Friday, October 29, 2010

walking dead

I think I am gunna enjoy the new AMC series THE WALKING DEAD...it freaks me out and its about zombies but...its engaging and interesting...watched episode 1 tonight....spooooky grossness!

I am in a mood...yes I know...another mood...you know those pensive WTF AM I DOING moods...where it becomes so clear that nothing you thought would make u happy and fill the void actually does...I blame Hollywood. Fuckers. It's all on you...it's all on you to reach in and find wtf it is you need and then go get it...but in the mean time u have to survive...you have obligations... attachments... guilt... duties... responsibilities...on top of this elusive void filling...I have always been of the mindset that some ppl are just broken...that doesn't mean they are street junkies or serial killers...I mean some people are just beyond fixing...they either aren't at a place (and aren't going to be) emotionally/mentally where they are going to mend. Sounds all fatalistic but...I still believe it and its not fatalistic at all - I think its just real life...we all have our shit...some of us hide it better than others...some of us actually work through our shit in a timely fashion...

I have spent the majority of my life in complete and utter loneliness (there - I said it...my counselor from 2002 would be so proud!)...I got used to it early on...so early in fact you end up forgetting you are lonely...its just a part of you...I don't even think it was my upbringing at all - I think it was just me. All this of course over your life manifests in certain ways...some of us become sluts... frigid teases... addicts... whores...we get fat...we get skinny...we drink too much...we shop too much... obsess too much - on and on...

Me...my self loathing got me fat and cynical...but at least I have a great sense of humor right? (see what I just did there? optimism! haha) Id rather be fat and cynical than skinny and addicted to huffing gas. Just saying.

What I am trying to say is ITS NOT THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. That shouldn't be the shit that drags u down - the shit that defines who you are...its the fucking details that are fatal...
It's getting that one thing in life you are determined to not wreck...the only thing that brings even an iota of confidence in yourself as a human being...something you love beyond yourself....and then that thing rejects you like you are dog shit on a running shoe...the disgust and rage directed at you breaks you like nothing before it...soul crushing devastation...you can't win...your only choices are worse and worst...you do the right thing you get crucified like Jesus....you do the other thing and you are a fucktard 4 it....

On a lighter note...(haha ok not really) I received a copy of my brothers 10 yr obituary/memorial in the mail today...this is likely contributing to my mood.

There are happy ppl out there...what do you do to be happy?....to keep it from slipping away entirely? For the most part I am a-ok...if I didn't go on these tangents of self loathing and personal reflection I would probably appear well adjusted to most...mainly b/c ppl don't invest the time required to really get to know ppl...not at my age anyway...fuck I remember forging such intense friendships as a teenager - I needed to, we moved all the time and my need to connect with ppl was strong...I miss making a fast friend that didn't peter out by week 4...that's how adult friendships are...ppl are busy... distracted... no time to spend dissecting the brain of a fellow adult...guess that's why those few friendships from days gone by are even more important as an adult...we know that they are irreplaceable...adults rarely connect on such levels. I have always had a lot of friends...for that I am very lucky...I am attracted to great people who get weary of trying 2 deflect my friendly advances soon after I begin until I break them like the little wild ponies they are. ha ha Ahhh my friends...

The top of my right hand - I have this little thing...it feels like a round BB but its a piece of gristle or something organic...anyway...I can move it around all over the top my my hand...it grosses Graeme out...he cant watch me push it around - its creepy as shit...so the other day im rolling it all over the place under my skin and I decide to see how far up twds my wrist it can go....oops. It's lost now in my wrist bones :o( FUGGG!!! I check every day to see if it magically worked its way back but...nope.

