I enjoyed the Democratic Convention finale last night...Biden was a bit jibberjabbery but Obama did not disappoint...He could be talking about toilet tissue or hair rollers and I would find him to be a riveting speaker. I really liked how he did not sugar coat what has been viewed as lack of progress...he owned it. I did not think for a moment that in 4 years that much damage could be undone especially in politics where you are forced to play a game with ppl you cannot trust and have to wheel and deal with. The strategy involved is mind numbing. I do not pretend to have kept up on every minute thing he is up to either but I can tell you one thing...he is doing a shit ton better than the republicans have done and will do and he is trying to do right in a system that is not easy to navigate – so kudos to him. Perfect – NO. That is pure impossibility...you cannot please everyone...but the critical moment for me was his Lincoln quote: I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. What a telling line to use...I have always thought that being the president of such a country would be racked with insanely difficult decisions and many moments when your hands are simply tied by politics, policy, strategy and pure fuckery. Not a position to envy...except if you are a republican b/c then the bottom line is so clear you can justify all sorts of horseshit.
By the way – Chuck Norris...you are a republican puff...I will show you 1000 years of darkness you trophy-wifed asshole.
Anyway...the weekend is upon me. I love 3 day weekends...I have no plans – I want no plans – I do what I want – when I want – with who I want...I recently attempted to woo someone and using my new and improved decision maker brain I opted out early b/c I no longer wish to pursue men-folk who are like one of those fucking tin cans that defy every can opener in the house...you know the ones...the ones you have to practically mangle to get open...fuck that...I am not a gawd damn therapist or a forensic psychologist – digging for every morsel of truth or tidbit you let whistle out of your sphincter personality...I have been plagued with the curse of being incredibly open and honest and with that I have the equal expectation and it is really just a rare thing to meet anyone likeminded it seems...the rarest of unicorns...add in my lack of standard physical appearance requirements, neurosis’, lack of trust in all humans, inability to be quiet about things that are insane etc...I am not exactly in high demand ova here...and I am ok with that b/c I have come to accept my ‘special’ personality...anyway – OPERATION: WOO THE GUY is over. There was a guy on the street after work – I saw him from the bus as we drove by – with a FREE HUGS sign....he was cute too...I might have stopped. Ha ha ha
Friday, September 07, 2012
Sunday, September 02, 2012
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Yoohoo - dumdum!
I Am Human (officially called How Soon is Now which i did not know until I just Googled it!) by The Smiths - I have no idea what I was up to in the 80's to have missed this tune...oh wait...I was into heavy metal and missed the gothy bands like The Smiths and The Cure, etc. entirely. The thing about missing a "genre" while it is at its height is you rarely experience it the same way later. I have never really warmed to the genre but there are bits and piece of it here and there that make me take notice - like Talk Talk's 'It's My Life'...another great one...I am sure there are a buttload of others and I just haven't come across them.
I spent the day rearranging the bedroom and living room...always something satisfying about rearranging furniture...you feel like a broken piece of shit after all is said and done but damn! The place looks NEW! haha Anyhow...my living room is less cluttered and my bedroom is too b/c I have finally decided to say goodbye to my VCR. Yes that's right folks...I am taking a leap and no longer taping my stupid soap b/c I can watch it for free with Shaw on Demand. This is my 1st step twds kicking it entirely. It is so lame - even for me. Seeing as I refuse to get a PVR until they become more reasonably priced...now I have my old VCR (I bought it when Ayla was 2 or 3 so it over 15 yrs old) and a newer one in the closet...this seems a little dumb. I think I will get rid of both...I do not have many VHS tapes left and this may spur me to get rid of the rest.
I called Shaw the other night to cancel my cable (this is so funny) and found out that with the package I have (which is also no longer offered and still good for a few more years) me canceling my cable would cost pretty much the same b/c without the package my internet and phone would be the same price so essentially I am getting cable for free....................I ended up getting another fuggin cable package for 9 bucks a month for 6 mths so I get HBO which has all the good shows! Call to cancel and end up paying more by the time you hang up...I am awesome. Until I am prepared to turf my landline it makes sense to keep cable until then.
A. made dinner tonight - nice treat.
I spent the day rearranging the bedroom and living room...always something satisfying about rearranging furniture...you feel like a broken piece of shit after all is said and done but damn! The place looks NEW! haha Anyhow...my living room is less cluttered and my bedroom is too b/c I have finally decided to say goodbye to my VCR. Yes that's right folks...I am taking a leap and no longer taping my stupid soap b/c I can watch it for free with Shaw on Demand. This is my 1st step twds kicking it entirely. It is so lame - even for me. Seeing as I refuse to get a PVR until they become more reasonably priced...now I have my old VCR (I bought it when Ayla was 2 or 3 so it over 15 yrs old) and a newer one in the closet...this seems a little dumb. I think I will get rid of both...I do not have many VHS tapes left and this may spur me to get rid of the rest.
I called Shaw the other night to cancel my cable (this is so funny) and found out that with the package I have (which is also no longer offered and still good for a few more years) me canceling my cable would cost pretty much the same b/c without the package my internet and phone would be the same price so essentially I am getting cable for free....................I ended up getting another fuggin cable package for 9 bucks a month for 6 mths so I get HBO which has all the good shows! Call to cancel and end up paying more by the time you hang up...I am awesome. Until I am prepared to turf my landline it makes sense to keep cable until then.
A. made dinner tonight - nice treat.
Friday, August 31, 2012
CRIDGE!!!!
What a week. Tere was here Saturday - Wednesday...Gotta say Bingo was funny but so stressful...I should never play more than 6 cards....3 if I want to really be on top of things. Funniest ppl at bingo...most are really nice etc of course but like everywhere there is always some asshole that annoys the shit out of you by being a big mouth a-hole. The person who doesn’t work at the bingo hall but wishes she did b/c she is just so in love with being there and pretending she owns the place. We never did try out the other place in Tillicum...maybe I will save that for if my mom visits again...we can go bingo-ing for kicks!
Not gunna lie – this was a hard visit...Tere’s purpose for the visit was to bring over Taylor’s clothes b/c she is having the awesome crafty quilter Sarah make them into 2 memorial quilts...one for her and one for Taylor’s dad. Taylor will be gone 1 year next month so I know this task of ironing and cutting up his clothes was something that was a huge hurdle to get started let alone finish – but she did it...ugh! She also got herself tattooed...she had their favourite song when Taylor was little tattooed around her wrist “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine”...pretty heavy day that was...so needless to say I was looking fwd to going home last night and watching the last episode of True Blood that aired on Sunday until next summer. No talking...no noise...no nothing but me and myself....oooo yessssssssssssssss...it was grand....The True Blood season finale was one of the season finales when you yell FUGGGGGG at the end b/c you are so mad to be left hanging for 10 gawd damn months.
I am enjoying all the BC Liberal’s jumping ship...and acting like they are not jumping shit but retiring or moving on like it is no big deal...someone said it right...handfuls of ppl do not retire and leave a party that is not crumbling to its death. They had a good run those greedy, money mongering, mismanaging, morally corrupt shits...medical/health services, education, the environment – have all gone to shit...thanks Gordo – your legacy of assholery lives on. Long overdue for some change around here...and I can only hope the NDP pick up the slack and fix some shit up before they start acting like power hungry assholes too.
Had a wee earthquake the other day...I like wee earthquakes...I think of them as pressure releasing quakes....buying time before the massive one hits...I am hoping I am long dead when that happens. I have to say watching how the ppl of New Orleans/Louisiana were all but forgotten during their natural disaster I am a bit nervous about having any hope that we would receive efficient assistance here. One good thing is that there are a lot of so-called important ppl in Victoria so one would IMAGINE the turnaround time would be ok for help arriving but...who knows.? I hate thinking about earthquakes and such b/c it really gets me spazzed out...having a kid and the separation at such a time would be sickening...that reminds me we need to pick a meeting spot in such an event...DO YOU HEAR ME KID? Meet me on top of the Cridge Centre hill across the street! High ground! Now I feel sick.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Halt All Squawking
What a slap in the face for some Republican a-hole to make statements of complete ignorance and stupidity about rape and pregnancy...I am glad that guy is feeling the burn now – the backlash has been delicious and I hope it is a career ender. The fools running around on this planet continue to entertain and horrify. CLICK HERE
I have been feeling all hateful towards the seagulls as of late only to have Guy post a picture of a baby gull on my FB wall and make me feel guilty. ::shakes fist at baby bird cuteness:: Mother Nature was extremely brilliant making females so susceptible to cuteness so that we did not murder our own offspring.
