Thursday, March 30, 2006

do not ask me why....

this blog is now pink.

this is just proof of my personality disorder.

i am not a pink person.
yet...i have new pink pajames that are covered in cheesie loser dark pink roses amd i bought it b/c it was so hideously NOT ME.

maybe im having an identity crisis.

i am peopled out.
i am so weary of being asked questions.
everyone fuck off now ok and stop asling me stupid questions that u can answer 4 yourself if only u took a moment to access your brain.

i am living to make it to the weekend...i have it off.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Blasted Itchiness of the Face

someone mail me some sulphuric acid that I can dump on my face...
and then mail me a sewing kit so i can sew my kids mouth shut.
then mail me a mallet that I can beat heads at work with...
and finally...send me a chocolate milk shake.

I worked with Darth Vader again today. Jesus.

Jesus....the theme today is Jesus.

I think Jesus was probably a cool dude in his day...but I dont think he was some holy son of sure he thought he was but, whatever.

He sure started up a big club 4 himself anyway but to me its just as fucked up as scientology or some other cult that happened to catch on BIG...
ppl get all fucked up over scientology and other weirdo cult crap...HELLO....christianity is just as fucked up it just happens to sadly be really popular.
I am still hoping the pagans will unite and come back and reek some serious havoc on the xtians...oooh hahhahahaha *crazy laughter muahhahahahahaha*

When ppl say god bless u and all that shit at xmas time it makes my skin crawl...xmas is retarded enough w/o the god fan club shoving it down your throat.
U know what else bugs me?
People I can smell half a block away...
People with redneck ideals...
People who think b/c they are old they DESERVE a certain amt of respect that they can
t be bothered to earn like everyone else...fuck off.
People who are timid...this is something new ive discovered bothers me. Quiet, timid people who speak in a barely audible manner, who are clearly social retards and cant muster up the balls to be assertive and ..... clearly this has never been a problem for fact im the probably too aggressive and too bulldozerish...I also seem to lack the filtre on my mouth that others generally have...not to the hideous degree of someone like my mother but...i certainly inherited that.

Ok going to grind my teeth now

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


I know I know...reading about my weirdo dreams is boring but here is a funny...this is the condensed version

-I was in Powell River and to get into town I had to walk through a *ghetto* trail...and while in the trail I was captured by gangbangers so I sneakily made a call on my cell phone for Cousin Kelly to come help me...she was there in a few mins and we escaped...
Then we saw Mel and she was crying bcuz Dave Darkman died...I didnt know who he was but she swore we all went to school together...then I found out later that Mel happened to be *doing* him in a closet at the time he died and I found this highly amusing.

The End

I was thrift store treasure searching yesterday and scored some cool bamboo sushi serving thingies...I nearly peed! Not black though, all bamboo >>>>>>

today I have a day off...ive already started laundry and completed necessary work for work...i plan to a movie *PROOF* (even though gwyneth paltrow makes my skin crawl jake gyllenhaal (sp) is in it so i can put up with her...)
im also going to nap...cuz apparently at 35 thats the IN thing to do...dont let anyone tell u any different.

o ooo ooooo i feel a nap coming on....

PS: happy birthday granny.....xo

Benevolent Analyst...I like that

My Personality Report

Monday, March 27, 2006

droopy eyed wonder fuck

I think yesterdays headache has left me with nerve damage in my brain...

I drempt really retarded shit...
SNIPPET: Mel, you called me crying bc Dave Darkman had died....i didnt know who the hell it was...and i later found out u were so upset bc u were getting it on in a closet with him when he died.......

I think my left eye is drooping shit.
I was in bed and asleep by 10 (unheard of generally)...
I woke up at 10 mins after the hour every hour ALL

Im off to work...half day....then tomorrow drooling.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

ding dong

no time 4 oatmeal...

i have a headache...

long day ahead....

a shitload of dishes are waiting for me when I get home...

sometimes I wish I could get my jaw wired shut...for more than the obvious reason.

no church for this heathen today...

la smooch!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

why 4 do u look at me with such suspicion?

today was ok.
i didnt consider checking into a mental hospital or anything.

im making cinnamon buns right now so the kids will have a lame but tasty breakfast tomorrow while im at work.
the whole floor will smell cinnamon-y and the drunks will crave cinnamon buns as they stumble in after the bars close.

