sighhhh

- Che Part 1 was amazing...totally re-sparked my interest in that whole revolution and the ideologies behind it.

- Hot Donna got us tickets to go see No Doubt in Vancouver in July. Sweet!

- Elephantitis is near gone. I killed it. I have powers.

- Maggie's fetus has balls!! It is a boy! 1st boy in the family (our little circle of it) in 30ish years...and no I did not have to pick my Aunty Pam up off the floor after all.

- I am HIGHLY agitated right now, the time change is fucking with my mind as per usual.

- I am very eager to see Che Part 2 and will be seeing it straight away once it is out in a week or 2...

- I think I have PMS psychosis starting.

- I am going to bed to read now...

gawdddddddd

I NEED A FACE TRANSPLANT

...the chin implant zit has spread...I have elephantitis whore blossoms x 2

if it wasn't friday and if everyone @ work wouldn't know that's why I called in sick I would call in sick for a face transplant today....not even kidding.

my face

somethings wrong with my face...and im not talking about the double chins either.

i jinxed myself after a conversation with hot donna recently, expressing my delight that my complexion is not something i complain about comparative to the teen years....yeah well fuck.
i feel like whole face is one walking talking zit....every area of my face is riddled with whore blossoms (thank u to deanna's gramma for that awesome name for zits)...
i have one on my chin that makes it look like i have a fucking chin implant.

on to things that matter...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY PAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxox

and Abu.... :o( ....so sorry about the loss of your good friend Dr John. Nothing more I can say except I am so very sorry....

i am going to mangle my face in honor of Dr John now.

table ala jen

I just bought this table for my kitchen.

The End.

peanut butter flavored dog treats

March 1 2009

So here it is...another Sunday. Did some grocery shopping...scored a used copy of the Sgt Pepper movie at the video store for 5 bucks...and spent WAYYYY too much time reading about the 2003 nightclub fire in Rhode Island (The Station where Great White was playing) that killed 100 ppl and injured 200. After all my reading I am rather disgusted by the whole accountability issue. The only guy who stepped up to take any of the blame was the band manager who started the pryo show...the only fucking guy with a heart apparently who didnt try to weasel out of it with any legal maneauvers or do any finger pointing. He did 4 years... The club owners (2 brothers) look like slippery bastards...one got 4 yrs in jail & the other got no time...they conveniently went bankrupt and wont be all that involved bucking up $ for the dead and the living/walking scar tissued folk. How nice for them.
Reading about how the fumes from the flammable foam insulation in the bar emitted cyanide gas was super fun too..and how ppls skin was just falling off of them...and the bottleneck at the doorway, piled with dead bodies....one guy was at the very bottom of that pile for 90 mins, under thousands of pounds of dead/wounded ppl was pulled out unharmed. He was damn lucky.
Some of the survivors are hideously burned up...lost limbs...ears, faces....all to hear Great fucking White, one of the shittiest metal bands of the 80s. Fuck.

I am reading a book right now that talked a little bit about it and it tweaked my brain enough to make me revisit.....I hope I am done now. I think the worst part of it is I imagine myself in a club like Sugar here in town and the slender stairway up to the bar and imagine a similar situation...makes me shiver. I will never walk into a bar/show without making mental note of all exits doors again...

Wow...that was light hey!?
Tonight at 9 pm I am wandering down to the Roxy to see WALTZ WITH BASHIR...looks interesting. Again...LIGHT SUBJECT MATTER...*eyeroll*
Tempting to stay in b/c STAYING ALIVE is on tv hahahahahha Just kiddingggggggggggg

Next Saturday is Maggie's 3D Ultrasound here in Victoria that we are all going to....will she be having a boy or a girl? Most of the family is gunnign for a girl of course...apparently we enjoy the neurotic female behaviour within the family dynamic as opposed to the other option. Not many boys in our family...if this ones a boy it is gunna be interesting to see how he fits in...he will be lovely of course and we will love him regardless of his gender (HAHA)...

Did my income tax this weekend and netfiled it....wow...that was a trip...getting a big return back acording to the software but until its in my bank im not spending a dime of it in my head. I am planning to stick HALF of it in my savings acct that I have no bank card for though...every payday I have 40.00 automatically removed from my usual acct and put into the savings acct with no bank card and since October I havent touched it...which is unheard of...its so inconvenient to go to the bank it is kind of a genius set up.

boobage

Feb 26 2009

 

Dear Creatures of the Night,

 

I am going to ice some titty cakes after work tonight....Ohhh yes...the b'day boy @ work is my buddy Dan (who I wish was my dad) and Lisa has completed phase 1 of OPERATION: TITTY CAKE by making the orbulous cakes and getting them out of the moulds in one piece...tonight is Icing and Nippling! Woot! Woot!

