Well....what an interesting weekend.

Saturday - hot donna and hot arika and i went to donna's dog agility class...boring but the good company saved the day...when its this hot nothing you do is all that awesome so good company is essential.
hung out most of the afternoon...then went home to cool off....
that night i went out with sahwn, thought seeing the new transformers movie would be distractionary....
on the way home his new iphone was the center of a good laugh...he was telling me about its voice recognition abilities and that they were still working out the kinks so I yelled HELP ME! to the phone and it tried calling a friend of his...
then I told him to ask it who the next person to suck his weiner would be....ITS LIKE MAGIC 8 BALL FUN AT THIS POINT! - it came up as user unknown or something and we near pissed ourselves laughing hhahaha so he asked it who would suck my dick next and it popped up some random # that belonged to no one in his contacts HAHAHA ohhhh things are soooo funny when u are bagged tired at 120 am haha

Tomorrow some family is coming down from nanaimo....aunty pam, maggie, baby sidlet and madelyn...will be nice to visit and get some baby sniffing time in...can't wait to see Sidlet all chubby and cute! And Madelyn is always a hoot!

please oh please mother nature don't make it so hot out today....i'd actually like to leave the house today...
the last 2 days have been a little beyond my scope of temperature comfort...it sez the high today is 21...that I can live with....anything hotter and i get comatose...i wouldnt do well on a tropical vacation i dont think.

all i can smell is the fermenting pineapple skins in the garbage...and yes when i bucked up that pineapple last night i thought of turtles again....*pout*

MANTRACKER was on last night thank gawd...friday night date night is BACK ON!!! they even showed ass last night....those 2 dipshits MOONED the mighty mantracker....so i was glad he caught them at the end....idiots.

this weekend i have no plans except for Monday i think I score a visit from some family complete with babies and preschoolers! WOOHOO!
i dunno what to do with myself this weekend...i have got to go walking though...find a shadey little spot and read a while...I finished my 3rd Douglas Coupland book last night...sigh...im always sad to see them come to an end...they are like crack to me...pure escapism from my own miserable existence.
i could be a character in one of his books...i almost was in the Eleanor Rigby novel...Liz & I were a little similar haha

My lovely friend Donna waxes ppl for extra $...needless to say she has seen a lotta pussy for non lesbian...this one older lady she waxes (EDIT: legs not cooch) has been a conversation piece as of late....the last 2x Donna's waxed her shes FARTED (EDIT: when shes lifted her leg up for waxing.)
You read right....
Donna thinks its just cuz shes a bigger lady...but im thinking NO WAY...this chick as some weird fart fetish....
The 1st time Donna didnt freak out this lady was in love....and now itll be a trend....
when she waxes her next we will see...if she farts a 3rd time then i am convinced shes a Fart Fetish Freak.

Off to the great unknown with Arika and Donna today....

Friday July 3 2009 here....

Went and saw Public Enemy last night...Ohhh Johnny Depp...you should run the world...I thought it was exceptional...helped not knowing the whole story or the details of how it ended as well....


Shawn's mom died yesterday quite suddenly...she was only 54... :o(
Hearing about stuff like that puts a lot of things in perspective. This is usually a welcomed thing for most ppl...not so fun when you are dealing with the loss at the time though...
That bit of news likely saved Ayla's life last night...

I am in awe of the teenage mentality...and how it lacks even minimal common sense...esp in my jerk of a kid...I truly stand in awe and stare at her often b/c I can't believe how friggin insane she is.
Sigh...it is gunna be a long long long summer...

RIP Shawn's Mama....xo

you are welcome for the farting info....

INGRATES.

Did you know?

On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.

Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.

Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.

People fart the most in their sleep.

Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable.

A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus.

The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs.

as if...they actually made a show like the Bachelor for fat ppl.

i don't make this shit up folks, its called "more than love" rather than the bachelor but the premise is the same....
guess they found a regular guy not repulsed and revolted by fat chicks....made him all tv-pretty to be the "bachelor", the non-picky bachelor that is...and have a slew of fat gals clamoring to be the one he picks.

oh how i loathe the world.

im embarrassed to be human.

anyhow...
my mouth is experiencing a dull ache...nothing fatal....a few days ill be good as new...ok good as old.

more later...must nap

my face is dead...oi!

