Once upon a time...

I met someone in May 1989 that I knew for a mere 24 hours but...for some reason I have this 'thing' where I don't forget certain people...I have wondered for  20+ years about this person, wondered where life lead him, wondered if he was as interesting as I originally thought he was, if he was educated, if he struggled, what kind of happiness or sadness followed him around in life, etc.

I was only 18. My friend Tammy and I were mad Metallica fans and it was almost the end of grade 12 so we decided to hitchhike to Vancouver to see Metallica...we had floor tickets. It was the "and justice for all' tour...we were stoked. She had met some guy named Darrell at a dart tournament a while before who shared a house with some guys in Vancouver and that was where we were staying over night...the house was full of guys...3 at least if I recall...it was an 18 yr old girls fucking wonderland of virginal awesomeness I can assure you. I immediately fixated on the smart one...not just b/c he was clearly smart and could read (ha!) - he was cute....and OLDER! OMG...older and cute hanging out with us small town teenagers not even graduated yet. They were living the 'grown up life' I pined for (and later came to realize was not all parties and sleepovers with hot guys) - in the big city, beer in the fridge, from places far away.

Chris did not seem like he was settled in Vancouver at all...and he had a girlfriend. Even at 18 I was perceptive enough to figure that out in about 3 mins...but she lived in Ontario...and due to having few feminist inklings back then I didn't consider it a deterrent at all. Don't get judge-y on me...as I said above, my virginity was still well intact at 18 and I had no intentions of ruining that marathon of curiosity and frustration...I just wanted to see if I was actually able to hold the interest of a older guy (turns out he was 25 at the time - at 18 that was a lot older - trust me) who was smart, taken and lovely to gaze at (this would be what is referred to as THE CHASE I guess). At the time my experience was rather limited to guys my own age which was rather disheartening and droll...so this was a serious adventure.

I have no recollection how much beer was consumed...I don't recall being hammered but that doesn't mean anything...it was a great night...Tammy ended up with Darrell and Chris and I talked and listened to music and made out all night...it was fab...not just for the obvious reasons but mostly b/c Chris was really quite lovely...he didn't try to get in my pants...he wasn't a pig...I could tell he was conflicted (insert GF back home and my age here) but it was a genuine nice night from where I sat...to this day it seemed quite innocent...

I just found him on FB and he lives in China with his wife...and appears to be the same interesting guy from 1989...time will tell...I am pretty confident he has absolutely NO idea who I am (even though I sent a hello msg with photos of him and his friends from that trip) which is kinda funny...b/c it is the story of my life...I remember people, details of those people, their stories, their smiles, their smell....and I am often completely forgotten by these same people 5 mins after meeting them. It used to bother me...until I came to terms with the fact that it doesn't matter. ha ha ha I have a preoccupation with details, my mind is impressionable by people I find interesting and it is just how I am wired...I have forgotten more about that 24 hrs than I have remembered...my memories are not concrete...it is a remembering of how I felt more than remembering how things were...I left Vancouver NOT feeling used...NOT feeling discarded or taken advantage of by a person who could have easily done so...that is what made such an impression...the 100.00 that was stolen out of my wallet we never figured out who did it...it was one of the 3 guys...I am looking fwd to picking this guys brain if he is receptive.

I regret to inform you...

