Tuesday, January 31, 2006

and wind...whispers..jennnnnnnnifer

It is windy like as a mofo today...I love it

The other day we went with Guy to the ocean whilst a storm was raging and the waves were FABULOUS...the wind nearly took Ayla off her feet...
It was so windy and wet I couldn't really take any decent pictures but I tried to get a few w/o wrecking the camera.
Then we went for Japanese and OMG this woman at our table was so obnoxious...she went on and on about how rich her inlaws were and was domineering as a bitter old nun. Guy & I are sure she was insane. But the Japanese Village is always a sure thing in the food dept...no matter who u get seated with (last time it was warty circus ppl) the food kicks ass.

So @ this time...12 yrs ago...I was in the early stages of labor...I think Aunty Pam and I were playing cards...
Ayla was born at 750 am Feb 1st...was a long night but it was a smooth labor and birth despite my small moment of insanity around midnight. At midnight things were picking up...I was in my bed, writhing about, cursing the donor dead with all the force my being could muster ... crying...having a general freak out...then I said *HEY WAIT A MINUTE this is not why you took the hippy midwife birthing classes...this is not why you read 834758347587345 books on how to birth peacefully...this is not the experience you wanted*....so I proceeded to pull my head out of my ass and relax and focus (ok my spirit left my body im sure hahah) until about 4 am where I wandered out to the livingroom and woke up good ol aunty pam and said LETS GO.
After that it was all crotch poking and hospital formalities...wee pin head (thank christ) Ayla Juniper slipped into the world peacefully and straight into her aunty pams heart...
Me, I was scared shitless. hahahahahahhaa I even let Pam hold her 1st.
She was a cute little hairy monkey...it only took 1 hr and her face didn't have the birth canal squashed look...
Id post a picture but blogger licks ass and still wont let me post pics....turds.
So yeah...memory lane...la la la
I have tomorrow off and I am making Ayla a roast beef dinner...if I was a real good mom Id try to make yorkshires but...oh heck (hahaha) maybe I will.
im off to costco tonight with shawn to buy veggies & return some pants Ayla hated...plus I need to hear about shawns gay love affair he has going on b/c it thrills me out of my mind to see him so happy!
Otherwise...fuck all else is new...I have gone to bed early the last few nights b/c I have been so tired so I am hoping I am a little more energetic.
DEAD LIKE ME was a rerun last night...that pisses me off. I have to admit its not quite the same watching it alone as it was watching it with Don...but since I have decided he is a horses ass and plan to treat him with the same indifference he's treated me with (providing his daughter Chloe comes to visit us now that they live here in Victoria) I sure as fuck don't wanna watch it with him anyhow.
Look im writing a boring fucking novel here....

Monday, January 30, 2006

my finger hurts

i bit my nail off too short...

my feet are cold so im making this a quickie.

ayla's allergy appt went well...fairly useless endevour but thats to be expected.

dead like me is coming on soon...

i have absolutely nothing of value to say right now...i am too tired.
how sad.

tomorrow i promise to be witty and fun

Sunday, January 29, 2006

HaPPy BirTHdaY KeLLee

Woot! Woot!

Hangover w/o the Alcohol

yep thats right...woke up with a massive headache hahaha
Maddy got homesick at 6 am and called her mom and went home so then Ayla and Arianna went back to bed and are still there (1030 am sweeeeeeeeet)...I went back to bed as well and just got up...
I watched the Lords of Dogtown...actually was wayyyy better than I expected. Damn boys are cute too. Heath Ledger has pretend teeth in and talked like a goon the whole time...his character was entertaining but...i dunno if I like Heath Ledger as an actor much...I sure liked watching him make out as a gay cowboy but....

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Quote of the Day

JEN: my burner is making u sound like a robot
BRUCE: you need more Ram in yer box
JEN: ahahahhahahaaahahahhahahaaahahahhahahaa
BRUCE: ROFL!!!!!!!!!!
JEN: HAHAHAHAHAHA thats my new blog quote of the day! thank u!


...and the torture begins...

