Monday, December 31, 2007

farewell to cookie dough in 2008

see ya 2007 - i wont miss ya one bit...this year was one big giant COASTING time eater...

not that it was BAD really it just *was* very unremarkable.
youll all be happy to know the THUMB FLAP has been removed...i couldnt stand it anymore...who wants to lick my thumb now?

so tonight i came home from work and ate a farewell cookie dough and yacked on the phone with Guy for a while...

now im going to bed cuz thats the kinda geek i am...

Ayla is at Niamh' its just me and the cat...meow...
tomorrow...i think ill go bikini shopping

new years eve sucks monkey balls

ive always hated NYs Eve...

im 99% of the time single and the 1% im not im with some fucktard who chooses to be on the phone chatting some chick up at midnight so i may as well have been single.

oh one time i was dumped right before NY's so i went out to prove to the universe i could still get laid if i wanted to...i wont carry on with that bc ayla reads this and shes probably already throwing up in her mouth.

so this year ill come home and watch a movie and go to sleep...wooohooo
its a paid day off, gotta love it!
today i made sushi for a buncha friends...was good.

then tonight i watched a documentary called DARWINS NIGHTMARE while i folded laundry. FUCK.

can u believe in midst of a famine in tanzania, millions starving, tanzania exports 50 tonnes of fish to europe per week or something gay like that? and to make it all even better they have *experimented* with the 2nd largest lake in the world and added Nile Perch to the lake...the perch wiped out ALL other species of fish and there is NOTHING left but the Perch and now they are resorting to eating they are eating their young, thus fucking themselves...the lake is doomed. the area is doomed...dont get me going on the import of weapons and war mongering...

add in the poverty, AIDS, abuse, prostitution, good gawd.


Yeah I feel uplifted. Yep.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

fuck the cheese

ooooh jesus I was involved in a cheese grater accident today....was quite impressive the blood loss...made the bathroom smell like pennies...looked like charles manson came by for a visit.

Anyway aside from that excitement I have spent my whole day trying to clean my kids pigsty room....youll NEVER guess where the recycling is getting stored...yeah in her bedroom closet...bags and bags of paper and cardboard...little jackass.

Once I found that i just started turfing house is a total wreck and tomorrow is my last day off and im mortified.

I dunno how im gunna do dishes with this fucked up thumb....

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

you are the cheese to my macaroni

Went and saw the movie *JUNO* today...hahahaha was quite funny...Michelle and GOB, take the girls!

Ayla is in Nanaimo with Pam & Jim for the week so im enjoying the peace. I love how when xmas ends it is so over its like it never happened.

Me and the cat are playing FETCH with pistaschios!!! U know the ones that arent open...and u cant eat em w/o busting yer teeth...well i toss those ones and the cat goes mental and figured out if she brought em back to me id re-throw them....ha ha ha Ohhhh I am turning into the crazy cat spinster!

I was a shitty phone person this xmas....I only called my sister and aunty cathy...I missed all other calls that came in whilst feasting at Denny's xmas day (can u say VOMITOUS?!?!?!)

Ayla gave me the SLASH book for im enthralled in that...its not especially well written AT ALL but the stories are interesting...when he pulls his hair back and takes off the goof hat andglasses and isnt smoking he is actually a nice looking specimen!


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

yippeeeeeeee done 4 another year...

Since i was little I always have been in awe of THOSE FAMILIES who do Xmas morning on Xmas eve....Always wanted to try it...but haven't bc usually Xmas is with other ppl and they don't like fucking up their Xmas chi....but this year we were free last night it was PRESENT TIME!!! We played some cards.....made some rice krispy squares...managed some cheese sticks in the toaster oven and then decided to go 4 the gusto!!!!

Ayla was fun....not near the ingrate she is on a daily basis thank gawd...she got massive amounts of HAIR STUFF....straightener...fancy styling crap, product...etc....her LG Chocolate Flip of course (and lemme tell u when we transferred it over i was shitting bricks with fear that it was a stolen phone and would not activate but all was good HAHAHAHAHHA can u imagine "remember that year you gave me a stolen phone for Xmas and it was no good...." ha ha ha)
We then watched KNOCKED UP as i curled Ayla's hair for what seemed like 38745873465 hrs, Ayla fell asleep on the couch...I eventually went to was all rather pleasant....Oh b4 i went to bed i ate a rice crispy square. Never hold on with Kleenex, it sticks to the square. I ate it anyway.

