new years eve sucks monkey balls

ive always hated NYs Eve...

im 99% of the time single and the 1% im not im with some fucktard who chooses to be on the phone chatting some chick up at midnight so i may as well have been single.

oh one time i was dumped right before NY's so i went out to prove to the universe i could still get laid if i wanted to...i wont carry on with that bc ayla reads this and shes probably already throwing up in her mouth.

so this year ill come home and watch a movie and go to sleep...wooohooo

its a paid day off, gotta love it!

today i made sushi for a buncha friends...was good.

then tonight i watched a documentary called DARWINS NIGHTMARE while i folded laundry. FUCK.

can u believe in midst of a famine in tanzania, millions starving, tanzania exports 50 tonnes of fish to europe per week or something gay like that? and to make it all even better they have *experimented* with the 2nd largest lake in the world and added Nile Perch to the lake...the perch wiped out ALL other species of fish and there is NOTHING left but the Perch and now they are resorting to eating themselves...so they are eating their young, thus fucking themselves...the lake is doomed. the area is doomed...dont get me going on the import of weapons and war mongering...

add in the poverty, AIDS, abuse, prostitution, good gawd.

MENTAL WORLD!

Yeah I feel uplifted. Yep.

fuck the cheese

ooooh jesus I was involved in a cheese grater accident today....was quite impressive the blood loss...made the bathroom smell like pennies...looked like charles manson came by for a visit.

Anyway aside from that excitement I have spent my whole day trying to clean my kids pigsty room....youll NEVER guess where the recycling is getting stored...yeah in her bedroom closet...bags and bags of paper and cardboard...little jackass.

Once I found that i just started turfing shit...my house is a total wreck and tomorrow is my last day off and im mortified.

I dunno how im gunna do dishes with this fucked up thumb....

you are the cheese to my macaroni

Went and saw the movie *JUNO* today...hahahaha was quite funny...Michelle and GOB, take the girls!

Ayla is in Nanaimo with Pam & Jim for the week so im enjoying the peace. I love how when xmas ends it is so over its like it never happened.

Me and the cat are playing FETCH with pistaschios!!! U know the ones that arent open...and u cant eat em w/o busting yer teeth...well i toss those ones and the cat goes mental and figured out if she brought em back to me id re-throw them....ha ha ha Ohhhh I am turning into the crazy cat spinster!

I was a shitty phone person this xmas....I only called my sister and aunty cathy...I missed all other calls that came in whilst feasting at Denny's xmas day (can u say VOMITOUS?!?!?!)

Ayla gave me the SLASH book for xmas....so im enthralled in that...its not especially well written AT ALL but the stories are interesting...when he pulls his hair back and takes off the goof hat andglasses and isnt smoking he is actually a nice looking specimen!

(****NO THERE WILL BE NO CALLING THE ENGLISHMAN MICHELLE****yay 4 prozac!)

yippeeeeeeee done 4 another year...

Since i was little I always have been in awe of THOSE FAMILIES who do Xmas morning on Xmas eve....Always wanted to try it...but haven't bc usually Xmas is with other ppl and they don't like fucking up their Xmas chi....but this year we were free agents....so last night it was PRESENT TIME!!! We played some cards.....made some rice krispy squares...managed some cheese sticks in the toaster oven and then decided to go 4 the gusto!!!!

Ayla was fun....not near the ingrate she is on a daily basis thank gawd...she got massive amounts of HAIR STUFF....straightener...fancy styling crap, product...etc....her LG Chocolate Flip of course (and lemme tell u when we transferred it over i was shitting bricks with fear that it was a stolen phone and would not activate but all was good HAHAHAHAHHA can u imagine "remember that year you gave me a stolen phone for Xmas and it was no good...." ha ha ha)

We then watched KNOCKED UP as i curled Ayla's hair for what seemed like 38745873465 hrs, Ayla fell asleep on the couch...I eventually went to bed...it was all rather pleasant....Oh b4 i went to bed i ate a rice crispy square. Never hold on with Kleenex, it sticks to the square. I ate it anyway.

MASCARA gets this kind of reaction from 13 yr olds in case u didnt know!

Calling all evil-doers

I am wanting some ideas from all those twisted minds out there...

In the spirit of having better things to do I opted to not bother torturing the christian gal who sent me that letter a while back? Remember? CLICK HERE

Well....doesnt that just teach me for being all mature...today i get this envelope...and its a card from her....full of god shit complete with a book...

I went and looked up her address....I am now armed...so I would like some ideas please...as I will now be compiling a little something to send back to her at my leisure.....

