Wednesday, May 31, 2006

space...the final frontier

We have space...
so much so that sometimes my kid cant find me in this new apt hahahaha I like this

I missed a shyte-load of birthdays this year...well I didnt forget, just MISSED due to being busy and spastic and moving...

My brother would have been 30 on May 29th...
here is some weird stuff...
we moved into this new place May 29th
Our apt # has a 2 and a 4 in it...our buzzer # is 24
my brother died on the 24th of Oct.
SEE HOW IT ALL COMES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes i do enjoy tormenting myself over goofy shit like #s...why do u ask?
so yeah he has been on my mind EXTRA this week...

Aunty Cathy's bday was May 30....I managed to miss calling her for fear Id wake her up...
I actually have a little parcel here 4 her somewhere so once I FIND it ill actually get to mail it....ugh im such a dick.

Ray also had a birthday! (no I will not hug you ya freak)

Sister Kim's bday is June such a dick I dont have anything ready to send her...I blame the move hahahhaa

hey it was also little Evan's bday!! OoooooooOoOOoOOooooooo HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

shit I really need to find my calendar!

I need some plants...and a shower curtain...and more magic erasers...(those things are evil im sure but gawd damn it they work like a mofo)...a new chair...laundry soap...mactac/cupboard covery thingies...a new carpet or 2...curtain rods...yeah cuz im rich u know...

Tomorrow is Ayla's dance dress rehearsal...gawd help me, I have to put her in full make up and make her hair BIG. hahahahaha
note to self: find the camera

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

im here im here im really really here!!!!

ok i gotta say paying OTHER ppl to move u is the CATS ASSSSSSSSSSS.... A & T & K did a fab job, well worth the 370.00
i highly recommend it!

so all our goodies are getting unpacked...
the place is coming together.
its SO MUCH BIGGER its frikkin fabulous, I didnt realize how damn cramped we were in the other cave we lived in.
my bed is right by my window...yes my VERY OWN BEDROOM WINDOW woot woot!!!! and i can stop sleeping with a hammer and/or bat since we are too high up 4 anyone to crawl in heheh hehehe hehehhe hehehehe
did I mention I HAVE MY VERY OWN ROOM?!?!?!?!?!

i am currently sitting at my omputer right next to my patio doors feeling the lovely breeze...
(oh i think i just came)

ive been so tired this week that i have developed an eye twitch to go with my broken neck...
but now that i can peep into the next bldgs window i have even more reason to live Muahahhah hahahah hahahha hahahahahah

Sunday, May 28, 2006

crappy chores

ive lived here 3 yrs and have never cleaned my oven...until tonight....
im sure ill go to housekeeping hell 4 it.
but really...with the heat of an oven its gotta be STERILE so wtf!


im running out of time and i am now filling garbage bags as i am boxless (he he he I said boxless).....

might be a late night tonight but itll get done....

thank the goddess for garbage bags...theyre a trashy grrls moving accessory!

my neck is super broken today...all i can say is i am glad i wont be moving another fucking box....after work tomorrow the movers will have moved all my crap in and I can begin the process of unpacking.....weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I like unpacking!

Ayla does too...I think im done being freaky deaky mad at her...I havent seen her since yesterday.
I doubt she feels at all bad about it...little ass.

I Wonder....

if a kid has ever eaten pink insulation thinking it was cotton candy?? ya think??

