Saturday, August 31, 2013

Jalapeno Eyeball Burn

I made homemade salsa smells SO FRIGGIN GOOD now that by tomorrow after is becomes one with itself it should be a heavenly, mouth watering cilantro experience. In true Jen form I chopped up jalapenos...washed my hands really well and forgot YET AGAIN that the oil in jalapeno peppers stays on your I have one very red eye...not just once either...this is the 2nd time tonight I absentmindedly rubbed my eye with my jalapeno hand! (Wow - I did not know absentmindedly was its own word. Thank you spell check!)

I have a butt load of stuff I am clearing out of here tomorrow with the help of Kate...I got rid of a bunch of stuff that I put up for free online...One thing in particular I felt a bit sad to see go (green glass pitcher/glasses) but you know...I haven't used it in 2 years since someone gave it to me
I also made a huge leap and closed my eyes and cleaned out the bedding closet...I have a bit of a 'thing' about bedding...meaning I like having a lot of it...but it is's like I am hoarding for the ice age apocalypse and need blankets for 3 garbage bags of bedding got the boot!

Loving this long is the 1st time in a long time I actually get a Monday volunteering! Don't mistake that excitement for me doing anything exciting though...

It doesn't look like it took long...

but it took forever. LOL

I love this new desk is kind to my arse.

Friday, August 30, 2013

old lady pervert

Is it bad I would make out with Macklemore and/or Justin Timberlake?

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I have never inspired a hit song...

Can you believe that? That is all I ever wanted as an adolescent be the inspiration behind a song on the radio...To be Steve Perry's Sherry, Rick Springfield's Sylvia, Toni Basil's Mickey...::sigh::
Such a goal unfulfilled...instead I get a wanna-be rock star idiot entering my email name as "Mean & Bitter Jennifer" center of a song's one's one's reason to live. Lucky for me I couldn't give less of a shit now...that is age for you. All my dreams and hopes dashed by reality.

I am just pissing around. I wouldn't know wtf to say to anyone who wrote me a song so I will stick to Jenny 867-5309 by Tommy Tutone as my theme song.

Got my new desk feels DIVINE on my lardy arse. Staples had a sale...200 bones marked down to 100. SOLD! The cat is dying to destroy it...I know it. She is staring at it...eager to dig her disgusting cat claws into it and shred it like the last one....I think I will get packing tape and put it sticky side up all over the top...she will only jump on it once. bahahaha I will be sad to miss that moment when she jumps on top if it and hits the tape and completely freaks out.

Oh the things we find joy in...

Monday, August 26, 2013

Alternate Plans

Well...since Matt Good has not come to his senses I have made other plans for the week he SHOULD be playing a Victoria show...I am going to see Stuart McLean/Vinyl Cafe live at the Royal Theatre November 28th. CLICK HERE

So there.

Shunning shall recommence....

90's Chick Tunes

Tonight is 90's chick tunes night. Sarah McLachlan...Tara McLean...Crash Vegas...Natalie Merchant...Sinead O'Connor. Sarah McLachlan almost got booted off the list for making those hideous SPCA TV commercials...JFC Sarah. I cannot change the channel fast enough when those come on...

I am still the fattest person that goes to the Y...I would love to see someone even near as fat as me there once...just so I could throw a knowing glance of solidarity their way. I do get why it is not generally somewhere most fat ppl want to be - shit if you had asked me a year ago if I would ever join the YMCA I would have laughed in your face and then slapped you for implying I needed to work out. haha I wish there was a fat ppl only gym...seriously. I would join. I would miss all the hot looking MFers at the Y of course but it would be a sacrifice I would be willing to make. Some of those men at the Y are so good looking I feel like a damn pedophile b/c they are generally far younger than me...if there are men my age at the gym I could not tell you b/c that is NOT who I look at or notice...ever. They are as invisible to me as I am to everyone is a nice arrangement. I do get some 'stranger support' in the change room sometimes...I think some of the women get that joining a gym at my age and physical condition is a big they like to ask how it is going and pep talk me which I find terrible awkward but I understand that it is intended as support...and really as long as they are not standing in front of me completely naked, drying their crotch with a towel while pep talking me I can live with it.

Guess what I learned this week? That Pecorino Toscano is fancy cheese made out of sheep milk (barf). I had to Google it when I saw it on my grocery receipt for 18 bucks...and a 3 dollar eggplant. 1) I do not like fancy cheese especially 18.00 cheese 2) I hate eggplant. A refund is imminent.

