Saturday, November 30, 2013

Twinkling lights and a spinning record...

Met up with Aunty Pam and Uncle Jimmy for dinner at a pub and some music bingo Pam was our tables personal karaoke the table only...not into a mic thank gawd.

Haven't heard from Mary all day...makes me nervous about Kori's condition. Cannot help but be on high alert about that, it is a delicate situation. 37 is young but I am not finding his young age giving me much comfort...
Kori & Mary
Kori had a mechanical valve put in his heart about 10 yrs ago (due to a birth defect) - since then he has been on blood thinners to avoid clots...the stroke he had this week they figure was a valve has affected the right
side of his brain leaving his left side paralyzed. That is permanent though with years of rehab and such some ppl regain some of that but it is too early to know right now how that will play out. At one point he was somewhat alert and talking a bit....but his brain kept swelling so they had to do an emergency operation to remove a piece of his skull to relieve pressure on the brain...the piece of skull is not he is bandaged with a hole in his skull...the operation and 1 day in a coma did the trick...last night Mary said he was talking better than before, cracked a joke or 2, recognized everyone...such a relief to know that that part of his brain is still there and good thus far...the fear now is more clots b/c they cannot give him blood thinners when he has a damn piece of skull removed...

Mary is hanging in there...scared shitless of course but getting things done...working on stuff she needs to work on while being there for sounds like Kori will be hospitalized for well over 6+ mths possibly a year...she has dibs on A's room while she is gone so that will hopefully be a source of comfort not having to worry about where to stay here since they live about 1.5 hrs away in Nanaimo. Cedar is with his aunt and uncle (he is 5) and has no concept of what is really going on...he thinks he is on the longest, most fun sleepover ever...poor little bug. Going to be a hard road for all 3 of them.

Kori & Cedar
Really hoping for the best possible the meantime I am educating myself about strokes and trying to be positive and hopeful.

This week was a bad week for my old Powell River friends...Mark lost his battle with cancer after 10+ years...we fell out of touch when I moved to Victoria but he was a good man, very sad loss for his kids, family and friends.

Miss A has landed in California and is safe in her grandparents house tonight...relief relief mind is spinning like mad right now...with more than 1 thing to worry and fret over it is busy and muddled in my my next life I want more hair and better coping skills please and thank you.

Thursday, November 28, 2013


What a week...Mark Hamilton old friend from Powell River...battled brain tumor/cancer for over a decade and he finally gets to rest.
This week my lovely friend Kori had a massive stroke...and is in rough shape, flown here to tonight to alleviate the pressure in his brain...this is pretty scary. His wife Mary is staying with me and I cannot imagine how she is coping with was bad enough before but knowing this are getting to the point of no return and surgery is required - that's a whole new shit storm.
I do not even feel like going to see The Vinyl Cafe show tonight...seriously...don't wanna go. Not in the mood.

Monday, November 25, 2013

It's Official...

A's Australian working holiday visa was approved.

Will be an empty nester in 2 mths...she will only be home for about 2 wks in the next 2 mths as well so...there is some practice.

Many mixed feelings but quite happy for her as this is what she wants...

Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.


Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for her, though my tongue do curse.


Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.


Monday, November 18, 2013

Pikes of the North

Just laid there forever like she was tanning or something.
I am in hell smelling A's gross meal cooking. Burnt zucchini and prawns. Bad combo. I should be rejoicing she is cooking her own dinner right? I would rejoice more if I knew I didn't have to clean up after the fact...and suffer the effects of burning eyes from all the smoke in the air.

She is cranky. I am cranky dealing with the Cranky now it is just a world full of love and fucking smoke over here.

I keep reminding myself how much I will miss her while she is gone in 2 mths...until then I am not gunna pretend I enjoy her cranking Miley Cyrus on the radio while she protect myself from the soul draining radio ear assault I have ear buds in...protective measures.

EGG BRA? This was my breakfast.
I have decided I think once I fulfill my required hours at the place I volunteer I am going to move on to something else. I am just not finding myself enjoying it near as much as I thought I would...I do not regret the 6 months of training it took to volunteer on the crisis line - it has been excellent learning what I have...skills that certainly benefit me in life in general as far as communication go...but I think I need something a bit more busy and fast paced. I am dreading the 4 hour shifts like it is electric shock treatment...I really think I could be more useful elsewhere. I will still volunteer for them doing other things (I support what they are doing and how they do it) but come early next year I think I will be done with the crisis line. That was the epiphany I had today as I finished my 4 hour shift and had done about 20 mins of actual work. Holy boring. I think the Quadra Village Community Centre is calling my name.

My favorite new xmas decoration...sadly the cat loves it too. The battle begins. My favorite thing about this squirrel is when little 4 year old Sidney saw it he said "Aww there is sap on his hand" referring to the glue from the pine cone...omg I ear died from that cuteness. SAP! Awwww.

Monday, November 11, 2013


Funny that I think of my Grandad more on Remembrance Day than I do on his birthday or any other time of year...especially when he never spoke about the war much - got all my info second hand. He was a tank idea how much 'action' he saw at all or how it affected him...I guess b/c he was the only person close to me that was involved in any war at all it stuck with me as a kid and into my adulthood.

I imagine A. at her age now (19) enlisting and fighting in a war overseas...what the hell...? Different times then for much loss. I don't get all intense about this memorial holiday (the color of any poppies people wear, etc) but I do understand it and respect its importance. It is getting to be the time where all the old WW2 veterans are almost all gone which is really odd. So many stories shared and unshared. Thanks Grandad! xo

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Weekend with the family in town...

