Deanna

My lovely Deanna...

I write this with tears running down my face...my lovely friend Deanna died this morning and I have just gotten home from work and can finally lose myself in the utter sadness of her being gone.

It seems so fucking unfair - knowing her heart like I did - to know she is gone and did not get to finish things she had been working so hard towards.

To most anyone who knew her she was a selfless, kind, generous, funny and lovely human. Beautiful soul. The last few years were rough for her...she was dealing with a lot of personal issues and going through a transformation of sorts....a transformation that was confusing and not near complete. I am sad for her that she won't get to enjoy a little inner peace that comes from getting to "that" place at the end of a long, hard journey.

Deanna was an amazing mother to her daughter Jordyn - her demeanor and kind nature were something I always aspired to and failed miserably at. Deanna was so completely dedicated doing the best for Jordyn and sacrificing so much to ensure Jordyn grew into a mature, well adjusted young lady - it saddens me to think of all that Deanna will miss out on...and in turn the massive void left for Jordyn and Deanna's husband Mike to try to live with.

This was so not part of the plan...so many things left unsaid and unexplored in life...

So many wonderful memories of her astounding friendship...not many ppl will drop everything and take 2 ferries to rescue a friend after the US border cops refuse your friend entry to the USA and then drive that friend (me!) 3 hours across the border to ensure your holiday plans are not ruined....and without even being asked. I will miss her terribly.

My heart goes out to Jordyn, her husband Mike, niece Kori and Jeff, who she took in and cared for when he needed it most - and the rest of her family and friends who will surely feel the this loss for years to come...RIP Deanna xo

Sleeping under a red flag...

I am the official IGNORER of RED FLAGS...ok wait...let me explain...I guess I do not ignore them – I am well aware of most of them all the time. In context of my personal health – or lack thereof – I just set them aside and carry on. Every bite of food I put in my mouth those bastard red flags are waving and screaming at me in my head....I just keep chewing...Ok I am an ignorer.

My eye appt yesterday was yet another red flag....my eyeball veins are high blood pressure veins not nice straight pretty regular veins so that pissed me off b/c I don’t want my eyes screaming at me too now but – it is what it is so this means it is time to get down to business and join the Y and get on a fucking treadmill and treadmill to nowhere...it will be better on my dying feet...and it is just 2 blocks up from my work so after work I can go there 3x a week I am thinking and treadmill to nowhere...I will eventually do more walking again once I lose a bit and my feet become accustomed to being crushed excessively on a regular basis...Having managed to lose 70 lbs in a good way in the past it is not an unattainable thing in my mind it just requires dedication and diligence and constant self awareness to squash my self-defeating tendencies...I am my own worst enemy – always have been. I am the harbinger (not quite the right word but I like it anyhow) of my own misery and defeat.

I will say last time I was on a fantastic roll (before my Achilles/foot exploded and ruined my life – so dramatic) and the catalyst had something to do with hot, awesome sex so...being catalyst-less this time will probably be a little less dramatic but a better way to get going so there isn’t that crash once the hot sex thing goes sideways (and you know it always does)...

It is really nice having my sister at my house...not just because she vacuums and does dishes and cooks sometimes either....there is a sense of comfort with her presence...I like it. I can keep an eye on her...and she is fun too...I like it...as per usual with job shit in Victoria it is a slow process so even having applied for 84783759837589379405 jobs it takes eons to hear back from places which is annoying! But she will get something...and until then I am quite happy having her and making sure she eats and is warm and safe.

Lisa L. @ work is someone I have liked since before we moved up to this new location....I recently discovered she is a Rick Springfield lunatic...so for the 1^st time in my life I have an adult to talk to about all things Springfield. I am still grossed out by recent revelations his book and such uncovered for me but I seem to be able to take myself back to my 11/12 year old brain – before internet, plastic surgery and gossip marred him for me...and just relive the musical obsession. Guy thinks it is disturbing and fucked up that ppl encourage young girls to fantasize and swoon over grown men when it is clearly socially unacceptable for a man that old to show any interest in girls that age. Fair statement...I get it...it is...no argument...it is all so contrived and it is like we girls are being played like fiddles so a bunch of assholes can make a shit ton of money for what...? Most of the time these performers don’t even possess any real talent...it is the ultimate con. But when I think back to being 10+...and recall how music was the ONE thing I relied upon for happiness – the ONE thing that distracted me from the crap that was my life at the time...is it any wonder my brain has the music of that era burned into it? That decade from 1980-1990 was an amazing musical wonderland for me....all the music I loved is etched into my soul...the good and bad haha

I guess from rereading that last paragraph it is not hard to see how I ended up as a 42 yr old IGNORER of RED FLAGS...I have been ignoring un-pleasantries my whole life...and using music to aid in that. Huh...

