Summertimeeeeee....can suck my balls.....

Yep. Done. Lets move on to fall please...lickity split.

A's new room haha a mess already in 1 day

 Ms A has moved into an apartment this week with 2 other gals, she is subletting a single room for 3 weeks. Its messy already so she is feeling right at home I am sure.
She is doing well, loving Melbourne and her job doesn't seem to be killing her yet.

Thunderstorm tonight maybe. Exciting! Looking fwd to that. Kim will be here for a swim, dinner and sleepover. We can catch up a bit.

Little Ms Maddie (8 year old cousin) has been on my mind a lot this week....her deadbeat dad has resurfaced. This sort of stuff always strikes a pretty powerful chord in my psyche...having my own DBD issues and then dealing with A's DBD....add in some healthy abandonment issues and just a general ongoing rage for unfairness and injustice - it is a soup of madness all up in my head. Maddie is fortunate to have a family to pick up all the slack of course, 2 strong male figures to more than fill the gap but it is a messy situation for any child. She is the same age I was when I found out my dad wasn't actually my dad but some other guy was. It is too much to sort out in a little kids brain. Watching A struggle with this as well was heartbreaking...A turned out strong, independent, seemingly well adjusted but it is just a "thing"....we all have things in life of course...can't escape childhood with some "thing" hanging over you to sort through into your adult years it seems...par for the course. It is life....but I do not have to like it....or add the fucking asshole on Facebook just because he figures he is worthy of forgiveness (Maddie's DBD, A's has been deleted and blocked since the day she turned 18....beautiful moment)...I just wanna grab little Maddie and squeeze all my love and understanding into her.

I have not mastered the art of forgiveness. I know I would be a happier person for it but it is just not there....the capacity. [I will never possess the integrity, heart or advanced super human strength to forgive A's DBD for his selfish choices that broke that little girls heart - ever] I find more often the former rage and anger just gives way to apathy or indifference...never actual forgiveness. It turns out my DBD's daughter (that makes her my half sister) Sarah is coming to town in August and it is the 1st chance we will have to meet in person after well over 10 yrs of letters and internet communication. It is has been sporadic, we are by no means close or connected on any spiritual level but it is impossible not to feel interested in her and the rest of my half siblings (2 other half brothers) - I am only in contact with Sara though and my aunt Isobel (my DBD's older sister). No one else is interested in the bastard child of 1970. (I typed that with a laugh)
It has been a very long time since I cared about any of this business, I kind of found a place to shove that rejection and such and just forgot about it. I can honestly say I do not care that my DBD has never had the balls or inclination to talk to me even after giving him much opportunity. At first I was deeply offended - then - I just didn't care. It doesn't sound like I am missing much anyway. I am just in awe of all these people who walk away from their offspring with such seeming ease...I realize life is complicated but some things supersedes your own shit...children being one of them and when you cannot humbly offer your heart up to your own child you are just a piece of shit. The End.

Nice light thinking on a Sunday.

Tasmin

I hung out with Tasmin on Friday, she is the daughter of Lani my old boss...she is a good kid, going into grade 11, we went record shopping then back to my place for a swim and Thai dinner...she looks a lot like Ms A so I felt like I was cheating on A...haha it was kind of weird but it gave me a good dose of teenager which I hadn't had in quite some time.

My zucchini plants are going nuts...1 is flowering....will be interesting how they will produce being in the very non-ideal setting they are in...hell, if I get 1 zucchini I will probably poop my pants.

Guess I better get at it before this day is gone like yesterday...holy hell I slept the WHOLE day away yesterday and loved it.

Worst photo ever...hahhaa

Probably wondering wtf is up with my eyebrows in this picture huh? This was my idea to show my darling daughter how I feel about her penciling in her eyebrows... again.

See - she did this before she went traveling and on a daily basis it cut me deep inside to see those Brooke Shields/Caterpillar Atrocities she would draw on herself. She did not do it right before the trip once she got them all shaped and prettified or during...until now...