I just read through all of Deanna's letters tonight....funniest lady ever...she had such a terrific sense of humor...always cracked me up. She drew a picture of me getting a pap test ffs...if that is not entertaining I do not know what is.

Deanna @ 14....awwww xo

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Friendly Daily Advice From Your Friend Jen...

Never read old email fights from 20 yrs ago that you had with your baby-loser-daddy...b/c no matter how far you have come or what you have overcome in that 20 years it will transport you back to that moment of rage and wordless bitterness...and then wtf do you do with that...?

I think a burning ceremony is in order b/c I do not ever want to feel compelled to reread such mindless drivel from someone who doesn't even get it 20 years later. I am a bit shocked at the my own reaction to all of that in a way...I mean - I danced a jig of happiness when A. turned 18 b/c I gleefully cut all ties (with the exception of still speaking with his parents and brother often) with that useless tit...deleted/blocked on Facebook, all emails deleted and erased from address book, phone number and mailing address whited out, mementos was felt great...a complete purge.

And in the larger scheme of things we had very limited contact while A. grew up and it was not ugly like most ppls custody and such usually gets...not in the slightest...I can honestly say it was one of the hugest betrayals which is why I think I will never feel anything but disgust towards him. Not a betrayal towards me at all...his behavior twds me is typical and men like him are a dime a dozen...his behavior and treatment of my daughter however...never letting that go. Ever. Spent way too many years taking the high road for that little fucker...way too many and for what? Big fuck all b/c even now in his 40's he is as useless as he was 20 yrs ago with as little to offer.

One of the few things I still beat myself up about - inflicting him upon her for life. Every time there is some sort communication between them and she tells me about it I must apologize to her...we chuckle about it and keep it light but for me it is 100% genuine and legit. I am so sorry...


A postcard from Deanna haha
On the upside...I came across a pile of letters from Deanna...which I will save to read until tomorrow b/c it will likely make me cry...reading the words of the dead is a pretty profound experience I have found...a gift from the grave really. I am so happy I saved them. They do not deserve to be in the same box as assfaces emails that is for sure...will remedy shortly....and not just for me...but for A. I never want her to read the stuff he said about the 2 of us...b/c no matter how unattached she may seem to him...or apathetic twds him in general - they are word daggers dipped in cruelty that can only harm ones psyche...nothing worth reading.

Can you tell I just started menstruating?

Friday, August 23, 2013


 I know my mother will share in my joy as she is not a fan of summer either...
So nice to see a sign that it will cool off again and rain for 7+ months.

Saturday, August 17, 2013


My lovely funny girl...last week when Maggie visited the 3 of us sat in the living room playing Words With Friends (AKA Scrabble) on our phones against each other and A. played 'vagina' during one of the games and was giggling madly about it waiting for one of us to see it when it was our turn...seriously have not seen her giggle and laugh like that since she was a little girl...totally had us all cracking up...Yay for vagina!

Whiny Wanker Post

Sid Williams Theatre
Courtenay, BC, Canada

Port Theatre
Nanaimo, BC, Canada

Orpheum Theatre
Vancouver, BC, Canada

This is my final word on this topic. I promise.

I have to let it go b/c it has disappointed and pissed me off so badly for far too long...Matthew Good's upcoming tour...Do you see that Victoria is NOT on the agenda above?! I do not care if he was here for Rock the Shores for a pathetic 50 min set last month (not his fault)...that CANNOT be considered as a proper concert for Victoria date. I purposely avoided RTS b/c I prefer to see him for a full concert in a non-outdoor venue...
HE WILL ALREADY BE ON THE ISLAND! THE FERRY RIDE ALREADY DONE AND PAID FOR WHY NOT COME TO VICTORIA....!!?! Fucking Courtenay...are you serious...Courtenay and NOT Victoria....! Totally offended. 

The Royal Theatre is open and free Nov 22 and Nov 26...! He could weasel in there!


So fucking bummed...still shunning him on my MP3 player...skipping all his's a lot of work....all that skipping... ::sigh:: I think I have accepted it now...I still check every day in case it gets added but I think I am fooling pissed off. All the good tickets were gone for the other shows plus they are weekdays and travel is an issue...Victoria or bust...and a bust it shall be.


Aug 24 2013: Still bitter and pissed about this - still shunning him on my MP3 player.