Let's be honest...

I have to poop right now so I don't know how interesting this will be since I am fairly preoccupied.

It is a sunny Saturday here...Kim and I did pancakes for dinner...I made her eat Vietnamese food for dinner last night and she was a willing participant...she isn't nearly as picky as I thought. When we got home last night I gorged on cherry cola coke bottle candy and we played scrabble...I then lapsed into a sugar coma for the whole night and was in dead snoring and drooling by 10:30 pm. Holy loser.

Pam and Jim are coming today....with Maddie...we will do dinner and then family swim at their hotel which I am sure will involve someone nearly drowning or hurting themselves...I think A. is lamenting and sad b/c her friends have left for Ecuador and she was supposed to be with them... :o( If she isn't extended at the end of March I think she will meet up with them wherever they are.


Today I think I will throw out some crap...oh and poop of course. Bye.

She has arrived...

Ms Pouter Face wishing these unicorn slippers would fit her.

She arrived in one piece...did not crash the Uhaul truck or kill any hitchhikers along the way from Jasper....and thank gawd Kate and Lisa came to help unload into the storage unit b/c Kim and I would still be there doing it if they hadn't helped! 

She is settled and already looking for work. I am back to work today on this fine Valentine's Day (barf)...more later...

Learning never stops...

What a week. Glad it is over....I had a spazz out at work the other day (to myself) about the shoes I had on....I am the princess and the pea about my shoes...if they are not exactly right I cannot function...and these new shoes were KILLING ME....and making me so mad....so I hobbled to the shoe store next door and basically sat on the bench begging the woman to find me a pair of shoes that would not cripple me in 5 mins that did not look like granny/nurse shoes...it took some time b/c I have a ridiculous shoe size for someone my height (size10/E width AKA giant duck feet) but eventually I found a pair...which are exactly like a pair I have at home except black. Not a cheap endeavor...but ffs man...my Grandad always said "you gotta have good shoes and take care of your feet."....best advice he ever gave me...so true.

Been doing some personal digging into my own psyche recently as well...which has proven to be a fruitful experience. Funny how even the simplest of truths can be easily avoided for a long time just for the same of coping...a shift in my attitude is required. Not too sure how that will work or how certain behaviors will be exchanged for new ones but...it is time for me to stop being overwhelmingly preoccupied by other peoples emotions and well being and worry about my own. Not to say I run around saving the world or solving ppls issues but I spend far far too much energy worrying about shit I have no control over...neurotically so...expending so much emotional energy on people and their situations, constantly stressed out, feeling depleted on every level there is nothing left in me to deal with my own shit...good avoidance/coping skill hey? Yeah...it has become quite clear to me how this will play out if I do not attempt to change my own way to cope with things.

A catalyst for this epiphany was talking to Connie last night...and out of the blue me explaining to her how I spend each and everyday worrying the ppl I care about: my cousins, my aunts, my sister, my friends, my work friends...my kid...myself...daily....then add in unresolved shit...my brothers death...childhood crap...I feel like a Romanian orphan...who cannot stand to be touched...or shown affection...can't stand crowds...over react to any criticism or judgment from ppl I don't even give a shit about....basically on hypersensitivity mode 24/7...talking it out with Connie (who has a Masters in Clinical Psych and is awesome in these situations where I lose my shit) and getting extremely upset about describing how I feel my empathy meter within myself is broken and is just on overload every.single.fucking.day...so tiring - she blurted out that it is easier to worry and get caught up with other ppl problems than deal with your own...classic coping mechanism. Well fuck. How simple is that...? So I came across an article on the topic of hypersensitivity (thought I am sure my abrasive nature hardly comes off as being sensitive to most ppl - at face value anyway) and was blown away...that doesn't happen often...so identifying yourself as an emotional sponge entails these items of interest:
*People call you "hyper-sensitive", "overly sensitive", etc., and they don't mean it as a compliment (in my case I react with anger)

*You sense fear, anxiety, and stress from other people and draw this into your body, resolving them as your own physical pain and symptoms. It doesn't have to be people you don't know or don't like; you're also impacted by friends, family, and colleagues. 

