Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I am a fucking genius

for real....

I am cooking a turkey dinner today for Ayla and 4 of her friends prior to their New Years Eve festivities...I have just burned the shit out of my finger and it is sure to be a blistered gross mess by the end of the affair.

My turkey is half cooked....potatoes/gravy are done....will heat making the stuffing shortly as well....I like to do what I can ahead of time b/c I am a stress case and I cant stand every thing being done at once and something going cold doing the fucking gravy....
there is even PIE and whipped cream for dessert....this is my attempt at being Betty Crocker for a day.

Tonight I will just watch a movie...and putter....or sleep....ha!

830 PM - mmm slave all day and dinner eaten in 10 mins.
Gotta say that was the best dinner ive ever made and im no longer scared to cook a turkey dinner......Ayla had 2 friends over instead of 4 so theres lotsa leftovers for us...SWEET!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Post # 1101 - Seriously!

Wow...thank the lords of Hades that's over hey?
Such a season of severe mixed emotions for me...always glad when its done.
Sunday was the ultimate sloth day...I watched 4 movies in a row:
Good Will Hunting....really is a great movie. I hadn't seen it since it came out 4ever ago but I think I enjoyed it more this time, I love the underdog story riddled with emotion and a lot of swearing.
It's All Gone Pete Tong...been meaning to see this 4 a while now...I really liked it...the title - I learned after googling it - is in reference to when things go wrong...its all gone pete isnt about Pete Tong at all, although he is in it 4 a minute or 2...anyhow...I loved the giant skunk junkie symbolism and the coming to terms with reality....
Disturbia...I love the kid in this movie...he cracks me up...wasn't a bad movie...didn't change my life or anything but I was entertained...and that's the whole point.
Sylvia...what is a Sunday without a Sylvia Plath movie...after seeing this mediocre movie I did some googling...and read up that the woman Ted Hughes left Sylvia for (Assia) ended up killing herself and their small daughter the same way Sylvia did (head in the oven)...pretty hard not to take that personally, all the women in your life off themselves...
Also watched Ned Kelly over the Xmas week too...interesting story, very embellished though and Heath Ledger wasn't all that great in it....he is like that though...he either sucks in movies or doesn't. No in between.
Went and saw The Reader tonight with Arika....I read the book years ago so I really wanted to see the movie...Arika read it as well years ago so it was interesting to say the least...the subject matter is really intense and the story sadly beautiful in a quirky way....
Holy movie whore Batman!

Friday, December 26, 2008

this is what happens when u dont breastfeed yer babies

so i get these cool things from aunty pam: CLICK HERE
i neglected to read the packaging fully so as I was using them for the 1st time im looking at them trying to figure out how the magnetic part of it examining it as it is in use....and i cant see how a magnet has anything to do with the mechanics of the im staring at it for a long while...using it...NOT GETTING IT....i figure maybe its something like the spring action bunny ear squeezers??? No idea really.... Then im talking on the phone to Tracey, stupidly mentioned the mystery of the magnetic salt n pepper mill and she laughssssssss.....and tells me im over thinking the shit out of it....and that its magnetic bc there are magnets on the side so they can be mounted on any metal surface.










well thank gawd that's over

Not sure what it is about xmas....that lingering faux-magic left over from childhood or some insatiable hole impossible to fill...not know...when you are with family you are miserable and don't feel quite right but when your alone you don't feel right either. It is rather confusing and ponder-worthy.Ayla snapped out of ass-face mode xmas eve thank gawd...was nice to finally have one over on her, she had NO idea what she was getting 4 xmas...she was rather pleasant all evening....and well into xmas day.
My odd xmas discontent was stifled by my urge to rearrange every room in the house....I gave Ayla my bed headboard and by the time we fixed up her room with her new desk/PC the bug had me and i started tearing apart the living room, the kitchen and my bedroom all at once..NOT RECOMMENDED!!!!!! cuz half way u get tired of it and dont wanna finish but u have to cuz u cant get from one room to another bc all the boxes and shit are everywhere!
I can not believe the Scorpions do a version of Ave gawd.
Today Ayla is on her way to Vancouver for Boxing Day consumerism (some poor dad got roped into driving a bunch of girl over for a full day of shopping! arg!) ...I am meeting Donna and maybe Arika too for a movie at noon downtown....Benjamin Button here I come. Then dinner at T & A's...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry what?

Merry I Am On The Cusp of Menstruating Thus I Cry Listening to Xmas Songs and I Take Everything Personally?

Merry I Have To Work Today?

Merry I Just Sneezed 5x in a Row and Feel Sick?

Merry My Kid Hates Me Unless She Wants Something?

ha ha ha

I could go on all day with this game.

