P-p-p-poke!

Surgical sponge solutions do not stink after all - woohoo. I do find it amusing that they have to INSTRUCT people to wash their genitals and anus LAST with it though...wtf? No kidding...isn't this Common Sense 101? Doh!

The food eating cut off time at midnight last night was funny...my psyche got really nervous as I ate 2 blueberry scones that I was not even hungry for...oooh food issues are awesome.
I feel ok today - just really want this all over with...Donna will be here in 45 mins so...I am off to NOT apply lotions, deodorant, perfume, make up or anything else what will make me look less hideous. bahaha...I am not even taking glasses with me. I found the most GIANT old black capri pants in my possession and will wear those there for easy getting on after...slip on shoes...99.9% sure I will NOT be bothering to put my bra on later...nice show for the kids as I leave the hospital. I wonder if I get wheel chaired down when its over? Hmmmm...Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Clover Point Yesterday

This was moments before some jackass kids knocked it over...

Dean doing some moment capturing

well...

for someone not nervous it is interesting I only have 2 intact fingernails...I am bagged ass tired today b/c I had surprise company yesterday...my old editor/PR high school friend Dean came down for a visit. Had a great day...spent the evening at Cloverpoint on the beach with a few drinks, watching the sun slowly make it's was behind the distant mound of earth...then we went and ate some Jen-Made thai food...then hit 5th Street Bar & Grill for a few drinks before coming back here some great conversation, finally crashing at 230 am. Woke up feeling rather hungover this morning despite not even getting a buzz last night but that's 40 for ya. Really was a fab visit and I am really hoping he moves to Nanaimo (from Kelowna) for a potential new job so we can d that more often. Miss having a really positive connection with someone...refreshing.

I have made myself a big pot of soup to eat next week post-gallbladder eradication. I have washed all the fruit and just need to clean the kitchen and do some laundry and then pack a bag 4 tomorrow morning. Donna will pick me up at 930 am...I check in at the hosp. at 1030 am and get punctured at noon...by 1 pm I should be in recovery and at 230 should be able to go home via the Donna Ambulatory Cab Service. Tracey is gunna come babysit me til Ayla gets home at 530 pm...I really don't know what to expect AT ALL so in my head on Tuesday I will be awesome but I think that's optimistic of me hahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Pre-Surgery Concerns:

How will I get my pants on after the surgery? I do not like the idea of needing HELP to get my pants on. hahaha I am bringing the biggest baggiest capri pants on the planet for this occasion and slip on shoes.

What if they are stingy on the good ass kicker drugs?

What if they will not let me have my gallstones...Fuck - this is disappoint me. I have changed my maraca plan to something else now...

Best Ayla quote of all time after telling her I needed her home Monday to watch me for the night:

Ayla - OMG I AM NOT WIPING YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!

Me - Damn straight you are not for gawds sake!

We are awesome.

chains...oh oh oh....

Yes waking up at 530 am on a Saturday is pretty lame but...what do you do - shortly after that time the gulls get squawking anyway so it's a lost cause unless you are in a serious coma.

Today is raspberry picking day at Papa Coleman's place. After seeing the price of a flat of raspberries at the grocery store yesterday for 13.00 bucks I sure love being able to raid his and Lisa's gardens! And no POISON on them! Just some deer spit...

Gotta say I am proud of Lisa right now...she finally gave her niece the boot. Her 17 yr old niece has been living with her for almost 6 mths and both her and her mom (Lisa's dumb sister) have taken gross advantage of Lisa in a multitude of ways...which has been quite hurtful I would imagine (Lisa DOES have feelings after all...asshole ppl!) on top of being really effing rude in general. Anyway it all finally become too much for her and she put her foot down...CHEERING COULD BE HEARD FROM ALL OVER THE CITY AND EVEN FROM JORDAN'S HOUSE ON THE MAINLAND! haha But you know how that family shit is...gets ugly in a hurry...and niece and sister promptly turned into even bigger assholes but so be it...Lisa is finally free. :o) CONGRATS LISA! (From now on please consult with me before letting anyone move in b/c gawd knows I am a gawd damn expert in the field  ::insert sarcasm here::)

Alex has her boy-child today for the entire month (WOOHOO) and her little family is off to Haida Gwaii next week for a 2 week holiday and adventure.Looking fwd to the stories that come out of that excursion. Her accounts of island life up there have been quite interesting I must say...I honestly knew very little about the place aside from what I have been reading in the David Suzuki book I am reading right now...interesting place but honestly...the rigamarole to get there will likely prevent me from ever visiting...what a gawd damn ordeal and ridiculous expense.