...that I am wide awake on a Saturday at 6 am...when I didn't need to be up until 730 am. Rude. I woke up with a sore foot...this is very disheartening b/c after that cortisone shot...in 24 hrs I was in the blissful heaven that only one experiences when they have spent 2 yrs dealing with a fuck Achilles tendon and then it is suddenly gone as if it was all a bad dream...seriously...I did not realize how that foot was affecting the way I walked, carried myself and monkeyed with my psyche until it was NORMAL...and I could walk with 100% certainty (aside from the usual chance of wiping out)...I do not have to get off buses carefully, holding the handles, back to being sure footed again...so waking this morning feeling the start of a mild ache in that foot after only 8 days of cortisone was a total.complete.downer. I have not gone mental on it either...I have spent this week figuring after 2 yrs of inflammation it is probably a little ragged so I I have made a point to not over do it. Time to get back to the icing regime I guess. Fack. In other news...my current obsession of 2012 finally found me...Damien Rice is my new victim...as it is with most things I am about 10 yrs behind...I have always liked a few of his tunes...The Blowers Daughter, Accidental Babies etc...but the rest of his stuff is...fantastical...boys on piano singing heartfelt, pain oozing lyrics really butter my musical muffin. I will purchase his CDs despite having DL'd them all b/c that is how I roll...if I DL it and love it...I will buy it just b/c it is the right thing to do...I would prefer to send him cash directly but I am pretty sure no one's giving ME his home mailing address. Fine then. I will buy the CDs...the archaic fucking CDs that are on their way out like the 8 Track... I am hitting a gayraj sale with the lesbos this morning...and a flick with Donna tomorrow...she is going to upgrade herself with a phone of smartness like me...so we will do that 1st...I look fwd to all her terrible typos while getting used to a touch screen keyboard. ha. A. is on Denman...haven't heard from her since they were almost there Thurs. night...she said her phone was dying...of course it is. Who would charge their phone to the tits before a trip to an island to camp...that would be STUPID to have a method of communication. Hopefully there are no cougars on the island...

Stop staring at me CAT!

The cat won't stop staring. It means she is desperate for attention...which makes me ignore her more. I am a bad cat person. I am the same with people desperate for attention and validation.

Alexandra with the wobbly ball

Had a good visit with Jim and his daughter Alexandra the other day...she cracked me up...she walked in the door and spotted the cans on the shelf in the kitchen and proceeded to empty the shelf and take cans to A's room as gifts...to me, the living-room etc...it was pretty amusing...esp. b/c Jim depicts her as a screaming banshee who spends a large portion of her day screeching...she was perfectly delightful at my house...awesome how kids are like that. A. is 18 and still does that to me.

A. is off to Denman Is. this weekend to camp...not very warm for that in my opinion but...she is adventurous...she won't mind near as much as I would...who am I kidding...unless someone has a cabin or a pimped out motor-home I DO NOT CAMP. I have always said camping is like being homeless on purpose and who the hell wants that...not me! I like the comforts of home...mind you I could really enjoy renting a cabin and being a fake camper. I require solid walls to ward off animals and a toilet...I could live without electricity ok...but squatting in the woods to pee...FORGET IT...this fatty is not digging that scene...even as a non-fatty I did not partake in such activities...my bladder was young then though...I could go to a bush party and drink a bit and wait til the night was over to pee...now...JFC...I have to time my outings and ma out where washrooms are....getting old is fucking annoying...lets not get into all that though...the thinning hair...the lard...the poor leg circulation...it is an ugly world.



OR GAWD! I cannot decide which version I like best...the original by Damien Rice or Phillip Phillips version...Aunty Cathy asked me to send her the PP version b/c she is an American Idol fan and really liked him a lot...and I instantly loved his version...enough to look up the original...now I just have to enjoy them both I guess...

Geoff Tate is playing in Victoria next weekend...and I think I shall go...its reasonably priced and hearing old Queensryche songs acoustically really appeals to me...plus it will probably be the last time I get a chance to hear any live so wtf.

I don't think Tere is going to make it to town next weekend...that gal cannot catch a break...like life hasn't already given her enough to deal with (her sons suicide in Sept) she keeps getting kicked while she is down...uncle dies...house floods...broke as shit...now a new fangled betrayal for her to try to process while she agonizes going through her sons clothing so she can have 2 memorial quilts made...I just do not know how the woman is still standing...

Man did I ever LOVE the article on the CBC website today...
Yesterday there was one that made me insane...it was so fabricated and full of shit it boggled my mind that the CBC put it up: PIECE OF SHIT ARTICLE
Then today this was put up in response to it: MUCH BETTER
The thing is....if you read the 1st one - don't you think it is the CBC's/reporters job to substantiate that Enbridge claim BEFORE the article is posted? I mean...come on...it reeks of bullshit and is so vague...why didn't someone there look into it? Today's blew it the fuck out of the water...and thank gawd b/c the 1st one made me poo in my pants a little...before I looked at it objectively. This shit is pissing me off a lot these days...I am considering laying off the news for a while...esp with all this body parts in the mail shit...like really?? SERIOUSLY? WTF....today at work a parcel came and was sitting on Doris's desk and I sniffed it to make sure it didn't smell like decomp. Welcome to 2012 folks...ppl don't just get murdered anymore...they get eaten, chopped up and mailed out. Fugg. Sick place.

