Sunday, February 28, 2010

look out

last night sucked.
donna got mowed over by a skateboarder on the way to Logan's...when I say MOWED im not got hit, spun around and flat on her face on the cement b/c this fucktard piece of shit longboarding infant asshole was going too fast and couldnt stop/steer.
he is lucky i dont carry a gun....fucking dumb bitch asshole. he was not profusely apologetic either which made me want to kick him in the face.
after i peeled donna off the pavement and determined she had no fatal injuries just no skin left on her knees and hands we carried on but my mood was set 4 the night...
while standing in line for a drink i asked some guy if he was in the line up and he said *wtf do you think im standing here for?" ohhhhhhh of course i forgot it is CUNT NIGHT and everyones gunna be a prick this evening....turns out he was a member of the keg killers and i was not in love after that point....
then the skanky drunk moshing bitches beside us just irritated the fuck outta me all night so i left early.
a good time was not had by all. ugh

now in typical form aylas being a douche today so shes on my shit list too...
everyone should fuck the hell off today quite honestly.

on a good note i watched a great movie this morning on pay per view THE BURNING PLAIN.


FIELDS SHOW STORE...arika bought a 200.00 pair of shoes there in the spring and by Dec they were falling apart...she took them back and neither the shoe company or the store that sells them (FIELDS) will replace them or give her store credit b/c they deem that it must be her fault...
Ummmmmmmmmm 200.00 for sturdy good quality shoes and she somehow managed to make all the stitching on the front of both shoes come out....uhhhhh i call bullshit....she yeah shes out 200.00 and these fucks wont even entertain the thought of providing good customer service and offer her a store is that? Never going there assholes....well done.


Thursday, February 25, 2010

to panic or not to panic...?

Anxiety is setting in...The prospect of living with someone is terrifying. Here are some random thoughts:

-I can’t fart whenever I want and as loud as I want anymore
-I can’t leave the bathroom a total dump when I am in a hurry
-I will have to be near someone while I am on the rag, this is frightening
-What if after a while anything good about me pales in comparison to the weird fucktardness of living with me?
-What if he has an epiphany that I am actually not funny, not cute, not smart and excruciatingly boring as a human being?
-What if I get used to someone being nice to me and being helpful? Am I delusional?
-I can’t lay on the couch like Homer Simpson, hand down my pants, vegging out to the tv.
-I can’t prance around like a rock star with my music cranked on Saturdays for fear of taunting and ridicule (justified taunting and ridicule!)
-What if he grabs a 4 litre of milk and then I don’t know and grab one and then there is no room in the fridge for 8 litres of milk?!??!?!
-What if he is in need of a pep talk and all I am capable of is grunting & seething distain?
-What if I have company over and this irritates the shit out of him?
-What if he cooks something that tastes like crap and I gotta eat it?
-What if I cook something he hates and he feels obligated to eat it?
-What if my high sex drive becomes an issue?
-What if we have some fundamental disagreement of morality?
-What if he isn’t on board with my weird house habits like only using a cloth once or no one else is allowed to do my laundry but me...or my dish soap MUST be in a pump bottle at the kitchen sink?
-What if an ex calls him at home while I am PMS’ing and I am pre-menstrual psychotic and I completely over react?
-What if I don’t wanna cuddle or spoon? Or even worse, what is HE doesn’t want to?
-What if he thinks I am a douche?
-What if he and Ayla gang up on me, then I gotta turn into a vicious badger which will make him see me like I am a mental case and he won’t like me at all!!!?

This is an endless ramble...How do ppl stay together, live together...its crazy!

Aunty Pam & Uncle Jim are in Vegas right now....FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maggie got them a trip for Christmas...way to go Maggie...I will take a Cuba trip next time you are throwing $ around thanks.
Back to work.......

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


All the technology in the world and everyone on the top floor of my work is subjected to listening to a room full of assholes teleconferencing....DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO LOUD? Seriously. We have to shut our door and its blaring through the walls, word for word...I am glad these a-holes are not dealing with my private information seeing as this is a public access bldg.

It’s hump day...tomorrow is my Friday so I am stoked to have another 3 days off...since co-habitation plans are in full motion for April 1st (don’t think I haven’t taken note of the date) I think I need to really turf and store stuff that I am not in need of to make room for gadget-horder-mans kitchen gadgetry. Seriously...blenders, slap chop, food processor, slow cooker...I am doomed...the cupboards will have to be re-evaluated for efficient use of space. I think I will spend this weekend putting some of my stuff in storage to make him feel like he lives

Matt Good was on BRAVO last night and I couldn’t watch b/c I only have welfare cable and don’t get the BRAVO channel...rude – so now I gotta wait til it’s online to watch... POUT

Tonight I am getting picked up after work by the lovely Kate....aka Kathy. She was Kathy when we were kids....her parents were BFF’s with my parents...that means we played together a lot while our parents drank the 70’s away. I haven’t seen her since we were 12 or this is gunna be a good night out for dinner and dining!