2 hrs in the dentist chair...4 fillings...dental dams...clamps...spreaders & separators...wedges...fuck...
didn't get enough freezing so the drilling on the right side was causing me great stress but not enough for me to stop her and ask for another needle b/c they are so gross....
the the left side...holymotherofgawd I made it about .033 seconds of drilling before i was flailing like a nutjob asking for more freezing...

- this was the moment my spirit left my body -

...anyway finished the whole experience with the dentists latex glove covered in blood...WTF is that? I have never had that happen b4...it was all those damn clamps and spreaders...jesus....im gunna floss all the fucking time now to avoid needing a filling between 2 teeth again...im gunna carry floss in my bag and have floss at the computer....gawd damn...I think I need a hug. Ok just kidding.

Today was not a total waste...met up with Kelly McRockstar for Noodle Box deliciousness, a good chat & a copy of his old bands cd...only managed to wear my lunch about 5x...

Jen + Chopsticks + Noodle Box = boobs covered in spicy peanut delight.

Yes I know that sounds slightly dirty.

Ok...my mouth hurts...im going to bed.

Was a fantastic movie...TRAILER HERE
I love it when Canadian movies aren't sucky...

And I saw Away We Go today...was funny...could wait to be rented though...

Have started a new Douglas Coupland book ~Elenor Rigby~ so far so good...I think he may be a favorite of mine...if I read a 3rd I like then I will dedicate myself to reading all his books...
I should write a book...I mean there are plenty of writers out there writing in a style in which I identify with so what's so far fetched about my grindy, in your face style appealing to a portion of the population...? IVE HEARD OF WEIRDER SHIT.
I have often pondered the idea of writing a book...whether it would be fiction or just stories of things that have gone on...or a mixture of both...or whatever really...I dunno.

Believe it or not...I have a lot f shit to say and don't really care who is interested in it or not (hence this blog haha)...things I never say out loud but they scream to be heard...things like...my earliest memory...I must have been 3ish...I know it is genuine and not fabricated by my mind from photographs...I am laying as a small child on my grandmothers bed and looking at her tick clock ticking away, the smell of Absorbine Jr heavy in the air, the Absorbine Jr bottle right beside the tick tock clock...I can still hear the clock...and smell the odors of that moment...

I like to think I have the same bottle in my possession (but it may not be, that would make it 40 yrs old)...I nabbed a very old glass bottle of Absorbine Jr out of my grandparents medicine cabinet before they died a billion years ago....it looks antique...there's still a little bit left in it...and every so often I get it out to open and inhale...and it takes me back to that comfortable place...
before my mother married a myriad of men who were not all that fond of me...before my own mind took a turn...before the agonizing weight of true loss settled on my shoulders...
To this day I love the smell of it...
When I was little my grandmother was my be all end all...I loved her so intensely I didn't know what to do with it all when she visited us...I lived with her and my Grandfather (my mom and Aunty Cathy and Aunty Pam as well) until I was around 3...after that whenever my Grandparents came to visit I was OVER THE MOON that my "Nanny" was there...she had a very lovely side to her then...I never forgot how she made me feel as a little kid...even when she was old and mean and nasty to all of us later in her life...I think that carried a lot of us through her elder years...

I am beyond disappointed that they took Mantracker off at 8 pm on Fridays...that was like my date night man...me and Mantracker....gawd damn broadcasting fascists.

Today I finished GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA and fucking loved it...I so didn't want the book to end but...alas...I lost that battle b/c i couldn't put it down.
It's been a while since I zipped through a book in just a few days...its a good feeling to be so enthralled with a story you are oblivious to time...

At one point I was reading a really intense part of the book that was about falling asleep and dieing and I actually fell asleep while I was reading it and woke up SERIOUSLY startled...hahaha no shit...I am really trying to get Ayla to read it....