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I am writing this whilst having to pee and having a gibbled neck/shoulder thing going on....
This is my last day off prior to the MOVE....a majority of the day has been spent dealing with the demon spawn I have helped create.
I like to think that while I can be a real asshole at time and not always terribly patient that im a reasonable human being for the most part...
But how does one deal with a 12 yr old sitting in there room bouncing a rubber ball off the wall for 1 hr w/o resorting to violence?
How does someone reason with a devil child who is in the midst of a clear allergic/hormonal/princessness/anger/retard bout of insanity?
can't talk to her....can't reason...ignoring her makes her wtf is left?
I handed her the phone and told her to call social services to come pick her up...and to dial 911 so they'd come faster.
I am turning into one of those PARENTS IN CRISIS.....and I absolutely refuse to go there...
Going to be some BIG changes in the new place...there is clearly no more room for picking my battles b/c by doing so she seems to have gotten the idea it means she rules the roost and runs the universe...thus when things dont go her way she just can not cope.
I am also thinking of sending the little lucifer to a counsellor so she can vent about how I am apparently hideous, unreasonable and downright unfit as a human...only to then think 5 mins later that im cool and fun.
This is not the life I want for myself...the chaos and the consistent drama...I am always willing to compromise and such but I think the little evil imp has been given far too much liberal rope...
I dont want to turn into a tyrrant of a parent but THIS doesnt seem to be working...sure its all age/hormone appropriate but Im tired of being treated like shit & ITS NOT LIKE THE KID HAD A TERRIBLE LIFE & is acting out accordingly.... She has turned into a spoiled fucking brat and I dont like her very much right now... If I wanted to be treated like shit id get married or something heinous like that.

So there is my vent...I feel better already.
I think we are taking a few loads up tonight of small crap...Satan is staying at Tracey's until we move...I really have to pee now...
(sorry for scaring u aunty pam)

Friday, May 26, 2006

bloody hell

our fish just died... that thing lived yrs...which I thought was rather odd...for a beta.

i feel a litte bad cuz i was thinking about what a pain in the ass it was to move (oops)...

good bye mr fish...

ayla went to school today PISSED OFF at me, she really thinks I set her up...said she had EVERY intention of going to school at lunch until i told her i was calling the school. hahahahaha
i am sure she will come home thinking im the devil as usual...
its gunna be a long weekend...and not in a good way

Happy Birthday Wee Fin...xoxooxx

Thursday, May 25, 2006


ok well the night at sam roberts started out with a BANG...literally...and this is just MORE evidence to the fact that i am too old to go to dark night clubs even for a good cause like sam roberts...
i was not in the door 4 mins and i managed to do this incredibly dramatic fat girl wipe out...and not just a regualr old wipe was a SLOW MOTION wipe out...esp made 4 the viewing pleasure of the ppl i was with and the crowd near the bar.
Yes...public wipe outs are my specialty....some of u will recall the CHAIR INCIDENT in the mall...and the hiking book mishap as i motored down Alberni Street, that one was so bad ppl pulled over in their cars to see if we were ok (I took Ayla down with me, bad mommy)....
so clearly after that I was in PRETEND MODE...figuring since I didnt look at anyone no one was looking at me hahahaha Queen of Denial!!!!
the show was him or not Sam Roberts really kicks ass live and puts on a killer even made up 4 the cocksucking frat boy pieces of shit to my right who I SWEAR i would have stabbed in the spine with an ice pick if i had one on me.
Like...heres another reason im old and crusty...I used to be able to mosh and withstand the chaos of concerts, now it just pisses me off...esp these fucking 6 ft 3 jocks who thinks its perfectly ok to flail about and smell really bad to boot...I shoved one guy pretty hard and told him to fuck off and he turned around and assumed it was the guy behind me (AHHAHAHAHAHAHA) this set Donna and I off...we were pissing ourselves hahaha
some chick dumped beer all over me so i gave her the good ol Jen Head Push
Its what i do as I hold back from punching someone in the head, i put my finger on their head and push it....i liken it to receiving a poke in the chest.
Buncha yeah b/c i dont really drink anymore (I dont like getting drunk at concerts b/c I prefer to actually witness it than be drunk and miss it) and am a piss poor partier in those situations these things just annoy the shit out of me.
See, told ya I was old n crusty.

My kid is grounded off the computer until we if anyone wonders where she is you will have to call her. She has been INSANE the last 2 days and even went so far as to not go to school...yes thats right...downright refused...and really aside from beating her to death...what can ya do? I gave her a few chances to get it tog and go...then i called the school and reported that she skipped and to please treat her accordingly tomorrow.
i dunno how I got such a stubborn little ass of a kid...oh wait, thats right...i raised her to be a strong free thinking woman. My mistake. ha!