*You quickly feel exhausted, drained, and unhappy in the presence of crowds. 

*Noise, smells, and excessive talking can set off your nerves and anxiety. 

*You need to be alone to recharge your energy. 

*You're less likely to intellectualize what you're feeling. Your feelings are easily hurt. 

*You're naturally giving, generous, spiritually inclined, and a good listener. 

*You tend to ensure that you've got an escape plan, so that you can get away fast, such as bringing your own car to events, etc. 

*The intimacy of close relationships can feel like suffocation or loss of your own self. 

 There are more...and there is not one that doesn't describe me on some level...(replace "car" with bus schedule/bus pass or cab phone #).
I recall as a child being keenly aware that I cried too easily and made every attempt to not let my true feelings show from a very early age (I don't think this is uncommon for many people either)...I have spent my life trying to not appear sensitive. Not that I am going to turn into one of these hippy dippy weirdos with this personal revelation but...I am certainly into exploring it and it explains a lot...like how A. putting dishes away at 9 pm will send me into a tailspin of complete discomfort and rage...the loud noises....noise is something I have noticed recently that I am really bothered by but attributed it to old age (haha) when in fact it always has...I just never made the connection. It explains why I tend to hide out at family gatherings in a bedroom...the chaos, the noise...the crowd...is at times too much...while at the same time I love spending time with my family...my unreasonable drive to just be alone after being around people...people I love and adore...a nice day with friends...and all I think about is being alone....resting and resetting myself...toss in some inability to trust people and other poor coping skills and well..you have a cauldron of complete unhealthy, unhappy fuckery....

Yeah so...there. One more stop up the ladder rung to self enlightenment. 

A Magical Duo

Diaper Cake

Sarah came over last night and we made this for her co-workers baby shower tomorrow...I was a bit disappointed there was no real cake involved but I got to sniff newborn baby diapers and they smell really yummy so that was ok... (wow - that doesn't sound weird or anything...)

This is the weirdest, girliest thing I have ever been part of making...Probably won't ever make another one b/c I am way too OCD for that ribbon business...That was Sarah's soul-responsibility. So yeah....there it is...A DIAPER CAKE...no big deal. ha.

Suckage

 

Just got word that Barb's chemo and radiation did not take and the tumor is bigger than ever...her son Naveed said she is in the hospital and will pass away peacefully and pain free...which I guess is some sort of fucked up blessing. Feel terrible for them all...terrible loss. No idea how long she has but it sounds imminent. I hope she won't pass on Naveed's birthday on the 4th.
This photo was taken by our mutual friend Denis Savoie who visited her a few weeks ago...captured her smile brilliantly...wouldn't think anything was wrong with her if you didn't know better.

AJ @ work on her birthday....

2013-02-01 12.26.12, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

all grown up!

Riley Jay Ellwyn ~ Feb 1 2013

Riley Jay Feb 1 2013, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Bullets at my heels...

"...I'm never going back, I'm running from the sun, bullets at my heels, the devil's got a gun..."

OMG Whitehorse was so amazing live...I think Amanda and Adrienne agree with me 100% when I say it is one of the best performances I have been to...their looping expertise is fun and interesting to watch....Liam Finn loops a lot as well and I really enjoy that live...it was hotter than Hades in the venue and their bottles of water were 4 bucks a pop but damn – great show. Opener Daniel Romano (sp?) was not my cup of tea...early on I kind of thought it might be a comedy skit b/c the honky tonk was so severe....I just couldn't stomach it...his weirdo get up was the most bizarre though....he walked in with a hipster jacket on and looked to be your typical Victoria hipster kid.....then comes out on stage wearing a sparkly cowboy suit and hat....It was just too much...BUT THAT'S OK BECAUSE WHITEHORSE MADE UP FOR IT! I couldn't stop staring at either of them on stage....hmmm who would I rather make out with...Luke Doucet or Melissa McLelland...?

Tonight right after work we (me, Donna, Erin, Amanda, Lisa etc) are heading to Soprano's Karaoke Bar with Ms. A. for her birthday grub and shenanigans...Erin is going to sing a song for her and we are all pretty stoked about that. Stay tuned to youtube for that funniness.

Maggie is being induced right this second...would be cute for new baby Riley to share and birthday with A. She is on board too! Hope it is short and goes well for Maggie after all this waiting...Kelly just told me it's all rolling along thus far a little quicker than last time so this is good! The cool thing about this new baby....Riley Jay is his name...Riley was my grandads father's name...and Jay is my middle name which was taken from my grandfathers Uncle Jay....I love that connection even if it wasn't intended or on purpose.

