Thursday, June 28, 2012
I am generally unconcerned with how I am perceived by ppl I do not give a shit about - that is honest/no bullshit. Though I was recently made aware of how I feel about someone questioning how I feel about my family...that was an interesting little self-observation, watching how I reacted to someone implying family disloyalty. I can honestly say I haven't been so enraged in quite some time...and while I understand it was a useless out-of-context kerfluffle and an obvious oops it made my blood boil to be accused of such a faux pas. Upon rethinking it over and over and over again it occurred to me I need to work on that little thing inside of me that feels so indignant when anyone calls to question things of great importance to me...b/c really...who cares? I cannot be accused of EVER suffering from the awesome trait of being "logical first - reactive later"...I am a react 1st - be logical after the fact kind of person (if I am lucky)...which is kind of a left over thing from when I was 15...though I do not punch ppl in the face anymore so YAY for PROGRESS!
I guess that moment (back to the 1st paragraph) is more about how we feel about our own accomplishments or lack thereof. When you are talking to someone you haven't for a long time and giving them the rundown of your life...it makes you wonder and question wtf you have been doing for 20+ years...reliving the trials and tribulations, taking a closer look at how you could have done things a little differently...oh hindsight...such a rotten bunghole it can be. Mind you....all things considered – the last 20 yrs have been a gargantuan challenge but at the same time an accomplishment...without a doubt it could have been easier under different circumstances but it also could have been much more difficult under those same circumstances so all in all...it worked out well. Not like you can go back and have do-overs....OH IF I COULD the 1st do-over would be the sperm choosing...my girl deserves a much better donor than she got and for that I will be eternally sorry...interestingly I would pick a different donor for myself as well...I love the do-over game....I would also pick better hair, faster metabolism, athletic abilities, a happier brain, no tourettes (hahaha), a more reasonable nature, etc...
ANYHOW....back to reality...my waffle iron steam boob burn is like a miracle...its red and looks like it should hurt but it doesn't at all...it's like the waffle steam just obliterated all the pain receptors and nerve cells...not that I am complaining...I am sure that will come later when the titty bacon peels off exposing raw skin and I will then inflict you all with heinous details.
Recently, I told Chris the places I have lived in my life: Moose Jaw Sk - Regina SK - Shaunavon SK – Swan Hills AB - Rainbow Lake AB - Wainwright AB - Ponoka AB - Red Deer AB - Lacombe AB - Powell River BC - Prince George BC - Vancouver BC - Port Moody BC - Coquitlam BC - Lake Louise AB etc etc his response was the best quote EVER:
"…read like a horror show of boredom, dullness and strength sapping surroundathon of dumb hick people…"
Bahahahahaaaaa...omg...I so laughed.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Pretty sure the next lady to show up to take the hideous collector plates and rack will not be near as exciting. (UPDATE: the bag never showed)
On the flip side...my uterus is waging war on me right now...if you have ever wondered what it feels like to have a small sharp clawed creature living inside of you that once a month gets incredibly ornery and vicious, trying to claw its way to daylight well - let me tell you about it...it is not fucking cool...the most uncool part is I have at least 10+ yrs of this shit yet and every year it gets worse to the point that severe menopause is something I am looking fwd to...I won't gross you out with the gory details - just know that if I am EVER arrested for murder check the calendar b/c I guarantee if I didn't do it to save myself or my daughter I did it b/c I was suffering from menstrual psychosis.
I am checking out Jeff Buckley at the moment...another dead musician I am sure to find affection for...
....there is something about what I have listened to so far that is drawing me in...not bashing me over the head to get my attention...just drawing me in....so onward I shall explore the small collection of music Jeff Buckley left us in the wake of his accidental drowning....I feel like Aunty Pam would like him (take note Aunty Pam)...