I am almost up to date with True Blood so that I can resume some sort of life...maybe start cooking again...go for a walk...visit humans...I have too many favourite shows...Californication, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Damages, True Blood...I am hesitant to try out new ones for this reason...Breaking Bad and Mad Men especially. My obsessive nature is just too weak to be reasonable with a whole season of tv right at my finger tips.
Man I have been sleeping so good this week...sure I dream about vampires and other weirdo shit but my gawd when I wake up I can’t believe I slept like such a dead donkey...I think the earplugs help...I don’t like being unable to hear someone coming at me to kill me but at the same time...whatever. I don’t hear the cat scritching & being annoying...or A. coming in late...or neighbours...or seagulls (::shakes fists at the sky::) It is an equally blissful as wearing daytime ear buds on the bus...cannot hear kids crying, excessively loud conversations ppl have on their cell phones, cell phones going off, people having stupid conversations, the crazies talking to themselves about Wall Street/the stock market etc. I guess I live my life in the city as Guy does living in the woods...only he gets to connect to nature in the woods after disconnecting from the assholery and I am just disconnecting left, right and center and haven’t connected with anything yet.
Training starts next month for the Transition House...I am signed up and was relieved to find out that even though I originally thought I wanted to be a crisis line volunteer I am a bit unsure and have 3-4 training sessions before they branch off into 2 separate classes...that is when I will have to decide 100%. I think my main concern is my possible inability to maintain a healthy detachment...I am not sure about that but I think I will get a better sense after a few training classes so I am not making a decision until later.
OMFG work is so dead. I just wanna go home...I truly frigging hate it here when there is nothing to do...I was so desperate I took the teapot of death to the kitchen to clean out...someone made tea 2-3 mths ago and it’s been sitting there since...the teapot grew tea algae NOT EVEN KIDDING...and it partially solidified – so effing gross.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Milky Mangos
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2012/08/20/trevor-macdonald-breastfeed.html
Funny how deep those red neck roots go...upon reading this I immediately was shaking my head thinking "what the hell...make up your mind..." - then after logical reflection - who cares if this man who has female parts, birthed his own babies and lives as a transgendered man who wants to be a Le Leche League leader...? Seriously...is it impeding my life or mission of personal happiness? Nope. Would I have issues calling up the LLL and be mortified and traumatized if a transgendered person was the one that came to my house to help me out? Nope. Do I understand that some people would - Yes. I think a few more generations are in order to weed out people within our population that find this sort of thing highly unsettling.
It was not that long ago that being gay caused such a ruckus and sadly - for as much progress that has been made - we haven't really come that far...gays still get beat up for being gay. This transgender acceptance will take a while - it messes with peoples heads. All malice aside - we grown up knowing that MOMs are FEMALE and DADS are MALE. This transgendered stuff is confusing for a lot of ppl, myself included...and I am far more liberal than most.
There is still a novelty to it all...having grown up in the 80's cross-dressing and the like was really edgy and underground behavior...and now all this stuff is going mainstream and it is a real culture shock to many people.
Do I think transgendered people are entitled to less freedom than those who are not? No...but gimme a minute to wrap my head around this please. Ultimately, I admire the crap out of him mainly b/c the way he is feeding his son requires a lot of dedication and work and he is ensuring his son gets the best and kudos to him...most hetero-folk wouldn't go to half as much trouble in this day and age...
Funny how deep those red neck roots go...upon reading this I immediately was shaking my head thinking "what the hell...make up your mind..." - then after logical reflection - who cares if this man who has female parts, birthed his own babies and lives as a transgendered man who wants to be a Le Leche League leader...? Seriously...is it impeding my life or mission of personal happiness? Nope. Would I have issues calling up the LLL and be mortified and traumatized if a transgendered person was the one that came to my house to help me out? Nope. Do I understand that some people would - Yes. I think a few more generations are in order to weed out people within our population that find this sort of thing highly unsettling.
It was not that long ago that being gay caused such a ruckus and sadly - for as much progress that has been made - we haven't really come that far...gays still get beat up for being gay. This transgender acceptance will take a while - it messes with peoples heads. All malice aside - we grown up knowing that MOMs are FEMALE and DADS are MALE. This transgendered stuff is confusing for a lot of ppl, myself included...and I am far more liberal than most.
There is still a novelty to it all...having grown up in the 80's cross-dressing and the like was really edgy and underground behavior...and now all this stuff is going mainstream and it is a real culture shock to many people.
Do I think transgendered people are entitled to less freedom than those who are not? No...but gimme a minute to wrap my head around this please. Ultimately, I admire the crap out of him mainly b/c the way he is feeding his son requires a lot of dedication and work and he is ensuring his son gets the best and kudos to him...most hetero-folk wouldn't go to half as much trouble in this day and age...
Horny Lady in the Houseeeeeeeeee
I started to post last week while it was really hot out:
Here it comes...another whiny post about how hot it is. I cannot help myself. I have a low tolerance for heat. It is an affliction. A handicap of sorts. I am a victim of my temperature intolerance. I need a support group...never mind...I wouldn’t go b/c it is too hot out. The best thing about it being this hot is I know it cannot go on b/c eventually on our fine coast it will get grey and rain and then I shall rule the world...MuHahahaha hahaa hahaha hahahaha (evil laugh there)
But it was too hot to post. Ha! Then I woke up Saturday to the most glorious cloudy coolness...I nearly wept from the happiness. It was overwhelming. I watched True Blood all day...never even got dressed. It was divine.
Ayla made it home from an epic music festival/camping adventure in one piece. She did not get near enough food or sleep while away so the last few days she has been sleeping and eating. She just got full time @ the shoe store so she is HAPPY...I will now be handing over her cell phone bill to her – I am stoked about that...and also looking forward to some rent coming my way YEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
On Sunday I forced myself to leave the house and went to see a movie – RUBY SPARKS – which I quite enjoyed. I always enjoy watching things where the people in it are relationship retarded b/c then I don’t feel like such a beacon of loserness. Objectively – if I look around, most people are relationship retarded...I just happen to deal with my retardation differently – I would rather be by myself than be with someone for the sake of being with someone. We all just try to get by – I get it. While I am sure some people look at my life with heavy sadness in their hearts (haha) I feel that way towards people who pair up for the sake of pairing up. I enjoy my own company far too much to let some less than adequate person intrude upon my lonely perfection. Until I meet someone I can stand for longer than 30 days anyhow...it could happen. It may not. Either way, I am fine...though I do hope if I have to let someone intrude upon my lonely perfection he better have a pool in his yard.
The seagulls are full throttle annoying now...the squawking is unbearable some parts of the day...I can be heard cursing at them though I try not to b/c I realize how utterly ridiculous that is. SOLITUDE DESTROYERS...I effing hate them so much. While I was downtown yesterday at a bus stop all I could hear was the squawking MFers and I pondered the reality that all that noise (I assume) is to attract a mate to get laid. What a bunch of hoopla...I wish they would take their glaucous-porn somewhere else though...it is truly the bain of my existence right now...I whine about it ever.gawddamn.year I know... Completely pointless...much like my addiction to True Blood.
Yes despite my initial impression of this show I am completely sucked in and in love with this vampire series...I actually walk around the house practicing how Vampire Bill says “Sookie” in a deep, southern accent. I do not know why. I am also smitten with Vampire Eric...I do not usually like fair-haired and blue eyed men but good gawd he is 6 foot 1000 and a lovely mess of gangly limbs – I cannot help myself. I don’t love his face at all but it is the way he walks...that gangly, tall saunter of certain horny lady death...jfc. CLICK HERE FOR MY PERV CRUSH
Admittedly – I feel like a perv b/c I imagine my friend Buffy’s ex looked similar back in the day and it feels so very wrong...because he was/is a turd. Anyhow...while I was not in love with Season 2, Seasons 3 and 4 have been great so I am starting Season 5 soon...then I will be caught up and can add yet another show to my roster of shows I don’t get and have to DL weekly or wait for a new season to start etc. ANNOYING.