Happy 19th Birthday!

Hard to believe...19. So awesome....................................................I am free eee eeee eee eee eee eeeeee...hahah hahaa hahaha hahahaaaaaa aaaaaaaa

Ok we are never REALLY free but it is an interesting time in the relationship...I am enjoying it!

HAVE FUN TODAY BIRTHDAY GIRL!

Whitehorse

Amazing show...these 2 are excellent live...such a great vibe and interesting looping they do...love it.

Good morning soldiers...

It is a quiet, Sunday here in the land of gray, moistness aka Vancouver Island...don't think Ms A. came home last night...the moment she started paying her token rent amount she instantly stopped letting me know she was ok when she was out. She was getting poorer and poorer at it as she got older anyway so I guess it was a gradual thing but I still find it incredibly nerve racking despite her being a week or so from being 19. I still have to consciously make myself 'not go there' and avoid thinking about it...b/c if I do I will hyperventilate and get hysterical...yes I am that neurotic.

The wonderful Barb B. in Calgary decided to venture into the land of cellphones finally....she held out a long while I will give her that. My last Koodo phone was an awesome little slider keyboard phone, basic and handy as hell and I have always felt bad b/c I upgraded to a smart phone and it still worked fine - this is not something I am proud of as I am of the mindset that if it is not busted ppl should not REALLY upgrade or get new stuff...I kept it as backup in case I ever lost or busted my smartphone...but then when I read Barb was looking for one I managed to convince her to take mine so I would be alleviated of guilt and she could really have a great 1st phone which I am sure they don't even make anymore...my guild alleviation was not good enough for her and she sent me a goodie package with a new book by Mary Roach, 3 cds, a funny card with a monkey with a penis on it and shipping cash. IT WAS LIKE XMAS! Books and cds are the only things I accept gleefully anymore - they have allotted space in my little apartment...it's like Barb is right in my head! Thanks Barb...

Speaking of Barb's....Barb A. in Toronto with the brain tumor is all over Facebook these days...she can sort of communicate via typing but it is often gibberishy and you really have to concentrate to get the gist of what she thinks she is saying...she is unable to read though so that is a drag. I cannot really get a good sense of wtf is going on with her for real b/c her family has ceased updating....it sounds like Barb is taking chemo drugs...shes mentioned hair falling out...and that the drugs make her feel like a little kid. Her personality is very child-like...no idea if it is the drugs or tumor or both causing this...all I know is [and I am sharing this as a sort of public service announcement] Barb told me the last time I spoke to her that her brain cancer surgeon peeps told her after her surgery that she is to NOT talk on a cellphone anymore... ACKKKKK!!! I have always felt this way about cellphones....I do not talk on them except fast 1 minute calls...I really want to cut off my land-line but then I am fugged b/c I don't like talking on a cellphone...they sound shitty often and I am always mindful of the fact I am probably growing a brain tumor. I thought this before Barb A's info...so it really freaked me out...I can use my headphones in it as they have a mic but for around the house....I decided to try out a bluetooth headset so I can be hands free at home...a bluetooth headset has gotta be far less badness than a cellphone stuck next to your head - RIGHT??? RIGHT????

I made the mistake of starting the Breaking Bad series.....omgggggg Walter White...you are rocking my world! Interesting show. I feel like I am a meth expert now. Pretty good series...interesting psychology....

Today is soup cooking day...and clean up day...my house is a shithole and if I died right now and anyone saw how messy it was I would die again of embarrassment.
Next week is the scheduled induction for Maggie to have little Riley Jay finally....Jan 24. I am zipping up to Nanaimo with Kelly Jean who has agreed to come fetch me Wed night after work to hang with the family for the grand event...my only goal is to not get effing sick before then which will fuck up the whole plan entirely. Pretty exciting...it has been a pretty stressful pregnancy with all of the craziness at Maggie's work and medically speaking...pretty glad it is over...and will not be willing her infertile in my mind b/c it stresses me out. LOL A. will not be coming this time...she cannot get time off at her job and b/c she has already missed work due to her trip to Calif. and her wisdom teeth nightmare it is not a good idea to push it...she is hoping to get extended in April. If not she will be taking off to meet Niamh in Ecuador or Peru or somewhere (insert nauseousness here)...needless to say I am praying to the goddess of fearful mothers that she will get extended and she can travel later....

