Wednesday, August 31, 2011

funniest thing ever to find online about yourself

When the 1989 grade 12 mullet comes back to haunt you in 2011 - you know you rocked the mullet.

this is a real conversation via email

A friend of mine fwd'd me an email she was involved in (names have been changed to protect the victim and the idiot)...we will call her Mona, Mona b/c she probably moans a lot in the sack but that's besides the point....anyhow 'Daphne' is well known for being a space cadet but this is pretty awesome.

Hello Mona

I need to know whose has overseas capabilities on their telephone. There used to be 3 telephones at this office who have this capability.

I know that Christine is one of them, but who are the other two?

Thank you,



I have heard Dawn’s phone. I know Bob's used to as well and assume he still does.


Hi Mona

Please don't tell me what I already know. I need to know who presently besides Christine has the ability to call overseas on there telephone. That was my original question.
As telephone coordinator you have the ability to provide with with the facts so please do so.

Thank you,



Please submit all requests and enquiries through your supervisor.

Thank you,


Saturday, August 27, 2011


This funeral/celebration of life is blowing my mind. 
As an avid funeral avoider due to my inability to stifle empathetic sorrow and 
genuine emotion, watching Jack Layton's state funeral on TV is simply amazing. 
I am not going to go on and on about it b/c really...what can one say. 
There is no one like him in politics and it is a tragic loss for this country. 
Hearing his children speak of him...gawd. 
All the eulogies were touching and so genuine...
I am glad so many people are feeling this loss b/c I hope it sticks 
with us all to be better ppl and do things differently...


Steven Page's rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" ~ stellar...

I am going to de-puff my eyes now.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I am itchy. I am all paranoid I am getting shingles like my land lady has...I am being an alarmist of course but gawd dammit....2 days I have been itchy. Got out my ol’ Home Surgery Kit last night and finally managed to yank the last of the so-called dissolving stitches out of my incisions...dissolving...pffft. The pieces popping out of the incisions were not dissolving and hindering healing so I got in there and have decided I should be a doctor now...Doctor Jen – Medicine Woman. I want my own TV show too...and my own hot husband who wears animal leather and native beads. Yeah that’s what I want...anyway back to my hypochondriac-ness...I am not stressed at all really...but I am run down and such so the shingles diagnosis isn’t totally out to lunch...though I am being a dramatic tit for certain.

OMFG I finally have AC at work. It’s like a gawd damn miracle. It’s like Jesus has finally shown himself to me finally after all these years and I can call myself a BELIEVER. OK not really. Jesus did not get me this AC – my boss really she is the new Jesus Gawd Damn Christ in my eyes! The thing has a I set it for 5 am to run so when we arrive in the AM its cool and fucking awesome in mother would LOVE IT! My poor mother and her hate for hotness is intense as well so I can’t help but feel bad she works for a cheap asshole who will never get AC for the pub. The AC unit looks like R2D2 and is quite the welfare looking thing but I love love love it and want to hump it. I do not even care that it is as loud as an airplane engine and I have to pop an earplug in my left ear b4 I answer the phone. I LOVE YOU AIR CONDITIONER! (such a guilty pleasure)

After reading my latest book (CLICK HERE) I am even more convinced out society is doomed...and though it embarrasses me to say so I am glad I am 40 and will be long dead b4 everything REALLY starts to go downhill...mock me all u like but our civilization is on the same path the Mayans, Incas, Sumerians and Easter Islanders were on and where are they now? Yeah that’s right - fallen – we live in an unsustainable society and the world cannot go on forever putting up with our blatant disrespect and stupid greed...we rape the land, the sea and pollute the air and oceans with crap...we over farm, we fuck with our food, we eat garbage and produce mass amounts of shit no one really needs and our population is RIDICULOUS. All the plastic we make will outlast us all...for this I am certain. How nice that in a few million years when we perhaps evolve again or aliens find our planet they will find fossils of plastic dildos and disposable razors. Wow – what a legacy! (EYE ROLL) This book has seriously opened my eyes to the reality we all face. Most of us choose to ignore it, ignorance is bliss after all...I wish I was able to just go on my merry way and not be tortured by what is to come but...that is not the case. That feeling of helplessness to do anything about it on a grand scale is incredibly frustrating. I recycle, reuse, limit purchasing crap, avoid promoting the use of plastics, I bus or walk, consider where something was made or grown prior to purchasing it, etc. Meanwhile what really makes the world go round is $$$. Big business and commerce run the world and big business has no conscience, it is all about the almighty dollar. Most shitty things on earth are all about $$$. War/oil, poverty, cancer...yes cancer...many cancers are due to toxins and pollutants spewed out by govt’s and companies to make $$$ also I am not UNCONVINCED that cancer cures and research is hindered greatly by the fact that pharmaceutical co’s don’t really want a cure for cancer...their bread and butter has got to be cancer treatments right now with so many ppl diagnosed...fuckers.

