Friday, August 29, 2008

I shaved my pits for maggie's wedding!

Work til 11 am
Then me and Shawn are hitting the road...hopefully we will not be killed in an earthquake as it has been VERY active the last few days....I still haven't felt one but i don't wanna either.

Did I ever tell you Shawn has gay mans taste in music?? OMG help me it will be terrible ha ha ha
Patrick and Rich will stay here this weekend and be sure the cat doesn't commit suicide off anything lethally high...Rich really loves the cat so that will help as the cat attacks him and drives him mental as he tries to sleep.

Is there no school supply list in high school? Have I forgotten this? I cant find one for Ayla's school to save my life and it just occurred to me that may be bc there isn't one hahaha I hope thats the case!

I am fucking starving - there is no food in this place...Ayla - i promise we will get groceries on MONDAY!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

he loves me, he loves me not

anyone still do that to poor defenseless flowers?

I will have a Maple Leaf Ham sandwhich please, easy on the listeria

I only work a half day today woohoo
last night Shawn , Rich, Patrick and I went for sushi...was good....funniness abound of course.
Shawn's brother Patrick is staying here this week and he and rich will cat sit while Shawn and i are in PR...
Aside from the gayness....Shawn and Patrick could not be more different ppl....they look similar...but man o man, completely different....I will say though the quick wit is there, just different delivery of it.

I think I got my touchy feely on last night and am good for a while now cuz Shawn was all huggy and Rich has decided he is going to start a hugging tradition now so it wont take 5+ yrs like it took Shawn to get hugs outta boys just love rubbing titties with least they are honest about it haha

Wedding is just a few days away!!!!!! I wonder how the scramble goes up in PR getting is looking like poo here so I do hope it warms up for Maggie's wedding.
I bet its gunna be a whirlwind of busy-ness there...will be nice to see everyone, its been quite some I gotta get in some Maddie time...shes a friggin grown up toddler all ready for fucks sake!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

giant inflatable turds

Yesterday I had the pleasure, at work, to listen to a conversation that tested my restraint quite considerably...
The work place is generally a safe haven from discrimination correct? People are usually on their best behaviour, not being too opinionated...etc...Even me as a bulldozer type personality plays it cool and reserved, as to not rock the boat , offend ppl or just become hideously unpopular.

So yesterday I am sitting there working away and the co-op student in the next pubicle (thats what i call cubicles now, keep up) is leaving soon and is training a new co-op student to do his job...
Well the old co-op student is not my favorite human so I just ignore him for the most part...and the new one isn't faring well either...can u believe they had a conversation, out loud and laughingly about getting NO FAT CHICKS stickers for their cars.....

I gotta say I was a little shocked...mainly b/c I WAS SITTING RIGHT FUCKING THERE and its not like im disguising my girth by posing as a playboy model daily at work....
So now I vehemently hate them both and want them to die in a dog pile of fat chicks for all eternity....

I ended up just putting my headphones on and ignoring the rest of the conversation, cuz theres nothing worse than a fat chick protesting about being a fat chick in the work place...but i cant wait for one of those little motherfuckers to ask me a question b/c they are going to get the most scathing, dripping with sarcasm retort, it'll make their cocks shrivel...they wont know what to do and they will be so fucking uncomfortable it will make me grow a dick ill be so happy!

Otherwise work was good yesterday...hahahaha
Shawn's brother Patrick is staying here a few days this week...those 2 could not be more different....apart from the gay/straight part...they're like Maggie and Kelly, polar opposites!
Its such a trip to watch them interact with each other...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

your halo's slipping choke you now

Introspective day.
Unsure as to weather or not all this thinking is really a good thing but...gone are the peaceful days of Prozac and its mind dulling effects.

I am currently listening to a live bootleg of Tool's show in Vancouver that I saw....which of course reminds me of Bruce that fucker and makes me want to punch him in the ear...which then spirals into all sorts of other thoughts that nothing good ever comes of.

This year is a year of change...I can feel it brewing...on more than one level. This of course is a little unnerving...but is a must. One can only stagnate so long before it becomes a personal rule you lack the ability to break.

This weekend will be good...I have been spending way too much time by myself and its beginning to eat away at my psyche.
It is making jobs like finding my stereo plug in/cord rocket science...