Guess I will go read b4 the coma kicks in...Rick Springfield calls me name from his new memoir that I am currently devouring...ya ya ya...shut up.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

it's an affair of the heart...

it's true

tonight i am jamming at my desk to my beloved rick springfield - i just ordered an old record of his that i have as an LP but cant listen to currently...so i found the cd cuz i guess it was rereleased this year due to his book coming out...anyhow i recall pouring over this record as a kid...omfg i loved it...so i slap it on my MP3 player and oddly enough i still skip past 2 of the songs i didnt like as a kid lol


my child is lost to me this week...no communication...no civility...no cell phone text insults...so much left unsaid...unheard...misunderstood...it makes me sad that she shuts me out of her little world with such efficiency...i guess b/c i know how quick someone can suddenly be out of your life...makes all this crap feel like a big fat unnecessary waste of time...oh she just came home from work and i felt a chill pass over me...i think my mouse has frost on it.

Oct 24th was the 10 year anniversary of the passing of my little brother...a decade later it is still all quite surreal...thankfully this year the date narrowly missed my pms kicking in so i was ok...lol
considering i spend a portion of most days missing him or thinking about him and his funny ass self  - its just THE DAY...the shittiest day ever to date.

got a wedding to go to saturday...fml...if i could ditch without guilt i would...i dunno why i get so friggin uptight about this shit...

so i ditched some more ppl off FB this week..when im pms'ing i delete alotta ppl i wouldnt usually...but whatever...ppl i do tend to delete in these moods are ppl who get higher scores than me on bejewelled...HAAAAAA not even kidding...it makes it so i rank higher HAAAAA gawd im a dinkus.

2nd week with no hells kitchen. i am starved for profanity. not counting all the fuck yous from ayla of course...they are really code for "i love you mommy"...hahaha

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

QUEEN TIGRESS!

Watched a National Geographic show today on tigers in India...a whole soap opera kinda show on a family - mother and 3 daughter tigers...and how the daughter tiger (the most dominant one) chases her sisters out of their mothers territory b4 taking on mom....to rule the roost...so sad to see the mom (who by this point is old and beaten down by time at the age of 13) get the boot from her once loving daughter -- u see where this is going don't u? -- mom gets chased out only to basically starve over the coming months b/c she has no front teeth thanks to a friggin crocodile and shes just too old to hunt really....cocky daughter enjoys ruling her kingdom for about 9 mths until a male approaches and promptly kicks her ass out of the lush/pristine kingdom of easy hunting and lovely lake...9 mths...while her kick ass mom managed to ward off male invaders and other female take over attempts for 10 yrs. Fuck. What a thankless job parenting is.

I am still the most hated mom on earth here at the Conklin abode...the mexican spring break plan that I vetoed has earned me persona non grata in a big way here...her hate oozes by the bucket loads from underneath her bedroom door when she is home...there's no reasoning with her...so I have just stopped trying...for now I guess.

Just gorged on leftover baked pasta from last night when Tracey and Adrienne were over...MmmMmmMmm...tonight we are watching POINT OF NO RETURN as I drift into a carb coma in bed... [insert zombie noises here] I do wanna say though that Graeme is a piss poor glutton...the guy can hardly clear his 1st non-piled plate...WTF is that about?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

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Oct 22 2010 123
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
Alex the bride to be with her paddle of death

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Oct 22 2010 024
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
no comment needed

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Oct 22 2010 031
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
Donna laying an egg.

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Oct 22 2010 086
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
the glass butt plug toy of prettiness...

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Oct 22 2010 088
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I really wish this dog was chewing a dildo....that woulda been FUNNNNEH!!!

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Oct 22 2010 096
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
Jen W, Alisa & Sheena intensely discussing dildos.

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Oct 22 2010 104
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
yep, that's where i was Friday night...at Alex's Stagette/Sex Toy Party

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Oct 22 2010 139
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
Hot Donna's "I am single...please hump me..." Face.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

AUNTY CATHY?

WHERE ARE YOU!!!!?
im calling u saturday morning for a catch up!