Well, i was due for a big fall so that is it for the year I hope. I didnt rip my jeans OR bleed so it really could have been worse.
Im closing tonight...farewell!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Irritation Level Cranked to 10

ever have those days where not only do u just want to swear at everyone 4 being stupid and punch them but you also want to light em on fire?
im disturbed, you dont have to tell me.
until i start acting on it, dont lecture me.

took a few more loads of crap up to the new place today...gawd damn the place is cleaner then itll ever be once we move in hahahaha seriously ive never moved into such a CLEAN place, i usually have to clean for hours b4 moving in somewhere...will be nice to not have to!
i was standing on my balcony and actually got dizzy looking down HAHAHAHA what a tit!

tomorrow is sam roberts...gawd...ive forgotten and remembered 8x today i swear.
i gotta come hom and nap right after work or i wont make it since i gotta get up at 530 am...
fuck am i ever old and crusty.

im really cranky shocked i have any friends at all.


I havent been up this early in a while.

Michelle is sending me nag champa SOAP! i didnt even know they made SOAP...this give me a giant soapy boner!

Holy shit Sam Roberts is the day after tomorrow...woot! woot!
you know youre old when you dread the thought of being in a crowded area with hundreds of ppl despite the fact youll be doing something you love....I am getting old and crusty...this disturbs me...
not that I was ever a crowd lover b4 or sociable...I wasnt...but now...ugh.

What I did for kicks yesterday: I was sent a video of 2 ppl bumping uglies and at the very end the cute hot chick turned out to have a certain appendage *SURPRISE* i sent it to every guy I know. hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I love the responses:

uhhh... didn't see that one coming. i'm still trying to process... oh wait .NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahaha I love the pun in that not sure he even meant it lol

You can keep this one

hahahaha the subject was called "a present for you" muhahahahhahaha

ok....maybe im not old and crusty after all, I still act 12.

Monday, May 22, 2006

...and this is why I will never get married and be a spinster 4ever...

this is what I get...old guys with horrible weirdness...if nothing else it is great 4 a laugh esp b/c I know its something the creep likely copy and pastes to everyone hahahha
I am learning to play the sax, a baritone.
And I would like your help with my practice sessions.
Did you watch the Howard Stern movie where he got a woman off by having her place a speaker between her legs?
Do you see where I am leading?
I would like to place part of the sax bell gently between your legs to practice my scales and see if we could hit the right notes together.
Can you imagine the vibrations from my horn vibrating through my bell at a low b flat to ring your c sharp!
What do you think? I would want to practice for at least an hour every night with your help.
Mainly I am lonely and would love company over a candle lit dinner gazing into your eyes seeing if I could bring out the blush in your cheeks, making you feel warm with the thought of our conversation. I would start by listening, touching your hand, gently stroking your arm. If I had the opportunity I would stroke your hair brushing your ear.
I might even find an excuse to run my hand up your spine starting from the small of your back, to test the chemistry. If you reciprocated my interest by brushing against me, I would want you to feel comfortable. I might hazard a kiss by giving you a brushing, lingering, sweet caress of the lips, to suggest desert, after an intimate meal, to start the evening off, might be one way.
At that moment the waiter approaches the table and asks have you decided yet? To which you reply I think I need another minute to make my choice.
Meanwhile the room comes back into focus and you loose all but the shimmering surface of that last thought which starts to radiate outward like ripples on the surface of a pond.
I realize this kind of foreplay might be difficult if discretion is a must.
If you are still interested I can host.
Seeking your forbidden fruit, perhaps eating our dinner in a private space we pause, as we consume our meal the shellfish we have eaten has ingested an extraterrestrial nutrient that has the effect of dissolving our clothing piece by piece.
My eyes transfixed by your glistening skin cause me rise from the table walking around behind you I lift you on to the table scattering the food and dishes.
I take the Muscat de Asti and pour it across your chest and watch your nipples swell I take in a mouthful and go down on you opening your lips with my tongue flicking your clit hood till you pull me back by my hair and ears and demand entry.