Last night I dreamed I was at Matthew Goods house...his family was there only it wasn't his real family cuz i know what they all look like...guess it was dreamworld family...anyway...the premise of this dream is rather fucking retarded but I will confess it anyway since im feeling demoralized anyway...I was there hanging out being muppety me, and all these other females were milling about and I seemed oblivious, which is weird cuz in real life id be wishing them to fuck the hell off and go die or something...anyway...all the sudden...JEN IS THE CHOSEN ONE...handpicked by the god himself, worthy to dwell with him for all eternity....
even in the dream i was skeptical.
Needless to say i slept in until 10 am...UNHEARD OF! haha

1:30 AM: I am officially in a really piss poor writing bad mom must be home from work bc i have emails rolling in from her that are about dogs and ducks and angels...every shit fwd you can imagine...
I'm going to bed to sleep this off....
I wonder if its possible to sleep off your own personality? hahahahahaha

NOTE: do not comment with cheer me ups or i may be forced to kill you

Thursday, August 21, 2008

kreepy krawly karma

last night a gross spider crawled out from behind the fridge, on the my panic i grabbed the canned air and BLEW it back behind the of course i pend the night being all paranoid schizophrenic about the thing coming to get me....but i survived...

anyway so tonight after work im taking a pee (in the bathroom, like i gotta say that), grab for the TP roll and the spider (i fucking know it was the same one, motherfucker!) goes flying intothe corner of the bathroom...damn thing was WAITING there for me!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT...anyhoo...
the cat is all over it (yes the cat can not let me do any bathroom activities without being present), swats it around...and the funniest part was the cat is like me...the cat is kinda scared of it so if the spider stuck to its paw whilst being swatted the cat would FLIP out and start flailing JUST LIKE ME it was awesome!

ok thats my spider story

worked 3 hours of OT tonight...made 4 a long ass day tough.
i gotta say all this union politics shit is something else...i just shake my head...i do not get all the ins and outs and crybaby bullshit....
but thats for another day.

yesterday the highlight of the day was taking a call from a woman up island telling me all about her enema prevented her form going to school don'tcha know...
she went on and on about it too and i just let her hahahaha it was too funny to not egg her on...

saw tropic thunder the other night hahhahahaha ok it was funny and retarded...but holy shit was tom cruise a disturbing gross man in it......u gotta see it to believe was really friggin ICKY!!!

this week is a week of PARCELS! Adele sent me some pastels/paints...whatever they are...i cant quite wrap my head around them being paints yet....but they are fun....i was dabbling last night and they are more fun than u ever had smudging and blending in your life...they are smooooooth and lovely!
then i got a parcel from my pen pal of 18 years, he crocheted me a hat & a scarf to fit my FAT LARD ASS HEAD!!! and it fits good too...i wore it around the house all not gunna tell him im a walking furnace and never have the chance to wear hats bc im always TOO HOT but it is impressed with his craftiness....if i was in jail id probably be able to knit and crotchet all sorts of stuff....eddie vedder dolls...etc richard's cds arrived from the im grooving to some new tunes unfamiliar to my ears....its like fucking xmas around here!!!!! thanks guys....jody, i know u cant read this from jail but thank you too!

payday tomorrow! wooooohooooo

EDIT: those are crazy hat lady eyes!!!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

just waiting til the shine wears off

isn't it awesome when your kids hates every fiber of your being??
it starts out to be entertaining....then it gets a little tiresome...then it peaks and its like FUCK OFF ALREADY.

i think her best text quote of the day is something to the effect of her hoping I would die...then her hoping i would fall off the balcony, get hospitalized so she could refuse to visit me...or something to that effect...that was right after she texted me asking permission to smoke pot.
someone gimme a fucking rope.

while i logically realize its all very *normal* and *age appropriate* its also very demoralizing...makes u wonder why you bother at all really...i can see how someone with less inclination to parent/lacking the maternal gene would throw their hands up and walk...i suddenly have a whole new appreciation for my mothers abandonment.

anyway...aside from that circus sideshow the day was ok...wasn't near as hot thank gawd...Tara was supposed to come over for dinner but i got u see a trend here? (shes gunna read this hahahaha) the dinners made anyway and we will eat it tomorrow...took some to the land lady too....she does cool shit for me so its only right.
the cat is being such a fucking retard bastard im considering tossing her off the balcony. ok not really...with my luck id fall and Ayla would get her damn wish.
seriously though, the cat is being a dick.
last 2 visitors i had she has acted so weird.
when shawns boy toy rich was here the cat attacked his arm....then erin yesterday the cat attacked her....its like shes gone fucking mad.
she doesn't attack me cuz im the alpha bitch in this house its weird.

i did all my laundry today...gawd what a frigging affair.

spent the afternoon chatting up Richard in the UK...he just lost is his dad yesterday so he needed some distraction...we spent some time pouring over songs for his fathers service...i sent him *i will follow u into the dark* by death cab 4 got no airplay there so it was new to him and it really did "fit" so i was glad that at least one song at the service wont suck. as much as it was overplayed here is a beautiful song...

i didn't pick a song 4 my brother Glenn's ok with that cuz i was in no state to negotiate it out with other parties...i have never gotten over the wind beneath my wings song being played there though....every time im in a store and that gay ass song comes on i cringe.

anyway....send Richard some warm fuzzies please...he needs em...

watched a few movies this weekend....was gunna go meet Arika and Jay at Beacon Hill cuz they were showing the princess bride outdoors at night was too hot to frigging move...even at 9 pm.
Arika just got a Blythe doll....aren't u jealous? they are cool......costly and cool...Arika, will u get more or are u ok with one??