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Oct19 2010 003
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
mail from RICH in the UK....a pope magazine addressed to arch bishop jennifer HAHAHAHHAA

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Oct 21 2010 003
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
my new addition...my velvet haired pink BABY HARAJUKU PERFUME mmmmMMmmMmmmMmmmmm

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Oct15-16 2010 171a
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
couldnt even get properly drunk - what a failure!

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Oct15-16 2010 490
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
the restaurant attached to the dirt bag nanaimo bus depot uses this as decoration...PASTA ART! gawd!! i was on board til the spaghetti was poking out the top!

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Oct15-16 2010 370
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
good looking bunch - guy and donna with some of the grandkids
(austin - guy - donna - conor - little nolan and emily)

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Oct15-16 2010 477
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
awww mary trying to convince graeme they will be friends and he should dance with her.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Spazz

-I am too unsettled to write.
- Wedding was GOOD...Kori & Mary are hitched...fun time!
-I miss the hotel pool.
-My kid hates me b/c I don't want her kidnapped by a Mexican Crime Ring and forced into human trafficking/international prostitution...I can live with that...
-I am tired...
-OMFG my Rick Springfield memoir arrived and I am LOVING IT!!!!
-Friday I have to attend a sex toy party...have I mentioned I loathe such events? I must really like Alex!

-After that Donna and I have plans to go rock it at Logan's - ROTTERDAMMMMMMM WOOOHOOO!!!!
-Fuck Donna leaves for Australia for 1 mth Nov 2....POUT
-I stole some cool shit from the hotel: shampoo/conditioner & plastic Days Inn cups....OHHH YEAHHHHHH

According to Amanda F.

Donkey

To see a donkey in your dream, represents your stubbornness and unyielding personality. You are unwilling to cooperate with others. The donkey also symbolizes menial work. You may be feeling overburdened or stressed. If the donkey is dead, then it denotes that your party hearty attitude will lead to unrestrained immorality. Alternatively, the donkey is representative of the United States democratic party. Consider your personal associations and feelings about the democrats.
To dream that you fall off or are thrown from a donkey, signifies separation and disharmony in love..
To dream that you are kicked by a donkey, suggests that you are afraid of being caught in some illicit activity. There is a cloud of suspicion over you.
To dream that you are leading a donkey by a halter, signifies your leadership abilities. You have the gift of convincing people to see things your way.

Hole

To see a hole in the ground, denotes hidden aspects of your activities. On the other hand, it may mean that you are feeling hollow or empty inside. This dream may be an awakening for you to get out and expose yourself to new interests and activities. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on "wholeness' or completeness.
To dream that you fall into a hole, represents a pitfall in some waking situation. You feel you are stuck. Perhaps, you have dug yourself into a hole and cannot get out of it.
To dream that there is a hole in your clothing, indicates that there are some flaws in your thinking or thought process. You may need to undergo an image makeover.

Water

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. Feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged. You need to let out some steam.
To see calm, clear water in your dream, means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.
To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to take some time to cleanse your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, the dream suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.
To dream that water is rising up in your house, suggests that you are becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.
To hear running water in your dream, denotes meditation and reflection. You are reflecting on your thoughts and emotions.
To dream that you are walking on water, indicates that you have total control over your emotions. It also suggests that you need to "stay on top" of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, the dream is symbolic of faith in yourself.

Aunty Fern said something cool too but I lost it haha Oops!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

POOR DONKEY!!

I had a dream the other night about a donkey falling into a deep hole someone was digging. I was riding this donkey and fell in too...but I was able to crawl up and out...this is 4 sure a dream b/c I would certainly perish in a hole if it meant I had to use my upper body strength to pull myself out...HA! Anyhoo...I am out of this hole, covered in mud and talking to the person who dug it giving them shit b/c now this poor donkey was stuck in the hole...and the person just intended to bury the donkey alive. I was protesting of course – I was clearly attached to this donkey – saying that was bullshit and the hole digger needed o take responsibility for their poor hole digging placement and help get the donkey out.