I am sure I will be deaf by the end of the night...
I have mixed up a pitcher of mock martini cocktails for the ladies, they ate the pizza...they are now waiting for me to clean the kitchen so they can play the BEST GAME EVER...u know, the one where u strip down to your underwear, blindfold one person who is *IT* and then play tag whilst the video camera runs...makes for some fun watching later lemme tell ya cuz they end up 4-getting its on. ha!

I think I may have company coming tomorrow or monday...Guy is on the move and will be around so I may get to have a good visit with him before he moves further up island soon.

Its too early to out the news BUT an aunt of mine, who shall remain nameless, just got a promotion to a job she was pining for...more $, way less stress....gotta love that shit! WOOOHOOO for her!!!!!

Kori...I heard about your BMX experience this weekend...I am soooooo sorry about YOU KNOW WHO being such a fucking retard...good riddance...

Congrats to Justin and Amanda and baby Ryder...well done!!

Hey did u hear? I rule...

OMFG Bruce...its true, has the WORST luck of anyone i know i think as far as it being ongoing and consistently shitty. Someone stole his truck...nice timing assholes...in the middle of a move...and a good job. Turds.

I am so gay...I bought a used copy of The Lords of Dogtown bc I have been wanting to watch cute boys on skateboards...I bet its hideous but....man theyre cuties.

Sleep-Over Impending Doom

well I have vacuumed all the dusty spiderwebs off the ceiling...took down the damn xmas lights...Ayla is making her cupcakes as I type...the mixer is going 4735687346587365 miles per hour...Ive already been called from work ON MY DAY OFF to come in and I said no ~ suffer sorry its bday party day, too much to do...I may go in to help the new girl for a few hrs though just bc it would be mean to leave someone so new there all alone on a saturday after payday...have i mentioned I am not digging this job lately? Helpdesk is looking better and better all the time....
Ok more later...I will have lotsa bitching to do once im back.

Friday, January 27, 2006

fresh n crisp like...newly dead cooked bacon

I went to bed early and drempt of fucked up shit all night long...having dragged out physical fights with priests, trying to catch cats that escaped from where I was housesitting, work pamphlets in the holders wrong and not know ing how to arrange them right prior to an audit (oh the shame)...

I can't seem to post pictures...I think I finally get why ppl complain about blogger...after this header issue and now the picture thing im irritated.

BEFORE and AFTER Leif Garrett...that should make u feel better about yourselves today.

Shit its FRIDAY....WOOOOHOOOOOOO despite the impending pre teen birthday sleepover I will be enduring Sat night I am looking fwd to the weekend of no work...
I plan to read a lot...

Question of the day: If you were in the witness protection program and had to change your name what would u change it to??

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Pecan Flan is yummy & that is why I am fat woot woot!

Mozilla got rid of my header issue but fucks my sidebar...
so...I guess this weekend ill have time to screw around while Ayla has her bday sleep over and I try not to die.

Jodie the Bakerman is moving this weekend back to Edmonchuk...just like that...gawd I hope its what he hopes itll be and what he needs.

I am going to bed early tonight OOOO YES I AM DAMMIT...

I am not profound, fresh or slightly comical in the evenings...this disturbs me...adulthood is wrecking my night owl-ism.

Thank you Dr J for this fun game: http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games/rabbit/indexnochat.htm

I think im gunna dig out my box of old negatives and get all the pictures I have to Rob Profitt (RIP) reprinted & mail them to his parents...I know how precious photos become after such losses...I feel like I dont have near enough pictures of my brother and that really pisses me off.

Good Night...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


I did not fuck up my blog....BLOGGER did...i dunno wtf that header pic is but isabels got it on hers too so i know its BLOGGER...
and my colors are all changed and shit


Free Image Hosting at ImageShack.us


Free Image Hosting at ImageShack.us

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


My feet are cold...
I think im gunna boil myself in the tub while I read about Tracey Lords the porn star...nothing like being a literate intellect.

