thou shalt not miss a chance to torture thy child

things we can do today...mom and daughter...full of love and light:

1- go shopping for mechanical pencils

2- go see the new GREECE imax flick

3- go see a gay waste of money movie in hopes her friends will see her out with her fat/uncool mom

4- go volunteer at a church

5- picnic @ the park

oh the possibilities are endless, its all about how effective i can be with coercing/convincing/blackmailing her to participate...sometimes i lose the fight in my heart and its easier to let her sit in her room sulking...then I get some peace out of the deal...other times...he he he its just too good to not torture her.

HAPPY BARFDAY MZ BUFFY on FEB 15 (yeah i suck)...

fuck...i saw Ayla's old babysitter yesterday...it filled me with hate and malicious feelings...

shes managed to spit out another kid...im sure that tops off her welfare chq beautifully each month...

i was a little surprised at how i still harbored such ill will twd her...then again...wtf else is new...

sometimes years will go by and ill see someone i havent see in yrs or thought of even and all ill remember is they did something so that i hate them and even if i cant remember what i go with the emotion attached and carry it on hahaha hahahha

TSIF!

do u ever feel like sometimes u have mange on your head?

haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i have 2 days off now.
i am in heaven...
esp b/c Ayla is grounded and im making her hang with me all weekend long MUAHHAHA HAHAHAH HAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHHAHA

No, I am not a lesbo

I'm not...I like boys...it is a curse but its true.

I like penis, but only if I like who is attached to it b/c truthfully, they all look silly...as do clams in general so its a genderless thing...

I like to look at girls but the thought of making out with one...doesnt stir my loins into a frenzy
at all...in fact the thought of necking with a girl weirds me the fuck out...but I like watching 2 cute boys make out...Ohhh yeahhhhhh

not that theres anything wrong with liking girls if u are a girl...i just dont.

The End

she dreams in red...

2 more days til the weekend...

I have one of those toxic, underground, small but unbelievably painful zits under my nose right now... it makes me want to cut it off...it wont go away or become destructible so there it sits...

mocking me...

MOCKING ME I SAY!!!!!!

someone said i was full of shit today bc i think ppl IN GENERAL don't want to be alone...lemme quote it:

Jennzebel, I don’t wish to be an ass, but the only thing that’s full of shit is your sweeping generalization that no one wants to be alone. Even if it’s just hyperbole, it’s terribly arrogant, dismissive, and unjustifiably judgemental.

I am not sure why my thinking that in general most ppl don't want to be alone and ppl who say they do are full of shit and/or in denial warranted such a response but...it is interesting if nothing else.

I ~personally~ think that even the most fucked up ppl want to be loved and seek it in a variety of ways...healthy or otherwise...

We are all entitled to our own opinion of course...but I do think as humans we prefer companionship...be it sexual...long term, short term, whatever...

Shit...I don't want to be married but holy shit if I ever met someone I didn't detest after 6 months who turned out to be amazing that may test my assertion on living with someone...as it stands the thought repulses me but that's only bc 36 yrs into this life ive yet to meet anyone id care to share a home with...

I lived with a guy for 30 days once...*shiver*

Today Cynthia at work gave everyone valentine treats: Nipple Nibbler~ woooohooooooo

if only I could comfortably reach my own nipples....

Anyway...I am interviewing 2 ppl this week...I am hoping ONE will be a keeper so come March we can start training and have her functional by April so I can take a trip up to that throbbing metropolis of Powell River to do some visiting....

I am off to bed...I have go to finish reading the lousy Bettie Page book im half way through so i can start something a little more well written....

AS IF...

O-M-F-G

I GOT MY RAG ON

VALENTINES DAY

Happy Valentine's Day Fuckers!

Note: Valentine's Day is on Hump Day this year...

HOW IRONIC MuHAHAHAHAHAHA

Death ~ Valenspew ~ Screwed (and not in a good way)

If i die of tetanus or hep or some other nasty scum bag bar disease please sue Monty's Strip Club.
I sat on a chair that had a screw sticking out of it and jabbed myself, turns out it went through my jeans and drew blood so if I am infected with some pervert bar illness...SUE!