OK – I am now morphing from my previous paragraph 13 year old persona back into an old crusty lady in her 40’s. BORING....
Here it comes...another whiny post about how hot it is. I cannot help myself. I have a low tolerance for heat. It is an affliction. A handicap of sorts. I am a victim of my temperature intolerance. I need a support group...never mind...I wouldn’t go b/c it is too hot out. The best thing about it being this hot is I know it cannot go on b/c eventually on our fine coast it will get grey and rain and then I shall rule the world...MuHahahaha hahaa hahaha hahahaha (evil laugh there)
But it was too hot to post. Ha! Then I woke up Saturday to the most glorious cloudy coolness...I nearly wept from the happiness. It was overwhelming. I watched True Blood all day...never even got dressed. It was divine.
Ayla made it home from an epic music festival/camping adventure in one piece. She did not get near enough food or sleep while away so the last few days she has been sleeping and eating. She just got full time @ the shoe store so she is HAPPY...I will now be handing over her cell phone bill to her – I am stoked about that...and also looking forward to some rent coming my way YEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
On Sunday I forced myself to leave the house and went to see a movie – RUBY SPARKS – which I quite enjoyed. I always enjoy watching things where the people in it are relationship retarded b/c then I don’t feel like such a beacon of loserness. Objectively – if I look around, most people are relationship retarded...I just happen to deal with my retardation differently – I would rather be by myself than be with someone for the sake of being with someone. We all just try to get by – I get it. While I am sure some people look at my life with heavy sadness in their hearts (haha) I feel that way towards people who pair up for the sake of pairing up. I enjoy my own company far too much to let some less than adequate person intrude upon my lonely perfection. Until I meet someone I can stand for longer than 30 days anyhow...it could happen. It may not. Either way, I am fine...though I do hope if I have to let someone intrude upon my lonely perfection he better have a pool in his yard.
The seagulls are full throttle annoying now...the squawking is unbearable some parts of the day...I can be heard cursing at them though I try not to b/c I realize how utterly ridiculous that is. SOLITUDE DESTROYERS...I effing hate them so much. While I was downtown yesterday at a bus stop all I could hear was the squawking MFers and I pondered the reality that all that noise (I assume) is to attract a mate to get laid. What a bunch of hoopla...I wish they would take their glaucous-porn somewhere else though...it is truly the bain of my existence right now...I whine about it ever.gawddamn.year I know... Completely pointless...much like my addiction to True Blood.
Yes despite my initial impression of this show I am completely sucked in and in love with this vampire series...I actually walk around the house practicing how Vampire Bill says “Sookie” in a deep, southern accent. I do not know why. I am also smitten with Vampire Eric...I do not usually like fair-haired and blue eyed men but good gawd he is 6 foot 1000 and a lovely mess of gangly limbs – I cannot help myself. I don’t love his face at all but it is the way he walks...that gangly, tall saunter of certain horny lady death...jfc. CLICK HERE FOR MY PERV CRUSH
Admittedly – I feel like a perv b/c I imagine my friend Buffy’s ex looked similar back in the day and it feels so very wrong...because he was/is a turd. Anyhow...while I was not in love with Season 2, Seasons 3 and 4 have been great so I am starting Season 5 soon...then I will be caught up and can add yet another show to my roster of shows I don’t get and have to DL weekly or wait for a new season to start etc. ANNOYING.
OK – I am now morphing from my previous paragraph 13 year old persona back into an old crusty lady in her 40’s. BORING....
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Fack!
I have cooked more today than I have the whole time I have been off work since Aug 3rd...I go back tomorrow and I am rather mortified. In all honesty, the required schedule having a job is good for me - it created some type direction for me b/c left to my own devices I am a gawd damn sloth. I have spent 15 hrs watching the True Blood series this weekend and I don't even friggin LIKE it....I didn't realize it sucked so bad til I snuck in a few episodes from season 2 of DAMAGES (which is a clever, mind twisting series) and then in contrast I was embarrassed at myself for watching True Blood at all.
I have done very little since Connie left...I got my hair cut (which I love for a change) and hung out with Lisa a bit...then...did dinner at Tracey and Adrienne's and visited with them and Ash and Tasmin...which is always fun. I hung out with Lisa again and went to see THE BOURNE LEGACY...loved it...Ed Norton is in it ffs. I would so make out with him if he had a beard. And Jeremy Renner - I could also be convinced to make out with him...beard or not....I have this boner for movies that portray the lead hottie men as a one man beat-down machine...the unrealistic speed & skill of their fighting scenes gives me serious lady wood...even though I know its fake as shit...(with the exception of Bruce Lee b/c that mofo was fast as hell for real) I prefer my hot leading men to be dishing out the beat-downs and not getting them so this flick was awesome for me...I didn't realize until after that Lisa hadn't seen the previous 3...! ACKKKKKKKKK...I dunno how that made any sense to her at all.
I don't think SNUCK is a word....?? Googling now... OH LOOK: ERROR = SNUCK - In American English “snuck” has become increasingly common as the past tense of “sneak.” This is one of many cases in which people’s humorously self-conscious use of dialect has influenced others to adopt it as standard and it is now often seen even in sophisticated writing in the US. But it is safer to use the traditional form: “sneaked.”
I am leaving snuck up in paragraph one...b/c sneaked sounds weird.
Today Amanda (old pal from high school in PR) is coming to visit with her mom Karen and Amanda's son Kyle (who I have yet to meet and I am pretty sure he is 12 or something) - I haven't seen Amanda since...oh wow 13-14 yrs ago...so it should be pretty cool...I often cursed Amanda for being so skinny when we were teens...wished/willed her to have a giganic ass as she aged...my curse failed...I guess I will let her live since she didn't turn into a stuck up dink. ha!
I have done very little since Connie left...I got my hair cut (which I love for a change) and hung out with Lisa a bit...then...did dinner at Tracey and Adrienne's and visited with them and Ash and Tasmin...which is always fun. I hung out with Lisa again and went to see THE BOURNE LEGACY...loved it...Ed Norton is in it ffs. I would so make out with him if he had a beard. And Jeremy Renner - I could also be convinced to make out with him...beard or not....I have this boner for movies that portray the lead hottie men as a one man beat-down machine...the unrealistic speed & skill of their fighting scenes gives me serious lady wood...even though I know its fake as shit...(with the exception of Bruce Lee b/c that mofo was fast as hell for real) I prefer my hot leading men to be dishing out the beat-downs and not getting them so this flick was awesome for me...I didn't realize until after that Lisa hadn't seen the previous 3...! ACKKKKKKKKK...I dunno how that made any sense to her at all.
I don't think SNUCK is a word....?? Googling now... OH LOOK: ERROR = SNUCK - In American English “snuck” has become increasingly common as the past tense of “sneak.” This is one of many cases in which people’s humorously self-conscious use of dialect has influenced others to adopt it as standard and it is now often seen even in sophisticated writing in the US. But it is safer to use the traditional form: “sneaked.”
I am leaving snuck up in paragraph one...b/c sneaked sounds weird.
Today Amanda (old pal from high school in PR) is coming to visit with her mom Karen and Amanda's son Kyle (who I have yet to meet and I am pretty sure he is 12 or something) - I haven't seen Amanda since...oh wow 13-14 yrs ago...so it should be pretty cool...I often cursed Amanda for being so skinny when we were teens...wished/willed her to have a giganic ass as she aged...my curse failed...I guess I will let her live since she didn't turn into a stuck up dink. ha!
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Botanical Beach Adventure
PORT RENFREW & BOTANICAL BEACH PHOTOS
What a fantastic weekend. Connie was on the island visiting her in-laws up in Parksville and managed to swing a 5 day - kid free - husband free - visit.....we have not had such a luxury since about 1990 so it was a pretty big deal - not to mention she was welcoming a bit of a break from her kids who run her ragged on a daily basis.
Connie arrived Thursday and picked me up from work and we went and had a really great dinner at Japanese Village...the ppl we were seated with weren't too weird so that was a first. ha!