 

Coolest part is he has NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO idea and he will be suitably mortified and honored by this cake :o)

 

I had this crazy idea...I was thinking about inviting my mom for xmas this year...that way we can avoid the heinousness of her "gift boxes" by stipulating that she is only allowed to get us ONE THING EACH and each of us will get her ONE THING EACH...THATS ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! It would only be a few days and she will cook xmas dinner (MuHhahahahahahhahaha)....I think im gunna do it even if I regret it 3 seconds after I ask her.

I sent her a quick email the other day and she replied with a totally normal and human reply...telling me about how she's been out walking etc....This is UNHEARD OF in her 56 yrs...going for walks and she's trying to quit smoking as well...down to 4 smokes a day...also UNHEARD OF.

 

I have talked to 2 very annoying women on the phone today, both times I had to tell them to stop talking and listen for one moment. I fucking hate over-talkers...they make me wanna punch them right in the phone! Oh the joys...

Pretty quiet here today, got lotsa work done...still don't have a wall yet...hopefully next week I will have my wall erected...ha ha ha ERECTED.

 

 I journalled the other night...I always find it funny to read the last entry before writing a new one...its been a while since i felt compelled so it has been a year or so...oh gawd how things can change in 1 year. ha!

 

Little Miss Ayla is busted and broken from her dance regiment....she has dance 3x a week after school and she's feeling pretty crippled...its kinda sad...seeing her hobbling around but its good too b/c...well it is. haha I am really looking fwd to seeing her solo April 21st...actually excited to see her up on stage in action all by her lonesome...she's gotten so much better each year that I think this year it is going to be really impressive.  Her year end dance show in May she will be in at least 2 routines...1 hip hop and 1 jazz...gawd I hope they are close together on the schedule so I dont have to endure hours and hours of other ppls inferior children. ha!

As a kid I was in some stuff...Brownies, figure skating, gymnastics, Path-finder Girls...anything that required $ I would get immediately yanked from when I showed disinterest (can u say CHEAPO CHINCERS!?) so I never really got good at anything...

I was only in Path-finders for the arts and crafts...the god part was right over my head and I was not interested.

I remember in Brownies I wanted to be renamed an owl so baddddddddddddddd....all the leaders how owl names like Tawny Owl etc...fuck I wanted to be Tawny Owl....I have NO idea why...

 

THE 1ST TIME I EVER SAW A LADIES BOOB

 

I was in grace 2 or 3 in Wainwright Alberta...I had got lost b/c back then we were allowed to roam around without any supervision at all and thank gawd or I would have missed out on this boob!

So im lost and im wandering about and this lady comes up to me...I dunno if I was crying or not....she figures out im lost and takes me to her house...shes got a baby with her and she somehow gets ahold of my step dad Don and he was on the way to pick me up...so while we are waiting I think she gave me a snack...and sat down and started nursing her baby...it was fascinating but I wasnt wigged out at all...it was kind of like "ohhhhhhhh thats what they are for"...then Don shows up and the lady is still nursing in the livingroom where I was and calls for him to come in and he walks into the room and sees this SPECTACLE hahahahaha you could see he was instantly uncomfortable (hahaha), keep in mind this is the mid 70's and im pretty sure none of his wives ever used a boob to feed a baby...maybe im projecting, I dunno. Anyway...that was the 1st time I ever saw a ladies boob.

 

The End

 

!!!!

Am I the ONLY one who didn't know Rick Mercer was GAY!?!?!?!
Next it'll be George Strombo____s I find out is gay.....or Matt Good....fuck.

Yo Mo Fo

Feb 23 2009

Okay…well I guess I can cancel the award ceremony I organized to give Guy the Cheeriest Man Alive award…since he isnt into that sort of self important crap.
FINE!!!
Haha

I am in my new pubicle, I am organized and settled and all I need is the light above me disabled and my last wall put up and I will be good to go. I know you likely all think I have enough walls but….that is not true. It is quiet here on the 3rd floor and less traffic so it is much more peaceful…aside from the whining:

My cubicle is too small

This table takes up too much room

That printer is too loud

Wah Wah Wah
My gawd it is RIDICULOUS….all the whiners are the ppl with window seats too.

Anyway…I just talked to someone from Powell River…who lives on the street I used to live on and she volunteered to tell me she lives with the towns most famous sex offender…wait…are u a sex offender if u get prosecuted for having a kajillion files of kiddie porn on your computer?? Ohhhh why YES OF COURSE….ugh. Who advertises that? My gawd.

I am persona non grata at home currently…Ayla thinks I am a RULE CHANGER. Oh to think all things are black and white in life…sighhhhhhhhhhhhh…I feel my brain tumor returning…my gawd…not b/c of her but…maybe im preparing for a stroke…?
Was talking to someone about my brain deficiency…I dunno if its self loathing or retardation or what but I am thinking in order to make real changes in my life -health wise- I will likely have to have a near death experience…logically I realize how incredibly STUPID that is considering getting to the near death experience could very well lead to death…DUH!