Lots of death in the air these days...a week or so ago a local man was shot and killed by Victoria police. I knew who he was, he lived in the hood here, I always felt sorry for his son. He used to follow his dad around like a puppy, bring penny rolls into work and change them for "real money" to buy slushies....seemingly oblivious to the fact his dad had some real issues going on with drugs and gawd knows what else.
Turns out this guy had a bunch of kids, and he had custody of all of them...makes u wonder wtf state their mothers were in if HE had custody b/c he never looked like he was doing well.
Anyway...now I wonder if this little boy (he is 11 now) will turn out better or worse w/o his dad around. I wonder if the ppl around his are going to turn him into a cop hater b/c his dad was murdered by the police.
Personally...if you steal a car and had a known rap sheet as long as both arms and choose not to stop when the cops ask u to....and then try to run cops over i think that's a pretty valid reason to start shooting...but that's just me.
Then an old friend of mine from school, her husband died...OD'd...leaving her with 2 kids, no money, nothing but a mindfuck and broken heart.
Gal at works cousin just died...
Don't forget Anna Nicole!
Christ...that's just in my limited little circle in the world in a few days.

Always gets me thinking about what it ll be like when I'm dead...not that ill care of course cuz ill be dead...
I'm sure if i had a funeral (which i wont bc anyone who knows and loves me would NEVER plan such a blasphemous event) they'd play gay music like KC and the Sunshine Band, and decorate the place with pink roses and purple balloons...
ok not really but...i don't like funerals...i don't do em.
After my brothers and all that hypocrisy I don't think ill stomach another one...my family isn't a FUNERAL kind of family...we just don't do that shit...we are too sensible...we just have ppl over and eat food and talk...
I thought it was weird when i was younger, like it was an issue of "CLASS" but now that Ive been to a funeral and feel they cant possibly represent a person as you knew them when there are so many different perceptions about them from the planners (toss in the religion factor and your hooped) I just don't feel the need to attend...I can do my own thing and get what I need from it.

How morbid...you're very welcome.

Tomorrow is Valenfuck's Day...thank gawd 4 hallmark or we wouldn't have the pleasure of enduring all these useless, meaningless occasions...
I made little candy bags 4 the gals at work....and a big one 4 Ayla with a BEEEE MINE card that will surely make her vomit its so cheesie. I participated b/c i bought that BEEEE MINE card 2 yrs ago and forgot the last 2 yrs to give it to her....only 2 yrs ago she still liked me so now I'm giving it to her just to make her eyes roll.

Yesterday

Donna and Guy came down from Whiskey Creek yesterday! WooHoo

We trolled for hookers, went to a strip bar, went up to Mount Douglas and looked for gay hook ups, went to this little airport family cemetery that had the COOLEST tree in it (see below)...all in all a good time!

excuse me, do you have any gray POUPON?

As IF I was up at 7 am like a friggin work day....

Either way I have reorganized my bathroom, vacuumed and all that crap by 9 am (I am sure the neighbors LOVED the hum of my vacuum this morning)...

Some gay TV show is on about pissy travelling ppl who are too BIG for 1 seat so they are made to buy 2...or ppl with turtles demanding they be able to take turtles on a flight...wtf??
NOTE TO SELF: dont ever work 4 an airline as a customer service person, its too similar to what i do now.
NOTE TO SELF #2: don't fly until u drop 100 lbs.
Ppl get right heated about money.

Yesterday I spent a very long and agonizing 15 mins trying to explain to some mentally compromised person that JUST b/c u get your taxes done you do not get your GST Refund back in one chunk inc. in your tax refund, it is spread out over the following year in quarterly installments...."Oooooo no no no I get it all back at once"...im thinking wtf planet do u fucking live on that you get to be the only fucking canadian that gets GST credit once a year, all at once...Fuck off.