Company this weekend...Pam and Maggie are coming to town...Pam's tattoo is getting finished (hopefully?) and us 3 gals have tickets to go see BIG JOHN BATES Sat. night...I am stoked for that..I love him! Rockabilly awesomeness...too bad it is at Soprano's though - fack I hate that place. But it is going to be fun...Donna will be joining us too...
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Today I went on a wander walk...in the sun...got sweaty and gross but managed to visit both Lisa and Esther before making it to my movie downtown...saw lots of cool street art as I tromped around Fernwood...
Before seeing my movie I stopped in @ Lyle's (record store) and found HIGH & DRY (Def Leppard) on vinyl for 2.49...wooohoo...then hit the theatre and saw the greatest little movie I have seen in a while...genuinely fantastic...great acting...creative and not all Hollywood lame... MOONRISE KINGDOM.
SO great....was a great way to finish off an already nice afternoon.
Back to work tomorrow. Boo!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Both my work and home PC keyboards are absolutely revolting....I periodically turn them upside-down and get loose crumbs out but really....the things are covered in dust, grime and grossness...It is a wonder I have not died from some grossness infection...keyboard herpes or something. I do try and clean it...canned air and wiping but you just can't get in the crevices...I wonder if there is a little tool someone invented to fit between keys for cleaning....something better than a Q-Tip...?
Ooo OOooo oo I think my mom send me some of this: http://keyboardcleaner.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/cyberclean-keyboard-cleaners.jpg
Must investigate later! A long paint brush might be helpful as well...
Being back to work on Tuesdays after 3 days off is a soul crushing experience...not b/c its terrible here...far from it but...while I realize I need the routine of a job or i would become a complete HERMIT and never leave my house....why should I? I have everything I need there...lots to keep my occupied...Christ – I can order groceries online now and have them delivered for a mere 10.00...10 bucks and I don't even have to SHOP myself....that is so friggin amazing. I will do anything to avoid going to the grocery store now...sadly there are a few things I refuse to order online...like MEAT...I am not ordering meat I do not visually inspect 1st. It isn't like I have some kinda of power to tell if meat is ok...I am NOT the 'meat whisperer' or anything...I just have to LOOK at it... (hahaha @ meat whisperer....how dirty)
Poor Mel just spent 1500.00 b/c her cat eat a fracking earplug....MY CAT PLAYS WITH MY EARPLUGS ALL THE TIME....not any gawd damn more though...wtf....? I can say I am pretty sure I would not spend 1500.00 to save my cat for eating an earplug...survival of the fittest...that's just dumb, even for a cat...and I own a stupid cat...I am sure you remember my cat was the one who jumped/fell off the 4th floor balcony a few yrs back...and lived...took me 3 days to find her BUT she was physically fine...took her to the vet to get looked at....a little soft tissue damage...nothing bad...pretty sure she landed on her head though b/c she can be so painfully stupid at times it hurts me feelings. I had pet insurance then...so the vet trip was covered for 80%. As soon as I pass over Ayla cell bill to her I am signing up for pet insurance again b/c it has been a while and.........it just seems smart. You expect dogs to do dumb shit like eat foreign objects (ie: Donna's dog Dugan eats socks and condoms ffs....) but cats – they should be smarter than that....but they aren't.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Aunty Pam bought me a waffle maker to congratulate me for not strangling A. before graduation...my mom also gifted me for the accomplishment.
It was a gift worthy accomplishment if I do say so myself...
The day shall be redeemed shortly...Alexandra is coming over for some tortilla soup (that turned out pretty kick ass let me tell ya) and a therapy session...it always amuses me that as one of the most fucked up ppl I know (myself) I always end up the therapist in many of my friendships...should have got into social work after all I guess. Easy to be objective and empathetic to others...and far less easy to offer yourself the same empathy. Funny how that works. My only therapist friend is Connie....her masters in clinical psych makes me take her advice quite seriously lol
I feel facked today...unwell in general...and to try and make you all feel unwell here is the 80's video nightmare of the day:
Thursday, June 14, 2012
I should be asleep.
