Happy 37th Little Brother

 

I will not eat cake in your honor today which is a pretty big deal. haha

Glenn would be 37 today....which is really weird since he only lived to be 24...he would be a full grown adult by now...probably would have a kid or 2...a wife or 2...oh so many never-to-knows.

xo

My favorite photos of A's trip...

Finally....

I just heard A's voice for the 1st time in over 2 months and let me tell you...when you spend 2 months on auto-pilot, with your guts permanently wrenched with fear and desperately trying to master the true art of denial...it is sweet fucking relief to know that your kid is as safe as she is ever going to be in the world - without you following her around as a bodyguard carrying a machete and looking imposing - that is.

Connie asked me what I learned about myself through this experience...well...let's see...I am more neurotic than I thought but am capable of a slim degree of denial when it comes down to self preservation. When A 1st left I was a mess for about 3 days...I was not empty-nesting or anything stupid like that....I have this terrible, paralyzing mental problem where I am constantly thinking during moments like her departure at the ferry terminal that it could be the last time I ever saw her. Does everything think this way and just manage to push it away and out of their minds? I don't know - but I can't do it...my brain is on over load always thinking this end of the world shit...it is exhausting. I am logical and know I have no control over anything that happens to her now...and she could just as easily die falling down the stairs to get the mail as trekking around South America...I get it...yet...it consumes me still. I am really hoping that after this trip I can find a place in my head to ram all this stuff so I am not ruled by fear and irrational BS that uses up all my energy and focus.

Anyway...A. spent a night in Vancouver with her old babysitter and friend Ashley....and is now NOT coming home as planned but is in POWELL RIVER...she flew up this afternoon and is planning to surprise her cousins and the kids when they show up for dinner...she is ragged, dirty and in need of a good scrub in a hot shower but is otherwise happy, feeling good and grateful to be back where everyone speaks her language. She will be in PR all week...and comes home FINALLY to see her poor, weary mother on Friday the 31st....and it sounds like she may be started her old job (gov't) again sooner than she thought so that is great news.

.....commence regular breathing now....

Canadian Soil

So excited for A. to be back on Canadian soil Thurs May 23...serious level of relief to be expected...sounds like she is ready to be back in her homeland among English speaking folk...says it is very difficult to be in places where you do not speak the language...especially when you really wanna tell someone your opinion and you can't ha ha ha

I had to rearrange my room again...It took all damn day but I think I can leave it like this now for a long while. I have a bit of a problem with rearranging furniture...but am very limited due to this shit apartments lack of electrical outlets and such...do not be surprised if you hear I died in an electrical fire some day. (That is foreshadowing right there people!)

Been very busy this week at work....I blame the Mexicans. The Mexican Consulate changed some rules for their document legalization process which means I am being bombarded by everyone in BC who needs documents authenticated for the consulate all at once...it is cutting into my chill time and relaxation at work quite a bit...but the days ZOOM by which is nice.

I have to say that since this move to the new bldg the interaction with lawyers on a supervisory level has been most interesting and frustrating. Things I have learned about lawyers since Dec 2012:

*sometimes they are slow talkers and you want to stab them during conversations
*they like to fuck shit up...shit that has been going along nicely for years (efficiently and practical) suddenly gets questioned by lawyers and they are trying to change it to a way it was done yearssssss ago that was not efficient or practical which is why it was streamlined to how it is today in the 1st place...
*while some are hoytee toytee some are so completely socially retarded it even makes me giggle b/c they make me look like a smooth mthrfckn female version of Frank Sinatra...I shit you not.

That's all I have got so far.

July is a busy month this year...(get ready to throw up Chris Bellman)....Nazareth/Headpins concert...Pat Benatar concert...Platinum Blonde concert. No not together....all separate shows within 1 week of each other. That is a buttload of 80's cheese and awesomeness.
I am hoping no more concerts happen b/c I am saving for Vegas with Aunty Pam in October. I have the Cirque du Soleil show picked out that I will get tickets for  (Mystere) and one other show that looks naughty and awesome...