Oh...look who was chatty tonight...good night.

things I wanna say tonight...

1. Fuck you Enbridge. Take your shitty pipeline and ram it up your corporate ass. Do not poison my land and ocean. Assholes.

2.People should stop cutting ppl up and sending body parts in the mail. It is not ok freaks. Oh and stop eating peoples faces and shit too. Rude.

3. I want to eat red velvet cake despite the horrid amounts of red food coloring in it. 

4. Cows should stop kicking my Aunty Cathy.

5. Cortisone shots = bliss.

6. I am sad Game of Thrones is over for the season. WTF do I have to look fwd to now? That's right...shit all.

7. I need to borrow a tool off someone but I can't remember what it's called. Ha!

8. It is time to start honoring the temple.

9. Gravy is tasty.

10. I admit I am annoying Amy on Draw Something on purpose as revenge for her elaborate drawings that take 10 mins.

11. Why do I have cable TV? 

12. I must stop reading the news...

13. Why do I keep smelling coffee?

14. The Wye Oak singer mumbles like a mofo..mouth full o marbles mumbling.

15. I wish all my favorite ppl lived in my building...and this building had a pool.

The End.                                                 

Adele got me on a Neil Finn kick today...

Tattoo Cover Up: STEP ONE (Before & After)

Grad day snacks with Ayla & Kelly

Uncle Jimmy

AUNTY PAM BEFORE: The 80's pegasus/unicorn nightmare...

AUNTY PAM AFTER: 2.5 hrs for the outline only

AUNTY PAM AFTER: Outline only...a few more appts for the shading and coloring...looks so good already...that unicorn is HISTORY thanks to Shawzy @ EMPIRE TATTOOS in Victoria, BC

Henry Rollins, Me & Esther!

Gibble

OK...I am not a hypochondriac...HURRAY! The foot ultrasound was fruitful...Dr still insists it is HAGLUND'S DEFORMITY (click here)...Anyway...he could see that the tendon is completely inflamed figures it is rubbing on that protruding bone constantly...which is why it never goes away now b/c it is too inflamed to to NOT rub on it....the other foot has it too but it is not near as big so it is less likely to be an issue. He offered me a cortisone shot on the spot - stating it's either that or live with it or eventually they can operate on it which would involve actually having to shave the heel bone down so there is no rubbing...sometimes the cortisone injections clear it up...sometimes it will come back...but I need to keep icing it to avoid the inflammation etc...and avoid exercise that is going to fire it up again (ie hard walking, hills etc.)....stick to the bike .swimming etc...which just goes to show Maggie was right...I do need to live in a bldg with a pool.

The injection was gross...getting a needle shoved into the sorest part of your body is most unpleasant but whatevs...it felt weird yesterday...pretty sure the cortisone caused me to have an increase in temperature at one point where I was sure I was having my 1st official hot flash of death...fml I thought I was going to turn into 1 giant puddle in the middle of Shoppers Drug Mart. ha! Anyhow...I iced it all night and today it is MASSIVELY improved...I can still feel a tinge in there....but the improvement is significant...oddly, I am still favoring it and don't trust it yet....so we shall see....

HENRY ROLLINS TONIGHT!!! & as if that wasn't enough - Pam & Jim are coming to night as well for the weekend.

you are lucky I don't own a sword...

It is not every day that you name your kid after a character in a book...with that said....while I am nearing the end of the 6th & last book to date in the Jean M. Auel Earth's Children series - a certain EVENT that happened to my beloved A.y.l.a. in the book made me so angry and sick that I was shocked at how I was reacting to words on a page. Betrayal...even literary betrayal...sickens me...Jondalar...you are an ASSHOLE of EPIC GAPE! Arrrg!

Aside from that horrific book story that I am CLEARLY far too involved in – HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY CATHY! Lotsa birthdays coming up now...the next few months are like a cluster of birthdays...