I should be a lot of things...................................
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Watch – the day one of them sticks their tongue out at me I will be shattered...
I have decided I would like to make out with Damien Rice while "9 CRIMES" is playing in the background the whole time...no idea why I am sharing that...but really why do I share anything on here? Oh that's right – because it is just what I do.
I took a look and realized I have been blogging since 2005...just think once I am dead you all have a fantastic amount of reading to do...OR you can sing hallelujah and be done with it entirely...leaving me to rot away in the bowels of the internet...I occasionally randomly read old stuff and it freaks me out...sometimes I read stuff that I wrote and I don't think it is my writing...too clever...though I wish I could think that of the really terrible writing of mine I read..."ohhh gawd no that cannot be me writing such filth..." I wish Connie had the time to blog...she is a fabulous writer...has a real flare and I enjoy all the snippets she shares with me when she does get a few moments to get busy with a pen and paper (aka fingers to keyboard)...I have in my possession some journaling of hers from many many years ago which is great reading as well...compared to my journaling it is kinda sad. When I journal on paper it is extremely emotional and really dramatic (which makes me howl with laughter after the fact)...in fact I have 1 whole journal dedicated to a few months I was with a certain someone (we can call him Mr Big Cock) a few years back that could be passed off as the diary of a 15 yr old girl. I have considered burning it – not b/c of the content so much as the intensity and redundancy of my dramatics...it is friggin embarrassing...ha. I feel kinda crappy sometimes when I am really pissed at someone and let loose on paper like that I don't always follow up so once I am dead it would seem like I hated the person terribly when in reality that is not the case at all. If I am not thought to be 100% insane when I die I will be afterwards if anyone is bored enough to read through the stack of journaling wonderment I leave behind.
I downloaded a rock trivia game on my phone for when I am on the bus etc...JFC...all the new R&R band questions I am completely clueless about...so irritating...and really how many fuggin Nickelback questions do I have to answer...? or Coldplay...or the Killers...I KNOW SHIT ABOUT THEM and I do not want to know anything more than shit about them...so I might look for a different app. Something that might enrich my brain even. Gawd knows I could use it...I see my brain doing weird things...maybe everyone's does – I have no real idea...perhaps I am Alzheimer's paranoid for no reason...
Monday, June 11, 2012
When my brother died we drove from the Calgary airport up to Rocky Mountain House and along the way - I was in the back seat trying to astrally project myself somewhere else...running thoughts through my head about this being some cruel hoax and once we got to RMH it would all be over...but I knew it wouldn't be...he wouldn't be standing there with a big goofy grin and scream "HAHA! I GOT YOU!" - Don't I wish...anyhow...while in the back seat wishing I was in a drug induced coma I happened to look up as we drove by the sign for Gleniffer Lake...I lived most of my childhood in Alberta and had somehow managed to never hear about this lake or see a road sign (or notice) until that moment when my brother Glenn was dead in Rocky Mountain House and I was on my way to face the dreaded permanency of it. The Gleniffer Lake sign seemed like a little elbow from the great beyond...a poke in the ribs...something...I don't know what but at that moment it seemed profound and heartbreaking. It was the 1st in an endless string of daily reminds about my lost little brother...so hearing about this lake being polluted by yet another pipeline disaster...well....fuck -fuck fuck fuck is all I have to say on that...
It is grey and cool out...all day at work I sat in that hot box dieing a slow death...that office is a gawd damn soul draining piece of shit...I am trying to put off the use of the A/C's until absolutely necessary but jfc...sitting in that dead hot air completely turns me into a corpse on autopilot. IT ISN'T EVEN HOT OUT YET FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD. I hate that office so much...my next job will be in an A/C'd building...just like my next apt will have a pool. Not kidding.