They refused and were totally apathetic. So I decided to pretend I was some genius engineer...and stated to fill the hole up with water so my donkey could float to the top treading water all the while rather than drowning like he likely would have in real life. My donkey was fine and got out of the hole successfully thanks to my water idea....and was walked off into the sunset. I have never dreamed of donkeys before. Fuckin’ hole digger jerks!

I am glad to be back at work. Unless my 3 day weekends are BUSY I don’t enjoy being such a stagnant loser. I now have about 200 scrabble tiles etc with little pictures on ‘em, half are finished and need magnets etc put on them...the rest need the goop to make em shiny and purdy...plus a few I may make into necklaces but i gotta wait for the leather thingys from China...see if I like ‘em well enough to go that route.

My mom’s b’day was Oct 10 – 10 10 10 – as well as Barb’s!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARB!

I can’t believe it is already close to mid- Oct!I am looking fwd to my little mini getaway next weekend. Graeme and I are going up to Nanaimo for Kori and Mary’s wedding extravaganza! I have a room booked – the place has a POOL – I am STOKED!!!!!!!! We are going the Friday before to be sure I get lotsa swim time in...there will be no deathly barnacles in this pool so it should be an uneventful swim experience – unlike last times...which I may add has left my leg pretty scarred up...I still have some scabbage over a mth later as well. Well done Conky...well done.

I got some great b’day loot this year...turning 40 was kinda fun! Lol

Monday, October 11, 2010

Yes, your mother can BURN steamed veggies!!

Craft Monster!!
Ok thank gawd that is over...whenever I get a little cocky and comfortable in the kitchen this sort of shit always humbles me and brings me back to the fact that I am not in love with cooking big dinners....
Awesome Jesus present from Amanda & Erin
Whilst saving the gravy (I gave that job to G b/c I didn't want the pressure hahaha) b/c it was a disaster I neglected the vegs on the stove and didn't NOTICE they were steamed out of water and the pot was BURNING on the element...so when i took them off the stove and opened them the smoked burned smell wafted into my face making it impossible to ignore.......not realizing the pot was so HOT I even managed to burn a ring mark into the counter top....ohhh yeah it was classic epic fail cooking of the vegetables...the chicken was fine, potatoes were yummy and stuffing...even the gravy was quite decent.....we had emergency canned corn and frozen peas 4 vegs...I ten spent 30 mins SCRUBBING the fucking pot (its my fave pot!!) to get all the BURNED CHARRED BADNESS out of it...fuck. Then I was thinking I completely wasted 80 bucks to go down in history as the asshole who burns steamed vegs when we could have (SHOULD HAVE) ordered in Chinese food for half the cost.................................................yeah I am bitter...what else is new?
Graeme and I played Wii....he is so HUMBLE its REALLLY ENJOYABLE....(insert sarcasm here)...I killed him at tennis - bowling - baseball but he killed me a Mario Kart gawd dammit!
Yeah I stole this from VV - piss off.


SHOOTER was on late last night so I got to fall asleep to the image of Marky Mark with no shirt on.....sigh. Fittingly I woke up to massive amts of drool on my self this morning...was kinda gross actually.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

little chinese finger kids - thanks!

Ok maybe little Chinese kids with small fingers assembled my new glasses frames but grown up opticians made the lens' so whatever...
I will NEVER pay 500.00+ for glasses EVER AGAIN when I can see plain as day they are actually worth a fraction of that...I am really sickened after talking with Dee who used to work in an eye dr. place and learning how massive the mark up is...i mean really...the frames are plastic in my case...we all know how cheap plastic is...the lens's are apparently about 50 cents bought in large quantities so...WHY am I charged 500.00 for something I can also get for 25.00 (and u know there is still profit involved with that price) - anyhow...my new glasses arrived...the Rx seems perfect for each pair...and the frames are exactly what I ordered and good quality...my faves are the ones I have on (middle) and the top ones....WHEW! Glad that's done...if any of u care to order some lemme know I can walk you through the great info i got from Dee via sizing etc.