I think the crows are having a gang fight with the gulls outside right now...or a gull just ate a crow baby or something b/c it sounds like Bird WW3 out there...GO CROWS GO!
 (Waiting fr Guy to tell me gulls don't eat baby crows but...I dunno b/c I thought gulls eat damn near anything...)

YES! 5th Row! Cannot wait!

I am especially pleased to see my fellow thinning hair sister suffers my same shame...and wears wigs now on stage...I may get a clown wig now...

Ginger Queen of the Piano

Well, I did not bank on any Vancouver concerts but JHC - Tori Amos is in Vancouver in December and I have NEVER seen her...and she is one of my few real favorites I have never seen sooooooooo...it looks like Deanna and I are going to go see her...tix on sale tomorrow. Pray for me. Deanna is my "Tori Amos" friend...so us going together only seems right!

Works been busy...tomorrow will be a another full day but then I have 11 days off...all dedicated to regrowing a gallbladder...ok not regrowth but...healing the gallbladder stump I am left with. Oddly enough I am not worried about it...going under the knife puncturing tool is fine with me...if I am gunna die doing so while being unconscious is way okay with me...dieing of gangrene afterwards b/c they left a swab in you - not my favorite. Having survived childbirth and gallbladder attacks I am sure I will be fine post-surgery so...really aside from worrying about potential complications (oops we thought you needed your bladder removed and you now have to carry a bag to pee in the rest of your life) it's all good...me and Netflix are ready.

Saturday Lisa and I have some plans to shop and visit and see a flick...then Sunday its all about prepping for the week ahead...

Found out Maggie, Pam (maybe) and Squid are coming to visit Aug 17 WOOHOOOO! They will stay til the 20th and take Ayla back with them for a few weeks...nice.......

In case you know someone looking for one...

CLICK ON ME!

Painting

July 16 2011 020, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Lisa's dad has this painting in his kitchen...it is quite striking actually - not sure if the picture does it justice - its REALLY large and it is really old (1600's possibly) and has value as in the past someones offered up 10K for it so...I thought I'd poke around and look into it for him as I am curious...I think I will start by looking into some online forums etc. Anyone know anything about having paintings appraised and how that works?

MARACAS!

Seriously...how did I not think of this before...using my gallstones to make a maraca?! How an awesome way to utilize the little fuckers...providing I can get the Dr to agree to give them to me and not worry about that pesky 'medical waste' thing.

Sorry Guy but here comes my GULL RANT:
It's that fucking time again @ Jen's place...when the gulls are nesting and humping and squawking their gawd damn heads off and driving me MAD! It is 915 pm and the noise coming from outside is HORRIFIC. I am closing the doors and windows now. Thankfully they do take breaks...unlike those asshole herons in Powell River @ my old apt who nested and humped in a tree across the street...omfg...its like I am being haunted by annoying bird noise.  It ends when Guy....OCTOBER?? Sweet Jesus. I may become a gawd damn drug addict.


Moving on to things I can control...oh wait...nothing ~ despite my best efforts...Ayla & I have a lunch date Friday afternoon. I am making reservations at the restaurant in the Legislative Building...most ppl don't know they have a rest. in there but they do and the food is quite good and not at all expensive which is odd b/c its government and they love to rape the public. It is all hoytee toytee looking in there too so I love going in there looking like a grubby asshole. I have a pass into the bldg so I get to sneak in the back way and avoid the guards muahahahahaha Anyhow - that should be fun...

My child tax credit went up 40 bucks a month...this is the last year I collect it. I fully expect at the end of the year I will get a letter saying it is a mistake so I can spend the next year after Ayla is 18 and I don't get it anymore to pay it back. :\

Ayla has her ticket paid off & her learners back in her wallet and is gearing up for driving school...she is so busy this summer with a few trips planned I dunno how it'll fit in until maybe the fall.

I have 2 days of work left before I am off...lots to do...Today I had 3 days of work to do and got it all done by 4 pm...I wish I had that much work EVERYDAY...day goes by SO fast...and I get into MACHINE MODE and I like that a lot....no time to think, no time to lounge...

this summer rules

I admit I was enjoying the sun this summer...it wasn't too hot and I liked having some color etc but I am pretty much loving the summer being eaten up by the cloudy coolness b/c that means less chance of there being time for a heat wave.

