Aug 20 2009 Thursday

Tomorrow work is shutting down so everyone can attend the funeral of out bosses husband. I am not going...I am staying at work to work on paperwork.
I avoid funerals like I avoid weddings for the most part...thankfully I have had to avoid far fewer funerals than weddings so far...

I had never met her husband Lou...but it always struck me as awesome that they were high school sweethearts and even had a baby together in high school (whoops! surprise!) and were still together...THIS IS UNCOMMON! And as a family they sounded extremely solid...always just thought they must have been lovely together b/c Michelle was certainly a radiant human...

I am also not fond of public blubbering...my own or other ppls...it would only take one glimpse at Michelle and her 2 boys to send me over the edge...and it would be like watching Princess Diana's funeral on my couch in Powell River at 3 am way back when...I was fine til they showed her boys walking with her casket...then it was ALL OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....

I have only been to 2 funerals...Kerry Carlson's when I was a teenager...he was killed in Vancouver riding a motorcycle, being chased by the cops...hit a tree...I didn't know Kerry well but we hung in the same circle...and being at that service was pure and utter hypocrisy...I left being embarrassed for him...it couldn't have been less about him if they intended it to be. I guess that's what funerals are...for everyone left behind...once you are dead it's not like u get a say...
Felt the same about my brothers funeral...all the churchy ritual shit was maddening and plain old strange to me...parading the family into the church like we were special...I can assure u I was not feeling fucking special that day...all the crappy music playing...the pastors generic blather...at some point my spirit left my body (thanks the the fact I was wearing sunglasses for the 1st time in my life) and I eventually just went outside and sat on the grass til we left. Agonizing...my side of the family doesn't really do funerals thank gawd...we had ppl over for tea when each of my grandparents passed...I know I certainly do not want one...

I have to redo my will...I came across it recently from 1998....was most interesting to reread letters I wrote to certain ppl....esp the one I wrote to my brother...telling him explicitly that while I know he *seemed* well adjusted I feared he was burying his shit and told him to be very careful and to just embrace it all and shred the mother fucking shit out of it all...look it in the eye and eat it...not to let it eat him.
How is that for foreshadowing.
His suicide 2 years later was my worse case scenario for him.

Wow HAPPY THURSDAY GUYS! Nothing like starting the day off with a morbid topic.

I watched Robert Redford's Lions for Lambs last night...I bought it forever ago...interesting...too bad Tom Cruise was in it...he is such a smarmy fuck I can't stand his after seeing Valkrie (sp) and being disgusted that he could bother with a German accent. Lame.

This week Donna & I walked like mofos....a zippy walk from Clover point to the end of the Ogden Point breakwater and then back....I think we are doing it again tonight....not sure...hopefully it'll be cooler than yesterday...

I am loving the walk to and from work....walking to work I just dig b/c its my most energetic time of day and I have a playlist on my player that all METAL FOR WALKING....I walk really fast if im listening to metal...I am sure I look like a giant TOOL too bc im mouthing along to the words as i walk probably making super gheyyyyyyyyyylord rockstar faces.
Ask me if I care...? ha!
The walk home is always warmer but less sloped until i get right b4 my house....then I am faced with the HILL OF DEATH...which I not can get up without being totally dead...when I first started walking up that fucker I had to stop halfway....now I just boot up and don't feel near death til the top....my goal is to be able to carry on a conversation while I walk up it...even at the top!