Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Happy Halloweener!

Never use this much silver/gray make up on your is hard to get off and that color in your pores looks hideous lol

Hot Donna & I...hanging out at Michael's

Simmer...mine never looked this good. Ever.

always an angel...ha ha ha

Thursday, October 24, 2013


Little Ayla & Glenn 1999
It is weird sitting around on anniversaries such as this...13 years since you experienced the biggest loss of your life...the worst day of your event, that even 13 years later, haunts you. You never really know how other ppl process and deal with loss, you only know how you feel and how you cope/don't cope. Life does go on (which is something I recall being very offended by early on), people move on, the world keeps spinning...all the while you sit and wonder if everyone is as well adjusted as they appear while you agonize and obsess over every moment you ever shared with the person you lost. There is a lot of joy mixed in there, without a doubt...but there is a world of grief that never seems to go anywhere. Then you talk to someone who comments that they are ok, time heals all wounds....and you think...Huh? When...? Please tell me when the darkness shrouding my heart will dissipate and I can get on with things? Sure I live my life, I go to work, I fake being somewhat happy well enough...but not a day goes by where I do not think of the greatest loss I have ever been unlucky enough to feel. Is that normal? I have no idea...and there is no way to gauge b/c  most ppl are not open enough to really ever know...and how to do you gauge grief and feelings? You can't...and why bother trying - it doesn't accomplish anything of merit.

It is fascinating to see how different ppl process and deal with loss and grief...there is no right or wrong in it at all but it is an interesting thing to sit and observe others and their displayed level of grief....or lack thereof. This only becomes something you ponder and preoccupy yourself with when you begin to question if maybe you are fucked in the head. ha!

I hate giving today's date any more power over me. It is bad enough I see 10's and 24's everything...the clock...the balances...lottery channels...prices...everywhere. I stopped making it a big hairy deal a few years back. Does it matter if I light a candle today or not? No. I do it if I feel like it...Tonight I am drinking tea...listening to all my favorite Matthew Good songs (b/c it was my brother who sent me a mixed tape and got me loving MG way way back)...and that is how it shall be.

I just picked the scab off my Grand Canyon hand 'thing'...did I share this story? I am standing at the bottom of the Grand fuggin Canyon...and I look down and see blood on my hand...I thought my nose was bleeding or something but no...I wiped it off...carried on...turned out something either bit me or impaled me...from out of nowhere...all the helicopters landing may have stirred up the air, no idea...could be a sting...or a rogue cactus began to itch later....and it has not stopped...I thought it might be the cause of the LOVELY facial rash I was inflicted with a few days after getting home (aka THE BEARD OF AGONY) but I have no idea really...all I know is the beard of agony is still making me look like a leper and still a bit itchy and my hand is still crazy itchy. Maybe some little Grand Canyon memento is jammed in there...maybe little baby bugs will crawl out of my hand after they gestate for an appropriate length of time? Fun times. Weird.

I am brewing a rant about betrayal in my head...not sure when I will get around to blathering on about it has been brewing a while now. Gotta sort that out.

Here is a song Glenn never got to hear that I know he would have loved...

RIP you little shit xo

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Randamonium meal ever...a 50.00 steak, a 9.00 baked potato and 8.00 green beans...Best beans on the joke...I am not even fond of green beans but these little delicate tendrils of drooly goodness were like something out of a supernatural cookbook they were so delicious...if you are ever in Vegas and want a steak go to Gallagher's in the NY NY Hotel.
 The lovely Catherine Greenwood - Poet Extraordinaire (who sits next to me at work mumbling and cursing to the delight of my virginal ears) has a new book out (THE LOST LETTERS) and yours truly managed to snap a few good pics of her at the graveyard that made the cut for her author picture... :)
Just hanging in a big deal...

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Las Vegas Withdrawal

Made it back alive with only a mysterious impalement and a case of facial leprosy!

What a fun fun fun place Las Vegas much to see and do...I did find I had to shut off the part of my brain that over-thinks things...example being at one point I was sitting in a casino doing the math and the amount of $ that is spent in that one town gambling, drinking, shipping and eating is shameful...seeing as I was partaking I chose to not think about that part much though. The moments where you look around and see how much $ is essentially being wasted while ppl are hungry 2 blocks away is guilt inducing...lucky for me I was not raised Catholic and can push that shit out of my mind fairly easily. 

Did a bunch of walking, checked out many casinos along the favorite thing was the helicopter tour. Despite the slippery "fat tax" they charged me at the last second (conveniently they wait to charge that until it is too late to cancel and you are already at the terminal to charge you an extra 200.00 - rude) it was an amazing trip....30 min tour of Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam until you get to the Grand Canyon landing site...30 mins to eat your lunch they provide with champagne (I didn't have any and Pam was a bit nauseous so she didn't either) and take photos, look around etc...then a half hour back to the airport...truly amazing and fun - very glad I did it! The desert is effing beautiful and I love all the formations and colors...amazing topography on this trip. Stunning. My photos here:

The Shark Reef was a hoot. Loved having sharks swim above, below and beside me....especially loved the jellyfish tank...and all the other creatures. I touched a stingray...slippery yuk is how I describe it. They are pretty cool creatures especially the wee ones. The Shark Reef is at the Mandalay Hotel which is rather posh...after that we hit our 1 and only buffet of the week in that hotel and man was it ever worth the 20 had so many options....roast beef, turkey, all the fixings that traditionally go with those meals, Italian, pizza, pasta (they prepared in front of u), Chinese, Mexican, pork, seafood....dessert section....holy shit it was heaven on earth. Too bad it was the last day b/c we would have lunched their daily if we knew about it! Crappy pics but here are my Shark Reef & random Vegas pics:

The Absinthe Show was a total shocker. I knew it was going to be good from the reviews When I originally booked the tickets I chose front row assuming it was in a theatre but it is actually a giant tent.

You can see in that photo I found online how close the front row is...seriously was hoping no one effed up and took a tumble b/c it would have meant trouble for the front row was kinda scary to watch it so close! During the rollerskating part we were warned to not stand up in the 1st row or we would get kicked in the head.

The humor of this show was vulgar and hilarious. Lots of old ppl there and I am pretty sure they did not know what they were signed up for prior to. The host guy is very Borat-like with the humor to match...he said some stuff that made me gasp....totally racist stuff...I did enjoy all the jokes about Germans though hahahaha It was a great 1.5 hours though - I would go again and sit back a bit. MY PHOTOS HERE:

Did some slot machining - won some, lost some....Wed morning I had won enough so I had the same amount of $ I had come with on Sunday which was nice...and even though I blew some of that I still came home with 280.00 that was awesome. At our hotel, New York New York, there is a steak house called Gallagher's and it was our favorite place to eat....we went twice in fact despite the fact the steaks alone are 40-50 dollars....then 9 bucks for a baked tater, 8 bucks for a side of the most delicious beans I have ever eaten...we would share a 20 0z steak (50.00) and it was delicious. Then Pam exposed me to the wonders of Creme Brulee....omg...that is delicious shit....
So now I am home...battling a serious case of facial leprosy that I hope it at least half gone by Tuesday for is a bummer to come home and be back to reality that is for sure... :(