Monday, December 22, 2008

my favorite xmas song to this day

and when they start that FEED THE WORLD thingnear the end I actually feel like crying...EVERY TIME I hear it......and I just heard its been re-done....they played it on the radio....its not too bad but the rap crap in the new version is lame.

There - thats as xmas-y as im getting

here is the new version;

for Adele

Friday, December 19, 2008



Mmmm mmmm goooood

It is the Friday b4

xmas so this is my managers last day before she's on vacation for a month…I can not describe to you the blissful vibrations zipping through this unit currently over the prospect of a month long spell of bosslessness….it will make next week tolerable…and the rest of January.

You will all be happy to know the

scaratch on my face is healing nicely but the one in my mouth is not…I am thinking gargling with gasoline may be in order. Mmmmmmm tastey.

Ayla & I were gunna watch LARS & THE REAL GIRL last night but we got in a fight b4 hand and she skulked off to her room.


You can all thank Kelly the Fireman for bringing this to my attention.

Can u imagine?!?!?! I want 4 copies to give away as gifts this year…and then ill never eat at their house again



gawd…that cracks me up….

"Honey! Can you come here…I am baking and I need more semen!!!!!"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

as if

today i was sitting on the couch, the cat was laying behind me on the back of the I reach backwards to get her and as im picking her up awkwardly i drop her on my head, taking her back paw on my face....from my nose down to my bottom lip...not just on the outside of my lip but right IN my fucking mouth....

instantly blood starts flowing and i waddle to the bathroom mirror wondering how stupid this is going to look and sound when i try to explain it to ppl...its not all that deep on my face but the scratch in my mouth seems to be the worst.

Now don't u think for one moment i was not instantly considering the GERM/COOTIE factor of this event...that's ALL ive been thinking about actually...i basically had a litter box in my mouth...and ppl wonder why im single...?

My upper lip is just a little swollen (u cant really notice the scratch coming down from my nose) but the scratch in my mouth is a lot more swollen and irritated...

So there is my xmas tragedy....not so bad...just stupid. The cat hid for 4 hrs afterwards....which is funny to

Its friggin snowing...I bought gloves though so im all good. I went to find a jacket today with xmas $ but...nothing was calling out to me so ill stick with the layering technique.

GONZO MAGAZINE is out finally.... check me out on page 30/31... CLICK HERE
Sometimes i read what is in the magazines (my own stuff) and as I read im thinking "THAT FUCKER REWROTE THIS!!!!" and i go check my submitted copy and I actually wrote it. ha ha ha Sometimes I use words and phrases that sounds smarter than me haha

Xmas Eve we will be popping over to where some friends are housesitting for some food and visiting...I think that will be my xmas visiting done all in one sitting.
A movie xmas day possibly (maybe I can convince Ayla to actually come with me to one???)
Still debating the xmas dinner thing....I will buy the crap and just cook it whenever we feel like it.

<--- hahahaha Kaitlin, Connie's wee toddler grrl...ready 4 xmas!!!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


one shirt
one thick sweater
one hoodie
one fleece jacket
one scarf
2 pairs of socks

like i need to make myself look larger....but thankfully reason prevails and layers win over my aversion to looking rounder and larger...i look like a fucking giant blob of black wearing blue jeans.

i cant let myself get cold like i was yesterday...if there's no heat at work im turning around and coming home.

must buy mittens......asap

good bye cruel world.....

Monday, December 15, 2008

my name is jennifer conklin and i want to recruit you!

Well textbook Mondays morning @ work, all systems down and there is no heat so it is COLD AS A WITCHES TIT in here...colder maybe...however cold a witches tit is, I dunno. All I know is im wearing a shirt, a sweater and a jacket with a scarf (thank you Michelle B).
They better get this heat fixed or there will be a fucking mutiny.
Saw MILK last night...omfg...what a fantastic movie.  I didn't know anything about Harvey Milk prior so it was all new to me...It was one of those movies that makes all the hairs on the back of your neck stand I LOVE stories where the hypocrisy of the church gets a good ass fucking.  Sean Penn and James Franco were amazing and not just the gay make out scenes....ha! (that is another post completely)...So many great characters and wonderful humor...a really great human rights fight story...Definitely a MUST-SEE.
Makes me wanna go to San Fran even more now...check out the Castro and other landmarks.  I had NO IDEA the "twinkie defense" was brought to life in this story, total corrupt bs that the bad guy got off so easy....maddening.
Ohh I need a hot chocolate...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

snowy bullshit

ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

We did NOT escape snow sadly...I am venturing out in it today to meet Shawna downtown. I am sure I will be out in it for 2 mins b4 regretting leaving the house.

Awwwwwwwww cute kitty!!