My sister Kim is moving here next month...around the 12th I think....she is going to move in and bunk with us until she gets work and is all good to rent her own little bachelor pad close by. This is cool!! I am sad about her break up with Rob but...this is going to be a huge time of change in her life....1st time on her own...at 31 she is more than capable of doing it on her own...as a veteran of the art of solo living & independence I am sure I can teach her some tricks about self preservation and practical city life tools...it will be a good thing. Looking fwd to having her here! (EDIT: ROB IS A TURD)

Super foggy this morning...I love fog. (Says the non-driver, non-plane traveler etc)

I made this yesterday and it is fantastic!!! RECIPE So good I am making another batch to freeze at work for lunches. Mmmmmm so good.

Ch-ch-changes...

It is a peaceful Saturday morning here...I am up way too early but such is life. I have ZERO plans today so it looks like my house will get a clean up it deserves.

Kimmy!

I am sad to report that my sister is moving into a new phase in her life but also a little happy for her too b/c it is kind of exciting. Scary exciting for her I am sure. Being newly single after a long time of never really being single is a big deal and I am a bit excited that Victoria made her top 5 places she may relocate to. Wherever she decides to go I will be really happy for her though b/c it is a new, fresh start and I am her #1 fan! It is with great sadness, however, that I have to come to terms with the fact that her and Rob are no more b/c I quite adore Rob...I don't often adore men as people (that sounds worse than I mean haha) but Rob is one of just a handful of men that I find to be exceptional and I will miss him being Kim's partner. (EDIT: ROB IS AN ASS!!!!!) I am even more impressed that he is being a wonderful, kind, stand-up guy to Kim during all this...it is refreshing to see a couple part ways with a grace, kindness and understanding. He has a great willingness to help her get settled when she is ready as well so...big kudos to Rob for being a great person, non-dirtbag, man of integrity. With all that said - you can see why this parting of ways is sad. Wherever Miss Kimmy lands she is going to shine.

A's birthday approaches...I have some ideas...this year I do promise not to wreck her birthday like I did last year....we got scrapping last year and it ruined the whole friggin thing which I have felt terrible about all damn year so this year I am making a concentrated effort to not bulldoze her into making plans or anything...I will just gowiththeflow...

Squid & Mag's belly aka Riley

Poor cousin Maggie has been PLAGUED with some pretty heinous shit lately...she is pregnant and this pregnancy has been anything but carefree and delightful...things could always be worse of course (always!) but really what a shit go...she is dealing with repeat problems with blood work and such which have made the impending birthing process highly up in the air and complicated...then her business has been retarded...all her staff  decided this year would be a good time to have a kid as well so you can imagine having to try to hire/plan/organize when you have 3 staff members going off on maternity while YOU are supposed to be off on maternity...ugh such crap timing. Now she has been struck with some bug from hell and is sick as fack and kinda due any time but requires some interventions due to that blood work issue etc...ugh Timing and opportunity SO BAD for her right now....so once lil Riley Jay is here I hope things can be a little nicer for her for a while and fall into place.

New office is okay...pros and cons still...for the most part I have adapted rather rapidly b/c that's just how I roll. Can't change it so - get in line. I have scouted out all the best bathrooms in the bldg. Our floor has a 2 stall ladies washroom which is NOT ideal....so I discovered the 2nd floor has a 5 stall washroom and a separate stand alone wheelchair washroom so....SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes you just want your own little private bathroom paradise at work....

Volunteering at a local community center next week to try and get their computers cleaned up and working a bit faster...should be interesting since I have no idea how old/bad they are. Will probably wanna ram pens into my eyes by the end. There is not much worse than a crawling slow computer...well maybe no connection to the internet. ha!

I just ain't got nothing to say, yo!

All I can say about this day is that THANK YOU LORD BABY JESUS IN A HALTER TOP that the killer whales trapped in the Hudson Bay ice made their way out b/c that whole scene was freaking me out...I was actually considering avoiding my lunch time news reading b/c I just did not want to read about a negative outcome...thankfully the beauties made their way. Yes! ::happy flailing::

Very sad to hear that my sister and her partner Rob are parting ways...I really really adore him and loved them as a couple. New start for Kimmy coming up...she will make it through this and find her way without a doubt...don't know where she will land yet but wherever it is I am sure she will make it home.