Since im getting a bigger bed next month ive rearranged my house...again...what can i say, i have a problem...anyway, that kept me busy this weekend...
Tomorrow I start on the phones at work...should be interesting after 4 weeks of inept training...
It will be is difficult to go from being really good at something to being a useless turd at something thing i know though, if i get on permanent there (i have received the email about that so its in the works, i have to reinterview for the position), once i know what im doing i wanna revamp that hideous training material.

look at me miss chatty tonight....well its been a while since i jabbered on clearly....

its 9 kicking back with some ice water....listening to tunes...waiting for my batteries to charge 4 my camera since Ayla was nice enough to take mine with her...i dunno why their aren't more teenage homicides...they are truly ignorant creatures...its a good thing we bond with them when they are babies and love them unconditionally.
sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i had a second child....then i imagine having 2 aylas and them tag teaming me and i shudder.
it is amazing that something that infuriates you and brings out the absolute madness in you is something u never, im so deep. ha ha ha

anyway, enough about the ingrate.

im currently trying to rig my phone to my computer...what a pain in the rectum....Tydes was gracious and willing to help for a mere hand job...helpful isn't he?? Haaaaaa!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

a b c d

quick hello here...



PS not true!!!! ---->

Sunday, August 10, 2008

this is a real email my friend got from this weirdo friend of her husbands


Today is Wednesday July 9th and I am just reading your last message, if you have already gone back home I apologize...missed out on a possible opportunity to pay snooker with Jack and have coffee with you and the daughter..I should try to check my email more health has been fluctuating last couple of weeks...trying to pray on regular basis to gain some sort of miracle from God....I gratefully accept your thoughts and prayers for my life....if you so desire, I will include you in my communication with Jesus Christ...hope everything is okay and you are prosperous...say hi to your parents for me or, perhaps, I should give them call..please indicate if you are coming to Vancouver again later in the summer...just recently went to a wedding at church...the bride was just radiant and on seventh heaven....but for how long? Doing a lot of sun bathing lately, don't want to get skin cancer...using SPF 30 lotion....anyway, I won't take up anymore of your time...chow for now...hope to hear from you soon.....chow....Herman

brrrrr i love the brrrrrrrr


Pg 41 this month folks.

It all seems so old news by the time it comes out....which reminds me i better get a friggin move on so im not scrambling for next month which im sure is due in the next few days!

I slept like a dead person. I love that.
I didnt let the gay man ditch fest ruin my sleep.

Saturday, August 09, 2008


Embarrassed myself wonderfully didn't involve falling down though which is NEW...but I was in Tara's car and I thought there was something on my arm so i started to flail....cuz thats what i after my freak out i couldnt stop scratching my arms...and im fairly sure at this point tara was thinking I was a friggin tard...but then as we are driving along im on high alert cuz im SURE there was something on me and its still probably ON ME i just cant see it...

la la la zipping down the highway, i look down and this disgusting orange transparent like spider is crawling up my tit so SUPER FLAILING starts....and im ranting PULL OVER PULL OVER so in the parking lot of Tim Hortons, jump out the car and start beating myself to death cuz i know its on meeeeeee....and then i see it hangin off the car thingy so i squished it with my shoe....ok fuck that was way too stressful...where's the Prozac!?
I think I was on the verge of having a stroke.
Tara may never ask me to go in her car least i didn't jump out of the car while it was moving like I did in Deanna's van when a bee flew in the window.
I think the best part of all was when we were driving to my house after the spectacle and a piece of my hair flew into my face and I spazzed out again.

I need therapy.

Shawn & Rich were supposed to come over tonight but i got know its bad when gay men start ditching you...I am gunna try really hard not to over think that.

Tara got a popcorn maker today that im SUPER jealous i hate mine!
The only way I can out-do it is by getting this friggin thing! Good thing im not competitive by nature. Where the hell would I put it!?