I am laughing at my digital picture frame…whenever someone comes over and notices it it has a picture of Amanda and Erin kissing on it….I love the reaction to the lesbian affection photo hahaha
And I laugh everytime a picture of me as a kid comes on it b/c im always making retarded faces….EVEN AS A KID I WAS A CLOWN.
I have to go grocery shopping after work….not looking fwd to that...

word 4 word

Sean Penn's OSCAR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Thank you. Thank you. You commie, homo-loving sons-of-guns. I did not expect this, but I, and I want it to be very clear, that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me often. But I am touched by the appreciation and I hoped for it enough that I did want to scribble down, so I had the names in case you were commie, homo-loving sons-of-guns, and so I want to thank my best friend, Sata Matsuzawa. My circle of long-time support, Mara, Brian, Barry and Bob. The great Cleve Jones. Our wonderful writer, Lance Black. Producers Bruce Cohen and Dan Jinks.

And particularly, as all, as actors know, our director either has the patience, talent and restraint to grant us a voice or they don't, and it goes from the beginning of the meeting, through the cutting room. And there is no finer hands to be in than Gus Van Sant. And finally, for those, two last finallies, for those who saw the signs of hatred as our cars drove in tonight, I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way of support. We've got to have equal rights for everyone. And there are, and there are, these last two things. I'm very, very proud to live in a country that is willing to elect an elegant man president and a country who, for all its toughness, creates courageous artists. And this is in great due respect to all the nominees, but courageous artists, who despite a sensitivity that sometimes has brought enormous challenge, Mickey Rourke rises again and he is my brother. Thank you all very much.

Oscar Night

Thank you Sean Penn for using your Oscar speech time to shame the hateful bastards of California for denying equal rights for all ppl, gay or straight...and for calling your new president elegant and not black.

I think I might be in full love with Mr Penn. Seriously...when he told the voters of California that they have shamed their grandchildren with their bigoted behaviour I near squealed with delight.

I watched the Oscars from 530-900 and I didn't even get bored...ok I got a little bored listening to the slumdog millionaire speeches over and over again but...whatever.
And I was tickled that Kate Winslet won best actress b/c I have a girl crush on her.

Work tomorrow...We will be up on the 3rd floor finally so I will be able to get settled in and made my new pubicle home.
Saturday was a write off...I had one of them headaches...bad enough to kill a donkey...rendered me fairly useless so I had a lot to do today...its hard cramming all that crossword puzzle time into such a busy day.

Went to Elk Lake with Donna and Arika and Dugan the pooch, strolled around while swam and fetched his ball...he is the funniest dog...his silliness made us all laugh all afternoon. Look at him...he is such a character! --->

behold!

Look what Buffy & Co brought back from Mexico for me....a bottle capped Jesus Cross....fucking wicked cool! AND Virgin Mary matches!

2 Days of Blah

Feb 18 2009
Happy Hump Day - for some anyway.

See Gwen Stefani is my biggest fan b/c I bought her perfume....

I just talked to a crazy man on the phone ranting about how Hitler's reign is becoming very similar to ours here…and how as a disabled person he fears for whats to come.
He talked about all sortsa of whacky stuff foreverrrrrrrrrr……was happy to transfer his call :o)

Anyhoo…as you may or may not know I have my period…yes I know…SHOCKING…but true…and I just want to say this to ensure I make Kelly the Fireman and Abu's throw up in their mouths….all this fine clotty talk makes them right sick and I quite enjoy such occasions.

I scratched my top lip today on chapstick…yes….CHAPSTICK….AVON CHAPSTICK…I think Lisa is trying to kill me…adding metal fragments to my chapstick orders, hoping it'll injure me and turn gangrene so she can point and laugh at my face every morning when I come to work. Nice.

No idea about the boss thing again….massive drama going on….drama that even *I* am disgusted with…I don’t think the concept of professional environments is real…I think its all a myth.

Tonight I will not be smoking hamburgers for dinner…last night I BBQ's burgers and im sure a fair portion fell through the grill and started the fire so b4 I BBQ again I gotta get out there and clean it up…it is very hard to BBQ in the dark by the way…I like all my BBQ to be very well done so in the dark with a little flashlight it kinda sucks…I thought a bat flew into me at one point out there…then I rationalized that bats were not likely to do that since they are lucky and have bat radar…I need BBQing Radar.

10 more minutes until phones are shut off for the day….tick tock tick tock
I have mange on my ear.

Feb 19 2009

Well the BBQ seems to have rusted/melted to death…15.00 for a year of BBQing….still seems like a waste…I guess they shouldn’t sit out in the rain…? Duh!

