Thursday, November 29, 2007

anyone wanna buy a lamp?


so as u can see nexzt year ill be looking 4 a new set of lamps.
fuckin TOOL is only 2 sleeps away!!! and Michelle B will be here in 2 sleeps! woooohoooo
i had myself convinced i had a blood clot in my leg last night...i didnt die though.
payday is tomorrow and im a penniless friggin hobo already...i had 3 paydays this month! WTF!
gay fucking xmas.
i decided to get pet insurance...
its only $19.00 a month...even if it just wards off any vet visits its worth it.
i decided against taking the canon to TOOL...ill spend the whole time PROTECTING IT so screw that....ill take the little one i already wrecked...(btw aunty pam, im still paying you for that so PREPARE! haha)

Monday, November 26, 2007

yam bam thank you mam


yeah i know i know ive been a shitty blogger person...

lets see, whats going on...the cat is MENTAL...
work is MENTAL...
Ayla is fine actually which is nice.
I've done some xmas shopping...kinda been digging it thus far but im desperate to get it all done asap to AVOID the havoc that is THE MALL AT XMAS. Malls suck...malls suck balls....
I am menstruating presently...do u know what that means?? that means that at xmas ill be ragging like a fucking lunatic, eating cookie dough by the bucket and hopefully in the mood to drink at home at leisure...whoever shows up shows up...Ayla will spend the day and boxing day buggering around with her new chocolate flip phone....OOOH fuck .... im mom of the year this year...I made a list of shit i was gunna get ayla 4 xmas and FORGOT it on my desk and GUESS WHO saw it read it and then threw it at me and mocked me 4 it?? Yeah...Ayla. Shithead.
So much 4 ANY friggin surprises this xmas...she already knew about the phone...grrrrrrrrr
Anyway - yeah im keeping the xmas freak out on the downlow this year...after the shit show that was last year this year im going uber mellow. ZERO OBLIGATION!!!!!
Guy is home and improving, slowly but surely...he went for a walk the other day and even though he slept for 5 hrs afterwards i think its good he could even get up and walk!
I cant believe how much fucking noise ONE cat can make....the galloping...the scritchy scratchy noises...the pouncing...JESUS...
OOOOH NEWS FLASH!!!!!!
My landlady is leaving as of Dec 15.....I SHIT U NOT!!!! she took another job so her daughter in law/son is moving upstairs and I really like her already (she lives in the building) so im hoping she will be wayyyyyy more relaxed.
WHOOOOPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Im listening to the soundtrack for INTO THE WILD....all Eddie Vedder solo, acoustic, Billy Braggish...funky old school instruments....i really like it...aside from the movie being so friggin good the soundtrack is kicking my ass too.
Who else shit themselves to learn they can get Nirvana Unplugged on DVD now?
TOOL is on friggin SATURDAY!!!!!! Donna and i will be picking up Michelle B at the ferry Saturday morning and we get the day to hang and do whatever....then see Tool...omfg 3rd row...i have this FEAR that itll be so freakish in 3rd row I will hate it bc im old and fat now and moshing isnt much of an option when u have to be able to go to work and not be wounded...then again, given enough to drink I think im skinny and invincible hahaha (dont worry aunty pam, i will behave...she always gets DISAPPOINTED at my drunken fall downs and slutty intoxicated carrying-on)
Never did hear from Bruce after the Rollins no-show.

Its chilly out...even snowed tonight...goopy snow that didnt stick thank gawd but...
this is Adrienne at her birthday dinner....I made her spaghetti and then we had cake and shit then lapsed into a coma on the couch...I thought she might actually need an ambulance.
I am FREEEEEZING...I need slippers.
Good night! xo

Friday, November 16, 2007

Guy always gets the weirdest cooties

Might be THIS
or TB
but Donna says he looked a little better today, color wise but he is just wasted tired.....tomorrow they drain fluid off his heart and will have a better idea what he has got...
he is in quarantine still/ICU so hopefully tomorrow things will be looking up...

Must be really weird facing your mortality that way...will be interesting to see how this effects his outlook on things...
Nothing like a good scare to put shit in perspective 4 u...

im off 4 the weekend....thank gawd....i have 9348759834759834 things to get going on...
i am determined to keep this approaching season MELLLLLOWWWWWW, like not just tolerably INSANE but really keep it laid back and "oh whatever"...
IT IS THE GOALLLLLLLLLLL
i dont wanna be consumed by the bullshit.
i wanna decorate my house all fucking cheesie and xmas gay and enjoy the lights and thats friggin IT!!!!!! no hassle, no obligation, no nothing....woooohoooooo

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Bird-Man.....GET BETTER!