Adele/Ant = Art

My fabulous friend and art guru Adele made herself a promote her art...check her out...and just so you know she does portraits and they make amazing gifts etc...u just send her a picture and she makes the most amazing renditions. I am in line to get one of my brother done which I look fwd to hanging up in my house :o)

Friday, August 08, 2008


well its official...
yesterday i got my little YAHOO reminder saying it was gay shawns bday and deanna's but i think my brain did its usual FILL IN thing...see below:
jennzebel's Calendar Friday August 8, 2008 McGregor's Shawn T

so i think my brain read McGregor and stopped computing...its not actually Deanna's birthday today it was her anniversary of 9837583759834759345 yrs with Mike.


she was kind enough to let me know:
thanks for the birthday wishes on your blog. except my birthday was LAST month hahahahaaaaaaaahahaha ya dork

ha ha ha i am a dork ass.

today ayla snuck on 2 my MSN and changed my status to
hahah hahahaha hahahaha
i gotta say that was damn fucking brilliant of her...i love that kid...the little bastard!

i had a complete piss ass day....i did indeed get completely ass raped by my f
ormer company with my final pay....apparently my fab old boss/friend didn't deem it necessary to gimme the heads up that if u get paid out for vacation time you lose most of it in taxes...where as, if u give your notice and then take vacation time and it gets taxed normally you are better off but nope...instead I get no vacation time off or fuck all for the pay out so needless to say im less than thrilled but really grateful my time there is now over 4 good....i will admit it is incredibly disappointing to know certain friendships i had through work were completely dependent on if i worked there....because it seems very clear to me now that i don't work there i am no longer *in* with the cool kids.
nice to know w
hen you're almost 40 the same rules rule us socially like they did in jr high.
this is why i fucking hate damn near everyone....bc no matter how much u think ppl are one thing they can turn sour on ya in the blink of an eye and then you're left standing there looking like an over-loyal fucktard.
thats moi!

anyway im over it....ive re-adjusted my budget and intend to spend the rest of the month at home on the flailing machine, drinking water and eating brown rice. hahaha

I didn't realize that Ayla leaves early next week and isn't coming home again until school starts/after the wedding in PR.
im trying to make plans ahead of time to get myself up there as well...i wish PR was not such a pain in the fucking ass place to get to form here.
will be nice to be at a family gathering actually, its been quite some time since we were all together at the same i need to get some time in with wee maddie b4 she forgets who i am.

2 of my favorite ppl were born on this lucky day!


omg i just had this idea that Shawn and i should come visit PR one weekend....HOW FUN!!!!!
Have a fabulous day guys!!!!!! xoxox

Thursday, August 07, 2008


(I love this deranged picture!)

(he is a grown up now but this picture was too good not to share)


Wednesday, August 06, 2008

get on zee pineapple express

that is a funny movie...even according to me the non pot smoker, it is fucking funny...and even though we were keeners and went and got our tickets at 4 pm we still ended up in the VERY front row and had to lean back to watch the movie HA HA HA

i came home with gum on my shoe...not cool.

donna's dog duggan sniffed my crotch today.
thats why i don't like med/large sized dogs. they have no manners.
(and keep all the fish taco remarks to yourself....fuckers)

i am getting into opera music...about 6 mos ago i started looking into it....and my interest seems to be gaining momentum....
any good ones i should look into?

i cant stand the slimy doorman at my work.
Ron is his name.
he is a pompous fucktard.

my pajamas are on backwards so i guess its bedtime.

Abu, tell us a story.

the end.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

days like this

make me wish human lard was valuable bc fuck id be a rich fucker selling off the melted excess.

thanks all im saying on it.

tomorrow is pineapple express day.
it opens and me donna and dan are going.
we have a plan...
p/u at 4 pm
run and get tickets for the 7 pm show...then go drink a milkshake in an air conditioned establishment...

i love it when my cat finds a bug on the floor...its like a turning the tv on for your toddler...

Thursday ms cassie is coming over and we are gunna have a little WORKSHOP, redo her resume etc and hang out.
cassie is the daughter of an old friend of mine who sadly went douche-like and got into drugs and severely fucked up behavior...and cassies 23 now and living in the shadow of the dysfunction but managing to get crawl her way out and distance herself from the fuckness. off...send me some diuretic suggestions fucking cankles look like i have elephantitis.

PS - china is fucked

PPS - the olympics are gaylord focker

Monday, August 04, 2008

random picture time

Maddie getting a bath/shower in the wilderness....fuck she is cute!

monkeys in my house!

Mama Kelly, Maddie and Papa Ray....camping and fishing and relaxin'!

Someone made this at work (old job), its me as Fred Flintstone. I made sure I took it when I left hahahahha

Michelle B - this is the FLAILING MACHINE!