I had myself a little mindfuck today...Oh u know...ingrate sprog, old friends dead, guilt of epic proportions, work sucking ass, conservatives winning last night...
I am tired.
Ayla's bday sleep over is this weekend.
Gawd help me.
I remember when I was 12 I was so desperate to be 13...omg i wanted to be a teen so bad...and 12 may have been a dbl digit but it didnt end with *teen* so....

I read Rob's obit today (thank you Mel)...I was happy to hear he finally partnered up...I cant imagine what it is like for her and his family...the suddenness of a fluke car accident ending so dreadfully...
I don't like funerals...I know I know no one LIKES them but...I dont get anything out of them so I boycott.
Going to Rob's would be like a school reunion though...I will go through my photo albums tonight and revisit the past...
print off the obit and make a little spot for him in my treasure box...


Stephen Harper is a serial killer. For true!

Have I mentioned I HATE with all the FIBRE of my being working with IDIOTS?

Oooo for the love of gawd...wtf is going on...I just got a message that Robin Goettler hung himself recently...
Ok is EVERYONE gunna fucking die this week?

I think I will go eat myself into a sugar coma.
Probably a good thing Warren finished off all my beer over spicy spaghetti last week...

there goes another one...

Craig emailed me some crap news late last night...turns out Rob Profitt died over the weekend...
I was more than stunned...I havent seen him in quite some time but I have a lot of really good memories about a group of ppl I spent yrs hanging around with and he was one of them. He was also a good kisser...I give him a trophy for that.
Apparently it was a fluke car accident...which just makes it all the more maddening...
I guess this is what happens as u get older...everyone starts dieing off...in dribs and drabs.
Rob was always a bit of a mystery to me...he seemed like an open book but you just *knew* he wasn't.
that fucking sucks ass.


#$%@ &%# $%#& @+!!!!

Monday, January 23, 2006

monday, u better vote u fuckers

i have a headache big enough to kill a group of 25 angry truckers...

my uterus is proving its still working...so work is going to be great fun, i will spend the day trying not to snap at people...hopefully my spirit will just leave my body.

im voting after work...gawd plz dont let there be a line up.

did i mention my head is killing me?

did i mention the tomato boat has docked?

did i mention i am a tard most of the time?

oooo amanda and justin had a boy...8 lbs 3 oz 20.25 inches long...another Lynch walks the earth!!!!! way to go amanda!

ok im going to try to cover my face up 4 work.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Dr J has some sound advice...(i am not Dr J)

do not dye your crotch/pubes with jello powder cuz he knew someone who did and they reacted to the stuff and had crotch rot for a week. Words of wisdom baby, words of wisdom.

I had a conversation recently in regards to walls and self preservation...I am the queen of self preservation tactics...I have all sortsa little things i do to armour myself against certain vulnerabilities...some are downright pathetic...some are quite clever, if i do say so myself...i spent yrs thinking this was a crutch of some sort, something I needed to shed and get over...but i think they work 4 me...i think they weed out the faint at heart and the weak...then on postsecret today I saw this postcard that made me smile that smile of 100% truth and recognition...hit the nail on the head. Fuck i love that site...its pure genius.

The sushi rolling lessons went well today...I have the kids eating prawns and salmon lox (for ayla to eat this is a fucking miracle let me tell you) and i was most impressed with their good attitude to be adventurous. I was not allowed to swear today while Teela was over cuz Ayla said her parents wouldnt let her come again if I was swearing like a trucker so I managed to keep my yap shut...

I bet Deanna is peeing in her pants right now at the thought of getting ot babysit wee maddie when cousin kelly goes back to work...I AM JEALOUS. sniff sniff

Tomorrow is voting day...Warren called me today to encourage me to vote 4 the conservatives...funny guy he is. ha! I said id rather have anal sex than vote for the conservatives...anyone who knows me knows the likelihood of me ever voting that way hahahaha