Now while I can see the humor of this, it is really fucking ABSURD that anyone possesses such self importance that they can't just let this shit go...so I am forced to retaliate...and after I retaliate I will RETURN TO SENDER any further communication from her...in fact ill peel off the post offices MOVED sticker from a letter at work and use it....

So bring it on....I am open to all advice...I will likely compile a little bit of everyones input for the final retaliation...GUY I AM WAITING EAGERLY 4 YOUR IDEAS.

tonight was peanut reindeer making night

we have renamed the cat...JERK

I am brain dead...but that is not news is it?

Last night Guy & Donna were in town so we went and had dinner....then stopped in at Big Bad John's (gawd help me) for a drink....then went to the Fox to see some stripper action...we always end up seeing strippers when they come to town...Guys favorite was the black hottie girl with the muscular ass...I didn't have a favorite...well that's not true....my favorite was the guy who was so drunk up front who kept falling and spilling his beer on the front of his shirt.

Guy is still on the mend....but he was walking and talking and that was a good sight!

Donna hugged me twice. Jesus H. Damn huggy ppl!

Today I had grand intentions to do a lot of shit around here but NAPPING won...what an old friggin lady I'm turning into.

Henry Rollins is coming to Vancouver Is. in March...FUCKKKKKKKKKKK If ida known that I sure wouldn't have made the Vancouver show Oct 30...

I don't think I'm gunna go, having JUST seen him and all...but I will see when it gets closer...good thing about him is no matter where u sit spoken work is good so even crap tix would be OK.

I had an epiphany the other day...Christmas is a disease....a fucking disease. It starts off well enough, in theory its OK but once the full effects take over you are a sick motherfucker. I guess when u feel already overwhelmed in life something like Xmas is just another bloody inconvenience...

I do look fwd to getting more laid back as an old spinster...letting shit roll off my back more easily etc.

With the recent break up of some friends I am more inspired than ever to carry on avoiding all emotional relationships...what a gawd damn mind fuck.

Today as I napped the day away I was awake at one point and realized how fucked I am....and I didn't care...Self Acceptance...or Delusion? I dunno but it was somewhat freeing...realizing you are not conventional, typical or special all at the same time...reminded me of that quote in fight club about how we are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world...I love that...we are all the same decaying matter at the end of the day...and what we do before the decay is called life...my pre-decay life is rather interesting at times so I am not complaining...it is what it is...I'm a coaster...I coast...it is my way...which is why I don't foresee any grand changes in store for me...

which isn't necessarily bad or good...it just IS.

I think happiness is fleeting and should not ever be expected...I think we have this attitude that we are entitled to be happy...no matter the cost...I can not stand that ENTITLEMENT thing...it seems to be everywhere...our youth are rotting from it...despite our best efforts...

and who am I to save the universe...I can't even stop myself from gorging on cookie dough when I'm premenstrual? HA HA HA Ooooo the beauty of powerlessness. hahahaha Mmmmm now I want cookie dough.

ovaries and all

wow....i didnt know SAYING meant they took out all the kitty parts...uterus, ovaries etc. I had this little fantasy that they went in and tidily tied the fallopian tubes and thats all HAHAHAHA

ohhhhh kitty and her shaved belly looks soooo sooo sooooo sad all drugged up and wobbly....its 11 pm now and she is eating a little etc and purring...i have a cone 4 her bc if she licks her incision it can get infected....ugh wish me luck getting that on b4 i go to work tomorrow... :o(

I have a zit the size of texas on my back right now.

I can feel it pulsating.

I think it grew its own heart and has become its own entity.

Here is my CHRISTMAS TWIG.......i love my pickles....

holy kaka!

Kitty gets spayed tomorrow...poor kitty. As mental as she is she is a sweet cat...sometimes I just look at her and sigh....kinda like when Ayla was little...I'd just look at her and swoon over her loveliness. it sounds like my ovaries are working overtime doesnt it? Dont worry - it will pass. It always passes.

I need a haircut really bad but after the last MULLET CUT im a little apprehensive...so I think ill have Tracey cut it...she wont mullet me.

RUDE!!!!!

I was supposed to go to dinner with Pam and Jim tonight b4 they left to go back to Nanaimo but I am an ass and was sleeping on the couch and did not hear them banging on the door...WAHHHHHHHH...so now they are on the way back to Nanaimo and I miss out seeing them. I am a dick.

I can not tell you how PO'd I am at myself. I must have been in a friggin coma listening to the midget family on TLC boating, talking about water in their ears and shit. Fuck.

Tonight I am going to Big Bad John's with Donna and Shawna for a few drinks. Should be interesting....least the company will be good.