Grad is but a fond memory...The dress will be sent back to Deanna this weekend...Ayla was at the dinner/dance less than an hour when someone spilled punch all.over.her...it came out mostly but needs a proper cleaning and Deanna is handling it as they may donate it to the Cinderella Project anyhow so it would get cleaned then. (Awesome idea by the way Ms Deanna!!) Pam and Jim are coming to town again this Friday...Pam is getting her old school 80s Pegasus Unicorn tattoo covered up with a new shmancy SLEEVE of owl, snake and craggy tree goodness! Saturday is her 1st appointment...outline only...ouch ouch ouch...outline is the worst. This enables me a nice mellow visit with her and Jim which will be a treat...AND HENRY ROLLINS THIS FRIDAY with Alex & Sarah....will be a blast of course...

Maggie, David and Sid and Pam will be down again June 29...which is awesome...Pam gets her 2nd appointment of pain done and I get a visit on the long weekend...In between those visits Tere is coming to visit...it is like I am mega-popular or something suddenly...
During all of this I am proclaiming utter poverty and NOT.SPENDING.A.DIME b/c I have not a dime to spend hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I am going to start leaving my cards at home (which I know is going to annoy the shit out of me at certain times) and continue missing concerts (ie: Metallica in Vancouver, Roger Waters The Wall, Puscifer in Vancouver...missed em all...)

Have an appt. with the sports med doc in the morning re: the foot ultrasound I had done last week...I have LOW expectations...so if he has anything informative to offer I will be thrilled...but I fear it will be a useless interaction like the previous one. I guess I will just PIN him down and make him answer: if I walk on this foot like a mofo, like I need to, to be healthy etc. am I WRECKING it....??? If I am going to permanently wreck it so that even if I did lose weight I'd still be all crippled I want to know that before I change my game plan...guess i will find out or not find out tomorrow.

It is vengeance time...time to begin some sort of mindfuckery on someone incredibly deserving and worthy of getting played with a little. No one directly in my life but someone that I have been thinking about for nearly 7 mths...someone who during someone's lowest moment in life did some things that are deserving of some payback...this is not just every day, real life crap that ppl do...this is some heinous shit...stuff that makes you gasp when you hear about it...and like most pieces of shit he just carried on with his life as if nothing was wrong and like he is a good person...the extra kicker is he is a church leader...not that such hypocrisy is unusual...in fact it is almost normal nowadays but...b/c this has stayed with me for 7 mths and has become impossible to ignore...I feel it is my DUTY to try and exact a little justice in the name of the fallen and the people who were left to pick up the pieces...sounds dramatic doesn't it? I know...I am hoping to be able to do more than open 53 accounts for Columbia House in his name (do they still exist?) or order him some lovely Danbury Mint collectors plates – COD....but really...at this point in time I am willing to do anything even if it just inconveniences him a little...Fucker.

Graduation....

CLICK HERE

A grand success....woohoo!

Someone is in love....!!!

I am in love with this happy little xmas egg...

Little Madelyn is in love with her big cousin A. and cannot wait to come see her. next week for her graduation...

Prison looks good on some people...

Yesterday I bashed my elbow/funny bone so hard on the corner of my desk I thought instantly that I never want to break my elbow b/c it would be 100000x worse.

So I got a new cell phone...it didn’t cost me anything and the monthly plan is the exact same as my previous one so it seemed like a good idea to try a new smarty pants phone out...I like to think of myself as a technically minded person...but the 1^st few days were making me feel like I needed to go to Sylvan Learning Centre to take a damn course in how to use a smart phone. Anyhow....after a week I am on the ball though I still am awkward with it a little...I do miss the sturdiness of my old flip phone...but it is handy...though admittedly I spent more time playing DRAW SOMETHING than anything else...it is this game where I draw a picture of a specified word so that the person I send it to tried to guess by watching the playback of me drawing it...it is absolutely hilarious...I laugh re-watching my own drawings the most b/c they are so....CHILD-LIKE. Ha! Or...as I just did recently to poor Tara...I thought I was drawing for the word “DEPP” so I made all these Johnny Depp movie refs and totally kicked ass but the word was actually EARRING and my fat fingers picked the wrong one and well yeah....My DEPP drawing was wasted!!!!! I have about 25 games going...it is insane. It has replaced my Angry Birds fetish.