Friday we went to Island View Beach for the afternoon (yes I got us lost trying to get there...I always friggin end up in Langford ffs!) and walked and walked...enjoying the sea and wind under the hot sun...got myself a lopsided sunburn - always a treat.
We left for Port Renfrew around 10 am Saturday morning - was a pretty decent drive there...takes a few hours but it was nice...that road is a little snaky and has a bunch of one-lane sections so you kind of have to be on the ball. We found our motel easily enough...it was ok but essentially a piece of shit considering it was 150.00 a night...no ice machine (my main JOY of motel/hotel stays)...we opted to do Botanical Beach Sunday morning at the lowest tide to avoid the worst of the sun/heat - so Saturday we had the day to just hang and do whatever...we ate some great food at the Port Renfrew Hotel (best halibut & chips EVER) then went in search of WATER...we were looking for Fairy Lake but despite our best efforts never did find it. There is NO cell service in Port Renfrew so aside from the shitty WiFi at the motel and the restaurant I was pretty much Google-less. OH THE HORROR! After a few wrong turns and some hairy road conditions we managed to stumble upon an amazing spot...a very happy accident...it was a beach off the Pacheedaht First Nation Campground...it was DIVINE! We stayed there for a few hours, both of us love the beach so it was a mutually pleasing time (that sounds dirty but it wasn't I swear!)...we did eventually tear ourselves away and went to check out Botanical Beach's trails and amenities so we were prepared for the next day...had some dinner and then retired to our shitty motel that was too damn hot...I laid there from 11 pm til 2 am wishing for sleep but it was so warm in the room...ughhhh and b/c the rest of the hotel was full with bikers there was no way the door was being left open so...ugh! I don't love sleeping with ppl in the room either...it disturbs my sleep chi hahaha I eventually fell asleep once I got my MP3 player out...I was up at 7 am and raring to get to Botanical Beach...
We got there at 9 am...low tide was 9:30 am so it was perfect. There are volunteers that monitor the parking lot to prevent vehicles getting broken into which is a FANTASTIC service...the guy was very helpful too...letting us know the best way to go is to do the loop by going down the steep trail on the far side so you can come up the less steep one when you are done. Despite my worries we were not eaten by a bear or a cougar though I am thoroughly convinced we were being stalked by both and a variety of other animals out to kill us.
I pretty much withheld any liquid from entering my body that morning b/c there was no effing way I was gunna pee in the bush...turns out there was a washroom at the bottom of the steep trail which was handy...I was sure to read all the signs about the danger of rogue waves and the tide trapping you etc...I take that shit pretty seriously - I am no dumb ass...after my Murder Beach near death experience in 2010 getting swept off a rocky beach into the sea is NOT something I am interested in...
Walking out on to the beach is instantly tantalizing....I have a real boner for weird rock formations and natures oddities so this beach just hits the spot for me...Connie was stoked for the tidal pools in a big way so we began the trek towards the sandstone...it is not easy walking, each step must be taken with care...you avoid stepping on slippery rocks obviously, or surfaces with living things on it...often every step you take has to be thought out b/c the next step you take might only have one safe option...its a puzzle...hippity hopping from rock to rock...even for skinny, agile ppl it can be treacherous. I was being extra cautious b/c falling was NOT an option - all the jagged rock, shells, barnacles etc would just be terrible to wipe out on...then comes the climbing bits...I am surprisingly zippy going from rock to rock for someone of my girth - I attribute that to growing up in Powell River and zipping around on the rocks so much as a youngster...but I was extremely conscious of my Achilles issue...as it turns out my Merrell water shoes I was wearing have amazing tread on the bottom and I am confident saved my bacon on a few occasions...they paid for themselves on that walk - I do not recommend running shoes.
There were a few parts where I was trapped and could not just hippity hop over to the next sandstone formation...so I had to go like a baby on my ass praying to hayzooz that a jagged rock did not rip the ass out of my pants...my ass hanging out of my pants I could deal with compared to a wipe out...
I was aware of where the shoreline was at all times...that rogue wave business freaks me out...and as much as I would have LOVED to go closer I was not gunna be the tourist that got killed this summer...I was cringing watching ppl wearing babies in snugglies on the rocks and going so close to the surf....FACKKKK! NERVES! haahaha Anyhow...this worry wart didn't die and neither did anyone else right before my eyes so...onward we went.
We had a fantastic time frolicking around the grotto and inspecting the tidal pools, the amazing rock oddities and and sea life. When we reached the other end and found the trail back up neither of us wanted to leave so we hung out and just enjoyed the day for as long as we could....but as per usual...the bladder rules and up we went...we took our time - the hike back up is less steep thank bloody hell and had lots of interesting twists and turns and areas to check out...as we were leaving all the tourists showed up so it was nice we missed the crowd.
Finally got to the top and this fatty was fuggin wasted and sweaty let me tell ya...but feeling awesome. Such an incredible place to visit. We made a donation to the volunteers who ensured our stuff was intact when we returned and re-hydrated - and eventually made our way out of town...was sad to leave the seaside...the HEAT of the day became very apparent as we left Sooke and went inland...gawd...what a hot shitty day to go back to the boiling city...
Connie went back up island this afternoon after we went to Chinatown for a bit of shopping and sushi for lunch. Will see her again briefly Friday when her and Jason and the kids come spend the night.
It was the coolest thing I have done as an adult and doing it with Connie was even cooler...definitely would love to do it again and explore the other side of the beach.
My kidlet leaves tomorrow for Shambhala - with some 25 yr olds ID so she can get in - to camp with Alex and dance her face off for 5 days...you know what that means right? That means the rest of my vacation I am actually ALONE in the house... MUAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHAH HA HHAH AH HAH HA HAH HAH AH HHAHAAAAA
What a fantastic weekend. Connie was on the island visiting her in-laws up in Parksville and managed to swing a 5 day - kid free - husband free - visit.....we have not had such a luxury since about 1990 so it was a pretty big deal - not to mention she was welcoming a bit of a break from her kids who run her ragged on a daily basis.
Connie arrived Thursday and picked me up from work and we went and had a really great dinner at Japanese Village...the ppl we were seated with weren't too weird so that was a first. ha!
Friday we went to Island View Beach for the afternoon (yes I got us lost trying to get there...I always friggin end up in Langford ffs!) and walked and walked...enjoying the sea and wind under the hot sun...got myself a lopsided sunburn - always a treat.
 |
| The beach off the Pacheedaht First Nation Campground |
We got there at 9 am...low tide was 9:30 am so it was perfect. There are volunteers that monitor the parking lot to prevent vehicles getting broken into which is a FANTASTIC service...the guy was very helpful too...letting us know the best way to go is to do the loop by going down the steep trail on the far side so you can come up the less steep one when you are done. Despite my worries we were not eaten by a bear or a cougar though I am thoroughly convinced we were being stalked by both and a variety of other animals out to kill us.
 |
| Ackkkk!!!! |
Walking out on to the beach is instantly tantalizing....I have a real boner for weird rock formations and natures oddities so this beach just hits the spot for me...Connie was stoked for the tidal pools in a big way so we began the trek towards the sandstone...it is not easy walking, each step must be taken with care...you avoid stepping on slippery rocks obviously, or surfaces with living things on it...often every step you take has to be thought out b/c the next step you take might only have one safe option...its a puzzle...hippity hopping from rock to rock...even for skinny, agile ppl it can be treacherous. I was being extra cautious b/c falling was NOT an option - all the jagged rock, shells, barnacles etc would just be terrible to wipe out on...then comes the climbing bits...I am surprisingly zippy going from rock to rock for someone of my girth - I attribute that to growing up in Powell River and zipping around on the rocks so much as a youngster...but I was extremely conscious of my Achilles issue...as it turns out my Merrell water shoes I was wearing have amazing tread on the bottom and I am confident saved my bacon on a few occasions...they paid for themselves on that walk - I do not recommend running shoes.
There were a few parts where I was trapped and could not just hippity hop over to the next sandstone formation...so I had to go like a baby on my ass praying to hayzooz that a jagged rock did not rip the ass out of my pants...my ass hanging out of my pants I could deal with compared to a wipe out...