Tonight I took a chance on a movie i hadn't heard on on PPV...BATTLE IN SEATTLE...movie about the 1999 WTO protests in Seattle...when it was starting I was intrigued reading that Stuart Townsend wrote and directed the movie...thats Charlize Therons hubby....aka the Vampire Lestate in Queen of the Damned.
Anyway...it made all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up....somethign about ppl fighting...justice and rebellion...I fucking love it.
Definiately worth a rent. Plus Ray Liotta doesnt suck in it...been a while since he didnt suck...

Tomorrow I am going to see ADORATION which I must say has incredibly interesting previews...

As I was bucking up a pineapple the other day it occured to me I didnt like bucking up pineapple b/c the pineapple husk reminds me of turtles...and I dont like the idea of bucking up turtles...no one should. Dont kill turtles...ever.
I thought this was a unique thought until I googled turtle pineapple and came up with this!!! Im so far from unique its devestating.

one more day to a 3 day weekend...ohhh sweetness...

kid is being human again.

i have a belly ache...i ate soup today for lunch and the richness of it was a shock (i have been eating really friggin good since May 8th, totally on the wagon still!) and the heartburn was absolutely murderous later....wont do that again...i shall run from broccoli and cheddar soup forever now.

look at little Sidlet!
he's turning butterball...i friggin love it when babies turn butterball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think its june 14....im not even sure.

today was haircut day....a little more drastic this time...
nothing anyone else will notice im sure...which is my whole objective...fly under the radar....

aside from driving around the world with donna today i read lotsa blogs...squeegeed my patio windows, cat proofed the screen the cat ruined, and myspaced for the 1st time in 384758374589 yrs.
i still hate the format of myspace.

ayla's got 2 days of exams next week and shes done for the year......i think its gunna be a longggggggggggggggg summer in this house.

i just watched the constant gardener finally....fuck.

im PO'd that guy FB is broken and he cant play scrabble with me anymore...i think its a pharmaceutical co. conspiracy.

im currently reading GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA by Douglas Coupland
and im going to bed to read now....

i dont have the englishmans # so i thought to avoid having to wait for him to call again to tell him to never EVER call me again id be proactive and mail him a note stating just that....so I mailed it yesterday...and i then figured by friday - or monday the latest - id be done with all that for good and wouldnt have to worry about anymore phone calls.

yeah...guess who shows up at my work today and walks right up to my cubicle with a big grin on his face as i am talking to a co-worker?

yeah. awkward much?

he works for the same management co. that services this bldg and happened to be in the bldg (bullshit, ive worked here a year and hes never been here b4) - i was curt and unexpressive bordering on rude b/c i find this all highly fucking annoying...
i hope he arrives home to that note now and feels like a dink.

if he shows up here again i am going to be a complete pissed off badger to him.

Nope - Ayla is not in love with the dentist...not that anyone is but I see a glimmer of true anxiety there and will watch it for next time...

This was her 1st real dentist experience that wasn't a cleaning...she seemed so genuinely shocked about the needles that I actually felt bad for her...she recalled the drilling experience with anguish on her face....
I don't love the dentist at all...in fact I detest it for the fact that they go in and DISTURB my oral chi...even just cleaning my teeth messes it up...getting fillings is an absolute chi killer as well...

When I was a kid I had dental work done and my mouth was frozen...I think I was 6 or something...anyway...frozen mouth Jen starts to gnaw way at the inside of her lip/cheek b/c she can't feel a damn thing...(1st sign of my OCD weirdness) Before I even realize it there's a giant hole in my mouth...and someone hands me a bag of salt n vinegar chips while I wait for my mom to get off work....by this time the freezings off JUST enough for me to hit the fucking roof when the s & v chips hit the hole in my mouth....
My mother was so horrified by it i told her the dentist did it ahhahahahahahahaha She called the dentist who informed her he did not do it at all and that I must have been chewing it hhahaha

Pretty good run though, making it til 15 to need your 1st filling....! Shit by 15 I had 20 fillings!

