out today...HELLO!!!!!! It is almost October...Summer - you had your shot and fucked it up so piss off...its FALL...this sunny heat BS can suck a dick.

Devil Boy

Sept 20 2011 032, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Great visit with Kori, Mary & Cedar this week...Cedar was a lovely dude. He came out of Ayla's room looking like this. ha!

K, M and I watched WATER ON THE ROAD - The Eddie Vedder DVD....we ate...we talked...we drank tea...all good!

MACRAME FROG!

MACRAME FROG!, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

thank you Mary...this is thing is AWESOME!!

Trooper (Sidney BC) Sept 22 2011

Trooper Sept 22 2011 190, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Old - yeah.
But they sounded great...I was a little worried but they exceeded my expectations quite ferociously...its weird seeing Ray McGuire still doing the same strutty moves in 2011 that he did in 1979...yes but...he can still sing and with the slightly younger Scott Brown eye candy added on bass it was well worth 60 bucks. There is something cool about going to see a band where you know all their tunes like the alphabet...

Trooper (Sidney BC) Sept 22 2011

Trooper Sept 22 2011 144, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

this was my pretend boyfriend for the evening - Scott Brown.... :o)

Most Romantic Spam I Have Ever Received...

I love how it makes no sense at the end. ha!

From: DANIEL EDUARDO JERALDO CORTÉS [mailto:danielpsx230@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2011 6:52 AM
To: jen.norris@comcast.net
Subject: [Shaw Suspected Junk Email] Re:

I am consumed by my love for you. I cannot contain it anymore. I have to let you know how I feel. I have given you an eCard to let you realize how I feel. see your letter Here
must have all the knowledge and all the help which we can get.

all my true, true friends, I want you to bear something in mind to hear him talk American slang,and whenever I was present, married, is quite out of the question.

HOLY MFING SHIT!

It is like the universe decided to send me a sign that she isn't a bitter, nasty, hard ass old crone...
I love it when a series of events all come together to make something spectacular possible...no, this isn't like I am suddenly able to feed all of Somalia or something (though if I stopped over eating and sent that food there I could possible save a few hundred lives :\) - I was supposed to go to Washington this weekend but due to Michelle's work sucking wang her schedule didn't permit so it got rescheduled til Oct 8 - no sweat...I sold my extra Matthew Good tickets this week so I have 100 bucks cash tucked away for a rainy...

So while I am sitting here on a shit Saturday with no motivation, feeling gynormous & miserable with no motivation to do eff all until I meet up with the lesbos downtown for a Vietnamese dinner and a movie ~ I stumble across Liam Finn concert dates on Facebook (which I wouldn't have if  I was in Washington this weekend!)....I am scanning them in hopes of a Victoria show...I see a Seattle show and sadly it doesn't work for when I am already in Washington but as I scan I see VANCOUVER...not Victoria but wHATEver...I instantly start to shit in my diaper a little b/c I have a lot of plans coming up and not really the funds for it w/o going into Visa Torture Land which I do not generally enjoy...so I am scrambling to find a hotel near the little cabaret venue and find one in the same bldg...rooms are 70 bucks with a gov't discount...SWEET...all set up...I am totally thinking I will just walk on the boat Saturday morning...wander to that part of town...check in when I am able...and enjoy Vancouver until 8 o'clock...the sweetest part is...IT'S AN EARLY SHOW...830-1100 - its like the baby fucking jesus of nazareth really did plan this all for Jen! This old granny loves early shows!!!

With the plan made I relax a little...I decide to call my buddy Laura in Vancouver and see if she wants to come...I hardly ever get to see her so I thought it might be a fun hang out for us til I see her in December...she was on board and invited me to stay at her place...so that was cool...saved me some $ though I really do love staying in hotels... dunno why...I sleep shitty in them...there was no pool...but I love the novelty of it...likely b/c I don't often get to do it...if I had to all the time I am sure it would lose its fun. This also means less debt involved so...awesome.

PLAN MADE...TICKETS BOUGHT...I, Jennifer Jay Conklinasaurus, am going to see LIAM fucking FINN in a small cabaret environment on my gawd damn 41st birthday. I cannot think of anything I would rather be doing....! LOVE LOVE LOVE...the fact I have ONLY listened to Liam Finn at home or at work or on my MP3 player for the last 3 weeks straight is testament to how I feel about him...I just discovered his existence watching the Water on the Road (Eddie Vedder) DVD 3+ weeks ago and since then I have devoured Liam Finn like a piece of caramel cheese cake. It is a rare occurrence u get to see someone live as you are in the middle of your obsessive, freak show phase of finding your new top 5 musician....