MASCARA gets this kind of reaction from 13 yr olds in case u didnt know!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Calling all evil-doers

I am wanting some ideas from all those twisted minds out there...

In the spirit of having better things to do I opted to not bother torturing the christian gal who sent me that letter a while back? Remember? CLICK HERE
Well....doesnt that just teach me for being all i get this envelope...and its a card from her....full of god shit complete with a book...

I went and looked up her address....I am now I would like some ideas I will now be compiling a little something to send back to her at my leisure.....

Now while I can see the humor of this, it is really fucking ABSURD that anyone possesses such self importance that they can't just let this shit I am forced to retaliate...and after I retaliate I will RETURN TO SENDER any further communication from fact ill peel off the post offices MOVED sticker from a letter at work and use it....

So bring it on....I am open to all advice...I will likely compile a little bit of everyones input for the final retaliation...GUY I AM WAITING EAGERLY 4 YOUR IDEAS.

tonight was peanut reindeer making night

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

we have renamed the cat...JERK

I am brain dead...but that is not news is it?

Last night Guy & Donna were in town so we went and had dinner....then stopped in at Big Bad John's (gawd help me) for a drink....then went to the Fox to see some stripper action...we always end up seeing strippers when they come to town...Guys favorite was the black hottie girl with the muscular ass...I didn't have a favorite...well that's not favorite was the guy who was so drunk up front who kept falling and spilling his beer on the front of his shirt.

Guy is still on the mend....but he was walking and talking and that was a good sight!
Donna hugged me twice. Jesus H. Damn huggy ppl!

Today I had grand intentions to do a lot of shit around here but NAPPING won...what an old friggin lady I'm turning into.

Henry Rollins is coming to Vancouver Is. in March...FUCKKKKKKKKKKK If ida known that I sure wouldn't have made the Vancouver show Oct 30...

I don't think I'm gunna go, having JUST seen him and all...but I will see when it gets closer...good thing about him is no matter where u sit spoken work is good so even crap tix would be OK.
I had an epiphany the other day...Christmas is a disease....a fucking disease. It starts off well enough, in theory its OK but once the full effects take over you are a sick motherfucker. I guess when u feel already overwhelmed in life something like Xmas is just another bloody inconvenience...
I do look fwd to getting more laid back as an old spinster...letting shit roll off my back more easily etc.

With the recent break up of some friends I am more inspired than ever to carry on avoiding all emotional relationships...what a gawd damn mind fuck.
Today as I napped the day away I was awake at one point and realized how fucked I am....and I didn't care...Self Acceptance...or Delusion? I dunno but it was somewhat freeing...realizing you are not conventional, typical or special all at the same time...reminded me of that quote in fight club about how we are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world...I love that...we are all the same decaying matter at the end of the day...and what we do before the decay is called pre-decay life is rather interesting at times so I am not is what it is...I'm a coaster...I is my way...which is why I don't foresee any grand changes in store for me...

which isn't necessarily bad or just IS.

I think happiness is fleeting and should not ever be expected...I think we have this attitude that we are entitled to be matter the cost...I can not stand that ENTITLEMENT seems to be everywhere...our youth are rotting from it...despite our best efforts...
and who am I to save the universe...I can't even stop myself from gorging on cookie dough when I'm premenstrual? HA HA HA Ooooo the beauty of powerlessness. hahahaha Mmmmm now I want cookie dough.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

ovaries and all

wow....i didnt know SAYING meant they took out all the kitty parts...uterus, ovaries etc. I had this little fantasy that they went in and tidily tied the fallopian tubes and thats all HAHAHAHA

ohhhhh kitty and her shaved belly looks soooo sooo sooooo sad all drugged up and wobbly....its 11 pm now and she is eating a little etc and purring...i have a cone 4 her bc if she licks her incision it can get infected....ugh wish me luck getting that on b4 i go to work tomorrow... :o(

I have a zit the size of texas on my back right now.

I can feel it pulsating.

I think it grew its own heart and has become its own entity.
Here is my CHRISTMAS TWIG.......i love my pickles....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

holy kaka!