I was thinking how disappointing it is going to be if Chris - who I was blathering about a few posts ago - turns out to be a boring, middle aged jerk..arrogant or annoying.............................BUZZ KILL. It has happened before....a certain someone who was my be all end all all through Jr and Sr High...and into my early 20's...who at the time was the coolest, hottest, most mysterious, dangerous, deep guy in all the universe...turned up on Facebook last year only to end up being the most fucking boring, one dimensional, small town hickster of all time. Tragic loss...hard to be perceived as cool, hot, mysterious, deep etc when there is rent to pay and you can't spell to save your gawd damn life. I cannot articulate the boner killer that is bad spelling and poor grammar...it makes me dead from the waist down.What do I know...there is a Hall & Oats song playing on my computer right now...ohhh wait...I have been redeemed by Robert Plant's "In the Mood"...
UPDATE: He is not boring and lame at all...and even had some funny stories to share about our 24 hour make out friendship that I forgot about hahaha
Sunday, June 10, 2012
I was only 18. My friend Tammy and I were mad Metallica fans and it was almost the end of grade 12 so we decided to hitchhike to Vancouver to see Metallica...we had floor tickets. It was the "and justice for all' tour...we were stoked. She had met some guy named Darrell at a dart tournament a while before who shared a house with some guys in Vancouver and that was where we were staying over night...the house was full of guys...3 at least if I recall...it was an 18 yr old girls fucking wonderland of virginal awesomeness I can assure you. I immediately fixated on the smart one...not just b/c he was clearly smart and could read (ha!) - he was cute....and OLDER! OMG...older and cute hanging out with us small town teenagers not even graduated yet. They were living the 'grown up life' I pined for (and later came to realize was not all parties and sleepovers with hot guys) - in the big city, beer in the fridge, from places far away.
Chris did not seem like he was settled in Vancouver at all...and he had a girlfriend. Even at 18 I was perceptive enough to figure that out in about 3 mins...but she lived in Ontario...and due to having few feminist inklings back then I didn't consider it a deterrent at all. Don't get judge-y on me...as I said above, my virginity was still well intact at 18 and I had no intentions of ruining that marathon of curiosity and frustration...I just wanted to see if I was actually able to hold the interest of a older guy (turns out he was 25 at the time - at 18 that was a lot older - trust me) who was smart, taken and lovely to gaze at (this would be what is referred to as THE CHASE I guess). At the time my experience was rather limited to guys my own age which was rather disheartening and droll...so this was a serious adventure.
I have no recollection how much beer was consumed...I don't recall being hammered but that doesn't mean anything...it was a great night...Tammy ended up with Darrell and Chris and I talked and listened to music and made out all night...it was fab...not just for the obvious reasons but mostly b/c Chris was really quite lovely...he didn't try to get in my pants...he wasn't a pig...I could tell he was conflicted (insert GF back home and my age here) but it was a genuine nice night from where I sat...to this day it seemed quite innocent...
I just found him on FB and he lives in China with his wife...and appears to be the same interesting guy from 1989...time will tell...I am pretty confident he has absolutely NO idea who I am (even though I sent a hello msg with photos of him and his friends from that trip) which is kinda funny...b/c it is the story of my life...I remember people, details of those people, their stories, their smiles, their smell....and I am often completely forgotten by these same people 5 mins after meeting them. It used to bother me...until I came to terms with the fact that it doesn't matter. ha ha ha I have a preoccupation with details, my mind is impressionable by people I find interesting and it is just how I am wired...I have forgotten more about that 24 hrs than I have remembered...my memories are not concrete...it is a remembering of how I felt more than remembering how things were...I left Vancouver NOT feeling used...NOT feeling discarded or taken advantage of by a person who could have easily done so...that is what made such an impression...the 100.00 that was stolen out of my wallet we never figured out who did it...it was one of the 3 guys...I am looking fwd to picking this guys brain if he is receptive.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
|Alexandra with the wobbly ball|
A. is off to Denman Is. this weekend to camp...not very warm for that in my opinion but...she is adventurous...she won't mind near as much as I would...who am I kidding...unless someone has a cabin or a pimped out motor-home I DO NOT CAMP. I have always said camping is like being homeless on purpose and who the hell wants that...not me! I like the comforts of home...mind you I could really enjoy renting a cabin and being a fake camper. I require solid walls to ward off animals and a toilet...I could live without electricity ok...but squatting in the woods to pee...FORGET IT...this fatty is not digging that scene...even as a non-fatty I did not partake in such activities...my bladder was young then though...I could go to a bush party and drink a bit and wait til the night was over to pee...now...JFC...I have to time my outings and ma out where washrooms are....getting old is fucking annoying...lets not get into all that though...the thinning hair...the lard...the poor leg circulation...it is an ugly world.