Cat woke me up this morning ~ little a-hole. She has been doing that a lot...like a child though she goes through phases and I am sure it will pass before I have to get her put down haha She has been staring intensely at Madelyn's Birthday TuTu I made for a month...doing the physics and math in her head trying to figure out how to get it and destroy it. No way cat...that sucker is getting mailed Monday...the horses finally came for it so it is now complete just in time for mailing! :o) I won't be offended if she hates it...or won't wear it...as I am well aware of the fickleness of GIRLS but...hopefully she will take it for a spin!

Am not feeling well this week...I stayed late at work to get some things done that I don't want to deal with next week...so I didn't get home til 6 pm and I just could not muster the will to do anything so I watched a German movie (ANATOMY) on netflix that had the gal from Run Lola Run in it...it was kinda cheesy but interesting imagery etc.

Then I crashed like a mofo by 11 pm...oh yeah this chick knows how to partayyyy! Today I am hitting the HORRIBLE BOSSES movie with Alex and Lisa...Donna is working so she is missing it...I have HIGH hopes for this movie as it looks tremendously funny to me...for the rest of the weekend I am plan-less...I have some things to do at home that will keep me busy for sure though.

Ayla received her learners in the mail this week so driving school is back on! She also kicked her last test in Math summer school in the ass with a 92% so she should up her mark quite well...she is done at Winner's now and started at HomeSense yesterday for the orientation...woohoo (same company - just a transfer) The new HS opens mid August so they will be setting up and such for the next month. Between that and the job at the ball park and her summer gallivanting she is pretty busy. She bought herself a portable salad container that has a spot for salad and the dressing separately and freezes to keep the salad cold...I thought this was extremely mature of her (ahhahaha) buying herself a container to enable her to eat better at work...and NOW I WANT ONE!!!

WHOLE WHEAT PEROGY VERDICT: they are EFFING GOOD! Not even kidding...I hope they stick around b/c I prefer them to the non-w.w. perogies. CLICK HERE

my favorite song today

Por Eso Me Quedo (That's Why I'm Staying) by Lhasa

Oh Today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAUREEN! (hope you do not get syphilis for your b'day!) xo

4 Months & 16 Days

...until Matthew Good...he he he - Soooo stoked for that...

Google+ is interesting...weird trying to navigate something new but some interesting differences...I do not really wish to add another thing on top of FB, Flickr, Blogger, YouTube, etc...Life is so hard with so many choices....something will have to go if Google+ becomes my preference.

Looking fwd to 3 days off this weekend...haven't felt well the last few days, got a bit worried I was getting sick...with everything in place 4 this surgery I will be UBER pissed if it gets bumped or fucked up in any way. I am down 10 lbs which is nice...the Bike to Nowhere and I are becoming good friends...so frigging glad it doesn't bother my heel at all...I have been walking a little more and am feeling like my heel is finally MAYBE healing a bit...I still have to ice it at times but...I think it might be on the mend...if I can dump some more weight too this will help.

Aunty Fern sent me the concert schedule at this weekend wingding going on in Salmon Arm...omg HARLEQUIN...PRISM...NAZARETH are playing...I have always wanted to see Nazareth...if they come here again I AM GOING even if its in Langford. haha

OK I have to blog an apology {SORRY!} to my friend Lisa...she did NOT plant that snail in my lettuce. It was a naturally occurring snail...seriously it was so PERFECT I truly thought it was a genius move on her part...sorry Lisa...U just lost genius sneaky status...you'll have to try harder now.

Ayla just aced Math with a 92 on her exam...summer school is OVER for her and she kicked its ass. Her learners came in today WOOHOO! Back in learning to drive business! Going to call tomorrow and get the schedule for the classes... (exciting!)

My eye just twitched.
I am revamping blog colors...it is a little too loud even for this big mouth.
Me & this brain tumor are going to bed...

Sorry kids...

No culture...we are a people of no culture. We worship stuff. We covet fancy shiny cell phones and the latest technology which at the end of the day is a hollow shell of an existence for a lot of people. I was waiting at the bus stop today thinking about how so many young people are lacking a significant ‘base’ in life. I feel this for myself as well; that feeling of being detached from nature in such a severe way that it is hard to find your footing in everyday life. City dwelling is great for bug haters like me who like hair driers etc but I cannot help but feel my existence is shallow and meaningless...void of anything noteworthy on a day to day basis. So easy to get caught up in the act of ‘surviving’ you forget what matters.