Ayla is out and about...

I found out this week that a couple that I know are no longer a couple and I gotta say I am taking it worse than when my mom and step dad divorced...im serious...it is fucked up. As cynical as I am as a human it never occured to me that I would be effected by such an event but here I am...worried...sad...in shock...wallowing to some degree....HOW FUCKED.

It makes me very aware of the fact I am a giant self-preserving coward when it comes to relationships...I would never put myself out there and allow myself to be devestated by such a thing as a break up...which in turn makes me very aware that I miss out on a lot too but...it is a toss up...and I pick self-preservation. I can not imagine spending 10 yrs building something with someone, investing everything ~ emotions, finances, trust etc ~ only to come home one day and be told they are leaving, no warning, no nothing. Total bomb dropping event. Call me spinster, I dont care...that is not the kind of loss I want to willingly deal with....as I type this I realize how fear based this is of me...but I am really ok with that hahaha I am not even joking...I'd rather be alone than find myself at such a crossroads...and believe me I KNOW HOW LAME I SOUND RIGHT NOW hahaha You dont have to tell me. Maybe I will meet someone and be powerless to ward off such a choice but...good gawd...

Check out these pics of my friend Deanna's garage...a bear just busted through it to get to a bag of garbage....WTF...id shit in my pants if I ever saw/heard this happening...

Bears scare me as it is, seeing one bust the shit out of a wood building to get garbage would drive me over the edge.

Are u all excited about the Johnny Depp/Sweeney Todd movie coming out????

I really need to go cake on some make up and fix my extreme bedhead but...gawd damn it id rather just go sleep on the couch again...

Oh yeah I know how to party bitches!

TOOL-ified

o m frikkin gawd....Tool sober is 100x better than Tool drunk as fuck...and Tool 3rd row center is enough to make me grow a dick just so it can be hard...I swear.

Michelle B and I had PRIMO seats and we both had a BLAST...the show was mezmorizing....the lights....the screen art/visuals....Maynard in his tight jeans and zippy mohawk...and OHHH HELLO.....dont Michelle and I realize simultaniously that Mr Guitar and Mr Bass are fucking hot...Ive always been distracted by Maynard so I never noticed til Mr Guitar was standing in front of me and Michelle, with hot braids and it was SHWINGGGGGGGGGGGGG....

I was very entertained by her and I making the realization at the same time hahahhaa

almost as entertained as the guy beside me telling me:

"I don't mean to be rude but my balls tickle"

hahahahahahahhaahhahahahah apparently the BASS SOLO was hitting him in the right spot hahaha

Security was hardcore, no cameras allowed, the pics i did manage to sneak are lame and gay...but such is life.

We hung out with Arika and Hot Donna after but we were all SO truly bagged and near death we all kinda just went into zombie mode....esp after Arika started acting like a racist (HA HA HA not really but it was fun bugging her about it)

During the day Michelle and I went downtown and did a little shopping...hit the dollar store and some other cool little shops...grabbed a 15 pack of kokanee b4 heading home...30 bucks for 15 beer was quite a shocker to Michelle who comes from the land of cheap beer ~ tasted damn good though lady! haha I made her take the left overs home so her and GOB could enjoy! I didnt realize the CUSTOMS thing might be an issue but she did make it home so thats good ahahaha

Anyway - it was great to finally get to meet michelle, even if she gave me the longest hug in the history of the free world....i didnt mind too much, she smells good.

anyone wanna buy a lamp?

so as u can see nexzt year ill be looking 4 a new set of lamps.

fuckin TOOL is only 2 sleeps away!!! and Michelle B will be here in 2 sleeps! woooohoooo

i had myself convinced i had a blood clot in my leg last night...i didnt die though.

payday is tomorrow and im a penniless friggin hobo already...i had 3 paydays this month! WTF!

gay fucking xmas.

i decided to get pet insurance...

its only $19.00 a month...even if it just wards off any vet visits its worth it.

i decided against taking the canon to TOOL...ill spend the whole time PROTECTING IT so screw that....ill take the little one i already wrecked...(btw aunty pam, im still paying you for that so PREPARE! haha)

yam bam thank you mam

yeah i know i know ive been a shitty blogger person...

lets see, whats going on...the cat is MENTAL...

work is MENTAL...

Ayla is fine actually which is nice.

I've done some xmas shopping...kinda been digging it thus far but im desperate to get it all done asap to AVOID the havoc that is THE MALL AT XMAS. Malls suck...malls suck balls....