MYSTERE and ABSINTHE

If all goes well then I think I will make plans to venture on a trip with Cathy b/c she has been talking about us taking a trip somewhere for a long time....maybe San Fran to see Alcatrazzzzzz!!! I would love that!

Had a very nice visit with Jim, Maggie, David and the boys last week...I got to hang out with Riley for the afternoon while Mags went shopping on her birthday...Sidney opted to shop with them so it was just Riley and I....he slept for a few hours but when he woke up he was happy and cute and gobbled up all the pumped milk Mags left...she got back in perfect time....he hadn't gone sour on me and cried which would have traumatized me HA!! We got to do some swimming at the Parkside which is frigging awesome and hoytee...great pool and hotel.

Today Kim and I are doing the obligatory gym visit (no idea if it is obligatory for her but it is for me) and then going to see a movie after...it is a long weekend of gloriousness - whatever Victoria Day is I have no idea...is it about an old queen? Seriously I should Google clearly...ok Queen Victoria's Birthday....okay well as much as I feel royalty is a farce I will take your day off with pay Ms Dead Queen of England and rejoice in it...your death and my day off with pay.

We are going to see MUD...it is getting fantastic reviews so....we are foregoing the well known Great Gatsby and Iron Man for a little unknown film. Doesn't look like a life-changer but it looks like good escapism...I hope I can forget Matthew McConaughey's role in Magic Mike though....could prove distracting.

I would add photos but as per usual Blogger isn't uploading pictures...POS.

 

Another week begins...

Monday...again which for me means it is my day at the Transition House. So far this volunteering gig has
been pretty low key and underwhelming - which is good...you don't want to WISH for a busier crisis line b/c that means ppl are in crisis. A no phone call day is a bit of a victory of sorts.

It is too effing hot out for me already the 1st week of May...the house felt like July/August yesterday...most unpleasant. Pretty sure it was hotter inside than outside though due to the lack of breeze.

Miss A. is on her way to Montanita, Ecuador today from Banos...with only 16 days left on her trip they want to get in some beach/surf time before they head back up to Quito to fly home May 22. I really loved video chatting her yesterday...it was good to see her tanned, healthy looking self and she always makes me laugh...she gave me a heads up she is dying to eat some meat so I will have to stock up!

Maggie and Family are coming this week - meaning Maggie will be here for her birthday (Saturday) which is pretty fun...I will be making a few cakes this week...one for Maggie and one for Lisa b/c her birthday is on Friday. Will be good to see Baby Riley again...he is getting big!

OMG so boring...it was too hot yesterday...fried all my brain cells.

Germ Warfare



I think Kim brought home kid germs from work. She is not feeling well and I feel I am on my way to not feeling well either. I bucked up for some Vitamin C horse pills and am gobbling echinacea today...hoping for a miracle from the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky.

Watched a really interesting doc on Netflix last night - HUNGRY FOR CHANGE.  It is interesting to be mindful of the changes in what dietary info we have been fed throughout our lives. The 80's being particularly cruel...the FAT FREE GENERATION is as fat as fuck and that is b/c fat is actually your friend far more than carbs/sugars are. The doc didn't offer much new info but it is all presented in a way that is much more empathetic - I really loved how it made it very clear that an unhealthy body clouds the mind and affects everything in your life (energy levels, concentration/brain function, outlook and mood, sleep, anxiety etc)...stressing that we are programmed to eat food rich in fat and sugar (calories) to save for the famine that might be around the

 corner from days gone by...my body is particularly efficient in this famine preparation...but in just a week that I have been tracking my food on an app on my phone that does all the math etc it is VERY apparent how I ended up fat...my goal calories per day is 1500.00 this makes for reasonable and modest meal requirements and healthy snacks...eating a cup cake or a pizza would make the app crash I am sure. The beauty is 1 hour or cardio at my weight burns 600 calories...so instead of letting myself eat some heinously tasty food I am banking it...so that at weeks end hopefully I have a deficit in calories thus some fat has been burned off.