Community seems so lost on me when only 10 short years ago I clamoured to be in a little community of mothering holiness...the pull was so strong when Ayla was a baby – to be “in” with other like-minded people, I refer to it as my hippy-dippy phase. It was a very very new experience wanting to be around other people as a ‘group’...I am naturally attracted to people individually, constantly seeking ‘connection’ in whatever form it unfolds – genuine connection...I have realized this about myself in the last few years, questioning my need to connect with people, pondering the ‘whys’ of this etc...

I am an asshole and I am 100% aware of it and even detest it. I am socially retarded enough to make me fairly intolerant but not quite enough to make me an obvious outcast. These things affect how I interact with the world around me, how I place myself in the world and how I involve myself with other people. I am drawn to being social and experiencing things but seem to lack the coping skills to deal with being around people. At the Pride Festival for example...I loved the vibe and all there was to see but was completely disinterested in mingling or being around the throngs of people. I spent most of the festival watching from Alex’s vendor booth...safe in the confines of a tent and fence...I find a place and plant myself...not wanting to stray far from my safe little area...I do much better when I am alone in crowds oddly enough...I only have me to consider which is why my new THANG is to go to concerts solo now...I have no idea why I am how I am and I guess the whys don’t matter all that much at this point...when Ayla grew out of her baby-ness and was an official little kid and in school a switch clicked for me...I lost the maternal draw twds other moms and the “community of mommy”...it was gone as quick as it started. I spent a very large chunk of time obsessive about birth and breastfeeding and everything to do with baby crap – then like a flash it was done. I am sure this is a natural/hormonal event as I am not the only one who has articulated such an experience.

Anyhow...I worry about my girl and how the city has affected her sense of the world...I wish I was a better nature nut and got her out in the bush to see exactly what it is that needs protection & saving in life...and all the other things connected to it.

Blahhh.

Coleman = Stealth Snail Planter

I was at Lisa's tonight...she likes it when I come and raid her garden. I am a bit of a girl total girly ass face about bugs and slimy stuff but I really appreciate having chemical free lettuce, berries and raspberries for free...plus her boys were over and they are just funny to listen to...its bachelor banter taken to its highest form...anyhow...while I was picking berries Lisa offered to buck up a lettuce for me and put it in a ziplock...here I was thinking how nice that was of her when I know NOW that she stealthily tippy toed over to her pile of rotting garden boxes and plucked off a snail we were talking about earlier and stuffed it in my bag o' lettuce. Imagine my surprise while on the phone with Alex when I reach in to the lettuce bag and near shit my pants b/c there is a gross slimy thing MUNCHING on my salad! Rude. Anyhow...we ended up being pals once the startle wore off...then I tossed him off the balcony.

My pre-op physical this morning was odd. it took all of 5 mins. She asked me 10-12 Q's, took my BP and listened to my heart for 10 seconds and sent me on my way. No nudity. Nothing. Is this typical? I asked her why that was it and she said she could do a simple one or a complex one and she did a simple one. Oh why thank you for doing the bare minimum...you are awesome... :\
At this point I don't care...I can't help but think something is going to go sideways and fuck it all up just b/c I have the time booked and everything worked out. The hosp. called me today while I was at work so hopefully its just routine. Ugh.

My favorite song today! CAPABLE by KO
I don't get the drug references so I have a message into my ex druggy pal to hook me up with some translation hahahaha

ch-ch-changessss

I wanted new blog colors...so I got some...I feel like looking at brights colors for a while.

I slept until 940 this morning....rather unheard of.
Had a great late night chat with Ayla...her being broke and home more pleases me...it is the only time we really get together b/c she is rather busy...things have certainly turned that shitty corner...I can see it without a doubt now. She is being more mindful and thinking about things...happily I can say I don't think she inherited my neurosis...this is good news...she is a carefree spirit and I am glad. It is no fun in my head and I am grateful she dodged that bullet.

I am going to putter at home a bit then head to Tracey's to hang out with her for a while and do dinner...I have other things to do as well so it'll feel like a decent day once I get home with groceries and settle in for the night...I am back in that good place I was in the fall of 2009 only the catalyst this time is ME and not some big cocked hottie (I shan't elaborate) that was not long for my realm. Been doing some healthy reflecting about the last yr and a half and have come to the conclusion despite the initial feeling like it was a big fat fucking waste of time I learned enough from it that it was worth the experience even if it panned out to be but a flash in the pan.