Very busy this month with volunteering and such...should level out in Feb. when training is finally over...it has been a longggggg haul since Sept. Feels more like 5 yrs than 5 mths. I nearly quit about 100x. ha ha ha Not even kidding...pretty intense stuff.

I just read this and LOVED it. It was well written and the fashion in which it was written made it a very engrossing book. They took turns talking about things throughout the book...sometimes the same topic so it was cool to read the their opinions back to back...felt like a conversation sort of. Love Ann Wilson even more now...reading about her love of music as a kid and how seriously she took it...so amazing. My favorites were the parts where they talked about writing songs...specifically Dreamboat Annie songs. Great read.

I am now reading Damien Echols book which is a bit of weirdness... 18 yrs in jail on death row (West Memphis Three jailed for the murders of 3 young boys) for being railroaded is pretty heavy reading but even though he has been set free there are lingering curiosities about it all. No idea how I will feel about it all by the end of the book.

Fuck you to feelings...

It is always interesting to watch yourself - as you get older - react to the things around you. At times it is probably not very different from how you have reacted in the past but there is a mindfulness I find with age (for me anyway) that allows this observation much more clarity. For instance...when Shawn points out certain reactions and responses I have to particular situations are self-defeating, passive-aggressive and generally pathetic and I am extremey sensitive (that has been a problem since I was a small child)...I actually can sit and ponder, breaking it down over a few days – digesting the truth of it and then am in a place where I knowingly must make changes to improve my general mood surrounding it all OR do shit all and stay stuck. This happened last year when Tracey kindly pointed out I was TERRIBLE at dealing with confrontation – no better than someone who avoids it at all costs. I bulldoze into it, rip someone a new one, say fuck you and carry on with my life...she asked me HOW that was productive and how that demonstrated growth and maturity. Oh burn. So true though – so true. It is what I do...things that hurt me and make me uncomfortable get cut off at the knees & burned at the stake b/c it was at one time the only power I had to shield myself...these behaviours stick and I never really grew past them. The body count decreased over the years but...that is hardly any comfort when you really look at yourself under the all telling bulb of fluorescent emotional nudity.

I have said this before to people – who I think out of politeness assured me I was mistaken – that as I find myself at the end of the hands-on 'mothering' years it is plain as day to me that I am pretty much right smack where I was 20 yrs ago emotionally...the last 20 yrs has been a fantastic distraction...sure I have spent more than a few hours in counselling over the years and have come to terms with the fact I have very poor coping skills and sometimes I am a total and complete asshole and don't really care...but...I really am right back where I started...earned many life skills and experience along the way without a doubt but...I really have not grown much in the aspect of my 'feelings'...those dreaded bastard feelings that fuck everything up far too often.

On a less self-indulgent note...I am extremely happy it is the weekend in a mere 7ish hours...time to work...Catherine my old cronie from SABC sits next to me in this new office and she talks to herself all day long...mutter mutter mutter...so amusing to me.

TURF TURF TURF

TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF TURF

...with fire in the heart...

The weekend has arrived...I have been a complete shut in weirdo this week...Shawn arrived today, dragged me outdoors...and we are all going to see a movie tonight. Tried to go see "This is 40" the other night with A. and the theatre was experiencing technical difficulties and it was a total shit show so we left and I had to wait forever to get refunds and A. and I got in a spat and took sep. buses home and well...total disaster. I considered writing the Odeon to tell them a simple ticket refund is NOT cool b/c that doesn't take into acct the $ spent on snacks or the high degree of complication to make arrangements with a teenager for such an outing but then as I thought about it it just sounded pathetic and retarded so - it's just one of those things you get to eat in life...a poop sandwich of sorts.

Shawn brought me his cordless headphones he doesn't use that I am excited to try out....I am finding in order to block out the noise of the upstairs and downstairs ppl I am watching my TV really loud so I am thinking with these headphones I can have it at the level I want and its not being used to block out their noise thus creating more noise that they are possibly blocking out...1st world problem - I know. I just like blocking shit out.

I have conquered my curtain issues....ALL BY MYSELF. I can now work my drill like a mofo and know how to hang curtains - CORRECTLY. Choosing curtains however is harder...hard to know how they are going to hang with one panel or 2...such stupid home decorating stuff...I hate it. I like that to be the job of someone else...I can watch all the HGTV I want - I still do not have a flare for putting things together...that goes for clothing as well as make up - anything fashion related...I think I am missing that gene.