FACEBOOK IS FUCKING ME UP....i found a guy from lacombe alberta who i used to make out with...who i have always wanted ask why the fuck he never tried to get in my pants...naturally he HARDLY remembers me hahahaha FUCK!

i recall him being a real fucking dick at the end of the road though but I cant 4 the life of me recall details...
My personal theory about his lack of perviness:
1. he had an STD (MORALS)

2. he already slept with my mother (MORALS - barf)

3. he thought i was too young to hump...(MORALS)


NOW ILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!!! hmmmmf!!


the cat is going mentaller by the day...i shit u not. she took out my book shelf in my bedroom, trashed the damn room...


GOOD VIBES PLEASE: Guy is really sick...like in the hospital ICU with no medical insurance sick (u know youre sick when...)...send the bird-man some good vibes please...I sure hope he can get a grip on whatever he has...i am prepared to make a flash trip up island if things arent looking better by tomorrow night....its unnerving b/c NO ONE is mightier than Guy Monty so the thought of him being down and out is rather alarming...


Monday, November 12, 2007

is that cat shit i smell?

Donna & Cynthia came with Kelly, Mel, Bonnie and I Sat. night.
I wanted to die b/c they dragged me to a night club~ Can u imagine a night of tarts and
remix club music? MY GAWD....my spirit left my body.

I think they were all having some sort of titty contest.

Cynthia looking like a vixen

fuck i felt like i was in a rap video.

this monster was outside of tracey's house....BARF!

Donna was eating calamari (BARF) which looked like deep fried spiders to the rest of us so naturally we have to fuck with it...
third nipple adventures....I think someone should tell Mel it's just a damn mole.

Mel and Kelly - night at the Roxybury...

Bonnie, Mel and Cousin Kelly

SEE!!!! I wasnt the oldest person there...there was an old man in suspenders!!!


cheapest cat toy ever...a tampon...its durable and has a tail!
the cat walks around the house with it in her mouth....hahahahaha

waiting for the cab...kelly is a pole dancer now

More deep fried calamari/spider fun


Saturday, November 10, 2007

nothing like sweat dribbling down into your ass crack....


I just cleaned my kids room bc i have company coming and Ayla's version of CLEAN is pretty gay.


I am so lame I cant figure out how to change the clock on my cell phone so all week ive had multiple heart attacks thinking I was an hour late 4 things...


I wanna do a sentence that doesnt start with "I".


So...do you fuckers have any grand plans this Remembrance Day Long Weekend?

Today is Bruce's birthday...I sent him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKASS message. That is all I am mustering for him today.

Tomorrow is Jerri Ann's...woooohooooo she will be blessed with a phone call from me hahha Lucky sod.


A certain cdn artists ex money grubbing wife is now a real estate whore...it should be noted that if you cant use your ex husbands last name (but refuse to use your maiden name again thus settling for using your middle name as a surname) for fear of ppl finding you on the internet then perhaps YOU SHOULD STOP USING IT. Just a thought.

A public service announcement of sorts. I even thought of calling her and fucking with her but apparently I only stoop so low b4 I realize I am somewhat mature.


I need a shower (see post title)...

Friday, November 09, 2007

Happiness is not real unless shared

holy shit sean penn....i just went and saw INTO THE WILD...Guy M. please go see this...even if you have read the book already.
it is a beautiful movie...and im not just saying that bc eddie vedder does the music for it...it really is lovely.

one more day and then the weekend off...yeeehooooooooooooooooooooo cousin kelly, mel and bonnie are coming sat.
i think they wanna go out and paint the town red...as IF i just typed that sentence haha ive never used that term in all my life, even drunk!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

rendition




ok that movie freaked me out....
i am amazed that a human can torture another human and not feel like a fuckwad.

behind us this couple parked themselves and did the most annoying shit through the 1st half of the movie...
1st off they were eating PISTACHIOS....in a fucking movie theatre....WTF? inbred much? and the pistachios were in the noisiest bag on the planet.....it didnt stop there....after the fucking pistachio orgy they ate apples.
yes folks....APPLES.
who the fuck eats apples at a movie? despite the fact its weird APPLES ARE NOT QUIET FOOD!!!!!!!!!
then....to top it all off....they cracked out juice boxes....mmmm straw sounds...over and over and over....
my gawd...i was about to lose my mind.

back to manners school for those turds.
Shawn made it to Arizona and im sure is basking in the warmth there...as I bask in the dreariness that is west coast fall/winter...