Friday, December 12, 2008


RIP Betty Page....
Interesting lady she was.
I am at work...there is no work to do...all the paperwork is caught up so its surf the net time. Well, and answering the retarded phone calls from desperate students.
Last night walking to the bus after work I was talking to a co-worker waiting for the crosswalk and a car hit a lady on a bike...OMFG the noise! I didnt see it, I turned and saw bike parts flying in the air but it was totally friggin scary and gross...I called 911 but she wasnt digging that...cops were there in a minute (weird)...lady who witnessed it all said the car and the bike were both in the wrong and running an amber.
Both of them are damn lucky.
This weekend is gunna be BUSY....lots of odds n ends to deal with, clean the house, shop for the big sushi night...Shawn is buying all the ingredients for Sunday and I will make sushi for him and 2 of his friends...I love it when someone else buys all the stuff! WOOT! WOOT!
Gotta get stuff done this weekend b/c next weekend I work all w/e with Shawn doing server upgrades at Sunset Lodge...and that is the last w/e b4 the dreaded xmas nightmare.
OMFG my kid made the honour roll this if I could just get her to be less mean to me....hmmmmmmm okay probably not!
I won 16.00 playing scratch & win Bingo today...I feel like a WIENER!!!
(I only spent 6!!!)
The threat of snow is looming over my existence....gawd help me I hate it when its slipperier out...
S L I P P E R I E R - sure it should be "more slippery" but I like my version better.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Ohhh Cedar!

omg...i got this hat for baby Cedar last year at a church bazaar...and this Satan suit in the summer time...ha ha ha SOOOO CUTE!!!!! He is like a little Christmas contradiction all rolled up into a cute ball of baby goodness!

Monday, December 08, 2008

sloth mode

Ohhh Monday...could you go by any slower?

I think not!

Guy & Donna's visit was good...we cruised for hookers....went to the sex stores to find Donna some panty hose things (whatever they are)...ate at this Chinese rest. in Chinatown that was decent...was wanting to steal their rice warmer bucket really bad but decided against it...went to Tim Hortons and saw a guy that had a hand like a rooster claw...Accck!

The we went home and watched the Big Lewbowski which was funny as hell...definitely a classic!

Sunday they took off to Washington and I hit the craft fair circuit with Donna & Cynthia cuz im cool like that....saw Arika's booth and her fabulous wares...then proceeded to sleep the rest of the afternoon until about 530 pm...

By the way...IGNORANCE IS BLISS...even if u cant in good conscience remain ignorant.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Oh Hello

My name is Jennifer Reznor...has a nice ring to it doesn't it? Yes...yes it does. Okay, so he didn't marry me last night...did any one really think he would go through with it as planned....?
Great show 1st time seeing NIN and while I have heard for years their live shows are kick ass now I can say with undeniable certainty that it is so!

Our seats were not too terrible at all aside from a few cables impeding my camera-whoring. We could see well and the stage show was pretty trippy. Tara did not care for the *screen* that would periodically come between her and the band but I liked it...the lighting and visual/technical goodies were pretty cool. NOTHING LIKE TOOL AT ALL but cool in its own right.

The opening band from the UK, "BUG"...omfg...liked the music a lot but the rasta
singer/rapper/screaming bitch was grating and completely fucking annoying. We even had to watch her air hump and show off her ass crack. PASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

More pics on Flickr HERE

I woke up to the sound of the cat yanking the whole friggin xmas twig over.....that gawd damn animal is really testing me these days...
I really really find myself annoyed with its stupid cat behaviour more and more.

I think its the power struggle...the cat knows to stay off all counters and tables yet it will jump up on the counter, sproviding u are a safe distance away, while looking right at you....waiting for you to chase it a game...over and over and over....ive tried NOT taking the bait either and ignoring it...itll just stay sitting doesnt tire of the game like I do.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Interesting Mail Day

Off topic....nothing to do with the mail I got today...I just love these fucking things...
Ive made 40 and im gunna make MORE DAMMIT!!!!!!

Coolest card of the season (also my 1st!)...OBAMA CLAUS CARD! Adele made it! I might keep it around all year! Thanks Adele!

On to the next mysterious mail....
The handwriting indicated VERY OLD WOMAN....I have no idea who its from but I immediately think its the same person who has sent me hideous religious paraphenalia via canada post in the past...and sure enoughhhhhhhhh....

If u click on hte pic its big enough to read....she HANDWROTE it and u can tell from the shakey old granny writing it probably took her 3 days...gawd damn JW's.
I am gunna write her back this year and oh so politely tell her to piss off...and send her some evolution paraphernalia maybe too.

The Straightener Saga

It was at

You are going to LOVE this….

This morning

Ayla says to me:

OHHH! I found my straightener!!!! It was at Niamh's house the whole time and she just forgot to bring it to me!

Oooooooooo HELLO JERK CHILD!!!!!!!

All the abuse I took listening to her moan and whine about how stupid I was to hide it and then forget….

And I

didn’t EVEN do it….


Was pretty funny actually….