stunning information

Despite popular belief I am not always miserable...yeah I may not walk around grinning like Down ’s syndrome person but my non-smiling face is not indicative of a bad mood. I am also not chirpy and bubbly by nature but that doesn’t mean I am miserable either...quite the contrary actually. This week however...I am in the pissiest mood....today again...even carbs aren’t helping! I am not pre-menstrual at all. Ayla is in a decent mood and not partaking in any severe douce-baggery this last week of Spring Break...Graeme is fine and making all sortsa progress on his moving/packing...work is fine. So I am just going with it. I need more sleep. Need to go to bed earlier I think the rest of the week, like in bed and lights out by 10 pm.

Ayla didn’t know what beer goggles were so I was explaining it last night, the concept of how ppl appear cuter than they are when you are intoxicated...she rather liked the concept and will now spend the day scouring all dollar stores in Victoria looking for a pair of green St. Paddy’s Plastic Beer Goggles for her shenanigans this evening.

Do you ever feel like you know what someone’s capable of with 100% certainty? I don’t. I don’t think any of us should ever feel that confident about anyone else. I think all people, regardless of their level of openness and honesty have things they have done, want to do or think about doing that are deplorable by most ppls standards...myself included. No I am not posting it either haha I was walking to work, pondering how you really NEVER know anyone b/c you only get what they tell you and what you are able to pick up on your own...I think about those women who end up finding out their husbands have secret lives...another wife/kids and house they maintain...or a secret love for hookers...or are gay...how mortifying. I don’t trust anyone. I think all ppl are capable of heinous shit and I also think most ppl keep a lot of things private for fear of judgement or prosecution/persecution (ha!)...and they likely should. Self preservation after all. I do think some ppl have the capacity to be totally open with their partners or best friend about their stuff...but I don’t think it is the norm. If Graeme has a secret love of midgets or miniature donkeys I am not sure I want or need to know that sort of stuff...If he knew I was into midgets and donkeys then maybe he would feel compelled to share but I can assure you midgets and donkeys are not my scene. I have no idea why I am even talking about this. I am just bored.

When I am walking down the street and I walk past ppl walking along who are smiling or laughing I always assume they are laughing at me. I usually mumble fuck you and keep walking but logically chances are they are having their own private little chuckle over something completely unrelated to me...I do know this yet...I still – at the time – assume they are laughing at me. Gee, that doesn’t sound paranoid or self-esteem based at all does it?

My tea even tastes like crap today. Maybe it is me. Do any of you while tasting MINT get flashes of PICKLE taste in your mouth...? I get that a lot with mint teas...and this morning it happened with my Sensodyne Toothpaste...wtf is that about? Speaking of IN THE SHOWER practices...I was attempting to gargle the gasoline-like mouthwash in the shower the other day and it went way down my throat and I threw up. I throw up in the shower a lot. Is that weird? It isn’t a bad place to vomit if you’re gunna...it all goes down the drain on its own. That is important.

I am a champion vomiter. I wasn’t always. Up until I got pregnant in 1993 I was horrified of vomiting. Did anything to avoid it and luckily it was rarely ever an issue. Then pregnancy came along and good gawd...like it or not I was throwing up so much that it didn’t take long for me to get quite good at it...not BULIMIA good at it but good at it all the same. A few particularly good vomit moments stand out in my mind....the time I projectiled fish and chips...I was munching away in the living room and I hit a piece of rubber in the fish...those of u who know me know I have an issue with eating meat that has any sort of RUBBER quality...its INSTANT gag reflex and b/c at this time I was always on the verge of barfing the rubber in the fish was INSANE! I knew immediately I was going to barf so I jumped up and whilst running to the nearest garbage can projectile puked so impressively I kinda wish it was in Matrix Slo-Mo...That woulda been cool. My missile of grossness flew way far ahead of me and hit the side of the cupboard that the garbage can was next to... Then there was the time I threw up after eating a McChicken and a chocolate sundae....NEVER – I repeat – NEVER throw up ice cream...it is really really gross b/c it was still kinda cold and it felt really BAD coming up and the chocolate factor was rather putrid and to this day I can FEEL the chocolate up my nose. OK VOMIT PARAGRAPH OVER.