Sorry but you are stuck reading my musing about all of this b/c it is just where I am at and I need to talk this shit out to get a real grip on it...as someone who should probably start a chapter of Overeaters Anonymous in her living room this eating and exercising is a complete mindfuck. It is apparent that avoiding bread/wheat/potato/sugar is the key to my success...not surprisingly everyone one of those items is my favorite. ha! I just made a cup of tea with 1 tsp of honey rather than a tablespoon. It tastes like shit....and next time i will not bothering to use any honey b/c really...why bother? I am hoping eventually a cup of unsweetened tea and milk will bring me the same satisfaction of a sweet cup of tea does...and no i will not drink herbal tea - I hate herbal tea. Hot water with a smell FRAUD!!!!



Making this my new mantra.



Great chat with A. yesterday....she is so funny. She is loving her life right now and enjoying her trip so much....I think the dread is creeping in about the fact she has to come home in  under a month...I love how independent she is...fearless and relaxed. I hope she stays relaxed as she gets older and life gets more complicated.

I sure do miss her though... ::blink blink:: ::tear tear::

Slippery Slope (prepare for swear words)

All good things are worth the effort and trouble right?? Right? It seems I need to step up my fitness regime a notch or 2...I am not feeling the effects as much as I want so today I was thinking back to fall 2009...how did I do that...? Lose almost 70 lbs in the course of 4 mths...? Ohhhh righttttttttttttttttttttt...yeah I ate less and exercised more but I was also distracted by cock and balls. The person attached to the cock and balls was not worthy of that sort of effort then or now but - that C&B set sure were. Funny how that works...seeing that I have now been forever (?) turned off the idea of a relationship or even companionship of a male specimen the C&B distraction is going to be a bit of a challenge to overcome b/c there is nothing like a good set of C&B to make your mind wander during shitty, disgusting, sweaty, miserable exercise to somewhere else so you forget you are on the verge of a gawd damn heart attack.

The problem with the 2009 C&B Campaign of Excellence was that I managed to completely ruin my feet in the process...clearly I did not foresee this or I may have gone a gentler route at a gym or something but...it is what it is...not too many can claim they have had their feet ruined by C&B. So fast fwd to 2013...here I am with another mangled foot (the other one has been pretty good since the cortisone shot KNOCK ON WOOD!) - even bloody worse - I sleep with a gigantic and stupid looking mock ski boot at night for relief (such a C&B magnet that thing would be), I wear crocs indoors, orthotics outdoors, I do stretching exercises, ice the frickin thing...going to the gym 3 days a week isn't cutting it...so I am thinking of trying 5 days a week for 1 full hour of cardio...

See how I am not in this photo? Yeah...EXACTLY.

The mere thought of no day in between for my foot to recover makes me almost throw up a little...which would mean I would have to go on one of those RIDICULOUS machines I have been avoiding since I joined the gym - THE ELLIPTICAL. I fucking hate elliptical machines...but what I hate even more is being circus fat and having a mangled foot SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I am thinking...what if I just make myself do it - suck it up and just resign myself to the fact that if I want to do this I am going to have to kill my spirit to do it until it becomes normal...every day after work...straight to the gym...weekends will be my sanctity of rest and relaxation...I am gunna give it a go....fml...

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: do not let yourself get fat...it is a complete mindfuck and torture to get un-fat. I hate the gym...I hate the ppl there...all the thin ppl running and jogging with their ponytails flapping all happily...the muscle tard men who stare at themselves with masturbatory intensity...the fake titty lady with the athletic physique and manly face who puts make up on BEFORE working out...hate everything about it  - but until I live in a bldg with its own gym this is as good as it is gunna get.

That is my Friday whinge...

Nazca Lines

NAZCA LINES is A's next stop...they opted out of Lake Titicaca and the Bolivian Salt Flats to have more time to get back to Ecuador and enjoy it there since they all love it so much. Smart girls.