Do you get how big this is? Do you? Think of all the bands there are in the world....think of that number....then think of trying to make a top 5...so imagine stumbling upon someone who you never knew existed less than a month ago and he is within 2 days bumping someone out of your top 5, making a place for himself. This is unheard of people! I was fairly convinced for years that my top 5 would remain my top 5 til I died b/c rarely does newly discovered music breach the walls of my top 5 and displace its members. This is EPIC...for me anyhow. Clearly none of u are affected by this earth shattering occurrence.  I will not hold it against you.

FML I am so excited I cannot contain myself. I have no one to tell...I have no one who would get this b/c the only person who would get it (my brother) isn't around anymore to share this with...dammit...even my music loving friends are a little more 'mature' about this sort of stuff...
Oh well...lucky for me I am ok with my loner status.

Women’s Washroom Etiquette

I have a favourite stall in the washroom where I work. Stall #5 – the last stall against the wall. I walk over 100 steps to get to the bathroom so when I get there and some jackass is in my stall it bums me out...but onward I carry on using an inferior stall to get the job done. It doesn’t ruin my life but it is yet another little disappointment in life.

Now here is the thing – if someone is in Stall #4 I will not use Stall #5 b/c there are 2 others available that are not next door neighbours to Stall #4. My rule is never to use a stall right next to someone if at all possible. I don’t like using stall washrooms on a good day and I certainly do not enjoy someone coming into Stall #4 when I am in Stall #5 when they could have used Stalls 1, 2 or 3 for shits sake. Rude.

Am I the only neurotic stall person on earth? Depending on my mood this sort of thing really pisses me off...I don’t want to pee and be distracted by the bozo in the next stall peeing. Or by the shoes they have on. Or if they pee faster or slower than me. I don’t even like ppl LISTENING to me pee. I am still known to run water when I pee depending on the situation. Clearly I am not afforded this option at work though I have considered how funny it would be for someone to come in with all 5 sinks running and 1 person in the can. Ha. Ohh it is the small things that amuse us mutants.

Stay away from me in the can you drones.

I am still in the romantic throws of my Liam Finn obsession...sorry for everyone who will receive a copy of his music whether they want one or not...I am a little excitable and like to share. I want the damn CDs to show up so I can listen to him in my bedroom [do not think about it now – it only gets dirtier from here].

The weather has turned...on the weekend I was sweating my balls off - scared to go outside for fear the sun and heat would melt me like a piece of cotton candy in a drooling child’s mouth...today I am actually cold and I am indoors. They will turn the heat on eventually in here and it’ll be hideously hot and horrifying and I will be looked at like a lunatic for having my a/c on from time to time. I know most everyone is sad summer is gone but NOT I! ::insert happy dancing and lard jiggling here::

Maybe I will cut all my hair off to commemorate this grand seasonal change? Talk me out of it please. I have always hated my hair after a drastic hair cut...I have no idea why I am cyclically compelled to cut my hair off...truth is until I dump some weight cutting my hair off would be unwise...if hair was heavier I would do it as an attempt to un-tip the scales...I have considered what life would be like with 1 leg...b/c the weight loss benefit of my losing a WHOLE THIGH would be pretty substantial! I love it when I type for a while and look up and have made so many typos I can’t even distinguish what I was trying to say.

I feel restless...I feel jumpity...like I should be doing something...yet I lack the motivation to do anything but stare at my budget spreadsheet and wonder HOW THE FUCK I am supposed to have any sort of life after Ayla graduates...we decided it only makes sense for her to stay living at home so she can save up for school, it’s cheaper for her so more can be saved when she is working full time...I have been so worried about this grad trip and then grad expenses I didn’t really think too much about after that...I will be officially be lacking 350ish bucks when she grads...yet my expenses will not really change...BAHAHAHA CONKLIN! I am such a dick. It’ll come down to ditching cable and a land line I guess – I am determined not to worry about it. Ayla can start paying her own cell bill and pitch in a token rent amount and it will all work out – but you know how I love to panic about this shit a year in advance.

I have come to recognize my lack of being able to pair up with anyone [with a fucking job] has left me in a limited financial bubble. Single incomes are great if you have cheap rent, no kids and no debt. I have no debt....none...but my rent is lame and my kid...well I am not getting rid of her...I adore her despite her rude nature that I am convinced will be outgrown. I want to afford her some time to get all her ducks in a row and get herself sorted before pushing her out into the shitty world. Who knows – the plan might change 823759384x before graduation so...I should shut up now.

