Wednesday, August 13, 2014

TMI TMI TMI Too Much Information...I know.

Due to the recent and shitty death of Robin Williams, today we are going to talk about a first world and third world problem in which I am currently embroiled in (This is a distraction from the RW Grief you are feeling). I generally joke about this a lot so it kind of feels like I am deservedly suffering from it - Scat Karma, of sorts.

The sad truth is ::SOB:: I have been plagued with the trots for 5 complete and full fucking days. I think it is safe to say, in Canada, the trots last generally a day or 2 tops when you get a bug (as opposed to the lifelong trots some ppl have in third world countries b/c their water is full of grossness) but oh no....this nightmare of unscheduled and extremely urgent poo has been going strong for 5 damn days. 

At first I was sure it was just my phantom gallbladder crap (pardon the pun) - but now I am not so sure.
This brown veil of cramping death could be a stomach bug but JFC - this seems excessive. No one else I know has this and no one I have been around lately is plagued...(or perhaps they have some class and just don't blog about it?)

I was a total jackass today and went to work, where I spent a good portion of the day earnestly taking the elevator from the 5th floor to the 2nd floor where there is an unshared handicapped washroom (So much for anti-shit-your-pants pills working). I have never wanted to beat the fuck out of a slow elevator so badly in all my life...and I dare ANYONE to call me out for using that washroom. So really - 4 trips to the can on another floor in the span of 3 hours is fairly legit sickness in my humble opinion. This is NOT the ideal way to be productive at work and the shakes and weakness combined make the whole martyrdom work experience rather....shitty stupid.

I have this irrational thought about my inner guts since my gallbladder was removed... whenever I feel a cramp (it is always up where your GB is if you have one, so where mine WAS) or anything "off" I am convinced that the clamps on my cystic bile ducts are not right and I have a bile leak and am slowly dying. Awesome. Though after just doing some reading I see it is a real thing (though rare) so maybe I am not so paranoid after all! Postoperative Cystic Duct Stump Leaks (CDSL)

Or maybe I just have a stomach bug and should just carry on trying not to shit my pants during urgent elevator rides at work...? And quit talking about it....Uh-huh...

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Visitors From Outer Space

Lots of visitors this week.

Thursday - Sara arrives. Sara being my half biological sister (deadbeat dad sperm donor side). We met for lunch downtown...I broke her Thai food wasn't really awkward or anything. We have been in contact for 15 years so there is a bit of familiarity there - the existence of that made this rather painless.
We made our way back to my house and spent the afternoon talking...she filled me in on all sorts of stuff about her dad and her life growing up. She gave me all the goods on the family and the dynamic (she is fairly positive her grandparents never knew of my existence) and how she fit into it all. We went for a nice long swim, chatting the whole time...then ordered in some dinner....more chatting. It was pretty decent really. While we have very little in common as people we are both conversationalists to some degree so there was never a lack of something to talk about.
At the end of it all - I was glad it happened and even more relieved to realize I missed absolutely nothing in the biological dad dept. One thing I certainly did not need then or now is another poor male role model/father figure in my life and that is exactly what that would have been. Listening to Sara explain his lack of real interest or kindness twds her as a child was very sad. I applaud her for - at 31 - being able to manage accepting that he is only capable to certain things and she has no expectations of him beyond those things (car advice, help with moving, etc) - anything emotional (support, sharing of feelings, etc) is completely not on the table.
Though, he has moments of real thoughtfulness from time to time (though seemingly infrequently) - Example being: When his oldest son James and his wife Jackie had a baby girl and named her Kayla...he quietly mentioned to Sara to not tell them that I had a daughter named Ayla b/c he thought they would feel obligated to pick a different name...for some reason I think that was thoughtful even though Ayla and Kayla are 2 different names and to me are nothing alike.
In a nutshell it sounds as if he spent a lot of his life as an alcoholic, abusive and mean and a gambling addict with very little to show for his life at 65...materialistically or relationship-wise.
Of his 3 children (Sara, James and Kevin) it sounds like he is closest to Kevin, his youngest, who is in his 20s and is fetal alcohol affected and leads a fairly limited life. It sounds like he makes a point to look out for Kevin a lot which was a bit redeeming.
I certainly have no reason to ever take his lack of interest personally...and this visit did not change my opinion of him at all, being that it was fairly low to begin with.
If you click the photo I think you can see that Gordon's family all have a similar look, long face etc...Sara says she sees a little of that in me but it is not pronounced like it is with her and James and Kevin. I still do not see it even a little in myself...but others do. No real pictures of Kevin to use but he looks very similar to Gordon and James, just very thin.

 Madelyn xo
Friday - Kelly, Regan and Madelyn arrive. So nice to see them all, especially Madelyn who is 9 now and loves to swim - we had a blast swimming while Kelly and Regan went to visit Kim at work and go for a drive. They left this morning on their 2 week road trip south to San Fran/Santa Cruz, California. Kelly is 18 weeks pregnant and this may be the last road trip in a while!

Today was a quiet day - not feeling well at all so I slept a lot and will probably be up late. There is another SUPER MOON tomorrow night. Hoping I won't forget about this one and get a look.