this cracked me up on the treadmill today

An unsettled mind....

just posts photos!

NEVER have I got a pickle heart with my dinner before....thank you Romeos!

Aleah painted me a jellyfish....LOVE IT...it is awesome.

ASTK is back at it....Kim found this Ted Danson street art for my little collection!

Monkey Tree Balls = AWESOME!

Broken Leg/Heart Sunday

Well...in typical  fashion I have gimped my foot up in a completely different sort of way (b/c the usual way was just too typical I guess)...this of course happens right after I make the conscious realization that my plantar fasciitis has improved in credibly with the use of the crocs and the leg brace at home...as in - pain cut in half and a marked improvement. I was really impressed with myself so it seems fitting I would be struck my lightning or suddenly have some different foot issue to deal with now. Seriously sick of this shit...and it is nothing more than fuel so fuck you universe.

I am drinking a hot cup of tea to counteract the ice pack strapped to my ankle....it works well. I really want a yummy breakfast so I think I will do that later....for lunch....eggs. Yes - eggs. Store bought - no poop showing eggs. I have this thing about farm fresh eggs...if I see chicken goo on the egg shells...I cannot eat the eggs. I have tried...I can't so instead I settle for grocery store eggs that are pristine in the carton...such a wuss. Don't get me wrong - during an apocalypse when we were all starving...I'd eat a penguin egg ffs...but everyday life with choice...I pick a clean egg. Maybe cousin Kelly can cook me something one day with her farm fresh eggs...if I don't see them I bet it would be ok.

We humans are so out of touch with nature...trust me - I understand the stupidity and disconnect with my poopy egg phobia...If I had to kill, gut and prep the meat I wanted to eat I would be a forced vegetarian I think. I love my chicken in a styrofoam tray with no skin or fat on it, no bones....ready to bbq or shake n bake....eating chicken with bones seems so primal..isn't that hilarious? ha ha haaaa Ridiculous preference...white chicken breast. Man I would get skinny in a hurry  living off the land.

Well its now 8 hours later and such a sad Sunday...was very sad to hear about 2 good friends splitting up...I have been dreading this for about a year...and now that it has happened I am so very sad for them both...Donna and I both have been dreading it and we will probably need to go to counseling now.  FACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

Going to prepare for a sad True Blood premier and break up chili eating fest.

...oh hi!

It has been nice having A. home...she has re-assimilated and not by choice I am sure. She arrived home Friday night and was scheduled to be back at work Monday morning...."slavery" as she calls it...and the icing on the turd cake is she spends most of her evenings going straight from job 1 to job 2 and works til 10 pm. Oh...to be young again. She is showing signs of real maturity...her new job doesn't allow for her to go to the Shambhala Festival which was a PRETTY BIG DEAL...and she was fairly accepting of that news which in the past would have been a nightmare of lamenting and outcry.

Weird time of year....the birthday of baby Fin who would be 13 this year had be survived his birth...to this day I find myself weepy over Jerri and Zed's loss - the 2 people on earth who SHOULD have children. Then Glenn's birthday was shortly after that...he would have been 37...then Aunty Cathy's (which is a happy time!)...then Kim's (cake!)...will slow down now...

I am currently enjoying watching the Conservative federal gov't sinking deeper into their own pile of shit these days...this Senator scandal is epic awesome...and I hope all the scammers go down in a humiliating wreck, reputations tainted for life like they deserve. One can only dream that it really rocks the Conservative boat and Harper is really feeling the pinch....transparent gov't I think not...nice try though jackass.

Rob Ford the idiot mayor of Toronto is also a daily staple of political drama - though his antics and story are more like a Jerry Springer episode...why he has not been ousted just on the fact he is an embarrassment to Toronto is beyond me. (I totally think he is a drunken crack user)...

GAME OF THRONES SPOILER (do not read this Aunty Cathy):Last Sunday's episode left me in weeping awe on the couch....doing some swearing and chanting WHAT THE F*CK over  and over again...the slaughter of 3 main characters  in one scene (totally unexpectedly) was just too fucking much....rude rude rude. They keep killing off the Stark's and they are my favorites ffs....STAHHHP!!! I hope the wee Stark kids grown up to get revenge on the lot of the murderous bastards........

Have I ranted since the BC Election fiasco? The BC Liberals managed to pull not only a rabbit out of their ass but a donkey as well. Now our awesome UNELECTED premier has another 4 years of rule and  will pilfer a seat in the Legislature in a Kelowna riding. it bugs me that MLAs do not have to live in their ridings...why is that NOT a rule?! Anyhow...the NDP shit the bed again and Adrian Dix needs to step aside and let someone with some charisma and less negative history try for the win next election. This province needs change desperately before it is stripped of everything good about it.