The Ryan McMahon Experience

I have been privy to a lot of live music in my 40 yrs...various genres, time periods and moods. I am a live music connoisseur of sorts...I like what I like and what I don't like offends the shit out of me. I wish I possessed the capability to be outwardly supportive and kind towards music and it's  performers when I am not in love with their music...alas...I suck at diplomacy. I am the Simon Cowell of my own tv show-less realm. I cannot stand shitty or mediocre music - this is because I love music I love so FUCKING intensely that anything short of my ideal is a waste of my gawd damn time and energy.

I see musicians who I know have been doing their thing (aka perfecting their craft) for over a decade and honestly it amazes me that they still are at it when after 10 yrs they are still very mediocre. Mean - I know. I am a mean asshole but when you have seen genuine talent which includes songwriting, singing, playing and stage charisma it is very difficult to feel anything but sorry for performers who will never reach that level despite their best efforts. Some people have it. Some people do not. It IS that simple. It is a package and a half full package just doesn't cut the mustard.

I don't want to spend any of my time fake clapping and bored out of my gawd damn skull seeing performers EXCEPT if it is what I have to do to get a 40 minute Ryan McMahon fix that I have waited a few months for.

The contrast between Ryan McMahon and other acts that I shall specifically not mention for the sake of me trying not to be as much of a mean asshole as I actually am...is obvious. You don't have to be a hardcore like me either...it is just very apparent. I don't understand why at his level he still struggles...it boggles the mind...but I guess the world is full of artists that never get picked up and shared with the world. A total shame...and the world is lesser for it.

After a long wait last night in a hot venue (though the venue was fantastic for vibe and mood for sure) Ryan played and it was like the last 2+ hrs of my personal suffering (insert Jesus martyr symbolism here) had been erased by that single first note...despite being plagued with professional speed bumps over the last few months - you wouldn't know it. Ryan was his witty, fun self and performed with his usual unfaltering wonderment. The set was short but I didn't even care...from the moment I saw Ryan on a stool playing solo at Steamers almost 9 years ago seeing him perform anywhere at anytime is a gift I have never taken for granted.

Thanks Ryan...

Please pass on...

Please pass this link on to anyone you think may be in the market for this show in Victoria - thanks.

All child pervs should die

I gotta say the recent Amber Alert looking for the 3 yr old ginger kid of cuteness from Sparwood, BC is rather disturbing...imagine waking up to find your kid GONE. At 1st you would think he was in the living room or hiding or something but it wouldn’t take long for that disgusting feeling to overtake you realizing he was actually missing. Absolute horror. Now that they are also looking for the creepiest, heinous looking freak I have seen in a while one can only imagine the mindfuck thinking that greasy inbred with perv tendencies has your toddler. Fuck. I just do not even know how you WAIT to find out what has happened.

In other news...ok not really but...how about this summer weather hey? You know how I just LOVE the sweaty boobness of 28 degrees...oh yeah just great...but victory shall be mine...the weather will turn and turn in my favour it shall – back to the cool, damp wonderfulness that I enjoy 8ish months of the year. MuHahahaHAHahahHAHHAHAHAA. Seriously though – if not for this welfare a/c at work I might die but the a/c changed my life...work life that is...even though by 2-3 pm it struggles to keep up and can only cool the room to 78 degrees that is a SHITLOAD better than prior to its installation I can assure you...it’s a good 20+ degrees hotter in here without it on so just in case I haven’t told the a/c how much I love it lately.......I LOVE YOU A/C!

American Pickers is my new favourite show...I like it better than Canadian Pickers...the American Picker guys are more likable to me, funnier...though I do like seeing the Canadian stuff the Canadian Pickers find...I am all about HGTV these days...House Hunters, Property Virgins, Rental Income, Holmes on Holmes...my gawd...men with hammers and such...oh my. Mike Holmes should come over for a sleep over.