I am sure the BBQ burgers the other night were full of horrible metal melting cancer causing shit….weeeeeeeeeeeee
Maybe I can use the little BBQ part and just get the innards replaced?? Is this possible? I am BBQ retarded.

Hoe Hum…..

Tonight its Thai food with Tara, then meeting with Buffy to bum her old Telus phone so that Ayla will have a phone again…Friday night is APPARENTLY not date night with Lisa….Donna or Jackie. BITCHES.

Never take my headphones...ever.

13 Names

1.YOUR REAL NAME:
Jennifer Jay Conklin

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother and fathers middle name)
Ellen Unknown (hahahahahaahahha)

3.NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Charles Unknown (hahahahahahaha)

4.STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Conje

5.DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Maroon Frog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Jay Prince George (hahahahahah)

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Indigo Slurpee

8.FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Jein

9.STREET NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Maple Walnut Chocolate Chip

10.SKANK NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Milo Klahanie (hahaha)

11.GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of first name plus 'izzle')
Jenizzle

12.YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Asshole Cat (hahahahhaa)

13. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Harajuku Baby Chocolate

IDIOT

Here is an example of why old ladies (me) should not make trendy purchases...

I have been wanting a perfume of my own that isnt 8.00 a bottle for a while now so I have been on the look out for one that doesnt remind me of my moms perfume or that anyone I know already uses...so a while ago I smelled one I liked...Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers "Baby" Fragrance....so today im in a store...its 55.00 for what I assumed was the same bottle the tester came in...HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IDIOT.

I get it home...and its a small bottle - 1 fluid ounce (30 ml) with a giant plastic doll for a lid...which is what made the box so largggggggggggggggggge....

Sighhhhh...

Now it is a weird enough item that I will keep it of course (sorry Arika...no dibs for you, I know you probably just peed in yer jeans a little looking at the picture) but man....I was rooked....

......

He buzzed me at 2 pm on the nose.

He was having a really shitty day so I only made one snarky remark:

"you waited down there til 2 on purpose didn't you?"

i admit i have a bit of a boner about the 40 music channels and the video on demand

!!!!!!!! accckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

1:57!!

FUCKKKKKKKKK

it is 1:51 pm

that shaw cable twat has 9 mins to walk up to my door.

St Valentine was a fucker too

Saturday Feb 14 2009

im gunna try to grow another yam tree....you remember my original yam tree?? the one that accidently turned into a project of sorts...? likely b/c im trying to grow this one it wont work but....its got a little sprouty eye already so ill see what happens....hopefully it will not go all icky. The other one lasted a YEAR on my kitchen table and got quite tall...ill put a pic of the original yam tree at the end of this post.
(you know you are lame when u are using tuber foods as pets)

I have already done a majority of my house tidying this morning...Shaw guy is due here between 12 and 2...if he is a no show I am making this biggest scene with those fuckers and not getting the extra channels. Don't say you were here and no one answered when someone was here the whole time and the buzzer never rang...(<---when I moved that happened and im apparently not over it yet)
I have today, Sunday and Monday off and lemme tell you...that is awesomeeeeeeeeeee....
Last night Lisa from work and I went to a flick...it was el cheapo grando! She had free tickets and her kid gave her a gift card with 15 bucks on it for the concession so it only cost $1.36 to go see HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, which was really friggin entertaining...as a female I could relate with pretty much all the reasoning in that movie haha It was a good time.

Today after the Shaw extravaganza im waddling over to Donnas to meet Arika and we will take Dugan (Donna's dog) to the track and walk him and talk some shit about the world.

THE ORIGINAL YAM TREE

TGIF FUCKERS

ohhh thank the goddess of weekends that the w/e is finally here...



just found out that the new boss is not the old boss



WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO

ohhh yeah baby!!!

I was hoping for a particular person, mainly b/c I know her here and she is super resourceful and nice etc....but she didn't get it sadly...I hope she will stick around but the person who got it is COMPETENT and that's enough for me.

Woke up with such a bad headache this morning it was on the verge of migraine, I was friggin cross eyed for shits sake so today I am taking it easy(er) at work and not getting too intense about anything at all...aside from my orange carrot juice drink.

Ayla took a cab to school this morning hahaha Cracks me up...b/c last week I told her if I get any calls form the school that shes missed a class or is late it means the whole following week shes grounded...well...I think its resourceful of her to ensure she makes it on time even if it costs her her own cash. :o)

I have spent the day listening to the most annoying human on earth (at work anyway) carry on and on about her busted toe...how she dropped a pickle jar on her toe...on and on to any/everyone who will listen...hello lady...its a busted toe, they hurt like a motherfucker but theres nothing u can do about them so getting xrays is stupid...and no one wants to hear about it anymore for the love of fucking gawd.

the end

BEHOLD!!!!!!!!

My hippy dippy new dishes...they were on super sale so I could not resist and I gave the mugs to Donna cuz she needed some!