All the best- Russell
Did I mention my hands /fingers are good for more than caressing a key board?

Gloomy Rainy Drizzle Bliss

Ooo I love sleeping by my open window....
If there were no bugs and creeps in the world Id like sleeping outdoors.

I remember when I was a kid and spending the summer in Coquitlam with my moms foster parents we were not ALLOWED to sleep on the deck at night b/c good ol Clifford Olson was on the loose. I was quite irritated, having no concept of such crimes at the time...but after reading all about him now im glad I wasnt allowed to sleep outside.

Fuck I need boxes....I hate trying to scam boxes...stores act like youre homeless and begging for change.
Im listening to Mother Love Bone....i think i will have a nap.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Just say NO to Cropping!!!

Kelly cropped himself pretty much out (how do u spell smartass chickenpoop, K-e-l-l-y ) but here is Kelly the Fire Guy's new swimsuit...complete with a mild look at his body hair and his fingernails.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

i had a dream...

and bruce had salt and pepper colored hair and was asleep in my bed with a busted arm...which is weird cuz in all actuality he is not in my bed and his arm is not broken...although he did get metal shards in his eye so hes all gibbled in that regard.

i went and got my new keys this thinking that while this bldg will not be full of crackheads etc im slightly worried that living underneath the landlady will make 4 some interesting anal times...and not the kind that require lube either.
ill just keep being my fake nice self.

went and got my sam roberts tickets today too...

Ok im back now...i am officially too fat and old to move.
2 jeep loads of boxes nearly killed me.
and wtf am i doing carting every fucking book i ever read around with me?! gawd they suck to move!
but ohhhh man i am really excited to get outta this hole now!

Friday, May 19, 2006

do not take candy from strangers

thanks Bruce hahhhahaa

damaged, inc.

so i was just looking through the powell river newspaper and saw some little chump fr highschool just married 35...
this of course got me thinking (despite the fact i am sure the marriage is doomed b/c really, arent they all? lol)...i truly can not imagine a scenario that would convince me to get married and then put my picture in the paper and advertise my stupidity hahahahaha (no offense to all u married folk)...I just mean FOR ME it is such an alien concept...

haloscan was messing with me earlier...there was no place 4 me to i guess i could be a complete ass and no one could comment and tell me i was full of shit...muhahahahaha if only i had something so dramatic to say

this hot weather is pissing me off.

i have a headache.

the sprog has 4 days off school...yay 4 her...

i need a chq cook really bad fr the bank, so bad i drempt I was buying a drink at a cafe and they gave me 4 complimentary chq books HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA ooooh the world i live in in my mind is so perfect isnt it?

btw, i think its fucking GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY canada is staying in afghanistan longer.
stephen harper can suck my pretend dick for that one.
ok i need to eat cheerios now.
it is my calling in life.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

im a liar just like you and that's ok...

goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change....

my new mantra as I seem to be the new branch *fixing the mistakes of the inept* manager...
I just keep grinning and thinking about getting my own room...
ill probably be so happy ill quit my job so i can just sit in my room all day, grinning.

Arika stopped in nice to see her back from her european adventure...she looks fab and all in love...wearing her amazing polish baltic amber jewelery she got in poland and radiating goodness!

im all off kilter...I keep getting the days of the week wrong.
Today I thought it was Tuesday...then just now I was thinking today was Thursday and tomorrow was Friday and I got all excited only to realize I was huffing gasoline and had no fucking idea it was wednesday...duh

i have to go to bed now b/c even though im closing tomorrow night I have to go in at 7am to sort out some outages and zed the store b4 we open...ugh

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Perish, I Shall...

im trying 2 put make up on...its so warm in here its sliding off my damn face.

i fucking hate summer

i love going to work now...i am the air conditioning queen...

whine over...

Itchy Digits

I cant stop scratching my hands/fingers...
Its like I have some itching disorder but only on one finger and 1 knuckle.