Laugh all you like...I am not a conspiracy theorist in the slightest.

You gawd damn fishetarian MFer!

Ayla is in Powell River currently. I have quite enjoyed my time alone the last house is so easy to keep clean...omg. I spent about 4 hours on her room/bathroom when she left and it looks bloody fabulous. My mom will be here on Saturday so I couldn’t very well let her enter Ayla’s room how it gawd the child is a top notch slob. Did you read that Ayla...!!!!!!? Gawd I hope it is not a permanent affliction. I still have another week of kidlessness. Lisa & I will drive up and fetch her from the ferry Sept 3. Road trip style. Gawd I wish I was a better road tripper. I am in mega hermit mode currently...I don’t like being anywhere but home in my jammies...I cannot wait for fall...the gray cool days...COME ON!

Oh so sad to hear about Jack Layton's passing...what a grand loss for Canada and his family/friends...I am happy to see him getting the attention he deserves and touched by how many people are recognizing his contributions to this country...farewell moustache....

Monday, August 22, 2011


RIP Jack Layton...terrible loss for Canada & his loved ones.... :\

Now there is no one to kick Stephen Harper in the balls....

Monday, August 15, 2011


I am wearing jeans for the 1st time in 3 weeks. I feel as if I am being cut in half a few days I will be used to it again. Last night I woke up sleeping on my stomach!! THIS IS AWESOME! Soon I can go to sleep on my stomach and actually have good sleeps again!

Went and saw RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES and loved loved loved it! I was an Ape virgin...hadn’t seen any of the old movies but I really liked it...then I went home and saw that the original Planet of the Apes movie was on Netflix so I watched it...and laughed a lot. Man it was cheesy as hell but still interesting enough to keep me all the way til the end....the end I found particularly decent – the moment he realizes he is on all kind of ties in with the book I am reading about societal collapse right now so I didn’t feel like I wasted 2 hrs of my life...though I admit I am not likely to seek out the other movies.

Ayla had a grody case of strep throat as it turns out so her antibiotics worked quick to make her feel better though her tooth has been the bain of her existence all week...she thinks her one wisdom tooth is coming up and it has made hamburger of her back bottom gum and really is rather sick looking. She is seeing the dentist today and hopefully there will be some solution.

The rest of the weekend I cooked, cleaned, organized, watched movies, read, ignored Ayla’s whining and answered emails. My shower head died so I had to go and purchase a new one which is always a gawd damn nightmare....getting stuck with a crappy shower know the ones where you actually can pee with more pressure than the shower puts out...I did opt for a water saving eco one and it isn’t as much pressure as I PREFER but....the water saving part is fine and I am sure I will get used to it in no time and not want to replace it...

I am at work and have absolutely NO WORK TO DO yet...better hope the mail guy brings me a stack or this day is gunna suck ass.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

gibble gobble gabble

I am finally going to see Trooper with the Coleman Clan...I have managed to somehow never see Trooper live (or April Wine for that matter)...the fact that they are charging 55 bucks a ticket (I KNOW! WTF!) is a little much but if I had seen them a few times over the years it would have added up to that so what the hell. This will be the September musical experience. October it's Sam Roberts with Ayla & Donna...November is Matthew Good...just me and MG...oh yeahhhh 1st row...then December it is Tori Amos in Vancouver...then THAT'S IT...good'd think I was wealthy or something. :\

Sprog is dead sick...her Salt Spring Is. camping trip was a bit of a fiasco sadly...she came home after 1 night sick with her classic sprog razor blade throat...she is currently on the couch dead and I am making her listen to Gordon Lightfoot...she doesn't seem to mind. We will see how she is when Neil Young comes on.

Aunty Cathy
has booked her flight to visit for a few weeks in November...weee! I booked off the same 2 weeks from work so we can go to PR and visit! :) YAY! This month Mags and Sid (maybe Pam??) are coming on the 17th for a few days then taking Ayla back with them for a few that time my Ma will be here for 3 days so we can get a good hang out going and go drive around and see some beaches...

How am I feeling these days you did not ask but I am telling you...I feel shyte...oddly and in a different way worse then the 1st week...I guess things inside are still mending of course and that along with all the stretching and bending and such at work is making me sore and dead. I am tired as a mthrfckr too which is kind of debilitating on my brain. So tired...soo sooooo dead tired. Looking fwd to that gastrointestinal condition is delicate but I will spare u the gory details and just say my diet is rather limited and I have learned this week its best to not stray into old eating habits b/c it is not its all about small snacky frequent mini meals of very simple non-fat foods.