i was thinking about my lack of fashion sense...ive never had any...ever. ive never known how to be girly...ive never felt compelled to dress up and be girly but i have also never acquired the skill to dress myself well regardless.
im all about being NON DESCRIPT...

i can not stand toe-less I wear toed sandals that i realized today walking home fr work that they likely are butt fucking ugly to the rest of the world...but i dont care cuz they are comfy to me...then i started examining what else i was wearing and have decided i dress like a drab wonder my granny asked me if i was gay once upon a time hahahahhahaaaa
but then i do this werido shit like make a point of buying the goofies underwear i can fine...covered in flamingos...and sheep and xmas penguins...and then these hideously girly PINK pajamas covered in roses....i crack myself up!!!!

bottom line is...INVISIBILITY would be a good superpower to have.

i wont worry about it unless my mom finally coerces me into wearing the moomoo's she wears and is desperate to sew 4 me *shiver*
<---that is not my mom by the way

Yo Mel...tell everyone his weener was small so u dumped him.

lemme show u the cutest creature ever...sleeping and lovely...she makes my ovaries throb and pound...and my fallopian tubes vibrate...

i started reading Elle by Douglas Glover ~
its fucking weirdly not find of books i have to decipher or read 3/4's of it just to finally get the gyst of wtf the story is all about... but im sticking it out 4 now and im hoping itll improve & suck me in.

kids are going to sleep now...
ohhh the bliss...
im off too...
oh yeah, no one swore at me today.


I am alarmed at how much I love chocolate pudding in a tube...

I am sure this means something about me...but I refuse to contemplate it.

Incubus Alive @ Red Rocks is completely bonerlicious...I really must see them live one day b4 im too fat to fit through theatre doors. I work at sure itll be a night time freak show @ work...I am still laughing at someone telling Donna to *clean out your fucking ears* hahahahahhahahahahahahhahaa

I hope someone swears at me today.

Friday, March 24, 2006

teriyaki bliss

survived another day...its Donna's birthday so at work we gave her goodies and treats and Mandy brought her a DQ Ice Cream cake and she had them draw a penis on it with icing so...we all ate penis today at work....woot! woot!

I like how the cake decorater added some pubic hair on for flair hahahhaa then it melted and slid off...i thought it looked like caviar hahahahhaa

my book is I am sad....but i stopped at a used book store on the way home from work
and grabbed a few cool looking ones...

also bought myself Incubus Alive at Red Rocks DVD...Brandon Boyd gives me a does Incubus's music.

rented Jarhead too, gawd i suck at renting movies...I never seem to FEEL like watching one when i rent one but when i dont rent one i wish i rented one.

Ayla rented season 2 of the OC (gag) so shes having an OC marathon this weekend...which is good cuz I work the whole sure her and Arianna can get up to no good tomorrow and have a good time in my absence. Gawd help this house.

Arika is off to Ireland soon! OMG i cant wait 4 irish postcards and all the pictures she brings back! DROOL DROOL!

Yesterday a customer told Donna to clean out her fucking ears when she asked him to repeat something. hahahahahahahahha Asshole much? Jesus. Made me laugh

I think I will boil myself in the shower...and force myself to watch Jarhead since Jake G is my pretend boyfriend...and not just cuz he is a gay cowboy either.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

the rushed 10 min post b4 survivor

yeah im a survivor whore....i love the damn show...esp when ppl fall/wipe out during challenges. hahahahah gawd i love that...the sprog and i pee ourselves laughing.

i just got a 50.00 gift cert. in the mail from IRIS...i think its a sign that i need new waffling between new frames and contacts...i dunno if i can touch my eyeballs on a daily basis....i worry about them melting on my eyeballs around a campfire...or slipping back and getting lost in the back of my head and needing an operation to get it out....*shiver*

i think i would like to date the electrician that we had in today...hes probably married of course...but his name is trevor and you all know the THING i have for that name.

i still have not talked to connie...i think about it everyday but still do not feel compelled to contact her...mainly bc i think nothing has changed and im still angry...and then mindfucking myself cuz i feel like a judgemental twat...

tomorrow is donna's birthday...we have a penis ice cream cake planned for her at work...hehehehe

im really UNattached to the computer these days...i might be on it an hr a day at best...i am reading a good book....hahaha i have a few pages left, i will savour them tonight when im ready to go to bed...
i really hate trying to get into a new book after I just red a fabulous book (btw, thank u again maureen)...

survivor is a gay HIGHLIGHT episode. barf

<---- i love that kids face hahahahahhahahahahha

ok im tired now...i wanna go to bed early.