I am not having a nervous breakdown aunty pam...
rest assured.
ewwww harper looks like a serial killer ------------->
despite feeling like a planet orbiting the earth lately im feeling pretty good...
Jerri and Zed are *trying* again for a baby...its like the sky has opened and the goddess of fertility is singing praise!!!!!!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
apparently Kori and Lori's brother Justin and wife Amanda are in midst of pushing out a new pup as i type...i hope she is doing well.
I keep fprgetting Kori is gunna be a dad too...what the hell is in the water these days? s long as it isnt in my water thats all I care about hahaha
Connie's opted out of her current pregnancy due to some serious unforeseen life altering circumstances. I am very proud of her for handing it like she is...nothing keeps her down...i love her 4 that. She is such an ass kicker. I think it will be a huge turning point 4 her in her life...on her own again with a different perspective...

you are all so jealous....

of my new frog bathroom set....
dont try to hide it...
drool....go head....turn green like my frogs with ENVVVVYYYYYY...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

today was weird

today i saw 2 old people, a couple, walking in the mall and they were chewing on their tongues the same way...it was bizarre. lol
today i also saw a cute boy or 2 on my travels.

today i got my order fr sears in...stuff i didnt need but, who cares?
I finally have a bra that FITS me...im a tad alarmed by the cup size and the color (lilac, gag, how girly n gay) but i can stuff everything in it and nothings bulging out the sides! woooohoooooo
Im simply amused....
Also got a bigger rice cooker...that gives me a boner. Ayla's stainless steal martini glasses are in too, for her party...ooo la la....so fancy.

I blew my whole energy rebate chq at Thrifties today. Least I didnt blow it at the bar.

So whats the general consensus here...??? Voting is Monday here in Canada....are u voting NDP? or Liberal? or that OTHER party? I am waffling...my gut says NDP (as opposed to Green but theyre kind of like a lost cause yet and i want my vote to go somewhere) so at least theyll have a chance at stealing a few seats to shake shit up...but likely the OTHER party will win anyway so maybe voting liberals the way to go...? I always feel like im voting against something rather than for something hahahaha

Friday, January 20, 2006

i cut my leg shaving....

time for a new razor....
i hate those girlie pink razors...why do they think all girls want barbie colored shit?

all i gotta do is get through today and I have 2 days off....sighhhhhhh

funny story....remember yesterday how i was so worried about Jodie the Bakerman being in the hospital???? hahahahahaha fucker....he left that msg (basically him telling his father in law to keep his son bc the hosp was keeping him in for the night hahaha) on his voice mail so when he didnt show up 4 work and they called the knew he ditched his last day for a good reason....HAHAHHAHA i think thats kinda clever...

im sure u can all use that if u want.

i didnt die of acute mercury poisoning last ngiht after all...ayla lived too. Calling poison control was fun...I think i want that job...i wanna take calls fr retards at 10 pm regarding kids who break glass thermometers all over the carpet and then vacuum it up (hey in case u didnt know u should NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR vacuum mercury hahahahahaa)

ok its a friday...its payday 4 some ppl....works gunna be a horror show....thank gawd im off early.
Aylas having a friend sleep over so at least I will be left to flop and be in a coma all by myself....wooooohoooooo

Thursday, January 19, 2006

how fucking ironic...

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?
You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world.And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

creative bunnies

Bunny Suicide

all u PETA fuckers fuck off if u think for one moment i care about cartoon bunnies.

I have a headache.
Im sure its mercury poisoning.
Thanks Ayla...
Mmmmmm vapors...


gibbled dreams & hash browns

ooooooo 2 more days to go and then 2 days off...woot! woot!
ooo lifes simple pleasures...

work last night was a trip....it involved police and arresting ppl in the lobby etc. great fun

then something really funny happened...someone came in to do a service and im looking at the persons name...looked at the person...and im like HEY!!! I KNOW YOU!!!! WE EMAIL! hahaha it was a hoot...
im sure he wished i was some little hottie but...oh well, thats life...things are rarely so ideal haha
it was cool actually...I knew he was cool b4 and now i think we will be more apt to hang out cuz we are both cynical and mean. ha!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JODIE THE BAKERMAN!!!! (i am a little disturbed bc i called him this am and there was a msg on his machine about being in the hospital and now im kinda freaked out)