Tonight Alex and Kelsey are coming over for pizza and visiting....Kelsey and Graeme will play Wii Zombie games while Alex and I craft at the table...buttons first then maybe some scrabble tiling...woohoo! I am sure we will talk some good shit about the 2 bozo's over on the couch, oblivious to anything of major importance in girls lives....

Today is exactly 1 year since I met Mr Milligan. how weird is that! I entire year! I snuck into the bedroom before I left this morning to wish him a happy 1 year of knowing him and I pulled back the blanket and kissed his forehead not realizing he was completely sweaty and hot and I ended up ingesting his forehead sweat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS MAN!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

40 is kinda whatever...

I was starting to get heartburn from weird food anyhow...bananas...salsa....now peanut butter...fug.

Had an AWESOME night Monday - Alex is getting hitched @ the end of the month and we had a little girly get together to make her a button bouquet...omg this craft is SOOO fun when u have a BUNCH of buttons to use...and thanks to Jen W. bringing her Granny's box of buttons (she recently passed away so it was nice to watch Jen go through the box and show us all little things like the buttons on a wire that her Granny used to teach her to count as a little girl etc) that she collected forEVER....some really AWESOME stuff in there...got to meet 2 new gals as well Becca and Alisa...both very interesting and I am better for meeting them for certain. I will admit sitting on the floor was a bit of an issue for me...by the end of the night I was doing the beached whale shuffle on the floor and trying to avoid the full leg muscle spasm flail...gawd I am a social retard sometimes...but omg it is FUN!! I love buttons now...SAVE ME YOUR BUTTONS!!!

Naturally b/c I am ancient now I felt like I was on a bender the next day...all that hardcore BUTTONING you know ::eyeroll::
Good birthday all around...love my new deadly voodoo gnome from Graeme...and the night out was fun too aside from the ear shattering volume (that may actually make me start taking ear plugs to shows from now on) and seeing some guy get a beer mug smashed into his face...Rotterdam KICKED ASS....Loot was ok but their sound SUCKED BAD and it really ruined it for me....could not hear the vocals all that well and the guitar was just gruesomely too loud....I think I could feel my eardrums rupturing!
Graeme was a trooper despite not being all that interested in either band or being up front with Donna and I...we cabbed home and I stayed up waiting 4 Ayla and I was a bit drunk alright and she arrived home drunk so we bonded over pizza pops and a stupid shark movie...

Rest of the w/e was fine....I am in super craft mode...done wanna do anything else but monkey with my scrabble tile crafts and such....

Saturday, October 02, 2010

hmmmmf

whilst drunk last night I could not feel my uterus....
this morning...
it is alive and well...contracting at a rate at which I think it ridiculous 4 a 40 yr old...


the end.

Oct 1 2010 003


Oct 1 2010 003
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
flowers from my work peeps....!

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Oct 1 2010 012
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
gotta say it....Rotterdam kicked Loot's ass.

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Oct 1 2010 024
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
Sara of Coolville

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Oct 1 2010 025
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA ok I was trying to take a pic of Donna with her new girl crush Sara and some a-hole came smashing into them and sent them both flying as i took the picture and this is what I got!

Oct 1 2010 140


Oct 1 2010 140
Originally uploaded by jennzebel
LOOT - Tool Tribute Band
V Lounge, Victoria BC

Friday, October 01, 2010

UK Firetrap "Deadly" Gnome from Graeme!!!


In 2004 Deadly was born – a macabre gnome, used in Firetrap promotions, who quickly became a collector’s item. In 2008 a series of Deadly’s were vandalised by underground artists in conjunction with zeitgeist busting fashion magazine Super Super. The results were exhibited at a party during London Fashion Week.
In 2009 Firetrap has announced via its official website that Deadly the Gnome will return in 2010.