Oh now there is a drunk guy trying to board a plane...and now a passenger with bad BO....this show is GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Anyhoo....Guy was up late fighting repugnican christian fascist idiots til 330 am so he is coming at noon rather than 10 am....yeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

There is a great need for me to grocery shop today...gawd forbid we are out of cheese and Ayla will certainly STARVE to death w/o cheese in the fridge...

....gurgle...gurgle....

too...tired...to post....properly....

- tomorrow Guy is coming to visit...he is gunna wheel chair me around

- remember that mr sissy pants asshole i was telling you about the other day? he he he he was supposed to be in to pay off his debt but i think hes scared of me cuz i looked up and saw him peeking in the store through the window and when i saw him he split....and never came in and paid MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- im so tired i could have sex with someone gross right now cuz id be too weak to punch him in the face

- R.I.P. Jack...and John S...and even Anna Nicole...she was a freak but...she was just damaged like the rest of us...

- Happy 24th Birthday tomorrow Sara

- must go eat rice now...

Random

are you lookin' at my....belllllay? (i love the shaw commercials right now)

this day is shaping up to be a crap one...

isnt perspective fabulous though? it can always be worse...and usually is for a lot of ppl out there...so im not whining today.

im gunna leave work early today i think and go to a dept store with hore cards and just hand them out like candy to get ppl in the door since my most recent new hire called at 8 am this morning to say he took another job and wont be taking this one, which he was to start at 10 am.

*insert maniacal laughter here* twitch twitch

guy is coming on saturday...i will get him to drag me out in the wild so i can chill the fuck out a little i think...ive been going around all week with my jaw clenched, im pms'ing on top of it all & just need a little break from reality...so he can take me birding and dazzle me with his wealth of knowledge about nature and i can tell myself that im smart too, just about things no one cares about and that dont matter like Rick Springfield, breastfeeding and the like.

My oatmeal gave me heartburn this morning. Rude.

Guess What???!?!!?!

I am slowly going mad.

The End

A Love Letter

don't u feel like a conquering genius when u ram a q-tip (yeah i no yer not supposed to) into your ear and get some gawd awful wax thats been hiding from you for ages?

i do...its like i just won the war or something, the war of ear wax.

armed daily with cotton swabs and warm shower water, ready to reek havoc on the evil terrorist ear wax.

im down to 4 fingernails now...4 on the left...thats it...sighhhhh

time to start over.

even though i hate manager meeting days im glad to not be at work b/c i fucking hate work right now...i hate being nice to stupid ppl all day long...day in and day out...ppl think b/c u provide them a service it entitles them to be a dumb ass mother fucker and then when they dont get their way they can call u names and have a hissy fit like a 3 yr old and then go to head office to whine to them to get coupons and a letter of apology...and apology...thats right.

Dear Mr Asswipe

I am so terribly sorry you are an immature fucktard and were too stupid to read the 3 required pieces of information required to obtain the service you were wishing to get from our company.

Even though I explained it 45 times the fact that u refused to shut up long enough to listen to me or absorb the info i was giving made it impossible to please your spoiled sissy ass.

I am sure you yelling at me and calling me names and offending half a dozen ppl in the lobby plus all the staff more than entitles that you get these coupons and this letter of apology, in fact im willing to bet NOW that you know being a cunt in a public place can reep such rewards u will carry on being a cunt the rest of your life.

Until then please be sure to come back into my store where I can mutter cocksucker mother fucker under my breath as I speak to you with a fake smile as you speak to me like I am some sort of servant to you.

Your everloving sodomizer,

Jen

if you're a shithead and you know it...clap yer hands

Im itchy cuz ayla got me all fucked up over silverfish she found in a shoebox in her room...gotta love the shrieks coming from her as she attempts to clean her room.... *ARRRGG SAVE ME!!!* and *OMG THEYRE GOING TO GET ME!*

Once the fear wears off she will toss everything on the floor again.