Better yet send that bushy faced Liam Finn over for a sleep over...I am having a serious love affair with his music at the moment. I will spare you the gory, moist details and just say I am happy to add him to my Pretend Boyfriend list. As it turns out I prefer PRETEND BOYFRIENDS to real ones. I have decided the only way a relationship will ever work for me is if there is a serious level of intimacy and real, genuine friendship involved with a person with balls who can call me on my bully bullshit and respect the fact that the way I do shit is the way it will be done in my house. Is that too much to ask? Seriously...my neurotic brain needs a special sort of someone who can actually talk and articulate shit and get in my face without being confrontational....yes that is possible...I must be outwitted delicately...b/c if you get in my face for real without any sort of plan or procedure I will ruin you ~ you will lose. Ask anyone who knows me. I am a gawd damn machine. Vicious. Badger. Terrorist. Ha ha ha aaaaa

Mmmm lunch. Daal and brown rice and carrot sticks. Jealous aren’t you? I would rather be eating fish & chips truth be told. Some asshole got on the bus with fish & chips yesterday and I nearly had a convulsion. All I could smell was grease, salt and vinegar and it was bloody awesome. Rude.

Just go away already ...

This whole Gordon Campbell/Order of BC controversy sure is mind boggling. Even the info provided by the Order of BC office outlining why he is being 'honoured' makes me shake my head...he is being honoured for doing his JOB...there is nothing in there about the hours of work he has done altruistically for a charity or cause...no mention of being financially supportive of any charity or cause...it's all work done as part of the jobs he has held and was paid to do. And paid well I might add.

It was less than a year ago he resigned in shame for his HST trickery...then he is handed a cushy overseas job by the PM to rub it in ppls faces...so really...we have to bestow this Order of BC on this jackass FOR WHAT?

All his dealings are financially motivated for him or his friends and the already well to do...I see no reason he gets such an award ESPECIALLY so soon after his shameful posting as Premier. There is no legacy to honour here. It is really unfortunate for the ppl like Crystal Dunahee who are being overshadowed by this BS when they have made real contributions to our society/province, given their time over years and years with no giant paycheques...Seriously, why are we even talking about this crap and debating its merit when there is NONE?

That shit pisses me off. I am sick of Gordo and his seedy friends getting more and more of the pie while stepping on the throats of the people to get the last gawd damn crumb. This province is an embarrassment politically, like a bunch of drunken monkeys are running shit...oh wait...duh.

I love love love Mr. Finn

Gather To The Chapel - LIAM FINN

Your photo all over the altar

Your friends dressed in black

It's the first time I've seen you in ages

Hold on, my old time bomb

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone loved you, yes everyone

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

I walk through the park where we hung out

Saw signs long ago

Try hard not to argue the obvious

Hold on, my long time partner

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone loved you, yes everyone

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

You left us in the dark to cry

Why

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

Everyone loved you, yes everyone

Everyone gather to the chapel, to the chapel

**while most songs about suicide are grim and angry this song is really lovely... Jen**

shazam!

off to pick up the most awesome teenager I have ever given birth to today @ the Comox ferry...I am hemorrhaging profusely, Lisa my driver slave is sick and talks like a tranny...we are like a mobile porn unit today...ohh yeah....and don't forget the puppy that's coming along too! Ohh yeah!

Kelly M - if you hear someone yelling your name look up, I will be waving at you!!!!!!!

MP3 SHUFFLE TIME!

Bring on the zombie apocalypse via barb the Bad Tempered Zombie...

You know how it works, put your itunes on shuffle and so on and so on.

First song: overall theme for the apocalypse

COMFORTABLE CRIMINALS - Matthew Good

(I think they are comfortable criminals actually...)

Second song: plays when you kill your first zombie

WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE - Alice Cooper

(ok I dont think I could have picked a better one honestly...)

Third song: plays when you are being chased by a horde

KISSES & KEROSENE - Otep

(nice...)

Fourth song: plays when you have to kill your loved one

TRIPOLI (acoustic) - Matthew Good

(how moving the scene would be, killing a family member to one of my favorite MG songs haha)

Fifth song: plays when you find a group of survivors

A SILENT ARMY IN THE TREES - Matthew Good

(come on - this is getting to be too perfect!)

Sixth song: plays when you meet a new love interest

GIRLS OF PORN - Mr Bungle

(I do not even want to think this one over too hard...wtf)

Seventh song: plays when you have to make a final stand

MS GENOVA - Tin Foil Phoenix

Eighth song: plays when you think you've survived it all

I AM HUMAN - The Smiths

(ha ha ha)

Ninth song: plays when you discover a bite mark on you

DON'T STOP - Fleetwood Mac

(ooooh gawd noooooooooooooooooo)

 

Tenth song: plays over the end credits

DESTINATION UNKNOWN - Missing Persons

(seems appropriate!)

Your turn! (THANKS BARB!)