Knuckle is a weird word if u pronounce it with the K not silent.

Christonacracker ~ it was hot out today....muggy and 27 degrees...gaylord weather. Fuck I hate summer
I wanna work all summer cuz we have air cond. there at least and i can send ppl to buy me slurpees.

Question 4 u: is this a Powell River phenomenon or what?
Slurpees with soft ice cream in them...
my gawd its like a float only 984375983475x better...they put about a third of the cup full of soft ice cream and then slushy in the rest and u mix it up and ooooo man...
anyone else live in a place where they sell those?

If u had to lose a nipple or an ear what would u pick?

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Birthing Pod Day

im really ticked that i just nattered on forever and blogger ate the fucking post.
jerk off

my sprog made me brekky this morning...fruit salad and hashbowns/eggs mixed up with cheese on top....mmmmm good grrl...then she was a super good chick and was gone most of the day so I got lots of packing/crap done.

i did my good deed of the year and called my mother today...was all going along quite well until she started talking about my brother and how he would be 29 this month...ummm yeah mom ~ that would be 30 actually...he was born in 1976.
Dont get me started...

survivor was good...loved the super burn aras got from shane re: his mooching off his dad HAHAHAH HAHAHAHA gawd that stung i bet.
i turfed out butt ugly desk chair out into the garbage today so im sitting on a WOOD chair...
it will def. make me even more uninclined to be on the computer much...

erica is back from her european adventures...poor grrl, has to return to work tomorrow...ugh!
but hey! at least she met a nice boy in the UK and got laid! THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT RIGHT? men with accents? ha!

im still howling over the photoshop funny business hahahaha omfg my teeth look fucking huge to me...and gawd damn its scary hahaha


LAURA!! >>>>>>>>>

hahaha PHOTOSHOP!!!!! hahahahahaha

Thanks cousin kelly and her photoshopping skills...sadly this has shown me it takes more then a nice bod to be a porn star lol

Saturday, May 13, 2006

chasing amy/chasing ghosts

I just watched chasing amy...i really like kevin smith movies...not sure why...maybe b/c i think jason lee is fanfuckingtastic and i love all the swearing and crude humor.

witty men who swear with charm and wonder make me weak in the knees...easy or what?

im DL'ing music bc im a bad person...a thief immoral cad...but i got a hankering for some old TONIC songs....and some Joe Satriani...and old queensryche hahaha I cant help myself!

i came across my box of concert ticket 1st show in 1985 was only 18.50...motley crue, theatre of pain hahahaha hahaha hahaha i progressively cooler of i ended up so uncool is beyond me.

the mission by queensryche is giving me a mega boner right now (anyone who has Operation Mindcrime understands the attraction...if they were into concept albums and studied it hahaha how do u spell DORK...j-e-n) ~
i love knowing every word and groove to these old songs...back in the days when i had the time to sit and pour myself over the lyrics of songs, and learn them like i wrote them myself...
i used to dissect record sleeves and inserts...some ppl are into the bible i study record jackets & sleeves.
i used to have a binder, one of those giant mother ones and it was FULL of loose leaf paper and each page had song lyrics on it that i hand wrote, so i was able to really SUCK UP THE ESSENCE of the song by writing out the words...i was a little obsessive as a kid...does it show?
i didnt do anything half way... probably why life has always felt so exhausting, when u spend your life obsessing and struggling its a lot of fucking work.
Plotting ppls murders...plotting my own escape...plotting my unknowing happiness...wearisome.

but who getting a bedroom soon...woot! woot!
its 135 am right night owl tendencies are creeping back...muhahahahahhahahahaa youll all be sorry...these late night rants and blotherings will leave you spent and unsatisfied....

my brother would have turned 30 this month...30! not sure why this is tweeking me so much...i guess b/c i wonder what kind of person he would have grown into...gawd knows at 24 i was completely different in the head comparative to 30...thankfully.

ok well its 2 am...time 4 me to blast off into weirdo dream land...i hope i dream about making out with jason lee.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I am the queen of packing tape

I love packing tape
I am obsessive compulsive with packing tape
I over tape boxes
I love the sound the tape makes ripping from the roll

I will move onto filling holes as soon as I bum spackle filler stuff from Tracey.
I could use toothpaste I guess...

on to other uninteresting crap.
Anyone have an experience with CLICK HERE --> ELECTRIC BBQs?
Im scared of propane...I admit it.
Im BBQ retarded but gawd damn I want one...and electricity scares me far less than propane.
So gimme all your BBQ advice all ears!