She is so friggin lovely it boggles my mind why a person would want such a feature to be the only thing you notice on their face. Admittedly, I am no fashionista or glam gal - I do not know shit...but if all I can do is STARE IN HORROR at your eyebrows I am pretty sure I am not the only one so quit that shit. I won't post a picture of hers or she will fly back just to light me on fire...I am also too chicken to post this on Facebook b/c I do not want her mad at me. (haha coward)

It is Friday....FML I love Friday. This has been a rough work week...any time a consulate changes their policy re: document authentication not only does the volume of my work increase but it results in an influx of emails and calls from frantic ppl shitting their pants b/c they have to have their documents PRONTO - thus it becomes my problem b/c that is my personality...I suck up everyone's anxiety and make it my own. Fun times. It will simmer but until then it will be a little hairy...better than slow and boring though that is for sure.

Ms A is enjoying Melbourne....such a city gal. She has found some work starting next week, not her ideal but it will tide her over until something more to her liking comes along. She has made a bunch of friends and seems to be reveling in the experience...even if she is starving. Starving by choice. The hostel has a bit of a kitchen issue...no oven, very busy and she is just not in love with cooking in general. She needs to get in a groove is all. She send me some great little gifties that arrived a while ago...some really cool chopsticks and a cloth koi wall hanging for the wall once framed. I have so many cool chopsticks (thanks Chris and Fangfang)...

Pool is still closed...they are replacing the boilers apparently. Big job....it's ok b/c my knee is not better yet....I have turned a corner though and if I keep favoring it and taking it really easy it might eventually be its old self again. But will it really? I am only 43 and every time I friggin hurt myself (which 95% of the time is due to exercising for the love of gawd!) I am never quite right again...that seems a big young for that. Thanks obesity. You are awesome. I am at a crossroads right now - the degree of my antisocial behavior/agoraphobe tendencies is getting a bit uncomfortable even for me...I am recognizing the need for a shift or I will be "that person"...you know "that person"...the one that ends up on the news b/c it took weeks for the cops to find her in her hoarder house, dead and rotten. I know if I died my fucking cat would eat me too...eyeballs first...tender eyeballs. That pisses me off. Ingrate cat.

23 JUMP STREET....hahahaha I laughed...a lot. I really enjoy those movies. I actually hope they do a 3rd one.

Let's talk about TEA:

I like a good cup of orange pekoe tea (you know the stuff gramma's drink, the stuff the english love)...with sugar and milk....mmmm but I am trying to wean myself off it mainly b/c I would rather have  NO tea than use artificial sweeteners b/c they just gross me out....and herb teas are just a cruel mean joke....hot, good smelling water with NO TASTE....smelly hot water. Rude. Until this tea came into my life...
It came in this variety pack I got for Xmas (thanks Aunty Pam or Maggie or whoever it was - you rock) and it is amazing. IT HAS A TASTE TO GO WITH THE HOT WATER SMELL!!! I actually had to check and make sure they didn't sweeten it b/c it wasn't bland and gross. I just ordered myself a whole tin online...I am stoked. Let's not talk about tea anymore. Gawd.

A few concerts coming up....end of the month - Heart with Jason Bonham on drums (his dad as the Led Zeppelin drummer, John) and they are doing a set of LED ZEPPELINNNNNN covers....if you have never heard Heart do Led Zeppelin covers I just feel sorry for you. They made Robert Plant cry ffs....Heart made Robert Plant weepy. FML. I cannot wait.

July 3 Holly McNarland rolls into town, Sidney actually (BOO! SIDNEY!) but I am going anyway despite the pain in the ass to get there and back. I have wanted to see Holly McNarland live since the early 90's so 20+ yrs of pining shall end soon...Love the gals with big voices....would kill a nun riding a donkey to see Sinead O'Connor live too.