I was aware of where the shoreline was at all times...that rogue wave business freaks me out...and as much as I would have LOVED to go closer I was not gunna be the tourist that got killed this summer...I was cringing watching ppl wearing babies in snugglies on the rocks and going so close to the surf....FACKKKK! NERVES! haahaha Anyhow...this worry wart didn't die and neither did anyone else right before my eyes so...onward we went.
We had a fantastic time frolicking around the grotto and inspecting the tidal pools, the amazing rock oddities and and sea life. When we reached the other end and found the trail back up neither of us wanted to leave so we hung out and just enjoyed the day for as long as we could....but as per usual...the bladder rules and up we went...we took our time - the hike back up is less steep thank bloody hell and had lots of interesting twists and turns and areas to check out...as we were leaving all the tourists showed up so it was nice we missed the crowd.Finally got to the top and this fatty was fuggin wasted and sweaty let me tell ya...but feeling awesome. Such an incredible place to visit. We made a donation to the volunteers who ensured our stuff was intact when we returned and re-hydrated - and eventually made our way out of town...was sad to leave the seaside...the HEAT of the day became very apparent as we left Sooke and went inland...gawd...what a hot shitty day to go back to the boiling city...
Connie went back up island this afternoon after we went to Chinatown for a bit of shopping and sushi for lunch. Will see her again briefly Friday when her and Jason and the kids come spend the night.
It was the coolest thing I have done as an adult and doing it with Connie was even cooler...definitely would love to do it again and explore the other side of the beach.
My kidlet leaves tomorrow for Shambhala - with some 25 yr olds ID so she can get in - to camp with Alex and dance her face off for 5 days...you know what that means right? That means the rest of my vacation I am actually ALONE in the house... MUAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHAH HA HHAH AH HAH HA HAH HAH AH HHAHAAAAA
Sunday, July 29, 2012
my new favorite poem....
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
by Mary Oliver
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Someday you will ache like I ache....
It is a sunny Saturday morning here in the land of the sluggish and near dead. Mexican tortilla soup is cooking on the stove awaiting the arrival of the fabulous Kate - who is driving down from Mill Bay to hang out for the day. Always a good day with Kate. Having known each other since we were small kids there is a familiarity that I find rather comforting.
Speaking of familiarity...one of my mom's old friends from a million yrs ago it seems popped up on facebook this week and it was really trippy to talk on the phone and catch up...she has known me since I was little...my brother and sister too...and I have to say that it is not often I have to inform someone of my brothers suicide almost 11 yrs after the fact...that was a weird moment. The weirdest thing about it is I don't have many ppl in my life who even knew my brother - never mind knew him when he was a wee kid. My family was so fragmented, living in too many places - apart. Makes it even sadder hearing someone else say what a lovely little boy he was, so sweet and adorable...
I often wonder if I am going to be feeling that loss so close to the surface for the rest of my life...how can something 11 yrs old feel so fresh? Why hasn't it found a little nook to crawl into like every other psyche-stabbing event in my life to date? It doesn't feel unresolved to me. I have no lingering questions...there is no mystery to it anymore...just wide-open, raw grief that I cannot seem to put in it's little nook and revisit when I choose to. It chooses to visit me, uninvited and on a regular basis. Sure - life carries on, I go through the motions but it still feels so very raw...every day since Oct 24, 2000 I will look up at a clock and it will be 10:24 - either am or pm...every.day.since. No bullshit...24's everywhere...my obsessive ocd brain always on overload...
Oh...A. just asked me how I survive not getting laid. ha ha haaa Cocky kids these days...I could have asked how she survives knowing so little about life but I decided to eat it and laugh instead.
SONG OF THE DAY: appropriately one of my favorite songs - say what you want about train-wreck Courtney Love, Kurt certainly did not write this for her - I stole the name of this blog from this song and still find the lyrics she wrote post-Kurt's suicide haunting and completely heartbreaking.
Northern Star ~ Hole
And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale the blinded eyes that see
The chaos bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide awake
I will in blackest night
And I wait for you
It's cold in here, there's no one left
And I wait for you
And nothing stops it happening
And I knew I'd cherish all my misery alone
And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere
He's so cold he will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the northern lights
Kneel into the frozen lights
And they paid, I cry and cry for you
Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow
I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows all that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude?
They run to the pines
It's black in here, blot out the sun and run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free
And I knew the fire and the ashes of his grace
And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold he will win the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold and white
And I want you
And blessed are the broken
And I beg you
No loneliness, no misery is worth you
Oh, tear his heart out
Cold as ice, it's mine
And I wait praying to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold raining on the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
And I pray begging to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold he will rule the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold as ice
Speaking of familiarity...one of my mom's old friends from a million yrs ago it seems popped up on facebook this week and it was really trippy to talk on the phone and catch up...she has known me since I was little...my brother and sister too...and I have to say that it is not often I have to inform someone of my brothers suicide almost 11 yrs after the fact...that was a weird moment. The weirdest thing about it is I don't have many ppl in my life who even knew my brother - never mind knew him when he was a wee kid. My family was so fragmented, living in too many places - apart. Makes it even sadder hearing someone else say what a lovely little boy he was, so sweet and adorable...
I often wonder if I am going to be feeling that loss so close to the surface for the rest of my life...how can something 11 yrs old feel so fresh? Why hasn't it found a little nook to crawl into like every other psyche-stabbing event in my life to date? It doesn't feel unresolved to me. I have no lingering questions...there is no mystery to it anymore...just wide-open, raw grief that I cannot seem to put in it's little nook and revisit when I choose to. It chooses to visit me, uninvited and on a regular basis. Sure - life carries on, I go through the motions but it still feels so very raw...every day since Oct 24, 2000 I will look up at a clock and it will be 10:24 - either am or pm...every.day.since. No bullshit...24's everywhere...my obsessive ocd brain always on overload...
Oh...A. just asked me how I survive not getting laid. ha ha haaa Cocky kids these days...I could have asked how she survives knowing so little about life but I decided to eat it and laugh instead.
SONG OF THE DAY: appropriately one of my favorite songs - say what you want about train-wreck Courtney Love, Kurt certainly did not write this for her - I stole the name of this blog from this song and still find the lyrics she wrote post-Kurt's suicide haunting and completely heartbreaking.
Northern Star ~ Hole
And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale the blinded eyes that see
The chaos bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide awake
I will in blackest night
And I wait for you
It's cold in here, there's no one left
And I wait for you
And nothing stops it happening
And I knew I'd cherish all my misery alone
And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere
He's so cold he will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the northern lights
Kneel into the frozen lights
And they paid, I cry and cry for you
Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow
I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows all that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude?
They run to the pines
It's black in here, blot out the sun and run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free
And I knew the fire and the ashes of his grace
And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold he will win the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold and white
And I want you
And blessed are the broken
And I beg you
No loneliness, no misery is worth you
Oh, tear his heart out
Cold as ice, it's mine
And I wait praying to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold raining on the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
And I pray begging to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold he will rule the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold as ice
Monday, July 23, 2012
One love feeds the fire...one heart burns desire...
I am excited b/c in 30 mins I am going to bed...at 9pm...with a book...my phone to play a game or 2. VICTORY! (hopefully!)
So - I installed this app on my phone that Michelle B told me about...MY FITNESS PAL...lol Sounds so ghey...(and I mean that this time AMANDA & ERIN)...you punch in everything you eat and it does all the friggin math for you even though I do not buy into that ideology that it is necessary to get into all that to be healthy...I know EXACTLY what I should be eating and what I shouldn't...every piece of food that passes my lips does not do so with extreme over-thought - trust me...anyhow...I have been meaning to start writing down everything I eat for a while just b/c it does make you a little more accountable when you are mindful about such things...well this things takes it to the next level and adds all the fat and calories etc and lets you know how many you have left for the day after each entry....well by 2pm I was allowed 88 more calories. Fack! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA Clearly today was a bad experiment but it was interesting....so I will do it for a while and watch the improvement...--- that is me being an optimist right there...it is like a wild, mysterious unicorn, doesn't let itself be seen often.
I am listening to Journey...feeling less bad about saying SUCK IT to the Journey/Loverboy/Night Ranger concert coming to town in December...I am over it now...nostalgia or not 100 bones plus s/c is dumb and I will sit at home and listen to the 3 bands on my computer. I would pay more than that to see Heart live if they promised to do the whole Dreamboat Annie record live...fml I would LOVE that!