The Nazca Lines are pretty cool...read here.

Not the kind of update you expect once someone enters a hospice....wow.

Posted by Barb's husband, Amir:

Barbara has made a remarkable recovery in the past few weeks.
The doctors are a bit baffled and the oncologists said that they have not seen this type of recovery before. She truly came back from the brink and so they want to re-image her brain to see what is going on. Whatever it is we have been blessed in the past few weeks with having her present and able to communicate - it has been beautiful.
We believe that it is the power of all her friends' and family's prayers and good wishes and their love that has resulted in this gift. Whatever happens know that it all makes a difference and we are truly grateful. We accept the Universe's blessings. Al-hamdu-lillah!


However it works out I am grateful her family got more time with her...amazing really all things considered...I have taken note that the recent photos of her have her seeming so normal...!

dead eyes of a tired person

Night Splint

I have them....

My experiment last night was 100% conclusive...without wearing a night splint I have very little hope of healing my plantar fasciitis...I went out and spent 60 bucks on one that just doesn't fit well enough to wear at night without making my gibbley leg sore so I reordered a better one online yesterday (why yes I am rather rich...how did you know?)...I am extremely eager for it to get here b/c 1) it is returnable if it doesn't fit right and 2) wearing one means I can walk in the morning and it cuts the pain down to half all day which is friggin astounding...I hardly limp! It is awesome - even after gym days I walk mostly normal....I have never been so excited to get something that looks like a torture device....and while not totally awesome to wear to bed every night the benefits outweigh any clunky night time discomfort...the last 3 days of walking properly have been THE BEST...today I will be a hobbling asshole, I can tell. Wearing crocs indoors at home and never being bare foot helps a lot too...it has been an expensive week...crocs...splints...oh the price of aged decrepity (I invented this word...pretty sure it isn't one haha)

No word from A. since leaving for the 4 day trek to Machu Picchu...I knew it would be like this so I am not totally losing my marbles though...I will say I look fwd to her being back b/c I absolutely LOATHE being glued to my cell phone when I am not home just in case she gets a chance to be online and I get a special Facebook alert - and then we can chat...if I leave my desk at work and go to the bathroom and realize I forgot it I totally panic thinking she might be messaging me.................loser. hahaha I haven't missed her yet though...only 41 days to go! (ughhh)

Wow this was boring.

WEAR A HELMET KID!

 click on THIS for a virtual tour of where A. is going...3night/4day tour - mountain biking, zip lining, hiking..........a grand trek. Trying not to think about it.... :: barf ::

Busy downloading night...

With the Walking Dead season over as of last week and the Californication season finale on tonight that just leaves my glorious Game of Thrones for Sunday nights...I did start watching Vikings...but...I was in it all for the one hot Viking and the show was kinda...meh. I may revisit...not sure.

I watched a really sad documentary today on Netflix - quite by accident - wasn't really looking for a blubbering crybaby fest this afternoon...It is called DEAR ZACHARY (2008)...do not look it up, do not read the bottom of this post b/c I am going to talk about it and blow it for anyone who hasn't seen it so be warned....avoid the red text below until you watch it if you have any intention to. The premise is it is an amazing story about a man who was murdered and his friends and family in this doc are just so compelling. The story unfolds with a Canadian connection which is really interesting and stunning really...so many shocking twists...Maureen! Barb! Someone watch it so I can talk to you about this before I need to go to a therapist.

A. and girls are on their way to Cusco, Peru which is the closest place to Machu Picchu...and after that they are making their way to Bolivia (I KNOW! NEWS TO ME TOO!) to see the salt flats. After Googling it I can see why....stunning landscape. CLICK HERE FOR PHOTOS
She sounded good when we talked yesterday...proud of herself for being smart and listening to her mother to never trust anyone ever and being the only one the other day who didn't have $ stolen from her bag b/c she kept in on her at all time...Ohhh I was proud as shit that moment - not gunna lie...trust no one. Ever.