Donna at work was telling me about giving brazilian waxes to ppl...
Now I know ive blathered on about this b4 but...waxing ones ass seems truly hideous...only thing worse than GIVING a wax to someones ass is being the one having all the ass hair ripped off u violently.
Good thing I dont wanna be a lardy porn star.

Ayla's Word(s) of the Day:

Gayness of the Anus

Oooo I laughed and laughed hahahahhahaha
I dont think she knew what she was even saying but jesus it made me howl...

Speaking of gayness...I miss Shawn...hes working f/t now making thick cash and hes never around to share his gayness with me...
also MIA is Bruce...once im moved I must coerce him into coming over for a having hardcore Bruce withdrawls...

Ayla's toying with the idea of visiting aunty cathy for a week or 2 this summer...b4 hitting powell river....learning to drive the quad and play with the dogs and explore the area is quite appealing to her...but esp the one and one with cathy...kelly has airmiles so maybe itll all work out...ill have to make sure cathy knows what shes in actually ayla will be a dream with cathy ~ shes always a lovely grrl one on one...

I bought the ugliest shower curtain i could find today to replace my good frog one I took down...fuck it is so UGH I nearly faint when I walk into the bathroom...
mind u, it looks like the rest of the we are squatters. lol

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

humping rodents

laura sent me pictures today of her wee babies...I can not imagine so many pi
ggies and bunnies kids 4 laura...shes all about the rodents....laura bought me a rabbit once...i was horrified that my rabbit Skid raped the shit out of the cute wee baby one she bought
I also quite like her
new pals
squirrells are so fucking cute...esp when the appear to be

well i survived another day...i gotta say im about DONE with having new staff...staff who i spend damn near all day HELPING and fixing their mistakes....yes i am complaining and whining in case u didnt notice.
I am not a chronic whiner so...
Plus, aylas making me suffer as she watches american idol which is the gaylordest show of all time.

20 days til i move. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
im so excited.

Monday, May 08, 2006

so yeah...

i saw V for Vendetta again tonight with Dave...still a good movie the 2nd time around. I did want to stab the 2 morons behind me though as they apparently were never taught to whisper by their moms. Tards

Manager Meeting tomorrow...I better bring some uppers.

I went to the mall today and was very bad...I bought myself the new sam roberts cd, the new pearl jam cd and the new tool cd...the tool cd has the COOOOOOOOOOOOLEST liner goodies EVER!! 3D lens attached to the case and u flip through the liner art/notes etc with the lens and the art work is FABULOUS in 3D!!!!!!
Then I got Ayla some new pants. I refuse to confess the price of them.

Im getting myself a new new computer desk...dont forget that im rich.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The NEW Pad

Introducing our new crash pad!
CLEAN carpet!

Ugly damn kitchen but oh well...its functional...I cant seem to escape that gross fake wood cupboard must be a life lesson hahaha

Im so happy 2 have a livingroom that isnt also my bedroom!

The View

The MOCHA bedroom...i hope Ayla will let me have it...but id be happy with the other too, it has a better closet.

Another ugh bathroom cabinet but MUCH bigger and nicer then the old shithouse!

Furry Weeds

Mural Art

My feet

an approaching alien....

don't ask me what that was all about...I also saw a man riding his bike with a parrot on his shoulder hahahahha

im sure its nothing fancy to most of u but comparitive to what we have been residing in it is a frikkin SCORE...the bldg is well maintained, clean and quiet, no crackheads...great laundry room...elevator (weeeeee)...Ayla will like it once we are in!