On Nights Like Tonight...

I am awake after already going to bed b/c I got to thinking about how many ppl would be directly affected by my death. Lovely morbid bedtime thoughts, I know. Having lost 2 friends/peers my age this year it is hard to not 'go there' from time to time, pondering ones existence, especially b/c these 2 ppl in particular were very lovely ppl...their deaths affected many...Barb had a very active online life and also b/c she lived in many foreign/exotic places in her life she knew A LOT of people...the tributes to her on Facebook were awe all makes sense why I was so drawn to her - she clearly had that effect on many people. I hardly had the opportunity to get to know her before she fell ill and I cannot help but feel regret and the sting of that loss. Deanna was a friend for a long time and I knew her extremely well on many levels...the last 5 years she drifted into another phase in her life that I was not really party to but the bones of our friendship were still there b/c when we did see each other she shared with me things she didn't share elsewhere...I consider that an honor.

People love to tell me things...that their husbands are secretly gay, that motherhood was not a passion for them but an obligation, that they are closet alcoholics,extramarital affairs they are having...I am not sure what it is about me that ppl feel compelled to share such intimate details about their lives but when I do die a lot of secrets are dieing with me I can tell you that.

Interestingly...I rarely tell ppl anything about myself. I have a stealth talent of not really answering questions about myself and diverting conversation when I do not feel "share-y". It isn't that they aren't worth of knowing things - sometimes I just cannot stand to hear myself talk about the shit that goes on in my head 24/7. Maybe that is why I am such an information sponge...soaking up other ppls details and stories to distract me from my own brain stew...then there are these times when the moon and stars all align perfectly and I will tell something about myself in such a raw and exposed way that I don't think they even "get" it most of the flippant nature makes these gory Jen jewels of inner secrecy seem like casual conversation...

Last week was extremely difficult at work. Coming back from vacation is like no other earthly torture...the workload is ridiculous so it was 5 straight days of not even having time to pee at work. I do not deal with stress well...I get pretty jacked up and easily agitated and am usually one added stress away from snapping and getting fired or tossed in jail. If they ever make brain scanners that show the homicidal thoughts ppl have in their heads...I am screwed. I suspect a lot of ppl will be in the same sinking boat as I would be in...we would all be fighting for the oars to bludgeon each other with.

Lots of purging going on here this week...A. got herself a TV and new bedroom furniture from Ikea...out with the old and in with the is cute to see her so impressed with herself - basking in the newness of her possessions, mocking me for having old things that do not match...I just made 2 rather large purchases for myself recently...a new desk chair (200.00) and a new satchel (160.00) - unheard of purchases from Madam CheapAss over here...I really need a new desk chair...Aunty Pam's is good but it doesn't match my ass somehow so I do not last sitting very long...Plus A. will inherit it and it matches her room...and I have been looking for the right leather satchel for a while...and finally just said screw it and picked one since the ones that I loved the most at Sears (Fossil) were way over budget...another 1st world problem.

As I was typing about my yummy new bag the cat jumped on the table (::shakes fist::) and clawed at my bag...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! Little a-hole.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Farewell to Barb...

3 hours ago near Toronto, Ontario · With a slight smile on her face - and very peacefully in her sleep, Barbara Mey Alibhai passed away this morning. I was with her. I will post information regarding the funeral and "wake" for those that are in Vancouver and want to attend.
That was a short illness, 1st discovery being at the end of Nov 2012...yet it feels like it has been forever. Sometimes the end is a blessing when you know people are in pain and not themselves. 
Tough on her husband and children I am sure...never easy to say good bye to the person who brought you into the world...and loved like you no one else.

Barb and Amir

She lead a very interesting life, traveled a lot, saw amazing things before she was even grown.

Together a long time....

Barb and Denis...great friends

Pacific Shores Resort Weekend

Cara and Kaitlyn....Kaitlyn has this "posing" problem....if she is posing she distorts her face in a weird smile and does odd body is a total crack up b/c she is oblivious to how funny it looks.

The awesome sea water aquarium at the resort restaurant

The only beef about this place is the GOOSE SHIT all over the beach.

My favorite...arbutus trees

She ate this WHOLE thing, a breakfast pizza....8 pieces...bloody amazing

Cara, Connie and Kaitlyn

Me trying to get color in the outdoors....

Lots of beach combing was done this weekend

CARA hahaha
KAITLYN hahaha

Sweet girls, lots of personality... xo