Anyhow...Me + a book + my bed = RIGHT NOW!
So - I installed this app on my phone that Michelle B told me about...MY FITNESS PAL...lol Sounds so ghey...(and I mean that this time AMANDA & ERIN)...you punch in everything you eat and it does all the friggin math for you even though I do not buy into that ideology that it is necessary to get into all that to be healthy...I know EXACTLY what I should be eating and what I shouldn't...every piece of food that passes my lips does not do so with extreme over-thought - trust me...anyhow...I have been meaning to start writing down everything I eat for a while just b/c it does make you a little more accountable when you are mindful about such things...well this things takes it to the next level and adds all the fat and calories etc and lets you know how many you have left for the day after each entry....well by 2pm I was allowed 88 more calories. Fack! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA Clearly today was a bad experiment but it was interesting....so I will do it for a while and watch the improvement...--- that is me being an optimist right there...it is like a wild, mysterious unicorn, doesn't let itself be seen often.
I am listening to Journey...feeling less bad about saying SUCK IT to the Journey/Loverboy/Night Ranger concert coming to town in December...I am over it now...nostalgia or not 100 bones plus s/c is dumb and I will sit at home and listen to the 3 bands on my computer. I would pay more than that to see Heart live if they promised to do the whole Dreamboat Annie record live...fml I would LOVE that!
Anyhow...Me + a book + my bed = RIGHT NOW!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
YES!
We found Chris' birth father yesterday.....................................................contact established...so satisfying.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Reward
This week has been a complete whirlwind of intense emotion and excitement. Chris (you remember, my 1989 make out guy...? He lives in China with his wife and we have had a grand time getting reacquainted in the last month or so) had disclosed he was adopted a few weeks back...mentioned being unable to locate his birth parents for 20+ years even with professional help...he had a few details so I got looking but had no luck...as it turned out he had his details a bit mixed up so once he got the updated info I got to work. I am a bit resourceful in the department of finding things out...especially things that are none of my beeswax. Truth is, I love skip tracing and research and that is why I always did so well at Money Mart with collections..I didn't like calling ppl with no money to ask them for money they didn't have but I loved the process of tracking someone down.
...not gunna lie...I REALLY wanted to find his mom...not just for the ego boost to be the one who did it either...I REALLY wanted to find her for Chris, he watched his other adopted siblings find their birth parents with hardly any effort and he hadn't had leads at all...I was pretty determined...with that being said, on Monday night I poked around online looking up Blaine Lake, SK where his mom Valerie Jean McDonald was from, I had her b'day as well...and knew she was a nurse...being from such a small town proved to be helpful...population 500...smaller haystack. I happened to stumble upon this website that had a book compiled by local historians and residents...I knew I hit the jackpot b/c my Aunty Cathy bought one for me from the Bow River area of Alberta where my grandfather was raised and it is fantastic...so much information on families and local businesses etc. To my surprise this Blaine Lake version (done in 1982 or so) was scanned and available online for anyone to view. I was VIBRATING...I had a very good feeling about it.
Once I figured out how to navigate the site I went directly to the McDonald families...there were a few and then the last one instantly made me feel "electric"...especially the photo...there was a photo of Mr & Mrs McDonald with their 3 daughters...I scanned for Valerie but no Valerie....but this picture...the blonde daughter (quite pretty)...she had Chris's eyes.....by this point I am thinking I might be a little paranoid...wishful thinking you know...the blonde daughter was named Jeanne...hmmmm Valerie Jean...Jeanne...hmmmm...I carried on...read some more about her life...how she was a nurse (ding ding ding), loved music and traveled the world singing - settled in California and had 3 children...I poked around a little more...always drawn back to that family...but decided to try the next night with a fresh head...went to bed...and thought about it a lot before falling asleep...
The next morning I wake up...check email and there is an email from Chris with some additional info....I near shit. He had been in touch with the adoption registry ppl and got some info...that his birth mom loved music...her father was a mechanic...she was very pretty etc...WELL SHIT...in that online book Mr McDonald had owned a garage...and the 3 daughters all studied music.... (all hair standing up on my head at that point)...I go back to the book...reread it....and see that her husbands name was listed in it...I am still perplexed by the VALERIE JEAN/JEANNE name...I had contemplated a clerical error with the name Chris was given - as I know from talking with Aunty Cathy about her genealogy research that is common and can really throw you off.
I googled the name of the husband she married in California and SURE AS SHIT it says his wife's name is Valerie Jeanne McDonald. BINGO. I guess her family called her by her middle name Jeanne and the info Chris was given was her legal name with the middle name misspelled....OMFG. There she was...right there. Chris's birth mom....unfortunately...I could also see that she had passed away in 1997 which was a total drag. Heartbreaking really.
I started sending all my info to Chris...I was seriously losing my mind...and at the same time I am googling the shit out of the info I have and discover he has 3 - possibly 4 other siblings...one of whom I emailed to confirm she was the daughter of Valerie....so while I am firing off all this info - I am clearly not gunna get to work on time so I called in said I would be in at noon and take a half day of vacation...no biggy...onward I go...I hadn't gotten a reply back from Chris so I was a little concerned he was at home reading it losing his shit...so I called him...in China...(2 cents a min kicks ass) - he had been out and was just reading the emails...
the whole phone call was a flurry of unbelievable babbling...while on the phone I heard back from the one sibling who confirmed she was the daughter of Valerie....so Chris asked me to write her - so I compiled an email of all the info I had and how I came across the results...and introduced her to her "big brother Chris"....afterwards I found all his siblings on FB...and multiple cousins, aunts, uncles etc...total craziness....
Chris's sibling was blindsided...had no idea her mother had any other children....it took her a few days to get her thoughts in order and her and Chris have started talking and getting acquainted and he is getting all sorts of information...turns out his moms parents and sisters did know about the pregnancy...and one of his aunts did attempt to look for him at some point in the 90's with no luck....so basically Chris's whole world has just been shoved in a snow-globe and had the shit shaken out of it...in the best of ways...
It has been absolutely fantastic to be a part of it all...and I cannot help but think this is the reason we reconnected....I have looked for him before over the years to no avail until recently...and now a month later all this other amazing stuff unfolds for him...it is truly humbling and fantastic to give that to someone...I bet it is like how a person feels when they donate one of their kidneys to someone...except without the surgery hahaha SO FUGGING AWESOME. I am super stoked for him and glad he has the opportunity to fill in a bit of that hole in himself.
In the mean time....I am looking for his birth father...
...not gunna lie...I REALLY wanted to find his mom...not just for the ego boost to be the one who did it either...I REALLY wanted to find her for Chris, he watched his other adopted siblings find their birth parents with hardly any effort and he hadn't had leads at all...I was pretty determined...with that being said, on Monday night I poked around online looking up Blaine Lake, SK where his mom Valerie Jean McDonald was from, I had her b'day as well...and knew she was a nurse...being from such a small town proved to be helpful...population 500...smaller haystack. I happened to stumble upon this website that had a book compiled by local historians and residents...I knew I hit the jackpot b/c my Aunty Cathy bought one for me from the Bow River area of Alberta where my grandfather was raised and it is fantastic...so much information on families and local businesses etc. To my surprise this Blaine Lake version (done in 1982 or so) was scanned and available online for anyone to view. I was VIBRATING...I had a very good feeling about it.
Once I figured out how to navigate the site I went directly to the McDonald families...there were a few and then the last one instantly made me feel "electric"...especially the photo...there was a photo of Mr & Mrs McDonald with their 3 daughters...I scanned for Valerie but no Valerie....but this picture...the blonde daughter (quite pretty)...she had Chris's eyes.....by this point I am thinking I might be a little paranoid...wishful thinking you know...the blonde daughter was named Jeanne...hmmmm Valerie Jean...Jeanne...hmmmm...I carried on...read some more about her life...how she was a nurse (ding ding ding), loved music and traveled the world singing - settled in California and had 3 children...I poked around a little more...always drawn back to that family...but decided to try the next night with a fresh head...went to bed...and thought about it a lot before falling asleep...