My toe hurts...
im still stuffy...
im still not wearing eyeliner (its easier than I thought it would be)
im gunna have a smoothie for breakfast

a quarter horse HAHAHAHA------->

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

My Beloved Courtney

I have decided to kick EYELINER....not b/c of Courtney Love...well sort of but...mainly b/c I can't find any that doesnt run down my fucking face and make me look like Courtney Love after a night of pill popping and gin swilling. It is driving me mad...I spent 15.00 on a the last fucking stick of this week and it still runs...so thats it...I am done. This is my shallow post for the week.
I have a toothache I think...this is not cool...Ive only had a toothache once before...for a month straight...
then out of desperation I let this hot guy do reiki on my face...not b/c I think that shit is real, I dont, but he offered and he was hot and I liked the idea of him putting his hands ALMOST on me hahahahahhaaaa
anyway...He did about 30 mins worth, and he smelled really good...(I love guys that smell good)...and i went home and my tooth was still hideous as a mofo...but i didnt care cuz i got to smell a cute guy....BUT the next day...lo and behold...no bullshitting ya...toothache....GONE. Never came back (this was 5 yrs ago or something)...My dentist was pushing for a root canal and I said screw that no way...decided to suffer...and then WHOA!
Kinda weird...cuz it wasnt a case of psychosomaticness bc I didnt think that crap worked and had no expectations ...well asidefrom me hoping the reiki guy would grope me but....oh well.
I dont work until 230 today...talk about ruining ones chi.
I watched DEAD LIKE ME last night...I taped in Mon night and Ohhhhhhh Yessssssss thats my new Monday night ritual...I love that show. I think after a while it will become MY show and not Don's so I can live with it...I hate it when you associate things with other ppl who turn out to be massive disappointments...it often taints the cool shit about them...
I cant imagine spending yrs with someone and then having to wrap your head around all that bullshit.
My kid drives me nuts...she will only wear ONE shirt...she has 3 Emily Strange tshirts but the ONE favorite one is what she TRIES to wear EVERY GAWD FORSAKEN DAYYYYYYYYYYY...I think im gunna go in her room and hide it somewhere and force her to wear other shirts...she will probably try to kill me in my sleep for it but...I will risk it.
I've have made a promise to myself to clean this house this morning so I better not sit here all morning and fuck the day away.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

well as if....


my email is down...how rude.

guess who is gunna be a daddy?

my email is now fixed...and theres nothing for me....fuckers.

i woke up this am and had no idea wtf day it was...i was sure it was a saturday...

im a poor debater...always have been...all my opinions are rooted in emotion and less in logic, although my opinions seem PERFECTLY logical to me. Warren kicked my ass debating last night which pisses me off...thatll teach me 4 having friends who read and are capable of logical thought processes.
He really knows how to push my buttons too....but its all kind of entertaining...sometimes arguing with him is just fun haha
it wouldnt matter if I could argue well...he would still be right. haha

I mailed bruce some banana bread yesterday. He should get it today...I think its funny...he can toast it and goo it up with butter and be merry!
I wish i could be there to see his face when he opens the box and sees its frikkin banana bread. HA!

Wonderwall...by Oasis...is the only Oasis song I think thats worth a kick in the groin...why is that band so famous?

I got my 250.00 Energy Rebate Cheque yesterday WOO fucking HOO! Nice. Free money rocks.

Is it just me or is Jennifer Connelly nice to look at ?

I have this weekend off...it is the reason I live...why I have no idea as I will be doing fucking laundry...

Monday, January 16, 2006

some kinda retard

who makes banana bread all the way up to the point of needing flour and then realizes they have none...yes so i trekked to MACS at 730 am, mortified Ayla cuz i pretended I was walking her to the bus like she was 4 (hahah).
so now my banana bread is cooking and im sad as it doesnt appear to be a HEAVY LOAF recipe...i like that heavier than a brick banana bread...this is looking foofier....grrrrrr
bastard kid recipe book.

I dont work until later today, 12-8.
Longest shift on earth.