Swiped from Barb's blog


1. Most Hated Food
over-cooked broccoli, eggplant, fatty meat

2. Most Hated Person
there are simply too many...

3. Most Hated Job
chamber maid the 1st summer after graduation in Lake Louise AB...never assume you are sleeping on clean sheets...that's all im saying

4. Most Hated City
anywhere hot

19 - Most hated comedian.
Andrew Dice Clay..without a doubt

FLICKR <--pictures

Great weekend visit with Jerri and Zed...good conversation, good food, beach walk...whats better?

Went to our new dentist yesterday....FRIENDLIEST place ever...serious - I find Victoria to be a stuck up sort of place in many ways but this little dentist office was so nice and friendly it has restored my faith in professionals....for 5 mins at least.

Ayla is there right now getting tiddled up...that's right...they have evening hours too!!! Early morning and evening hours...just 2 dentists in a small office...no 3 month waits to get in...fucking brilliant.

I burned my pinky on the stove and it makes using it to type rather annoying...

The mag I write for has not acknowledged an email I sent over 2 weeks ago (on a topic I brought up months ago and was basically ignored at that time too).
I have re-sent it...if I get ignored further or blown off....I am done. If I don't get the response I want...I am done.
It doesn't seem like much to ask to get a simple reply even if just to say *I got this but I don't know yet - I will get back to you.*...they are quick to get in touch when they want my article but when you revisit the topic of $ they play like the chq is in the mail.
I will rant more about that later...

I got Madelyn the funniest little cha-cha dress in Chinatown the other day...omg it cracks me up it's so cheesie....My hope is she will love it so much she will want to wear it to school everyday.

I know...I know...its Maynard...why wouldn't I love it? but come on...he's got Milla Jovovich singing on here too...Fuck me its good.

well im not dead yet....the only thing that saves me is the whole work day being in an air conditioned environment so really I only have to cope with the heat from 5 pm until I lapse into a fat girl coma at night.

jerri and zed are in town so tomorrow after work theyre picking me up...i hope their car has AC if its still this hot....ha ha there will be lots to talk about...lament about...laugh about...

i dunno what to do...i think aylas right about something and its rocking my world...ive given that kid greif for a few yrs now about the $ she spends on those hoytee toytee razors/shavers....the venus...the intuition....man they cost a lot...as do the refills but gawd dammit if they dont work 100x better than anything else....I look like edward scissorhands shaved my legs using the cheap ass ones i get...and its to the point where its invoking FEAR....lol
so i think im gunna be a total and utter gaylord and get one.

Donna booked our room in vancouver for when we go see No Doubt in July...

OOH LA LA yay! for gov't employee discounts....!! saves us over 100 bucks i think....i think the plan is Ayla and a friend will come so while we are at the show they can use the pool and gym and hot tub etc....i think itll be a fun trip...im not generally the best traveller in the world BUT its a short trip and Donna's a hoot so...i think itll be cool...

i think im gunna tin foil my bedroom window.........

My elbows are sweating...that's how hot it is.

And as if that isn't enough...A PRIVATE # called my house this evening...it must have been the heat that destroyed my Spidey Senses...cuz I picked it up...and....
.
.
.
.
.
.
it was......THE ENGLISHMAN.

It's like I am being punished for every catty remark, every shitty thing I have done since I was born.

Did I mention my elbows are sweaty?

The song THE MISSION by Puscifer gives me a hard on.

Too hot to live.

Here is the 1st post about how much summer sucks monkey balls.

I HATE SUMMER! *stamps feet*

Anyway...saw Wolverine the other night...gawd dammit it Hugh Jackman might just be the ultimate male specimen...hubba hubba! Moving on...the movie was a good comic book type movie alright, no complaints at all...