A Loving Message From the Sprog

Apparently the fact that I BUY the paper doesnt mean I can use it...
If u cant see the loving note below...just click on it to see it FULL SIZE and marvel in the splendid vocab my 12 year old continues to nurture...
I know you are all jealous...wishing you had such a nice and kindhearted daughter...
I must say I admire her proper use of the F knowing i have passed on such a beautiful legacy.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Barb, speaking of hate mail....check this one out...

May God forgive you! You are an absolute disgrace! I am more than sure St Patrick would have little use for you, apart from using you to beat things with. Having looked at your pictures he probably would be too scared to go near you because you are an ugly witch!

03.18.06 - 3:25 pm #

I love it when I rile up the holy gives me a boner.

Monday, March 20, 2006


I have boiled myself into a hazy oblivion...I am boiled, wrinkled and now have no energy to live.

Ayla is asleep on the couch in her clothes...shes so cute i will cover her up and leave her.

Today a guy came into work with a cross hanging around his neck...and then he was holding on in his hand and as I looked up it was like he was staring at me...and like the blasph
emous twat I am i just started to laugh.
If I dream of him tonight im sure he will be murdering me.

I was having an aamzing make out dream with a dog food delivery truck driver the other morning...his name was Don McLeod. I was disturbed by the name theme BUT he was a great kisser, the dream was getting good...
Why does it never happen in midst of a crap boring ass dream? INJUSTICE. cold now...

Smoochy Baby

Birds Twittering....

Thats what I hear right now...

I smell hyacinths b/c Ayla brought me home one, a white one and its making the whole house smell FABULOUS....itll stay bloomed for a few weeks so thats a cool treat.

Sprog is home...unhappily of course...she spent part of the afternoon begging me to move back to Powell River...*shiver* Lotsa tears...
I drempt that my front tooth was falling out...
nothing more horrifying to waking up to NON FALLING OUT TEETH makes it an automatically good day hahaha

Im a doof and a while back bought the movie (VHS) Amelie but I guess i bought the NON SUBTITLED its all in french...anyone want it? lol Seriously...

My baby sniffing is over...*pout*...
I have a buncha pictures that ill upload tonight...
Lotsa action this weekend thats 4 sure...

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Saturday is Baby Sniffing Day

I get to sniff a baby tonight after work and spend far too much time talking like im mentally challenged to try and get her giggling etc.

I dread the impending doom of my own sprog, only bc I know she is going to be FOUL to me, she is always pissy after being away cuz she thinks she wantsto live there and comes home bitter and shitty to her poor mother...*sighhhh*
Maybe she will surprise me and be nice...maybe the new cool doo will help.

I am a fucking TARD and bought something ONLINE last night that this morning I am thinking I should call and cancel b4 its shipped...
Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity....
Ohhhh wait...I just called 4875638745683475683745 numbers and cancelled my order...jesus christ I am a moron.

Oooooo Cheryl had a boy....woot woot

Friday, March 17, 2006

Hot Chica!!

My Sprog

is getting her hair foiled, cut and nails done RIGHT THIS SECOND....
she was really in need of a new doo although shes so lovely she could pull off a bald head if need be....Pictures to come...she will be home tomorrow. I've missed her telling me to piss off and calling me a retard. *sob*

i am getting ready 4 work...and getting ready to see Ms Maddie house is so clean right now its scaring me.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

oh johnny, you are a babe

went and saw the libertine tonight...better than date movie but...i guess im a bit thick cuz i think i missed the point of it...i enjoy watching johnny depp give girls the kitkat treatment in a carriage when he got sick and his face peeled off and his eye turned white I really had to appreciate him 4 his acting skills rather then his good looks haha

i left the theatre with popcorn in my cleavage as usual...

but hey u know what? samantha morton has a HUGE forehead man...really, it fr
eaks me out, like christina ricci's...i couldnt stop looking at it through the whole movie....I kept thinking *jesus woman, get BANGS*....
thats my shallowness 4 the day.