I have to rant for a moment...I was on the bus yesterday after work and while I was really really wasted tired and just so ready for it to be the weekend my reaction to this man on the bus was completely unrelated to that. Picture this...a man in his mid to late 40s...fine looking man really but appearing to be in some midlife crisis mode...wearing hipster kid jeans rolled up with the big cuff...converse runners...the fashionable tattoo sleeves...kinda all trendy and shit like he was trying to be 20...but I figured wtf...whatever...I certainly shouldn't be judged by how I dress b/c my lack of fashion sense does me no justice (haha)...that was until I watched him reacting to women on the bus. I love beautiful ppl and I look and even stare sometimes but I am 100% sure I do not have a predatory look of lust and creep on my face when I do it...this guy was absolutely disturbing and pathetic. As a keen observer of people on a daily basis I see men look at good looking women all the time and it usually doesn't make all the hairs on my neck stand up. It was gross. It was gross to the point I think I had my snarl face on and wanted to tell girls to move out of his easy line of view...with a daughter out and about town this sort of shit makes me ill. I recall when she used to wash windows at Money Mart when she was 12 men would leer at her. 12. Yes 12. I even yelled at someone once who was commenting on her once that she WAS FUCKING 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh humans are deplorable.

Rant over.

Alex is hanging with her sprog today. Lisa's sprog is in town and it is her other sprogs birthday. Ayla is off to SKA FEST tonight with Sean which is fun fun fun...she just got confirmation that she is a volunteer 4 RIFFLANDIA which is awesome b/c if she volunteers 15 hrs she gets a 250.00 (appox) wrist band for the whole weekend which is KICK ASS! I may get to weasel in with Alex and Kelsey as they are sponsors/vendors and may have an extra wristband....we shall see...plus there is still one HUGE announcement to the line up coming and if it is who I think it is it is gunna be FUCKING EPIC.

The Pride Parade is tomorrow...and then the festivities at the park...should be a funny adventure...must charge camera batteries.

Enjoy the day folks.

Dumb Twat

I know I went into it knowing it was going to suck but...I couldn't have imagined all the shitty Dr ratings would be so agonizingly obvious the 1st visit. The Dr doing my pre-op physical here in town is a social reject...not even kidding. She is loud (coming from me you know this has gotta be an exceptional case of the louds!) and abrupt and clearly has no idea how to talk to people. I dunno wtf is going on in Canada that you can live in the capital city of BC and only the bottom of the barrel Drs accept new patients and I am sure it is some sort of punishment for them b/c they all seem to be complete dicks. (Her ratings online are atrocious and Donna stopped seeing her...and Ayla went once and said FORGET IT)

After she asked me a few Q's I make mention of the fact that having a sit down job for the last 3ish yrs has really made an obvious negative impact on my issues...before the words were even out of my mouth:

DUMB TWAT: Well you should be happy to have a job....blahblahblah...you can get up and walk every hour, jump in your car and drive to Dallas Road and walk! Walk Walk Walk....drive to Esquimalt to the walking path and walk... [this drivel went on for a very long time]

ME: I am actually happy to have a job, I worked hard to get it - that is not the issue....

cuts me off and goes on and on....I could not be bothered to tell her I usually walk a lot...but have injured my heel and bought a Bike to Nowhere machine...nothing I said would be heard and it really did not matter b/c I am never going back after the pre-op appt.

She continued to blather on for quite some time about NOTHING to do with fuck all....
until I finally tell her I will not be sending my records down as I want to keep my PR doctor...then she refocused on that for about .85 secs and was gone out the door hollering Byyyyyyyyyyyye as she left...fml. Really? I dont need coddling...but stick your obnoxiousness in your ass.
Ugh.
I am dreading my appt on Monday...I am considering wearing headphones. (HAHAHA Not really but that would kick ass) I will be sure to share a great post about that visit...

Love the new Sam Roberts...::sigh:: Can't wait to see him in October....

Ohhh then there is the fabulousness of Matt Goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got myself a 9th row seat during a presale...but found a 5th row seat in todays presale...and Esther is gunna buy the 9th row seat off me...sweeeet! 5th row I can live with...omg I have to wait until Nov 29th! Ack!! It's gunna be good good gooooood Matthew Good goodness! HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!

Mr Sun Sun Mr Golden Sun

Is it just pasty ol me or is the sun getting more evil? I got a burn on my head the other day and I was in the shade for all but 20 mins.....seriously.

Mind u I realize my THINNING HAIR doesnt help but...jesus.