I am officially tired of snot...im tired of blowing my nose...i am tired of my PHLEGM PROBLEM...i can not make out with boys until I am phlegm free...not that i have any bashing my door in but, u know...weirder shit has happened. (do u like the green text? consider it TECHNICOLOR)

my house smells good...and its making the hall smell good...banana bread over powers all the POT smell in the hall...YAY for BANANAS! FUCK U TO ALL THE POT SMOKERS WHO MAKE MY HOUSE SMELL LIKE A CRACK DEN!

I have always intensely disliked these 2 ppls faces....i dunno why.

Susan Dey & Laura Dern make my skin crawl...isnt that weird?

Just thought id share.

Ooooo and look at this cutest frikkin baby...omg i wanna eat her shes so cute!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

bloody hell

saw TRISTAN & ISOLDE today....sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that guy is hot...2 hrs of pure pure mindless sighing...loved it.

watched PARADISE LOST tongiht too since i finally found and bought it...its a documentary on the West
Memphis Three (see sidebar link)...what a mindfuck that case is. Remind me never to get tried for capital murder in a southern state. *shiver*

My feet are frozen...
I must go to sleep as I have to work in the AM...life is SOOOOO unfair. ha!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

random babbling at 630 am

-i am tired of having a snotty fucking nose

-i have been terrible at reading blogs lately, i must smarten up

-i wonder if ill feel *normal* once im 40?

-someone asked me when i was my happiest ever...and i couldnt think of a time.

-i made a kick ass stir fry last night, you should come over and try some

-jerri ann i will call u tonight after work

-i think im sucking at work, i cant keep up with the work load, there isnt enough time in the day

-i love bread with sunflower seeds in it

-i watched DOGMA the other day again, hahahahahaha i love that movie

-i still only have 7 fingernails and keep mangling the 3 remaining victims

-i hate it when someone u dont know very well observes/notices you have nervous habits and points them out to u...holy shit that alarms the hell out of me and mindfucks me terribly...

-i must send my aunty jane a card in the mail

-id be rich if i could invent something that gets rid of double chins

-i wanna do something tonight but i dunno what

-when u have a stuffy nose u cant make out with boys for fear of snotting on them or making weird nasal noises and thats NOT what u want them thinking about whilst making out

-my eyes are really puffy this morning and i went to bed early...wtf

-my kid is being really likable these days...i think ill keep her after all

-the other night i had a friend over who was chatty and ayla sat behind him and made faces at me and acted retarded until i had to look away cuz i was gunna start laughing

-shawn is still all gaga in love with his boytoy phil and this is good bc i love the gay love stories apparently

-my comp. is making a fuct noise right now

- bruce rented himself a new apt for feb 1 woooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooo and gets to live alone, im jealous cuz he has a bedroom and can have girls over and i dont have a bedroom

-i think its hilarious how grossed out some guys get over the gay cowboy movie

-i dunno why trent reznor is not returning my calls, im starting to get a little suspicious that he doesnt like me

-ok i think i have 2 go have a shower now cuz i work in 1 hour and i have really puffy eyes as i said b4....peace out bitches.

Friday, January 13, 2006

mmmm yogurt n berries

so yeah...
gay cowboy love and tent sex is hot hot hot...it makes me wanna take up camping...i really liked the movie...but i think i liked it b4 i saw it anyhow so...
i dragged warren with me and he spent the whole movie whispering *it just isnt right* hahaha
and laughing at my reactions to the love scenes. hhahaha
warren figures if heath gets an oscar for all that hillbilly mumbling he did something is wrong with the world haha He is a good sport...
personally i am a jake g. fan ~ he is purdy and sweet looking...i think its FABULOUS they kissed full on...ooo yeah baby

back to the grind today...blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
this 8 day stretch of work wont kill me but itll make me wanna die im sure.

hey check out Kirk's Blog: Mental Masturbation etc
hehehe he is a funny duck...check out the last girl he dated...that is some classic shit.
I thought that shit only happened to me.