The next morning I wake up...check email and there is an email from Chris with some additional info....I near shit. He had been in touch with the adoption registry ppl and got some info...that his birth mom loved music...her father was a mechanic...she was very pretty etc...WELL SHIT...in that online book Mr McDonald had owned a garage...and the 3 daughters all studied music.... (all hair standing up on my head at that point)...I go back to the book...reread it....and see that her husbands name was listed in it...I am still perplexed by the VALERIE JEAN/JEANNE name...I had contemplated a clerical error with the name Chris was given - as I know from talking with Aunty Cathy about her genealogy research that is common and can really throw you off.
I googled the name of the husband she married in California and SURE AS SHIT it says his wife's name is Valerie Jeanne McDonald. BINGO. I guess her family called her by her middle name Jeanne and the info Chris was given was her legal name with the middle name misspelled....OMFG. There she was...right there. Chris's birth mom....unfortunately...I could also see that she had passed away in 1997 which was a total drag. Heartbreaking really.
I started sending all my info to Chris...I was seriously losing my mind...and at the same time I am googling the shit out of the info I have and discover he has 3 - possibly 4 other siblings...one of whom I emailed to confirm she was the daughter of Valerie....so while I am firing off all this info - I am clearly not gunna get to work on time so I called in said I would be in at noon and take a half day of vacation...no biggy...onward I go...I hadn't gotten a reply back from Chris so I was a little concerned he was at home reading it losing his shit...so I called him...in China...(2 cents a min kicks ass) - he had been out and was just reading the emails...
the whole phone call was a flurry of unbelievable babbling...while on the phone I heard back from the one sibling who confirmed she was the daughter of Valerie....so Chris asked me to write her - so I compiled an email of all the info I had and how I came across the results...and introduced her to her "big brother Chris"....afterwards I found all his siblings on FB...and multiple cousins, aunts, uncles etc...total craziness....
Chris's sibling was blindsided...had no idea her mother had any other children....it took her a few days to get her thoughts in order and her and Chris have started talking and getting acquainted and he is getting all sorts of information...turns out his moms parents and sisters did know about the pregnancy...and one of his aunts did attempt to look for him at some point in the 90's with no luck....so basically Chris's whole world has just been shoved in a snow-globe and had the shit shaken out of it...in the best of ways...
It has been absolutely fantastic to be a part of it all...and I cannot help but think this is the reason we reconnected....I have looked for him before over the years to no avail until recently...and now a month later all this other amazing stuff unfolds for him...it is truly humbling and fantastic to give that to someone...I bet it is like how a person feels when they donate one of their kidneys to someone...except without the surgery hahaha SO FUGGING AWESOME. I am super stoked for him and glad he has the opportunity to fill in a bit of that hole in himself.
In the mean time....I am looking for his birth father...
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Low Tech
Upon hearing the announcement that Journey, Night Ranger and Loverboy coming to Victoria in December I was thinking about how I would play the ever-loving shit out of all my records as a kid...like...not just a lot...a shit ton. Factor in that I was usually ALWAYS grounded to my bedroom - it was pretty serious obsessive behavior...now had my folks really wanted to break me all they would have had to do was take away my record player or records...mind you that would have been a terrible parenting choice b/c then I would have had to stab them in their sleep or burn the house down.
I was ruled by rage and stupidity as a kid...Connie and I plotted the death of a few people...we didn't make maps or sketches of the plan but we had thought about it to the degree where it is kinda creepy...example: body disposal. We considered waiting for it to be just before a freeze so we could dump the said victim in the river and then the body would be frozen all winter and not be found until it thawed - destroying most of the evidence. (Did all the hairs just stand up on the back of your neck? Good.) Luckily...even at my worst I am rather sensible to a degree so you know...we never killed anyone.
I just saw a photo of my biological father on Facebook (his daughter Sara posted one of the 2 of them)...he is in his 60's now...I detect NO resemblance whatsoever. None. Do you see any? I know I kinda look like my mom ppl say but I can't see that either so I think maybe I just can't make that sort of connection. (A. just looked and sees it but I still don't)
Pretty trippy...funny how in time none of that really matters at all...I truly couldn't give less of a shit about it. The damage is done and long gone...it is not just a novelty of searching faces in photos for a glimmer of recognition...going through loser dad stuff with A. has lead me to where I am with my own stuff...I look at A. and her life and can see plain as day that it does not need to have any grand hold over her future. It is what it is...and fuck it - carry on and live your life. I have spent far too much of my life pissed off about other peoples behavior or lack of behavior - what a waste of time and energy that should have gone into dealing with my own behavior and life.
Of course telling someone in the thick of it is generally not much good.
I just saw a photo of my biological father on Facebook (his daughter Sara posted one of the 2 of them)...he is in his 60's now...I detect NO resemblance whatsoever. None. Do you see any? I know I kinda look like my mom ppl say but I can't see that either so I think maybe I just can't make that sort of connection. (A. just looked and sees it but I still don't)
 |
| Sara (half sister) & Gord (bio-father) |
 |
| Moi |
 | |
| Mom |
Pretty trippy...funny how in time none of that really matters at all...I truly couldn't give less of a shit about it. The damage is done and long gone...it is not just a novelty of searching faces in photos for a glimmer of recognition...going through loser dad stuff with A. has lead me to where I am with my own stuff...I look at A. and her life and can see plain as day that it does not need to have any grand hold over her future. It is what it is...and fuck it - carry on and live your life. I have spent far too much of my life pissed off about other peoples behavior or lack of behavior - what a waste of time and energy that should have gone into dealing with my own behavior and life.
Of course telling someone in the thick of it is generally not much good.
UPDATE 2023: in 2017 via Ancestry DNA I found out that guy was not my dad after all...hahahhaha and I actually look like my real dad a bit...FORESHADOWING POST!
Friday, July 06, 2012
Nerd Night @ Jen's Place
I am tormenting the cat whilst listening to terrible 80's music...while all that fantastical shit is going on I am making tortilla soup in the crock pot so Doris and I can dine on it before we go see Bill Maher at the Royal Theatre...cannot wait to have jalapeno heartburn all through Bill Maher's show. ha! YEAH!
I must be sure to bring BUTTER to the Royal Theatre tomorrow night b/c I am sure to need it to fit into those small seats made for tiny Japanese people...good times...it will be a hoot though...cannot go wrong with 2 hrs of Bill Maher talking your ear off.
I really lucked out and Donna in Nanoose Bay is driving down Sunday afternoon for a visit...I am excited...we never get to visit just the 2 of us (sorry Guy)...so that will be a lovely way to finish off this short shitty 2 day weekend.
A. got the job at Aldo...perfect...she loves shoes. Am hoping in the fall she will get a plan in order and focus on making it happen...(SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE # 8759684796879564: school school school)...
Ok I am suddenly very tired...I must retire to my boudoir to read my smutty bedtime novel.
I must be sure to bring BUTTER to the Royal Theatre tomorrow night b/c I am sure to need it to fit into those small seats made for tiny Japanese people...good times...it will be a hoot though...cannot go wrong with 2 hrs of Bill Maher talking your ear off.
I really lucked out and Donna in Nanoose Bay is driving down Sunday afternoon for a visit...I am excited...we never get to visit just the 2 of us (sorry Guy)...so that will be a lovely way to finish off this short shitty 2 day weekend.
A. got the job at Aldo...perfect...she loves shoes. Am hoping in the fall she will get a plan in order and focus on making it happen...(SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE # 8759684796879564: school school school)...
Ok I am suddenly very tired...I must retire to my boudoir to read my smutty bedtime novel.
Adoption Search
I am posting this in hopes it will eventually lead someone to my friend Chris.
I have had many occasions where people have Googled a name and been lead to this blog - so I am hoping the same will happen for Chris.
Christopher Bellman was adopted as a baby from an Edmonton orphanage.
Chris was born September 22, 1963 in Edmonton, Alberta.