Happy 37th Little Brother

 

I will not eat cake in your honor today which is a pretty big deal. haha

Glenn would be 37 today....which is really weird since he only lived to be 24...he would be a full grown adult by now...probably would have a kid or 2...a wife or 2...oh so many never-to-knows.

xo

My favorite photos of A's trip...

Finally....

I just heard A's voice for the 1st time in over 2 months and let me tell you...when you spend 2 months on auto-pilot, with your guts permanently wrenched with fear and desperately trying to master the true art of denial...it is sweet fucking relief to know that your kid is as safe as she is ever going to be in the world - without you following her around as a bodyguard carrying a machete and looking imposing - that is.

Connie asked me what I learned about myself through this experience...well...let's see...I am more neurotic than I thought but am capable of a slim degree of denial when it comes down to self preservation. When A 1st left I was a mess for about 3 days...I was not empty-nesting or anything stupid like that....I have this terrible, paralyzing mental problem where I am constantly thinking during moments like her departure at the ferry terminal that it could be the last time I ever saw her. Does everything think this way and just manage to push it away and out of their minds? I don't know - but I can't do it...my brain is on over load always thinking this end of the world shit...it is exhausting. I am logical and know I have no control over anything that happens to her now...and she could just as easily die falling down the stairs to get the mail as trekking around South America...I get it...yet...it consumes me still. I am really hoping that after this trip I can find a place in my head to ram all this stuff so I am not ruled by fear and irrational BS that uses up all my energy and focus.

Anyway...A. spent a night in Vancouver with her old babysitter and friend Ashley....and is now NOT coming home as planned but is in POWELL RIVER...she flew up this afternoon and is planning to surprise her cousins and the kids when they show up for dinner...she is ragged, dirty and in need of a good scrub in a hot shower but is otherwise happy, feeling good and grateful to be back where everyone speaks her language. She will be in PR all week...and comes home FINALLY to see her poor, weary mother on Friday the 31st....and it sounds like she may be started her old job (gov't) again sooner than she thought so that is great news.

.....commence regular breathing now....

Canadian Soil

So excited for A. to be back on Canadian soil Thurs May 23...serious level of relief to be expected...sounds like she is ready to be back in her homeland among English speaking folk...says it is very difficult to be in places where you do not speak the language...especially when you really wanna tell someone your opinion and you can't ha ha ha

I had to rearrange my room again...It took all damn day but I think I can leave it like this now for a long while. I have a bit of a problem with rearranging furniture...but am very limited due to this shit apartments lack of electrical outlets and such...do not be surprised if you hear I died in an electrical fire some day. (That is foreshadowing right there people!)

Been very busy this week at work....I blame the Mexicans. The Mexican Consulate changed some rules for their document legalization process which means I am being bombarded by everyone in BC who needs documents authenticated for the consulate all at once...it is cutting into my chill time and relaxation at work quite a bit...but the days ZOOM by which is nice.

I have to say that since this move to the new bldg the interaction with lawyers on a supervisory level has been most interesting and frustrating. Things I have learned about lawyers since Dec 2012:

*sometimes they are slow talkers and you want to stab them during conversations
*they like to fuck shit up...shit that has been going along nicely for years (efficiently and practical) suddenly gets questioned by lawyers and they are trying to change it to a way it was done yearssssss ago that was not efficient or practical which is why it was streamlined to how it is today in the 1st place...
*while some are hoytee toytee some are so completely socially retarded it even makes me giggle b/c they make me look like a smooth mthrfckn female version of Frank Sinatra...I shit you not.

That's all I have got so far.

July is a busy month this year...(get ready to throw up Chris Bellman)....Nazareth/Headpins concert...Pat Benatar concert...Platinum Blonde concert. No not together....all separate shows within 1 week of each other. That is a buttload of 80's cheese and awesomeness.
I am hoping no more concerts happen b/c I am saving for Vegas with Aunty Pam in October. I have the Cirque du Soleil show picked out that I will get tickets for  (Mystere) and one other show that looks naughty and awesome...

MYSTERE and ABSINTHE

If all goes well then I think I will make plans to venture on a trip with Cathy b/c she has been talking about us taking a trip somewhere for a long time....maybe San Fran to see Alcatrazzzzzz!!! I would love that!