Glad Michael Rafferty was sentenced and the trial is over...I have been following that horrific story a little worried he would somehow weasel out of the rape/kidnapping/murder charges but thankfully he is off to a max prison somewhere....hopefully someone will take care of business and rid the world of him.  His statement on the CBC website was disturbing...he spend most of the statement trying to manipulate Tori Stafford’s mother to gain private audience with her so she can know ‘the truth’...yeah...right. Creep. Enjoy prison....child rapists are REALLY popular in jail.

DEAR THE PEOPLE. NO I DO NOT WANT TO JOIN WEIGHT WATCHERS WITH YOU. OR DO A FASTING CLEANSE. STOP ASKING ME. I AM NOT PAYING $ TO BECOME MORE OCD ABOUT FOOD. FUCK OFF. THE END. FOREVER MORE – JEN

9 days til GRADUATION...OMG!!

Doh!

Seeing as I cannot escape summer – YET AGAIN – I will do like last year and make a concentrated effort to be less shitty about it...that of course does not count if it goes over 27 degrees which is about 80 for my American friends....once we are in the 80’s I am fairly unhappy unless I am at home and naked or in a cotton nighty in front of the fan...waiting to die of heatstroke. BUT – until then...what the hell...I can’t kill the sun so I may as well enjoy the evil wench for 3 mins at a time. Being less negative is my new mandate...wish me luck (I mean that NON-sarcastically of course).

I started walking part way to work again...not because I enjoy being sweaty 1^st thing in the morning or enjoy the urban outdoors...but b/c it is rather obvious I will be a dbl leg amputee if I do not MOVE...and keep moving....being gargantuan is annoying...and when Connie is here in August and we go exploring Botanical Beach in Port Renfrew I would prefer it if I did not drop dead of a fucking heart attack at her feet.

I am looking fwd to our visit a fair bit...she is coming Aug 2...so we have the 3^rd-7^th to hang out...no kids...no obligations....nothing....it will be the only time since we were teenagers that we have done this...I booked us a room for a night in Port Renfrew so we can beach explore....and stay the night...other than that we are free agents...we will visit a pub or 2....hang at home and cook...eat some good food...visit other beaches around Victoria...it is going to be AWESOME!

Concerts this summer are all organized and set...June 1 is Henry Rollins...1^st week in July is Bill Maher...July 13 is Tragically Hip/Sam Roberts/Current Swell/Jets Overhead...I am tapped...I hope no one else comes over this way. Tere is coming over the 1^st weekend in March...I have organized it with Sarah the Crafting Goddess to make Tere’s 2 memorial quilts out of Taylor’s clothes...one is for her and one for Taylor’s dad. Such a sweet gift...and possession really...I feel surrounded by death – have felt this way for a long time...I seem to have a busted filter for screening the realities of life out in that regard...I think most ppl can go about their business not thinking/obsessing over death all around them...I cannot seem to shake it. Probably doesn’t help that I am an obsessive lunatic.

Jupiter's Cock!

Oh - Pardon me...I forgot I had a blog...that about 3 people read...my apologies.
I have been excruciatingly busy with many useless things: overeating, not exercising, watching a horrible series called SPARTACUS where the use of the word "cock" is as frequent as teenagers using "like" in a conversation...it amuses me...plus the men are hot as shit...what else...oh cleaning up camouflaged cat vomit off the carpet, working, avoiding socialization, preparing for A's grad May 25/26, oh and don't let me forget...DOODLING LIKE A CRAZY MOFO. There are other things but they are lost to me right now.

As I said previously I don't feel like writing...I am in midst of a "meh" period...indifference laced with apathy...about damn near everything. Even my new phone...I just took this picture of me blogging at this very moment - uploaded it to Flickr and then posted it here...OH HOW TECHNOLOGY IS SAVING US WRETCHED HUMANS! Haaaaa! I just spent 1 hour DLing free ringtones to match up with the ppl in my contact list...some of them cracked me up so much....like the screaming 300 one THIS IS SPARTAAAA" for Guy...etc...oh I am simply amused.