Chris's birth name: GUY SCOTT MCDONALD
Birth Mother's name: VALERIE JEAN/JEANNE MCDONALD (born July 4, 1941, she was born in Blaine Lake, Saskatchewan and was a nurse apparently)
Birth Father's name: JEREMIE (JEREMY? GERALD? GERRY?) GRANT SCOTT (born September 11, 1940, in Vancouver, BC - he was a pharmacist apparently)
Chris has had NO luck searching for his birth parents since the 90's. He is on the "adoption registries" provincially and federally. Nothing. Heartbreaking really...extensive searching (professional and otherwise) has turned up nothing over the years.
Seeing that JEREMIE GRANT SCOTT would have been 22 when Chris was born I would assume VALERIE JEAN MCDONALD was just new to the nursing profession. These birth parents would be in their 70's now, may not even still be alive but Chris may have siblings out there looking with limited info...will update as more detailed info is gathered.
Contact Chris at: christopherbellman AT hotmail DOT com
(Last Update: July 17 2012) Both parents/siblings located...mother passed unfortunately, father in White Rock BC...
I have had many occasions where people have Googled a name and been lead to this blog - so I am hoping the same will happen for Chris.
Christopher Bellman was adopted as a baby from an Edmonton orphanage.
Chris was born September 22, 1963 in Edmonton, Alberta.
Chris's birth name: GUY SCOTT MCDONALD
Birth Mother's name: VALERIE JEAN/JEANNE MCDONALD (born July 4, 1941, she was born in Blaine Lake, Saskatchewan and was a nurse apparently)
Birth Father's name: JEREMIE (JEREMY? GERALD? GERRY?) GRANT SCOTT (born September 11, 1940, in Vancouver, BC - he was a pharmacist apparently)
Chris has had NO luck searching for his birth parents since the 90's. He is on the "adoption registries" provincially and federally. Nothing. Heartbreaking really...extensive searching (professional and otherwise) has turned up nothing over the years.
Seeing that JEREMIE GRANT SCOTT would have been 22 when Chris was born I would assume VALERIE JEAN MCDONALD was just new to the nursing profession. These birth parents would be in their 70's now, may not even still be alive but Chris may have siblings out there looking with limited info...will update as more detailed info is gathered.
Contact Chris at: christopherbellman AT hotmail DOT com
(Last Update: July 17 2012) Both parents/siblings located...mother passed unfortunately, father in White Rock BC...
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
saw some dong this weekend...
Pretty fun weekend...so much laughing...gawd you forget how fun your family is until they are around. Everyone's beating the door down to the bathroom to avoid peeing their pants laughing so hard. Pam almost rocketing a Wii remote through the TV was a highlight...Pam & Maggie shop until they drop but the thing is they never drop...they are immortal vampire-like shoppers while I am not in love with shopping...very mortal and generally avoid shopping whenever I can...their fun company though is what keeps it tolerable...the quesadilla maker they bought us has not rendered my boob wounded though so this is good. I have eaten quesadillas every day since they left...no injury...which is good b/c the waffle steam burn is really ugly now...no pain just a scabby piece o' titty bacon. Single IT IS fellas...single it is.
Saturday nights venture into Big John Bates land was...well...inferior to past ventures. The venue – Soprano's – sucks the balls of monkeys, donkeys and llamas. Soprano's is a douche bag bar and the problem with events such as these is the douche bag crowd is still there when a cool act is booked so it is a drag to have to be in the presence of such douchebaggery when you are going to see someone great play. When BJB plays Lucky Bar the vibe is TOTALLY different b/c the douche bag element is removed entirely...plus the stage is set up so that the band is showcased...at Soprano's – not blocked out by the retarded drunks flailing up front. Even Logan's would have been better...ugh – I hate you Soprano's. I bought a few cds that I have been dying to own though so I am now able to get my BJB fix...it appears the Voodoo Dollz portion of the show is done now though which is too bad as I quite enjoy that but the new sound on the new EP I picked up with Brandy Bones doing more vocals is pretty hot shit. While perusing the internet for BJB info I read he was the original singer for that Canadian mental band Annihilator...omfg I howled at that...I checked out an old pic of him from the time and that was amusing...as are most 80s/90s metal personas. I like where he went with his career...he has seen the world doing what he loves...cannot get much better than that.
We have a new fridge at work...it has a freezer. This will FOR CERTAIN change my life...ICE WATER at work...ice cold gel packs to combat the heat...freezies...I can bring in frozen stuff I make at home to eat for lunch at work without the bother of doing it daily...omg SO AWESOME...it is the small stuff in life that keeps me jolly.
MAGIC MIKE: Horny Lisa & I went to see it... and really it was not as useless and cheesie as I expected...The visual effects (haha) were fantastic – I mean really...what is better than a buncha hot guys who can dance gyrating around without the horror of having to see their penis? I have always preferred female strippers...mainly b/c having to see the goofy appendage of male strippers ruins the whole fun of it in my opinion...they should keep their junk covered at all times. It was a decent movie though – will it change your life – NOPE...but it isn't gawd awful either...and if you like hot guys dancing around – you will not be disappointed.
I saw more wiener in the movie WANDERLUST which I watched last night via the nudist in the movie was exposed a lot...so his dong is forever etched into the bowels of my mind...in fact the scene where the group of nudists run away from a careening vehicle is completely horrifying....be warned. I will say though that the scene where Paul Rudd is looking in the bathroom mirror trying to pump himself up to sleep with the resident hottie...I DIED...I was DYING...I laughed so hard...hysterically could not stop watching him go on and on saying the stupidest shit on earth in the most stupid ways...that scene...jfc...slayed me. Not sure if it will make anyone else on earth laugh like I did but....what else is new?! http://youtu.be/K-Cjn7JMqgE I just watched 4 seconds of it and had to turn it off b/c I was starting to laugh so hard....
Saturday nights venture into Big John Bates land was...well...inferior to past ventures. The venue – Soprano's – sucks the balls of monkeys, donkeys and llamas. Soprano's is a douche bag bar and the problem with events such as these is the douche bag crowd is still there when a cool act is booked so it is a drag to have to be in the presence of such douchebaggery when you are going to see someone great play. When BJB plays Lucky Bar the vibe is TOTALLY different b/c the douche bag element is removed entirely...plus the stage is set up so that the band is showcased...at Soprano's – not blocked out by the retarded drunks flailing up front. Even Logan's would have been better...ugh – I hate you Soprano's. I bought a few cds that I have been dying to own though so I am now able to get my BJB fix...it appears the Voodoo Dollz portion of the show is done now though which is too bad as I quite enjoy that but the new sound on the new EP I picked up with Brandy Bones doing more vocals is pretty hot shit. While perusing the internet for BJB info I read he was the original singer for that Canadian mental band Annihilator...omfg I howled at that...I checked out an old pic of him from the time and that was amusing...as are most 80s/90s metal personas. I like where he went with his career...he has seen the world doing what he loves...cannot get much better than that.
We have a new fridge at work...it has a freezer. This will FOR CERTAIN change my life...ICE WATER at work...ice cold gel packs to combat the heat...freezies...I can bring in frozen stuff I make at home to eat for lunch at work without the bother of doing it daily...omg SO AWESOME...it is the small stuff in life that keeps me jolly.
MAGIC MIKE: Horny Lisa & I went to see it... and really it was not as useless and cheesie as I expected...The visual effects (haha) were fantastic – I mean really...what is better than a buncha hot guys who can dance gyrating around without the horror of having to see their penis? I have always preferred female strippers...mainly b/c having to see the goofy appendage of male strippers ruins the whole fun of it in my opinion...they should keep their junk covered at all times. It was a decent movie though – will it change your life – NOPE...but it isn't gawd awful either...and if you like hot guys dancing around – you will not be disappointed.
I saw more wiener in the movie WANDERLUST which I watched last night via the nudist in the movie was exposed a lot...so his dong is forever etched into the bowels of my mind...in fact the scene where the group of nudists run away from a careening vehicle is completely horrifying....be warned. I will say though that the scene where Paul Rudd is looking in the bathroom mirror trying to pump himself up to sleep with the resident hottie...I DIED...I was DYING...I laughed so hard...hysterically could not stop watching him go on and on saying the stupidest shit on earth in the most stupid ways...that scene...jfc...slayed me. Not sure if it will make anyone else on earth laugh like I did but....what else is new?! http://youtu.be/K-Cjn7JMqgE I just watched 4 seconds of it and had to turn it off b/c I was starting to laugh so hard....
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