Best PC wallpaper ever! (Riley Jay you are so cute)

Funniest book title ever...saw it at Bolen Books today...bahahahha!

OMG Maggie got me these Heinkels with her airmiles....they cut like a dreammmmm!!

ha ha ha Sidney makes the best crazy Riley run!

Riley and his mama Maggie...WalMart fun time!

Death by cuteness!

I hear this guy talking away forever and look up (at work) and he's up there talking to himself like there is no tomorrow.

Madelyn....growing up so fast xo

Riley Jay...Aunty Jen misses you!

Monday, November 04, 2013


Miss A dropped her impending doom bomb on me last night...end of January - Thailand/Vietnam/Laos/Indonesia/Australia...FML. I cannot articulate the massive amount of conflict I feel about her adventurous soul...mainly b/c I raised her dropping these little eggs of ideas into her brain that travel and experiencing other places was the ultimate did I know I would be mentally ill about it later? Seriously...there is NO support group online or otherwise for parents of traveling adult children, trust me, I looked...which leads me to the obvious conclusion that I am completely irrational...which I already knew b/c I am pretty self aware. Fun times....The conflict in it all is that I LOVE all these adventures she's gone on. The things she has done and experienced while it is practical to do so...yet irrationality kicks in and I obsess about 'the phone call'...getting a bad news phone call has become by focal point. I spent the 2 months A. was in Ecuador/Peru in a fog...refusing to let myself think, sleeping with the TV on, never letting my mind wander, on high effing alert whenever my damn cell phone alerted me of a Facebook message (our means of communication) was a rough 2 months...ha ha ha Meanwhile, the rational part of me was in awe of her willingness to try anything, go anywhere and and experience the world.

I was not of the mindset to do such things, even at her age...I have one of those brains that wants to know things, learns things, experience things but always lacked the confidence at her age to think beyond the right now moment trying to survive and afford the next concert coming to town. This was much to do with the philosophies we were immersed in while growing up...I never had conversations with my grandparents/parents/caregivers of the moment about the option of post secondary education, travel or anything of the really does make a difference in how people are shaped...add in that I am not terribly adventurous at all and really rely upon the security and safety I provide for myself and have a person that admires many things from afar. If I was in A's position (a safe place to live, land and the support and means to do whatever I wanted) things might have been different - who matters little now...for now I must curb my propensity to obsess about worst case scenarios and be logical about this trip...way more ppl go traveling and come home fine than ppl who do not so...focus on the odds.....focus Conklin...focus.

Ugh. I think A. watched my soul drain from my being with her news...I talked myself out of an anxiety attack when she left the room...I feel bad that I cannot fake 100% happiness over this plan of hers but...I will keep working on it. It is exciting and these places will be amazing and fantastic. I will likely become very social while she is gone as a distraction...which is SO weird. Ugh. I still have 1 had of un-bitten condolences to the other hand.

Anyhow...aside from that ass kicking news...not much else to report...

After watching BLADE for the 1st time ever this weekend I can see very clearly that True Blood ripped that movie off a fair bit...I guess most vampire shows are all kind of the same damn thing these days...the genre is not unique really.
I have been advised to avoid the sequels but I am not sure I will...

Sunday, November 03, 2013

May as well....

May as well blog while I am on hold with Shaw has been well over 1 hour on irritating. Get your shit together Shaw and get more people working on Sundays you cheap asses.

Grapes of Wrath were awesome and I am still vibe-ing off that show...loved it...the rest of the weekend is pretty blah...yesterday I hung with Katrina a bit and felted some pickles but aside from that it is all rather blah.

Today I am going to deal with my bedroom...been ignoring it for some time and it looks like I cannot avoid doing laundry any longer.

The clock changed last night...I jammed earplugs in after changing all the clocks and was determined to have a good restful sleep until the AM and then try to forget about the time change fuckery that usually plagues me...I spend way too much time figuring out what time it really is or was or whatever. So then at 3:42 am - which was really 4:42 am in my head and body - the phone is ringing in the living room....ringing with the ring that says someone is buzzing to get in downstairs...Fack. It means A. likely lost her keys and can't get it...I don't make it to the phone on I wait for a re-buzz....that doesn't happen...I then have to walk downstairs to the front entrance and let her in...all the while trying to maintain a zombie wander b/c I do not want to be conscious or getting to sleep will be an issue so close o the time I usually get up for I let drunky in and shes all happy and chatty and trying to talk to me and I don't wanna talk b/c:

1) its 342 am but actually 442 am and I have been awoken out of a dead awesome sleep for this shit
2) she is an irritating drunk all happy and silly and I am not in the mood being half asleep 
3) I am generally unhappy being woken up no matter why (haha)

So we zombie walk up stairs and shes all loud in the hall and I am snapping my fingers at her really loud to shut it b/c apparently that is what I do when I am not talking and want someone to STFU....snap snap snap! ha ha ha
I went back to sleep and it was today I am just not thinking about what time it is except for what time the clock says. Hmmf.

I think I will go bake some plantain chips for A. now...she is excited to be a size 0 after this paleo eating/working out me she looks the same b/c I already thought she looked perfect...5 lbs is a lot to someone now 9875837598345 lbs I guess...I can lose 5 lbs after a dump ffs. HAAAAAAAA I am so gross. As if I just said that.

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Grapes of Wrath

Grapes of Wrath - excellent show!

Thanks 'meat head'...every show has one!

Adrienne watching GoW in between the meat heads...

Pretty sure these 2 are dating now, they were bromancing all over the place...