Ok I am going to talk about that documentary...so anyone planning to see it due to being a sucker like me and loving stories about real people....STOP READING NOW.

STOP

READING

NOW

OK...so this man who is a young doctor (Andrew) gets murdered by his psycho ex girlfriend he just dumped...he was an only child and quite a lovely man b/c his friends are just full of undying love for this guy...and his folks...crazy ex killer runs from the US back to Canada where she is from - Newfoundland. Extradition crap gets under way and then it turns out hes 4 mths preg with the poor dead Andrew's baby...well his parents are beside themselves...they cannot let that monster have custody of the baby...the only living part of their dead son...so they use everything they have - sell their house...and move to friggin Newfoundland...the Canadian authorities granted crazy lady bail awaiting extradition which is fucked b/c she already fled the US to escape charges so how is she NOT a flight risk...anyhow...she has the baby - Zachary...**which all this is happening Andrew's bff is making a film, going and seeing every person Andrew ever knew - family, friends etc...all over the US and the UK - getting stories and details and footage for this film he is making for Andrew's son who will never know his father** The grandparents get visitation but it is lame....eventually crazy goes back to jail and they get custody of the baby for nearly a year...which was awesome even though the conditions mean they have to visit the jail weekly with the baby for hours and hours...and deal with crazy calling all the time to talk to the baby and get updates etc...totally fucked. The parents FUCKING HATE THIS WOMAN but in order to do whats best for the baby they do this...amazing people...just stunning character. The Canadian govt lets crazy out AGAIN FFS....and they have to give the baby BACK! HORRIBLE....she is nuts...shes manipulating and fake and horrible...the baby is totally attached to gramma by this point and prefers her to crazy mom...and this enrages crazy mom (who has a bunch of other kids she has little to do with)...the whole time u are watching fearful that she is gunna kill the grandparents.....but in the end she killed herself and the baby and its so fucking shocking in the film - I think bc the film was NOT heading there at all...it was not part of the planned outcome at all...I cannot even describe the shock...so crazy mom drugs the baby and then wraps him in her sweater and jumps into the cold Atlantic. The End. Both dead. So in the mean time before this the film maker has come up and met the baby and has the footage and has compiled all these amazing stories, photos etc...and now Zachary is gone too - murdered by the same twat who murdered his father. The parents are just broken......and become advocates....and get an inquiry happening...get some ppl fired for dropping a lot of balls etc....but in the end their only son and grandson are murdered. FML it was terrible...the film is really a wonderful heartfelt tribute to Andrew...it made me wish I knew him honestly...so fucked up......... :SOB:

a quicky

The Raven Lady in Ucluelet, BC - My boss was kind enough to grab me a photo while she was there last week...love this statue...haven't visited her in a very long time...Deanna and I took a day trip up to Long Beach a zillion years ago and she was one of my favorite stops. Glad she is still there.

this is ringing very true these days

Someone I know is getting a goat and I am a bit jealous...b/c lil goats are cute as heck...though I imagine they are like mischievous children with moderate retardation and that sounds like a lot of responsibility to me.

Fack.

Ever since my beloved Deanna died last month of a heart attack, I constantly think I am having a heart attack...seriously...if it can happen to her it surely can happen to me - esp b/c I am genetically predisposed and have a few risk factors...the fact of the matter is I deserve one. It is unfortunate that it took until my 40's to realize through the haze of my generalized/consistent depression that I  pretty much fucked myself. Every hour I spend on the treadmill these days I cannot help but see the simplicity of it all. I hate exercise...truly loathe it...but an hour of it is nothing. Yeah it wrecks my hair and yeah it makes me hot and sweaty...but if I had "gotten it" 20 yrs ago I wouldn't find myself in the state of obese life betrayal that I am in now. I can assure you 20 yrs ago had I had any real incentive or idea about what I should be doing to take care of myself it would not be so hard in my 40's It astounds me how this managed to escape me...I am not stupid...though I certainly feel so at the moment - especially wandering around a gym full of ppl who CLEARLY "got it" long before I did or were somehow programmed to just know it.