Manager meeting tomorrow...at head office even....gotta get some training on a new product...gawd help me...

Im not in love with my job right now...im distracted and being short staffed makes it extra stressful, add in im training my new assistant and training a new hire who is male...i havent met him yet, will Wednesday...gawd i hope i dont want to strangle him to death after 1 hr.

Big hand to JerriAnn for sending me this jesus picture hahahahah wooohoooo

Guy are u still coming to visit on Saturday?!?!?!?! Whats the plan? A movie? Birding? Are u both coming? IM AN OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PLANNER....email me!

swedish meatballs

GUY- about the 3 Burials....what was your take on the fact that the "place" and "family" did not exist as it was told to his friend?

KELLY...you too....what did u make of that in the movie?

another work week begins...

barb is making me a neko case cd....woohoo...i gotta get in on the neko case movement...tracy s. would be so proud.

i was on the toilet watching ayla put her make up on today...i couldnt help but laugh at the faces she was making bc i recall doing it myself at her age...i love how she will only put make up on in the bathroom with the heat light on b/c "it makes her look best" hahahahhaa i was the same and had a make up mirror that had lights on either side...and favored it 4 the same reason...i would assume i looked like a clown when i got into the real light of day....aylas lucky though with the mocha goodness skin.

i had to iron yesterday...im still traumatized....explains why i slept the rest of the afternoon watching WHAT NOT TO WEAR on the couch, in and out of consciousness...

i dunno what it is but when I iron the stuff looks NO BETTER and often worse.

thank gawd i only iron once a frikkin year.

duty calls....

but5yuf45dik989

Evil...pure evil....teenagers that is.

Anyway Ive gotten rid of Ayla for the night...shes bunking at Dylan's which I thought was a fab idea since as of tomorrow her online time is going to be 1 hour per night WHEN IM HOME ONLY and only after all homework is done and shown me...and on weekends all her homework must be done before she gets extra time...she also has some serious reading to do as its February and by June she has 17 french books left to read for the required reading for the year....w/o any computer this should be simple...esp b/c if she pisses me off anymore she will have the cable yanked from her room....

Oh yeah im hardcore baby...

Too much make up and hair doos, not enough fucking brain activity.

I should not be in customer service but since i am i should get an academy fucking award for the performances i pull off daily being nice to STUPID PEOPLE who dont deserve niceness.

For real...if they could hear the real thoughts in my mind they would cry and run away.

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

groovy movie....thanks Guy!

the cake & the wicked wicked world

that is Ayla's ice cream cake....if I didnt pick the devil for decoration i was gunna pick the nun or the naked old man....

well my new hire was a no show today...gawd help me its gunna be a long few months...

ayla has a few friends over tonight...they already played ouija board in the bathroom (i wont let them light candles anywhere else) and i got to scare the kaka out of them banging on the door and flickering the light switch which is on the outside of the bathroom he he he

i am going to retire shortly to read, write and ponder in my room so the heathens can take over out here...
im kind of disappointed by the bettie page book i bought...its very poorly written and kind of tabloid-trashy so its ruining my chi...

anyway.....more nothingness tomorrow.

today....

13 yrs ago my crotch was in rough shape...but despite my bitching and moaning now it was worth it...in fact I quite enjoyed the process...im weird like that I guess. Ayla had a friend over and then a few family friends came over for pizza and ice cream cake...I got her an ice cream cake with the DEVIL on it muhahahahaha She had a good day I think...A & T got her a new duvet and 2 great flannel covers for it and PJs...

Ever have one of those days where u just go *FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK* over something you have no control over? And just sit there, thinking about it, at a complete loss as to what the fuck to do? You know...those moments where it really hits you that u are just att he mercy of the universe and all u can do is try to smile and hope 4 the best...? Telling moments those are...telling moments.

On that note...im off to bed b/c im completely spent.

Happy Birthday Miss Ayla xoxox

well well well look who lived to her next birthday!

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY

MY PRECIOUS LITTLE DEVIL GRRL!!!!