Anyhow...I have a horrible face at the moment - hormonal disfigurement...add that to the fact my eye is still on fire if I wear make up hence no eye make up makes me look like I just rolled outta bed....all.day.long. Tomorrow is Friday...MUSIC DAY! WOOHOO!

Here is my rant for the day...'friends' - glorious friends who love to give advice...unsolicited advice about dealing with shit & the importance of facing your problems - while they are swilling a drink like they are a newborn on a tit...in midst of the most heinous phase of their own life, wallowing in the dregs of pure relationship dysfunction, battling numerous demons...and "I" should deal with my issues...Uh...1st off...mind your business MR/MRS KNOW IT ALL...I am 100% in touch with my issues, dysfunctions, problems, and mental handicaps...I am all over it...I watch myself partake in my bad behavior as if I was standing across the room from myself...watching myself be a total asshole and do nothing about it...just observing...aware of EVERY shitty thing about me...I am far from deluded...I am not arrogant and so self important I have tricked myself into think I am fucking special...I am no better than anyone else even if I hate them - we are all the same worm food...so really...save your advice for some other empowering moment you are trying to achieve with someone b/c I am not hopping on board...ppl with the need for constant validation fucking tire me and make me want to cut myself.

The End.

Bore-Ring

I love Fridays at work. No one sits beside me and I can play music at an audible level. I also love the cherry blossoms right now...I love how the branches hang so strained under the weight of the delicious looking blooms. When the wind blows them I am sure they will snap off...but they don’t.

I am not chatty these days...not much to say...not to say I ever have anything earth shattering to say but I usually just speak when I feel compelled to and lately I just don’t feel compelled. The impending doom of summer – while I love this spring weather – does not please me. As it turns out – despite my best efforts to keep my head above water – after graduation next month and all that goes with that I am not off the hook like I thought....looks like Ayla must get her wisdom teeth out so I may as well just buck up and do that now and it will be over with. It hasn’t been particularly pleasant for her as of late with 1 tooth giving her problems so the sooner the better...I do see a little light at the end of the tunnel though....eventually. haha

Logically I know I need to turf my land line telephone but I just can’t convince myself to do it...it seems so welfare to not have a home phone...and while I have free LD with my cell phone I hate talking on my cell phone...h.a.t.e...i.t. Perhaps when I upgrade I will feel different but cell phones are not traditionally able to be cradled in such a way that frees both your hands to do dishes etc. Anyone who has ever talked to me on the phone knows I am usually doing dishes while talking b/c then it doesn’t seem like work at all. There is always the hands free option I guess...headsets are so goofy though...I dunno...the redundancy is not lost on me...having 2 lines...maybe a cell upgrade and headset of gheyness is the key? Ugh...for as much as I feel like talking on the phone these days the whole debate in my head seems ridiculous.

Farewell to Assholes

Another rally...and such a great one too (Anti-Enbridge Pipeline Rally).  I made a vow that if anyone brought up chem trails while smoking a cigarette I was leaving (this happened at the last rally I attended for the Anti-HST Campaign)...but luckily this was a well organized event – all the speakers were decent and on topic. The turnout was great, exceeding my expectations and the signs were – as always – entertaining and to the point.

I was, however, disappointed that of all the people I know in Victoria 3 were there...one being my kid. It astounds me that an issue like this does not lure people out of their living rooms. I am about as hermit-like as one can be and really detest crowds and anything social but it wouldn’t occur to me to not go. Just saying you are going to go on Facebook or “liking” a cause does not make you a genuine eco-warrior. It pisses me off that all people seem to care about is the latest iPad...or whatever craze is the flavour of the week...while there is some serious shit going on in our province and being passive is what allows this crap to continue.

I feel as clueless and helpless as I think most people do in regards to ‘what to do’ about environmental issues and the like...and also feeling insignificant...like really...was my being at that rally going to change ANYTHING in the world yesterday? No...But collectively yes. If everyone felt it was no use and stayed home no one would have shown up...the fact that there were well over 1000 ppl at this event with signs, speaking and marching in solidarity...that IS something. I cannot articulate the collective spirit one feels at these events – it changes something inside you if you are open to it. Will it ultimately change the outcome? – I do not know but it beats the shit out of sitting at home playing with your iPad instead of standing up and loudly proclaiming a short term money grab is not a wise investment for this province with the stakes so very high. 