Ohhh yay Michelle B in Bellingham just called me...I gotta make a plan in Sept to go visit for the weekend...Ohhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! She is gunna feed me tofu that doesn't taste like BUTT! WOOHOO!

Saturday, August 06, 2011


Fuck u squawking gulls.

Moving is a quiet Saturday morning...all I hear are gulls and a siren in the distance. I watched the Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest last night...I managed to forget there was a 3rd one and never saw was a good wrap up...I liked seeing her win finally. (sorry 4 the spoiler haha)

I am going gay-raj sale-ing with Lisa at 9:30 am...I am all organized with a list separated into areas and a map. ha! I will probably still get us lost...the great navigator I am not.

I booked a week off in December so I can go see Tori Amos in the Vancouver and have time to visit with Laura as well as hang with Deanna for the show. I still have enough holiday time to take a good chunk off when Aunty Cathy comes in Nov. too so maybe we can trip up to PR for a weekend or something...? YOU NEVER KNOW! Exciting...My mama mia is here for 3 days at the end of the month...and Mags and Sid are coming for 3 days the week before! Busy Busy having company since I am feeling so detached and deprived of family these days.
Zach, Lindsey & Nolan
Mama Lindsey & new baby Costin

My pseudo-sister Lindsey had her new baby recently. I adore this woman...I have not had the pleasure of spending much time with her over the years at all (she used to actually be my brothers girlfriend way back prior to her mother marrying my step dad Don - Don being my brother and sisters dad) but there is something about Lindsey...she is a level headed thinking human who has really done well for herself and exudes a type of goodness you don't often see.
I am sure that my fondness for her also stems from the fact that my brother loved her hugely and massively when he was alive...anyway...she has had her 2nd son recently and my sister was just informing me of some 'family drama' on that end that I found to be rather bizarre and silly so I feel kinda shitty for her that ppl decided to dump their unhealthy shit on her right after having a baby...rude. People's ignorance is unending...but HELLO to baby COSTIN born at home and doing perfectly oblivious to the inconsequential drama and retardation that is life apparently...just enjoying the boob and sleeping and pooping - what a life!

I took a picture of myself right after surgery while I was high as a kite and had that oxygen thingy in my nose...I must have been high bc I sent it to my friend Michelle in Bellingham WA...haha I also took a picture of the incision where I am convinced the Drs and nurses were punching me b4 I woke up from the surgery...the other 3 stab wounds as I like to refer to them as look normal, slight yellow bruising on one...but this one...this is 2 weeks AFTER the surgery and its still quite impressive
Oooo soooo pretty

looking...exactly the size of a fist....uhhh-huhhhhhh...I have cropped this picture for your own me - u owe me for that.
So that's all the grossness u get from me today...IF YOU ARE LUCKY!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

I did not die

I did however start the day at the bus stop watching the mangiest squirrel eat a cherry off the ground and it was SO EFFING cute...with his little hands and little mouth...munching on it...I took a grape out of my lunch and threw it at him...he picked it right up and munched on it...I truly though I would die from the cuteness.
Then when he discarded the grape he just stared at me - willing me to throw more food at him...the never-ending stare. It worked. I will take peanuts tomorrow morning.

Work was long, hot and draggy as fuck as I am half speed and sloth-like right now...but it is what it is...only 2 more days til the weekend!

back to work....


Monday, August 01, 2011


im too tired to even type...i got all cocky today and went for a walk........bad idea...i stranded myself at fairway market on a bench after hitting 'the wall' and called a cab to get home b/c I couldnt walk steadily enough to get to the bus stop...eejit. i came home and slept for almost 3 hrs and have been feeling awful ever since.
needless to say im staying home all day tomorrow...the prospect of work wednesday is rather daunting but i figure ill go in and see what happens...if i hit that wall ill go home. the end. shit all i can do about it.

yesterday i was hanging with lisa at her dads place and had a good day...i got a few fantastic pictures - the dragonfly ones please me greatly even though they totally wig me gawd those things are crazy looking but it just sat there posing for me for so long...thank u mr dragonfly.

my mom is coming to visit! aug 27-29...ayla will be in PR and will have to see her early in the visit before coming down here...we will have a few days to CHILL, check out a few sights around town (she will have her car - woohoo), go on a few walks...itll be nice. aylas gone aug 20-sept ?
ayla has her 1st driving school driving lesson thursday...hehehe fun!
ok im back to the lay down position...