OK fuck its too hot to type.

wow...it is really cool to see these year end shows of Ayla's b/c it becomes amazingly clear that every penny u spent all yr on dance classes and costumes etc was worth it...her show was great...she was in 2 dances and she did fabulous in both...makes me swoon a little really...

im uploading video i snuck now...ill post it later for anyone who wants to take a look...the videos is especially bad this year...very tall ppl sat ahead of us haha

everyones still asleep...although im sure Pam will be up soon, ayla may maintain her coma til gawd knows when...
i think Donna & I are hitting a movie today...

very sunny out...hope the wind picks up...whine whine whine

1st week of work after vacation was fine...honestly....by friday i was ready 4 the weekend alright but nothing tragic....
i am waffling ditching the magazine biz...frankly, the shit communication and blatant other bs is leaving me feeling like it isnt all that worth while anymore...i sent a specific email to the new publisher/guy in charge on May 22 and I havent heard a peep back....in another week or 2 I also expect to hear nothing...which is where I will very likely wash my hands of it all....

happy birthday to my little bro...wish he was still here...weird to imagine him as a full fledged grown up...sigh...he was so gawd damn funny...no one makes me laugh like he did...im sure sister kimmy would agree...

its friday...a nice day to celebrate being glad someone was born...

wooohooo weekend....

...I got chairsssss finalllllyyy...woot woot! chairs with no fabric on them so that cat hair isn't always a severe gross problem....woot woot!

Chairs...meet my Peeps...Peeps...meet my new Chairs.

They're boring regular chairs but the cat cant pollute these ones with fur so they're MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!

Ok enough of that...Ayla is so funny this week...she is losing her friggin mind...exams, dance practices x 34875398475, recitals/shows...her big dance show is this Saturday night at the Royal Theatre...Pam and I are going...I am excited b/c this year shes in 2 performances so I will be taping that for sure...
haha I said taping..I guess the write term is RECORDING...duh so thats my big plans on Sat. night...and thats about all have going for me this week.

I love the beach....and the ocean. It is my favorite place to be...ever. I hope I die sitting on a chair parked on the beach as the tide comes in...water lapping up on my bare feet.....

Today Donna, Dugan the Wonder Dog and I went to our favorite beach (Island View Beach) and walked...and walked...and walked...lovely day...sun was shining, wind was blowing (saved me from staying indoors), dog was eager...

Donna, do u have the trots yet from that sandwich you ate that sat in the trunk while we were walking?? haha I wanted NO part of that sandwich.

Ayla survived camping...she thinks the Girl Guides of Canada are a cult. I couldn't really argue with her. Not sure if she will ever attend another GG camp but...@ least she can say she camped this year haha

OMFG I go back to work on Tuesday...such rudeness...truth be known though I really do look fwd to getting back into a routine...when Ayla was little I had a routine despite not working outside the house...its easy to be organized and structured with a little one to think of 1st...play dates and library, the pool, the beach, the park, visiting friends etc...
Working...the structure is forced...but it still gets me up and at em early and makes me be organized to ensure we have food and meals dealt with etc...but left to my own devices...unless I have plans made I am a loaf of fucking bread...LOAF being the key word. Now don't get me wrong...if there was a way I could get out of working/having a job I would...b/c I know with time I could adapt quite happily to not having to go to a job 5 days a week...I'd become the hobby queen, I sure wouldn't be one of these freaks who wins the lotto and KEEPS THEIR JOB for shits sake...(wtf is that about?)

Anyway I just remembered I have to start my column...and I need to get that going while im still lucid.

200 Cigarettes was on last night:

I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow shell.

No one says that like Janeane Garofalo...I love that woman!


In other news....I scored a piggy clock...it oinks LOUDLY to wake you up. I wouldn't have got it BUT....it was 30 bucks marked to 7.00 b/c it has a wee dent/scratch on it... SOLD!!!!!!! I have a wake up barnyard on the go now cuz I have a clock Ayla is using currently that cockadoodledoo's when its time to get up... Yes I am 7 yrs old, why do you ask?

Today Donna and I are going to see the new Terminator movie...then to FABRICLAND b/c its
every humans dream come true to go on a mission to Fabricland for her mommy dearest...I have spent coultless hours in my life waiting around fabric stores with my mother so this will be an improvement...I dont have to wait as she loiters about for 18 hrs.

Holy shitaki mushrooms...just got an email that Gonzo Magazine has changed hands.............veryyyyyyy interestingggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.............