Same ol double chin hiding angle......

I hate fireworks...I hate hearing the birds frantically spazzing out and flying away when they start. It's like lighting money on fire.....fireworks are so GAYLORD FOCKER!!!!! (<--thats is my way around getting in kaka from Amanda the Lesbo at my old job for saying everyhting is SO GAY)

Kitty contemplating eating my bus pass so glad sabrinas dead...i fucking hated her character and her lame ass french accent...
(only michelle b is gunna know wtf im blathering on about)...

I can hear Feist playing in the night...and the crowd cheering (oh its bc day for those of u who arent from here....BC's 150th birthday, hence the 3 day weekend woohoo)

Slothishly Delicious Weekend

...yet I still got a lot of crap done!

Today was stupidly hot....and the rest of the week is supposed to be as well.

4 day work week this week should be ok...things are gearing up at work and I am finally able to do stuff!
I look fwd to next month bc then I will be in full gear and semi-useful and not so friggin bored.

The Flailing Machine (aka Elliptical) arrives on Saturday.
Ohhh how I cant wait to flail about whilst trying to watch tv, in front of the fan, with Ayla laughing at me from the couch.
As Donna Monty would say: Creating memories. hahahaha

My name is Jennifer and I cut my own hair.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

its hot out

i slept all day by accident!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IVE LOST 9 hrs of DAYLIGHT!!!!!
How will I get my fields tilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to be or not to be....

hmmmmm counter top dishwasher or elliptical trainer machine?

i know i know...I already ruled out a dishwasher for reasons of practicality....and used my melon and figured if im gunna spend $ on something it should aid me in feeling better, not being a lazy fucktard.

the theory is it will not be a fancy clothes hanger....we will park it in front of the TV in the livingroom and ill be a hot super model by November...j/k....(maybe December)

since i have such a serious dislike for being outside currently it may be a good thing indeed...worth a go...ive never deluded myself b4 and bought gym memberships or other exercise gear! Now i just gotta debate buying something someone else bought that turned into a clothes hanger in hopes of getting a deal or bucking up for something new...I like the idea of buying someone not new but im sure aunty pam will talk me out of it hahahahahah

my mp3 player croaked of over use (RIP little red vibrator looking mp3 player that Michelle B sent me cuz she is super nice)....and also in my pocket it managed to get bashed and the glass cover came off so the screen is getting MOIST so....yesterday i got a Creative Zen...i hate iPod so i went 4 the Zen hoping it was like an old one i used to have that was easy to use...I opted for the 4 gb (with the extra 1 gb sd slot) so 5 gb is plenty...the 8 gb one i thought was a bit of overkill...after some serious trial and error....(i never read instructions bc im apparently TOO smart HA HA HA HAHAAAAAA) it is loaded and its rather delightful i gotta say...just gotta get a case 4 it to keep it pretty and itll also store the headphones (Michelle B those things rock the fucking universe, I tossed the crap phones that came with the Zen)
Yeah so im listening to it right now and its pretty sweet....u can watch video on it but....i dunno...maybe ill load my maynard interview clips so i can jerk off to him where ever I am...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ohhh that hurt me to even say that....its so friggin MALE hahaha

im gunna shoot the next person who says they need metal detectors at all greyhound bus depots now....alarmist fucks...
taking the bus is already far more expensive then it ever was...can u imagine the price if they needed metal detectors in every depot in canada?
crazy beheadings on buses are NOT typical...if crazy man didnt get on the bus bc he had a knife maybe he would have walked into tim hortons and did the same thing when they made his triple triple a double double....should timmy ho's then have metal detectors in all their locations to prevent such violence? exactly.

im interested in crazy mans condition considering he has reportedly lead a productive, employed life and is described as friendly and nice by his boss...hahahah no one can accuse me of being a murderous fuck, no boss of mine would say i was friendly and nice MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA
im only making light of this bc i feel i have is oddly disturbing to me, I don't get DISTURBED by most freaky deaky...but this fucks with my mind...that could have easily been my kid snoozing on a bus, iPod on....mind u the minute anyone sat beside her she would have likely got up and moved hahahahahah SMART GIRL.

trent reznor sounds good in my ears right now....
i think he would be good to make out with.

Friday, August 01, 2008

never sit at the back of the bus

ohhhhh good I feel half human today so im going into work to kick some training ass....(it helps that there is a 3 day weekend coming up!)

i have been pondering my poor health epiphanies as of yet mind you but pondering all the same...

i think the left over thai food fr the other night is what killed me yesterday....i think it was in the car a little too long.....i forgot there was shrimp in the pad thai noodles....BARF!