i ate popcorn 4 dinner...
i have a shitload of dishes to do...and my house is a tomorrow morning im forcing myself to make it purdy since my sprog and co will be here saturday.
this week went by stupidly fast.
i never got to go out and be a fat drunk chick at evolution... *pout*

i was hanging with my homeboy jesus tonight...such a gentleman...carrying my glasses 4 me...
rubbing my hair telling me how nice I look...stickin
g his hand up my chickens butt...
ooooo religious bliss!

tomorrow I close...its also a payday for some ppl and st patricks day...
i dont really like st patricks day...its just a crap christian thing, st patrick was down on the pagans so st paddy aint my friend. Damn saints, i have no use 4 them....converting the irish to christianity...FOR SHAME!!!! *sorry nic haha*

if I had a st patrick statue id make jesus do something dirty to him. im so mature.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

come on, it won't hurt....

so today on my travels I get to a place and its pissing rain...and i still have a long way to walk after so...i decide to buy an umbrella (cuz im rich) I go buy an umbrella...walk outside and its fucking sunny out. jesus

cheryls in labor right now, send her good vibes.

i just dumped a crapload of cash on some new clothes (cuz as I stated, im rich)...

check this out: he's in Edmonton...I am digging him...

Electric Mantra

there are a few tunes to DL...

I was chatting up Ryan McMahon today as well....he says he will be playing here April 20th
WOOOOT WOOOOT!!!!!! *Jen does happy dance*

im going to meet Erica after work for some dinner...

Ooooooooo the final chia head picture.....theyre growing moldy...time to turf em...or plant em.

as I was saying....

don't go see DATE MOVIE...fuck u know when yer standing in the theatre and u have to choose between DATE MOVIE & THE HILLS HAVE EYES....and yer trying to gauge what kinda mood yer in and your gay movie going partner wont help, walks away and makes YOU choose *fuck i hate that pressure*...
we wanted to see V for Vendetta but NOOOOOOOOOOO it doesnt start til Thursday...fuckers. green slushie was good, if nothing else...and the zit popping scene made us howl.

I have mondo laundry to do starting now so im done early in the afternoon and b4 any crackheads wake up cuz then i have laudry room competition.

I am digging my new haircut....this is the 1st time ive had someone cut my hair EXACTLY how i want it, i have never left there pissed off and mumbling curses...shes this lovely asian gal Susun, her layers are divine hahahhaa

Shawn is freaking out bc he thinks hes obese since gaining 15 lbs...I just roll my eyes and gag at his drama...he appears to be 2 mths preggy if he tries to look so...whilst I stand there looking at least 56 mths pregnant.

My new living room furniture arrangement has changed my life....its true. The feng shui or something has greatly improved.
im sure i will wake up 120 lbs tomorrow bc of it.

Looks like I get to weasle some baby time on the weekend! WOOOHOOOO I am gunna maul that baby....and kiss her face off.


do not go see DATE MOVIE its hideous, except 4 a few funny parts.

im too tired to whine properly.
youll have to wait til tomorrow

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

sweet sweet days off....

today has been a delight.

i woke up at 5 530 went back to bed until 10 (cuz im like a princess)...

got up...lazed a the livingroom (the sprog is gunna shit im sure)....

did some dishes...vacuumed...watched mindless sorry but i love the judge on Peoples Court...

I have an appt to get my hair bucked at 4 so im gunna go in and tell her to layer the shit out of it as im tired of the stuck to the head look.

Im supposed to go to a movie with Shawn tonight...I may go out after, im not sure. Ill see how I feel. I hope Phil comes with us...I love watching them grope each other.
Tomorrow Erica and I will meet up 4 dinner and visit downtown...
I think I will feel rejuvinated for work Thursday...

Kelly and baby Maddie may come down 4 a quick visit when Aunty Pam brings Ayla home on the weekend...that is EXCITING!!!!!!!! I hope they will come! Even a quick visit would be nice.

Cropping seems to be quite common. Maybe I was too hard on Mr Cropper...?? U think?

hahahahahaha Don, if you read this, for the love of gawd stop it...I can not talk about u effectively if I think you are reading hahaha