omg i got the cutest baby pics of maddie this morning...
they made my ovaries throb and vibrate...she is such a doll.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

it is gay cowboy night

i am pumped...can't wait to see it.
i hope i dont cry or some such shit.

was talking to Arika today about men...she just got the uber shaft from someone who flip flopped for no apparent reason...wtf is that about? is it so hard to be honest and upfront? instead of trying to make it be about YOU instead of them...
i have realized that far more often then I care to admit i have tended to be the Mr X's *what I need right now* girl...u know...im accomodating...nice...fair...fun to be around...understanding...empathetic...loyal etc...then...when the need runs out...i am no longer required. I think bc im a little weird i am a good distraction for people. This bugs the shit out of me. Do i have to be a cold bitch to get a guy to stick around? Cuz man...all the bitches (even if they arent hot) seem to have no problem getting men...do men like the *game*....the conflict? Are us nice chicks boring as hell or what?
Guess i may as well try it...Ive tried being a prude...ive tried being a ho...ive tried being nice...carefree...time to be a mean bitch. ha yeah right...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

The Big Book of Filth

I got this for xmas from friends...
6500 sex slang words and phrases:

Female Pubic Hair
bikini burger (90's)
Davy Crockett's Hat (90's)
gorilla salad (60's)
pubickers (irish 90's)

The Labia
bum bacon ( 90's)
meat curtains (90's)
steak drapes (90's)

Anal Sex
go up the old dirt road (1910+)

its quite entertaining...
sitting on the toilet reading...

today was a dog fucking day...I had ADD, started 5 tasks, finished ONE...ugh
tomorrow is Costco with shawn...then im going to see a movie after dinner...GAY COWBOYS...woooooooooohooooooooo cant wait...I bet ill cry

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

we all know someone...

I am tired...
I have been thinking too much.
Thinking is rarely a good thing when done with wild abandonment.
In my next life I want to be mildly retarded (er) so I can just smile all the time and not worry about trivial shit. I shouldnt assume the mildly retarded have no worries but...im ignorant so...there.
Maybe I would prefer to be medicore retarded...a step down from severely, just to ensure I was not going to worry about too much.

In my next rant I'd like to cover the topic of men who beat women...
It is my pet peeve of the day...esp. when said women are pregnant and have invested their whole being and future into this idiot moron, only to have it all ripped away from them in the form of being forced to make some hard choices no one likes to make in life...
I am so incredibly disappointed for someone close to me that I think id stab the guy in the balls if I lived close enough to stroll over to his house.

My leper whisker burn is pretty much healed now...now I have the ol BLOW YER NOSE TOO MUCH LOOKING NOSE...sexy bitch, I know.

I think about where I will be when I die too often i think...I play it out in my head...the possible scenario...where it would happen...how ungracefully I would fall down and likely take some poor crowd of bingo ladies down with me...or a baby stroller...the possible seizure...the bodily function evacuation...would my eyes be open or closed? would my tongue slip out of my mouth like my poor cats did when he was put to sleep? Death is not a glamorous business. How long would it take for flies to start buzzing around my corpse? Do the funeral ppl do nasty things to the bodies b4 cremation? I think they do...I will not be persuaded to think otherwise.

I am fucking sleepy.
I am having a nap b4 work....its 848 am...hahahaha

Monday, January 09, 2006


A Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
" I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

My Agenda: Boobie Shots

im sure had i stayed longer I could have got some REALLY good titty shots but...I am socially retarded and couldnt leave quick enough
Lani & Vanessa getting smoochie, Lani was drinking, naturally.

Mike won the cool prize of the night 150.00 cash and a company logo'd quilt handmade by Alex hahaha
Lani trying to convince Alex her new bra makes her titties perkier

Me and Virginia...the only person I've trained who hasnt quit hahahaha

Rob and Mandy...nice shirt Rob "POKER? I Hardly Know Her!" hahaha

Kelly and her boobs

Erin, who looks like Michelle Pfiffer (SP) to me, and her cleavage

Lani cleavage

Lani and Mandy having duelling boobies