Had a very nice visit with Jim, Maggie, David and the boys last week...I got to hang out with Riley for the afternoon while Mags went shopping on her birthday...Sidney opted to shop with them so it was just Riley and I....he slept for a few hours but when he woke up he was happy and cute and gobbled up all the pumped milk Mags left...she got back in perfect time....he hadn't gone sour on me and cried which would have traumatized me HA!! We got to do some swimming at the Parkside which is frigging awesome and hoytee...great pool and hotel.

Today Kim and I are doing the obligatory gym visit (no idea if it is obligatory for her but it is for me) and then going to see a movie after...it is a long weekend of gloriousness - whatever Victoria Day is I have no idea...is it about an old queen? Seriously I should Google clearly...ok Queen Victoria's Birthday....okay well as much as I feel royalty is a farce I will take your day off with pay Ms Dead Queen of England and rejoice in it...your death and my day off with pay.

We are going to see MUD...it is getting fantastic reviews so....we are foregoing the well known Great Gatsby and Iron Man for a little unknown film. Doesn't look like a life-changer but it looks like good escapism...I hope I can forget Matthew McConaughey's role in Magic Mike though....could prove distracting.

I would add photos but as per usual Blogger isn't uploading pictures...POS.

 

Another week begins...

Monday...again which for me means it is my day at the Transition House. So far this volunteering gig has
been pretty low key and underwhelming - which is good...you don't want to WISH for a busier crisis line b/c that means ppl are in crisis. A no phone call day is a bit of a victory of sorts.

It is too effing hot out for me already the 1st week of May...the house felt like July/August yesterday...most unpleasant. Pretty sure it was hotter inside than outside though due to the lack of breeze.

Miss A. is on her way to Montanita, Ecuador today from Banos...with only 16 days left on her trip they want to get in some beach/surf time before they head back up to Quito to fly home May 22. I really loved video chatting her yesterday...it was good to see her tanned, healthy looking self and she always makes me laugh...she gave me a heads up she is dying to eat some meat so I will have to stock up!

Maggie and Family are coming this week - meaning Maggie will be here for her birthday (Saturday) which is pretty fun...I will be making a few cakes this week...one for Maggie and one for Lisa b/c her birthday is on Friday. Will be good to see Baby Riley again...he is getting big!

OMG so boring...it was too hot yesterday...fried all my brain cells.

Germ Warfare



I think Kim brought home kid germs from work. She is not feeling well and I feel I am on my way to not feeling well either. I bucked up for some Vitamin C horse pills and am gobbling echinacea today...hoping for a miracle from the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky.

Watched a really interesting doc on Netflix last night - HUNGRY FOR CHANGE.  It is interesting to be mindful of the changes in what dietary info we have been fed throughout our lives. The 80's being particularly cruel...the FAT FREE GENERATION is as fat as fuck and that is b/c fat is actually your friend far more than carbs/sugars are. The doc didn't offer much new info but it is all presented in a way that is much more empathetic - I really loved how it made it very clear that an unhealthy body clouds the mind and affects everything in your life (energy levels, concentration/brain function, outlook and mood, sleep, anxiety etc)...stressing that we are programmed to eat food rich in fat and sugar (calories) to save for the famine that might be around the

 corner from days gone by...my body is particularly efficient in this famine preparation...but in just a week that I have been tracking my food on an app on my phone that does all the math etc it is VERY apparent how I ended up fat...my goal calories per day is 1500.00 this makes for reasonable and modest meal requirements and healthy snacks...eating a cup cake or a pizza would make the app crash I am sure. The beauty is 1 hour or cardio at my weight burns 600 calories...so instead of letting myself eat some heinously tasty food I am banking it...so that at weeks end hopefully I have a deficit in calories thus some fat has been burned off.

Sorry but you are stuck reading my musing about all of this b/c it is just where I am at and I need to talk this shit out to get a real grip on it...as someone who should probably start a chapter of Overeaters Anonymous in her living room this eating and exercising is a complete mindfuck. It is apparent that avoiding bread/wheat/potato/sugar is the key to my success...not surprisingly everyone one of those items is my favorite. ha! I just made a cup of tea with 1 tsp of honey rather than a tablespoon. It tastes like shit....and next time i will not bothering to use any honey b/c really...why bother? I am hoping eventually a cup of unsweetened tea and milk will bring me the same satisfaction of a sweet cup of tea does...and no i will not drink herbal tea - I hate herbal tea. Hot water with a smell FRAUD!!!!



Making this my new mantra.



Great chat with A. yesterday....she is so funny. She is loving her life right now and enjoying her trip so much....I think the dread is creeping in about the fact she has to come home in  under a month...I love how independent she is...fearless and relaxed. I hope she stays relaxed as she gets older and life gets more complicated.

I sure do miss her though... ::blink blink:: ::tear tear::