I am excessively happy that A. is programmed...like she had a choice really...between watching me waddle through life and me making a concentrated effort to ensure she "got it" early on (to avoid my current state) - she's got it...she does yoga, she runs, danced, sports, she lives life....it is surely my grandest accomplishment...raising a fearless go-getter from the comfort and safety of my couch/desk chair...it is like some sort of miracle really...

Back to my treadmill musings while sweat dribbles down my face and I watch fit people doing what I am doing with little to no effort as I die...watching that clock on the treadmill becomes my life for an hour....at 6:50 mins in - I am calculating the time left before the agony is complete...53:10...I am getting better at math as well as sweating my balls off. Even while hating every minute...every step that my foot is on fire and being crushed there is a voice in my head - ragging at me that if I had started this 20 yrs ago I would be a different person, likely a happier person, would have been a better mother and would not be limping around like a stereotypical fat lady with a fucked up foot. Oh hindsight you cruel mistress of regret...fuck you. All I can do now is go forward...I mean - I am not dead yet...I haven't had my leg amputated...I am not in a wheelchair...and I have no control over dropping dead of a heart attack at this point so...just keep going...

Like Deanna wasn't...I am not done yet...I still have some shit to do...stuff to see...things to see through...so...even though it is easier to crawl into bed and sleep and over-contemplate everything I will go get some sun today, go see some good people with positivity to offer and get out of my head b/c if one thing has become very clear to me...I cannot be trusted in my head.

On Good Friday We Eat Pink Ham!

CLICK TO SEE RUMI WILCO

I think this is where A. is in Ecuador....it looks amazing....she said the 13 hr bus ride was horrid but well worth it....she is not ill at all, hasn't been abducted by bandits or anything of the like so it is a good day. I imagine they are making their way south in order to get into Peru to go to Machu Picchu...


Kim and I hit the Y today...then a movie...then home for a ham dinner (I hope that is blasphemous somehow)...she eats ketchup on her ham. Weirdo.
It was exceptionally warm today...made me realize summer is coming yet again (BOO! HISS!) Another damn summer...

Tara is in town tomorrow...so her and her toddler of cuteness will be over for a little visit...then I think I am gunna go see Kate and Ethan at their new house now that they have moved into town...Gotta keep busy to avoid obsessing about the potential perils of my only child backpacking through South America...

Sunday I am planning to write a letter and putter as I wait for the evening to come to download the season finale of the Walking Dead and the Season Premier of Game of Thrones (squeeeeel). I am the GoT pimp now....as I am downloading the new episodes and putting them on usb drives for my 2 co-workers. I need someone to talk to about these shows...or I will go mad. Kim doesn't like Zombie stuff or Game of Thrones type shows so...hmmmf.

What I am listening to this week a lot....relaxinggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.....

Reluctant Breeder

Words spoken by my Aunty Pam about 18 yrs ago have been echoing through my head all week....esp last night and this morning....b/c I finally truly understand it. I didn't at the time b/c my girl was still little and lovely and the apple of my eye (whateverthefugg that means)...she said if she could go back and choose again she would have no children...not regretting having the 2 she had at all...but knowing the pain, struggle and agony involved in loving someone more than yourself...she would opt out faced with the choice. I get it...I finally truly get it and would make the same choice.

A. landed in Quito last night at 945pm...I assumed I would get a msg from her from the hostel as she was being fetched from the airport by someone at the hostel....but I heard big fat nothing...so I assumed then it was just so busy and crazy and she hadn't slept the night before she was just tired and crashed....I have emailed the hostel...left a msg at the hostel and just now called the hostel and got a person on the phone who spoke no English...so I cannot even confirm she is there. She flies out to Manta at 1245pm her time (1045 am here)...so all I can do is sit here hoping that she will msg me before her flight or at the very least when she lands with her friends...this is seriously fucking disgusting. I have no idea how other ppl deal with this shit but all I know is I.........