I am sure it is rather evident that apathy or plain old ignorance is my pet peeve of the day...I am glad – however – that I knew 3 ppl who bothered...my kid being one of them and of course the trusty Lesbos Amanda & Erin. Well played ladies.

Aside from that I kept pretty busy this weekend...hung with Alex a bit and then had a great afternoon with Kate and her 7 yr old son Ethan. He is a hoot...like his mama. We hit a few stores, had a few laughs, ate some good food...perfect day out really. I met Kate when I was a little kid. My step-dad was her dad’s BFF in the 70/80’s. Our parents would get together for visits, usually in Regina @ Kate’s house. I remember thinking her house was SO clean and everything seemed so new...her bedroom was particularly girly and perfect (I am sure she is laughing reading this) where as mine was plastered with posters and FAR from girly...I have had the odd ‘girly’ moment...I recall once being desperate to wear my mother’s heels as a teen...I would put them on and walk around the house and after about 5 mins would kick them off wondering how the hell anyone was supposed to have a life wearing the damn things. I have always felt like a total fraud while attempting girliness...which is why it is not something that ever caught on with me. I have a few theories about this but...I don’t feel like venturing such a topic when I am already feeling rather MEH.

Funniest thing alive is how my kid is about as girly as a girl can be as far as appearances go...man – if I looked like her at her age I cannot imagine the shit I would have gotten into...seriously. Yay for being awkward and plain! WOOOOHOOO!

Last night I got into a debate with a moron on FB  who I have been wanting to delete for some time now...I am not even sure why I had him added to my FB list to start with...momentary lapse of reason I suppose. Anyway - the conversation - while brief & with witnesses (CRINGE!) - was a good reminder as to why I did not talk to the twat for 10+ years. A standing pillar of evidence that some people never do change...they are what they are at the core - good or bad - and never evolve into anything beyond that. A timely delete/block on FB really is as satisfying as punching someone in the face...well almost anyway.

I am drinking tea without milk this morning...how fucking annoying...I have never drank my tea without milk in all my life...but I didn't realize there was no milk until I had already invested my favorite creamed honey into the tea so I cannot waste all the bees hard work...so I am drinking it...JEN CONKY: BEE WARRIOR.

Today is the 1st day of my personal anti nail biting campaign...I figure if I say it out loud it will help me stick to it...I WILL NOT BITE MY NAILS GAWD DAMMIT...OCD BE GONE! I have done it before for years at a time...so I just need to get myself past the 1st stage...once they grow and are symmetrical I am far less likely to mess with them.

Personal struggles of even the smallest nature are a consuming deed.

HOOVERNESS

This is how my vacuum looks at someone else's house...someone with a fireplace and nice flooring. haha

GOT ME A HOOVER!

The weather is gorgeous. The sun is shining and it is hot...if the wind dies down for a few moments to let the heat penetrate your skin. The cool wind makes this the best kind of day for me...sunny and cool. A delicate balance of perfection.

I have made myself a list for each of the 5 days off I have this week - to ensure I stay busy and don't forget things I want to do. I am a total scatterbrain these days - forgetting simple things I never needed to remind myself about before.

One of the MAJOR tasks I have to do this weekend is transfer home videos to my PC...I started yesterday and have got through 3 tapes so far...I have about 12 sitting here to go through. Due to the amount of space it takes to store the transferred video to digital I am having to be selective which is very time consuming b/c it means I have to go through it all and pick parts to transfer as I go...tedious but at the same time fun b/c I have forgotten so much it is a pleasant surprise to revisit things. I had NO idea I made so many recordings of A. starting at about 10 mths old. It is heartwarming to watch her booting around at 9-10 mths old - far too small to be walking yet...there she was - walking. Cutest thing I have ever seen - yes she was/is...
All the xmas video is hilarious...the conversations we had...she amazing ability to pretend to like something she got for xmas...her funny commentary...her sarcasm...her genuine innocence...so nice to watch all of it. The hilarity is so completely unhinged I cannot even believe it...having forgot it all it entertains me even more to hear my own reactions on tape...busting a gut laughing at something she said or did...