I am menstruating presently...do u know what that means?? that means that at xmas ill be ragging like a fucking lunatic, eating cookie dough by the bucket and hopefully in the mood to drink at home at leisure...whoever shows up shows up...Ayla will spend the day and boxing day buggering around with her new chocolate flip phone....OOOH fuck .... im mom of the year this year...I made a list of shit i was gunna get ayla 4 xmas and FORGOT it on my desk and GUESS WHO saw it read it and then threw it at me and mocked me 4 it?? Yeah...Ayla. Shithead.

So much 4 ANY friggin surprises this xmas...she already knew about the phone...grrrrrrrrr

Anyway - yeah im keeping the xmas freak out on the downlow this year...after the shit show that was last year this year im going uber mellow. ZERO OBLIGATION!!!!!

Guy is home and improving, slowly but surely...he went for a walk the other day and even though he slept for 5 hrs afterwards i think its good he could even get up and walk!

I cant believe how much fucking noise ONE cat can make....the galloping...the scritchy scratchy noises...the pouncing...JESUS...

OOOOH NEWS FLASH!!!!!!

My landlady is leaving as of Dec 15.....I SHIT U NOT!!!! she took another job so her daughter in law/son is moving upstairs and I really like her already (she lives in the building) so im hoping she will be wayyyyyy more relaxed.

WHOOOOPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Im listening to the soundtrack for INTO THE WILD....all Eddie Vedder solo, acoustic, Billy Braggish...funky old school instruments....i really like it...aside from the movie being so friggin good the soundtrack is kicking my ass too.

Who else shit themselves to learn they can get Nirvana Unplugged on DVD now?

TOOL is on friggin SATURDAY!!!!!! Donna and i will be picking up Michelle B at the ferry Saturday morning and we get the day to hang and do whatever....then see Tool...omfg 3rd row...i have this FEAR that itll be so freakish in 3rd row I will hate it bc im old and fat now and moshing isnt much of an option when u have to be able to go to work and not be wounded...then again, given enough to drink I think im skinny and invincible hahaha (dont worry aunty pam, i will behave...she always gets DISAPPOINTED at my drunken fall downs and slutty intoxicated carrying-on)

Never did hear from Bruce after the Rollins no-show.

Its chilly out...even snowed tonight...goopy snow that didnt stick thank gawd but...

this is Adrienne at her birthday dinner....I made her spaghetti and then we had cake and shit then lapsed into a coma on the couch...I thought she might actually need an ambulance.

I am FREEEEEZING...I need slippers.

Good night! xo

Guy always gets the weirdest cooties

Might be THIS
or TB
but Donna says he looked a little better today, color wise but he is just wasted tired.....tomorrow they drain fluid off his heart and will have a better idea what he has got...
he is in quarantine still/ICU so hopefully tomorrow things will be looking up...

Must be really weird facing your mortality that way...will be interesting to see how this effects his outlook on things...
Nothing like a good scare to put shit in perspective 4 u...

im off 4 the weekend....thank gawd....i have 9348759834759834 things to get going on...
i am determined to keep this approaching season MELLLLLOWWWWWW, like not just tolerably INSANE but really keep it laid back and "oh whatever"...
IT IS THE GOALLLLLLLLLLL
i dont wanna be consumed by the bullshit.
i wanna decorate my house all fucking cheesie and xmas gay and enjoy the lights and thats friggin IT!!!!!! no hassle, no obligation, no nothing....woooohoooooo

Bird-Man.....GET BETTER!

FACEBOOK IS FUCKING ME UP....i found a guy from lacombe alberta who i used to make out with...who i have always wanted ask why the fuck he never tried to get in my pants...naturally he HARDLY remembers me hahahaha FUCK!

i recall him being a real fucking dick at the end of the road though but I cant 4 the life of me recall details...

My personal theory about his lack of perviness:

1. he had an STD (MORALS)

2. he already slept with my mother (MORALS - barf)

3. he thought i was too young to hump...(MORALS)

NOW ILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!!! hmmmmf!!

the cat is going mentaller by the day...i shit u not. she took out my book shelf in my bedroom, trashed the damn room...

GOOD VIBES PLEASE: Guy is really sick...like in the hospital ICU with no medical insurance sick (u know youre sick when...)...send the bird-man some good vibes please...I sure hope he can get a grip on whatever he has...i am prepared to make a flash trip up island if things arent looking better by tomorrow night....its unnerving b/c NO ONE is mightier than Guy Monty so the thought of him being down and out is rather alarming...

is that cat shit i smell?

Donna & Cynthia came with Kelly, Mel, Bonnie and I Sat. night.