Kitty gets spayed tomorrow...poor kitty. As mental as she is she is a sweet cat...sometimes I just look at her and sigh....kinda like when Ayla was little...I'd just look at her and swoon over her loveliness. it sounds like my ovaries are working overtime doesnt it? Dont worry - it will pass. It always passes.

I need a haircut really bad but after the last MULLET CUT im a little I think ill have Tracey cut it...she wont mullet me.

Saturday, December 08, 2007


I was supposed to go to dinner with Pam and Jim tonight b4 they left to go back to Nanaimo but I am an ass and was sleeping on the couch and did not hear them banging on the now they are on the way back to Nanaimo and I miss out seeing them. I am a dick.
I can not tell you how PO'd I am at myself. I must have been in a friggin coma listening to the midget family on TLC boating, talking about water in their ears and shit. Fuck.

Tonight I am going to Big Bad John's with Donna and Shawna for a few drinks. Should be interesting....least the company will be good.

Ayla is out and about...
I found out this week that a couple that I know are no longer a couple and I gotta say I am taking it worse than when my mom and step dad is fucked up. As cynical as I am as a human it never occured to me that I would be effected by such an event but here I shock...wallowing to some degree....HOW FUCKED.

It makes me very aware of the fact I am a giant self-preserving coward when it comes to relationships...I would never put myself out there and allow myself to be devestated by such a thing as a break up...which in turn makes me very aware that I miss out on a lot too is a toss up...and I pick self-preservation. I can not imagine spending 10 yrs building something with someone, investing everything ~ emotions, finances, trust etc ~ only to come home one day and be told they are leaving, no warning, no nothing. Total bomb dropping event. Call me spinster, I dont care...that is not the kind of loss I want to willingly deal I type this I realize how fear based this is of me...but I am really ok with that hahaha I am not even joking...I'd rather be alone than find myself at such a crossroads...and believe me I KNOW HOW LAME I SOUND RIGHT NOW hahaha You dont have to tell me. Maybe I will meet someone and be powerless to ward off such a choice but...good gawd...
Check out these pics of my friend Deanna's garage...a bear just busted through it to get to a bag of shit in my pants if I ever saw/heard this happening...
Bears scare me as it is, seeing one bust the shit out of a wood building to get garbage would drive me over the edge.
Are u all excited about the Johnny Depp/Sweeney Todd movie coming out????
I really need to go cake on some make up and fix my extreme bedhead but...gawd damn it id rather just go sleep on the couch again...
Oh yeah I know how to party bitches!

Sunday, December 02, 2007


o m frikkin gawd....Tool sober is 100x better than Tool drunk as fuck...and Tool 3rd row center is enough to make me grow a dick just so it can be hard...I swear.

Michelle B and I had PRIMO seats and we both had a BLAST...the show was mezmorizing....the lights....the screen art/visuals....Maynard in his tight jeans and zippy mohawk...and OHHH HELLO.....dont Michelle and I realize simultaniously that Mr Guitar and Mr Bass are fucking hot...Ive always been distracted by Maynard so I never noticed til Mr Guitar was standing in front of me and Michelle, with hot braids and it was SHWINGGGGGGGGGGGGG....
I was very entertained by her and I making the realization at the same time hahahhaa

almost as entertained as the guy beside me telling me:
"I don't mean to be rude but my balls tickle"

hahahahahahahhaahhahahahah apparently the BASS SOLO was hitting him in the right spot hahaha
Security was hardcore, no cameras allowed, the pics i did manage to sneak are lame and gay...but such is life.
We hung out with Arika and Hot Donna after but we were all SO truly bagged and near death we all kinda just went into zombie mode....esp after Arika started acting like a racist (HA HA HA not really but it was fun bugging her about it)
During the day Michelle and I went downtown and did a little shopping...hit the dollar store and some other cool little shops...grabbed a 15 pack of kokanee b4 heading home...30 bucks for 15 beer was quite a shocker to Michelle who comes from the land of cheap beer ~ tasted damn good though lady! haha I made her take the left overs home so her and GOB could enjoy! I didnt realize the CUSTOMS thing might be an issue but she did make it home so thats good ahahaha
Anyway - it was great to finally get to meet michelle, even if she gave me the longest hug in the history of the free world....i didnt mind too much, she smells good.