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

no scab eating for this sista



took Ayla to a viewing of a meth film and discussion tonight.


she was mortified to be seen in public with me even with Buffy and Rachel there.
jackass.
movie was mediocre...didnt address the stuff i thought it would so it was a little disappointing, although still interesting.
the discussion after was interesting as far as local perspective goes...all in all it was a good night...esp watching ayla squirm all night.


ayla informed me she doesnt care about anything.
she has no opinions.
no desire to read/learn.
i told her it would pass.
at 13 all i gave a crap about was music.
got my house all tiddled up today....gawd it needed a good cleaning.
yesterday i went to see WE OWN THE NIGHT with cynthia...it was ok...ending was MUCHOS GAY though.
we then went around shopping for weird xmas shit....I found a COOL frog tree ornament....next best thing to a pickle 4 sure.
gawd xmas is on the way! BARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
the only thing ayla wants is a LG Chocolate Flip phone.
someone kill me now....they are 300.00 new.
im bidding on one via ebay for 200.00

CALL ME SUCKER!!!!!!!!
i gotta give a big HIGH FIVE to Mr Good....he is the most talented mofo at eloquently insulting his ex-wife without ACTUALLY insulting her, its fucking genius.
a post recently on his website about the JET SET CREW was great, and when u go to it guess who is pictured in some of the photos? HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHHA he never mentions her name or anything, its friggin great!

Monday, November 05, 2007

seeing bats is just a PERK

ok so poor Amanda was sick yesterday so i worked 14 hrs alone...and that's ok bc she was sick and shit happens so whatever....

but here...checking this shit out....it was fairly busy...plus everyone and their fucking anteater needed change yesterday or to send western union....so i was on my feet pretty much the whole time...which again is ok as well...but...check this shit out.


I get a call at 10 mins to clse from some fucktard saying he has to load his MasterCard and is gunna run over and plz plz plz stay open if hes a minute late...im thinking yeah fuck u cocksucker....ive been here since 8 am....and its 10 to 9....fuck u.

so wouldn't u fucking know it....i have my safe balanced...my MasterCards, western union, chq deposit, money orders, interac, posa, drawer etc all balanced....

and IN WALKS a western union customer.

kill me now.

then in walked fucktard MasterCard guy....

but get this...

he wants to load 3000.00 to his card and its all in small bills and FUCKING COIN...........

i was biting my tongue off...

and not only was he FUCKING up my safe balance, dwr balance and various other paperwork he wouldn't let me count the money....he counted it all 1st....and he was dumb and couldn't count so....something that should only take 2 mins to fuck all my shit up was a 15 min affair....then there's still western union guy waiting and then another person comes in to cash a chq....so that pretty much fucked up damn near everything.

At this point the MC guy was so fucking annoying I was in near tears/blind raging fury and was quite a snatch to him, I even said, "you do know we have been open since 8 am this morning???????????? and you come at CLOSING to do this?"

I was not providing good customer service and i didn't give a fuck bc if there had been NO ONE else in the lobby i would have called him a cock sucking wanna be gangsta rejectard.

No witnesses....my word against his. Fuck off u twat.

So yeah i was slightly comforted by the fact everyone waiting in the lobby thought he was a real shithead...I may have beat him to death with the stapler if there was no glass.

So he finally leaves...its now 9 15 pm

I do the western union.

I do the chq cashing.

I lock the door...by this time I am fucking raging and swearing and too tired to even throw anything.

So while REDOING everything....the computer is acting up and being a fucktard......and the printer fucks up and is jammed with invisible paper....etc etc ON AND ON....so i finally leave and im thinking my next job is not going to be customer service.

ha ha ha ha ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FUCK!

Then I get home after making it very clear to Ayla I NEEEEEDED the house to be in order and insisted she tidy up...i come home 2 a fucking dump....junk all over the floor...no food 4 the cat...dished loaded in the sink, couch a mess, cat toys everywhere...aylas shit all over the house....yeah so all i could managed was to scream *YOU HATE ME DON'T YOU??!??!?!* needless to say she is computerless for the next 2 days.

Ingrates....I even bought her an N7 tshirt the other night at the show....fuckin thankless job parenting is. if I had more kids I think id hang myself.


OK so that's my rant....

this morning I am supposed to be in court 4 work only no one served me with papers so i dunno what time or where until the court house opens at 830 am...i dunno what case this is even 4 so i dunno how they are gunna find out the details for me.

and I work 11-7 HA HA HA yeah im ditching early today...GUARANTEED!!!!!!