I wanted to die b/c they dragged me to a night club~ Can u imagine a night of tarts and

remix club music? MY GAWD....my spirit left my body.

I think they were all having some sort of titty contest.

Cynthia looking like a vixen

fuck i felt like i was in a rap video.

this monster was outside of tracey's house....BARF!

Donna was eating calamari (BARF) which looked like deep fried spiders to the rest of us so naturally we have to fuck with it...
third nipple adventures....I think someone should tell Mel it's just a damn mole.

Mel and Kelly - night at the Roxybury...

Bonnie, Mel and Cousin Kelly

SEE!!!! I wasnt the oldest person there...there was an old man in suspenders!!!

cheapest cat toy ever...a tampon...its durable and has a tail!

the cat walks around the house with it in her mouth....hahahahaha

waiting for the cab...kelly is a pole dancer now

More deep fried calamari/spider fun

nothing like sweat dribbling down into your ass crack....

I just cleaned my kids room bc i have company coming and Ayla's version of CLEAN is pretty gay.

I am so lame I cant figure out how to change the clock on my cell phone so all week ive had multiple heart attacks thinking I was an hour late 4 things...

I wanna do a sentence that doesnt start with "I".

So...do you fuckers have any grand plans this Remembrance Day Long Weekend?

Today is Bruce's birthday...I sent him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKASS message. That is all I am mustering for him today.

Tomorrow is Jerri Ann's...woooohooooo she will be blessed with a phone call from me hahha Lucky sod.

A certain cdn artists ex money grubbing wife is now a real estate whore...it should be noted that if you cant use your ex husbands last name (but refuse to use your maiden name again thus settling for using your middle name as a surname) for fear of ppl finding you on the internet then perhaps YOU SHOULD STOP USING IT. Just a thought.

A public service announcement of sorts. I even thought of calling her and fucking with her but apparently I only stoop so low b4 I realize I am somewhat mature.

I need a shower (see post title)...

Happiness is not real unless shared

holy shit sean penn....i just went and saw INTO THE WILD...Guy M. please go see this...even if you have read the book already.
it is a beautiful movie...and im not just saying that bc eddie vedder does the music for it...it really is lovely.

one more day and then the weekend off...yeeehooooooooooooooooooooo cousin kelly, mel and bonnie are coming sat.
i think they wanna go out and paint the town red...as IF i just typed that sentence haha ive never used that term in all my life, even drunk!

rendition

ok that movie freaked me out....

i am amazed that a human can torture another human and not feel like a fuckwad.

behind us this couple parked themselves and did the most annoying shit through the 1st half of the movie...

1st off they were eating PISTACHIOS....in a fucking movie theatre....WTF? inbred much? and the pistachios were in the noisiest bag on the planet.....it didnt stop there....after the fucking pistachio orgy they ate apples.

yes folks....APPLES.

who the fuck eats apples at a movie? despite the fact its weird APPLES ARE NOT QUIET FOOD!!!!!!!!!

then....to top it all off....they cracked out juice boxes....mmmm straw sounds...over and over and over....

my gawd...i was about to lose my mind.

back to manners school for those turds.

Shawn made it to Arizona and im sure is basking in the warmth there...as I bask in the dreariness that is west coast fall/winter...

no scab eating for this sista

CLICK IT!

took Ayla to a viewing of a meth film and discussion tonight.

she was mortified to be seen in public with me even with Buffy and Rachel there.

jackass.

movie was mediocre...didnt address the stuff i thought it would so it was a little disappointing, although still interesting.

the discussion after was interesting as far as local perspective goes...all in all it was a good night...esp watching ayla squirm all night.

ayla informed me she doesnt care about anything.

she has no opinions.

no desire to read/learn.

i told her it would pass.

at 13 all i gave a crap about was music.

got my house all tiddled up today....gawd it needed a good cleaning.

yesterday i went to see WE OWN THE NIGHT with cynthia...it was ok...ending was MUCHOS GAY though.

we then went around shopping for weird xmas shit....I found a COOL frog tree ornament....next best thing to a pickle 4 sure.

gawd xmas is on the way! BARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

the only thing ayla wants is a LG Chocolate Flip phone.

someone kill me now....they are 300.00 new.

im bidding on one via ebay for 200.00

CALL ME SUCKER!!!!!!!!

i gotta give a big HIGH FIVE to Mr Good....he is the most talented mofo at eloquently insulting his ex-wife without ACTUALLY insulting her, its fucking genius.

a post recently on his website about the JET SET CREW was great, and when u go to it guess who is pictured in some of the photos? HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHHA he never mentions her name or anything, its friggin great!