OR GAWD! I cannot decide which version I like best...the original by Damien Rice or Phillip Phillips version...Aunty Cathy asked me to send her the PP version b/c she is an American Idol fan and really liked him a lot...and I instantly loved his version...enough to look up the original...now I just have to enjoy them both I guess...
Geoff Tate is playing in Victoria next weekend...and I think I shall go...its reasonably priced and hearing old Queensryche songs acoustically really appeals to me...plus it will probably be the last time I get a chance to hear any live so wtf.
I don't think Tere is going to make it to town next weekend...that gal cannot catch a break...like life hasn't already given her enough to deal with (her sons suicide in Sept) she keeps getting kicked while she is down...uncle dies...house floods...broke as shit...now a new fangled betrayal for her to try to process while she agonizes going through her sons clothing so she can have 2 memorial quilts made...I just do not know how the woman is still standing...
Man did I ever LOVE the article on the CBC website today...
Yesterday there was one that made me insane...it was so fabricated and full of shit it boggled my mind that the CBC put it up: PIECE OF SHIT ARTICLE
Then today this was put up in response to it: MUCH BETTER
The thing is....if you read the 1st one - don't you think it is the CBC's/reporters job to substantiate that Enbridge claim BEFORE the article is posted? I mean...come on...it reeks of bullshit and is so vague...why didn't someone there look into it? Today's blew it the fuck out of the water...and thank gawd b/c the 1st one made me poo in my pants a little...before I looked at it objectively. This shit is pissing me off a lot these days...I am considering laying off the news for a while...esp with all this body parts in the mail shit...like really?? SERIOUSLY? WTF....today at work a parcel came and was sitting on Doris's desk and I sniffed it to make sure it didn't smell like decomp. Welcome to 2012 folks...ppl don't just get murdered anymore...they get eaten, chopped up and mailed out. Fugg. Sick place.
Oh...look who was chatty tonight...good night.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
2.People should stop cutting ppl up and sending body parts in the mail. It is not ok freaks. Oh and stop eating peoples faces and shit too. Rude.
Monday, June 04, 2012
Sunday, June 03, 2012
|Grad day snacks with Ayla & Kelly|
|AUNTY PAM BEFORE: The 80's pegasus/unicorn nightmare...|
|AUNTY PAM AFTER: 2.5 hrs for the outline only|
|AUNTY PAM AFTER: Outline only...a few more appts for the shading and coloring...looks so good already...that unicorn is HISTORY thanks to Shawzy @ EMPIRE TATTOOS in Victoria, BC|
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Friday, June 01, 2012
The injection was gross...getting a needle shoved into the sorest part of your body is most unpleasant but whatevs...it felt weird yesterday...pretty sure the cortisone caused me to have an increase in temperature at one point where I was sure I was having my 1st official hot flash of death...fml I thought I was going to turn into 1 giant puddle in the middle of Shoppers Drug Mart. ha! Anyhow...I iced it all night and today it is MASSIVELY improved...I can still feel a tinge in there....but the improvement is significant...oddly, I am still favoring it and don't trust it yet....so we shall see....
HENRY ROLLINS TONIGHT!!! & as if that wasn't enough - Pam & Jim are coming to night as well for the weekend.