 <<INSERT AWESOME FACEBOOK MESSAGE BLERP SOUND HERE>>

7:33 am: Thank you flying spaghetti monster...all is good with the sprog...she got in late to the hostel and everyone was asleep so she went to bed...she messaged me and we chatted on FB before she left for her taxi to the airport to fly to Manta to meet Niamh and Dylan...I will really feel 1000x better once they are all together.

Not gunna lie...Ativan is very disappointing...perhaps it takes the edge off during a "panic attack" I don't know...but it did shit all for me Sunday....made me a little subdued but it was hardly a magical cure for real feelings which is what I was going for...I guess heroin is always an option in desperate times. Hopefully I will never become that desperate to turn my brain off.

The last 2 days have been so emotional and stressful on top of the last few weeks of impending doom...I am considering becoming a weed smoker...and exploring exactly how one is supposed to conquer the only real fear they have....? How do you surrender to that...? How do you get to a place where it doesn't take hold of your whole psyche and suck the logic and life force from you? Fear is the mind-killer....no truer words have ever been written or spoken.

Surrender...must study the art of true surrender over things you cannot control...and prevent being eaten alive by my own fear and psychological decrepity/decrepency (new words a la Jen? haha) Time to relax...maybe sleep even finally....a good stretch of sleep might make all the difference in the world to me right now.

BE GOOD TO MY BABY ECUADOR!

I think it weighs more than she does....

Packed and ready for 2 months backpacking around Ecuador and Peru.

Almost off....

Last day with miss A. today for  long time...She is buzzing about packing and repacking her backpack, changing her mind about what to bring..."omg look at this shirt with buffaloes on it...I should bring this!" Cracks me up.

Last night we all made pizzas...I tried out a new sweet potato/almond flour crust recipe...after 1 failed batch the others were good and we built our pizzas and dined together talking about how the crust was like a biscuit.

Then we watched a doc called GENERATION RX which wasn't really news to me but good to see regardless b/c it just strengthens my own personal ideas about how there are far too many ppl medicated mindlessly by Drs who do not know these people or understand that sometimes it is just part of life to feel like shit and be sad. The drugging of children is especially disturbing b/c as someone who probably would have been medicated if I was born 10 yrs later than I was - I cannot fathom who I would be had that delicate time in development was hampered with. I am not moronic though...I think some ppl do benefit from drugs b/c they have real issues...but there is no gawd damn way most kids taking this crap need it. School in our society is geared towards one type of learning...it is not set up to be flexible or accommodating so kids - if you do not fit into the mold we have created here for EVERYONE well then there is surely something wrong with you, you are broken and you need fixing. Give me a fucking break.More injustice and abuse inflicted upon unsuspecting people for the almighty dollar. The film itself is sad as shit...the #s of suicides by children on these drugs is painfully horrifying...all these families torn to bits. Having known someone who died in this manner - a gentle soul of a kid who took anti-depressants for a week before violently shooting himself in the head - pretty sure he would still be here if that idiot doctor did not blindly prescribe this kid an anti-depressant b/c he was sad about being dumped by a girl...the thing that makes me so angry about this is ppl just disregard these suicides b/c the ppl were antidepressants...they must have been depressed and suicidal to begin with right? Yeah - no...not all the time...the whole thing is ridiculous...all for profit.

After that uplifting piece (eye-roll) we laughed that 20/20 had a show about travel scams and such so we watched that....then House Hunters had a show about Quito, Ecuador so we have to watch that b/c that is where A. is heading...so....we actually sat around watching TV all night together and it was nice...doesn't happen often.

Off to eat some Ativan....

NEVER...

read about serial killers living free in Ecuador/Peru/Columbia online before bed....ever.

my new favorite.......

I love it that I finally hear this song a year or 2 AFTER it was a big hit...and now its my favorite when everyone else is sick of it - ha!