I have also made a vow to myself to thin out the "collections" I have at the moment...so far I have a laundry basket full just off of one living room shelf...the Jesus collection especially...it is time to thin that out considerably. Needless to say my house looks like a bomb just went off.

My vacuum died last weekend. I have a special relationship with my vacuums...I love to vacuum...seriously. I like vacuums with some weight, I like wielding that tank around the carpet making it look pristine and new...this usually means you spending at least 200.00 on a vacuum which is a fine investment in my eyes b/c I get so much joy from it (wtf - I know...?) but really...like I have 200.00 to spend on shit all right now...this is the time I always dreaded...the child tax credit is gonzo now that A. is 18 and the child support as well (though I have it in the works for it to carry on til the end of June but I haven't heard anything about the extension going through for 2 mths) so I am down 380.00 per month and my expenses haven't changed. Such is life...thankfully my income tax credit will cover Grad...then...the morph shall begin...A. working full time means she takes over her cell bill and yoga bill, pays a little rent each payday and all that other grown up stuff I am sure will shock the shit out of her like bus passes etc. Life is not cheap...even when you live it on the cheap.

Anyhow...(ramble much?)...I got a vacuum today...Lisa said if I hated it she would buy it off me on payday since she needs one too - what a GREAT DEAL! I can try it out and see if I like it...I get it home...start assembling it....NATURALLY there are fucking parts missing...why on earth would I assume something so simple would just be SIMPLE? Ugh. Annoying. Hopefully Hoover will be on top of it and send me the shit without a lot of drama. It is usable though so I tried it out and like it well enough....I am sad the cord is only 27 feet rather than my 33 foot one I am used to...and I got a vacuum where it winds into it self...handy...until of course it breaks and then you have this cord that won't rewind and there's nowhere to hang it on the machine...HA! Trying not to think that far ahead. We will see how I feel about having a bag less vacuum after I have to clean it the 1st time.

Tomorrow is dinner at Tracey's for A. and I...should be fun with Lani & the girls there...they are always entertaining. Tracey is also a fantastic cook so whatever dinner is it will be great. Looking fwd to it.

Maggie bought tickets to the July 13th Tragically Hip/Sam Roberts outdoor show in Victoria...I AM EXCITED to hang with my peeps (Pam, Jim, Mags Sid & A.) for such a fun time...sure to be a kick-ass show...it starts at 4 pm so even if it is hot and nasty it won't be so bad...(always thinking ahead!)

I ditched the Victoria House Concert where Ryan played on Wed. I was far far far too cranky...naturally I regret it but the thought of socializing was worse than being murdered.

Mexican Gut Rot

Ohhhh the price some pay for fun...Ms Travel Grrl is sick...so very gross sick...figure we will give it til the end of Sat. and if there is no improvement it is Dr time...she went to a dress fitting today and was worried it was gunna turn into a scene from Bridesmaids...ha ha ha That made me laugh when she said it. Ugh...I know this is fairly common and all that but the thought of parasites and such grosses me out...also I have known ppl who came back from places and have been sick for MONTHS....that is not a nice prospect for her or I.

The Sprog is also suffering from cabin fever and has transferred her sickness bed out to the couch...for the benefit of TV and a general change of scenery. I am being neurotic to not touch anything she has touched. hahahahaaaaaaaaa...

All I can say is I am relieved it is the weekend b/c I need some damn sleep! Even if I only sleep in til 7 am - the fact I don't wake up to an alarm or have to rush to leave the house is friggin awesome!

I have just discovered PORK LOINS...dunno whether you have noticed or not but the price of chicken is a little steep these days so I ventured into the land of pork (that sounds funny)...purchased my 1st pork loin...smothered it in BBQ sauce and garlic for 12 hrs and roasted it......SO GOOD. That is what my life has become...getting excited over PORK LOIN.

I wonder if Mexicans come to Canada if they get sick like Canadians do when they visit Mexico...?? Anyone?

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