I just ate a lot of candy and now I feel a little sick. Nice.
BARB – I HOPE YOUR KITTY IS OKAY!!!!!!! {if not I have a replacement cat for you when you are ready}

Monday, February 22, 2010

Oh hi!

Ohhh I hate the Monday.

Nice weekend I gotta was good, company was even better and it was lovely and laid back ~ mellow.
Took G around to the closer by spots...gave him a few more options for job hunting once he is here next you know it is nice to have SOME idea about the lay out of your new town prior to arriving.
Decided to save the visit to the Ross Bay Cemetery for once he is living here...and has all his camera equip. here...

The WOLFMAN was horrible.....special effects weren't even all that shit hot....Benicio del Toro couldn't save it...ya ya ya I know....they previous ones weren't all that great either but...gawd dammit it...I was hoping it would be bad! Shoulda went to see SHUTTER ISLAND gawd dammit..... (thats Benicio in my bed by the way)

Ayla was in Vancouver this weekend, living it up in the Olympic chaos with 3 other friends...had a few hiccups along the way but otherwise managed to survive the weekend and have some fun...the  waiting she had to do for ferries as a walk on passenger was friggin horrendous...I would have surely had a meltdown over a 2 ferry wait to get home as a walk on passenger....ugh...

Did my income tax...fuck I owe over 600.00 this year...I called the CR to determine if it was due to Ayla's income or my RRSP I cashed out...apparently that gawd damn RRSP bumped me into the 22% tax bracket rather than the 15% tax bracket so I ended up owning $ for the 1st time EVER...funny part is....the gross income sounds all fucking impressive and shit but the net was WAYYYYY lower and my rent cut my net in half so really...its an extra kick in the cooch I gotta say to now have to buck up 626.00 to pay that off....when essentially I am the working poor like most other ppl....GHEY GHEY GHEY!


Saturday, February 20, 2010


I hate waking up starving hungry...and its always after a good supper the night b4....weird.

G took me out for dinner last night...then we watched a weird zombie movie - PONTYPOOL - thanks Erin for that recommendation...what a mindfuck. Was pretty good esp for a Canadian film!

Meet my new sock monkey...I haven't named him thinking Sergei (SIR-GAY)...G was pretty tricky on this whole sock monkey issue...claimed weeks ago they all sold out, could find one anywhere....and it was all a surprise the grrl who hates surprises hahaha jerk. Boy baring sock monkeys and perfume are worth keeping I am thinking.

Friday, February 19, 2010

...and the weekend begins

Well....sprog is off to the big city for a weekend of Mr Noodles and free concerts...I feel extremely conflicted and nervous about this trip but...

G is on his way here right now...

I am cleaning my house. Look! Ryan and Cathleen had their baby!!! BELLA JUNE McMAHON!!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Dinner w/ Tara, Erin, Amanda & Donna last night was fun...main topics of conversation: fisting, double urethra (male), Donna's tightness, impregnation kits for lesbians and other penis haters, etc. Much fun.

Donna the Fister

Tara the Fister

Donna the Mad Fister

Erin the Lesbo Fister

Happy Amanda

My new shoes

this was just funny

Morning walk to work

Feb in Victoria...gotta love it...cherry blossom galore!!!

Hurt - Matthew Good & Melissa McClellan Live

Thursday, February 18, 2010

little red boxes of raisiny goodness

I bought pineapple from a rude cashier today.
I wanted to say “Hey jerk, being a sour puss at the till is not the way to ensure you keep your job...oh your parents own this store....fuck you then.” But I didn’t.

I just ate the cutest little red box of raisins ever...I love little red boxes of raisins...LOVE LOVE LOVE! I don’t think I ever got them as a kid in my lunches so their appeal is life-long. I just ate another little red box of raisins...hehehehehehehehe

Today is my Friday! Finally a 3 day weekend...Oooo the bliss! Graeme will get here tomorrow at 2:35 pm and I shall fetch him and drag him to my house for an innocent game of rummy & some pleasant cups of tea {yes I am lying to spare you the hideous imagery of me committing rape on a poor unsuspecting traveller haaa!)

Today I wore my new shoes with proper socks, not those retarded trouser sock abominations...I love my new shoes...I am not entirely sure they will suit my needs for walking though...I think i am pretty much stuck with wearing runners when walking and that is just that.

Tonight I am meeting Tara, Amanda and Erin and hopefully Donna for dinner for a catch up session.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I rarely get busted for things but tonight I got super busted by my kid...gawd...its so funny but fucked up beyond my comprehension...

Today I was at Old Nick's (head shop) and came across these containers...air tight containers so your weed doesn't reek...I am bothered that my kid is a dolt and carries weed around that reeks...cuz if I can smell it so can anyone else, esp her friends parents etc (GAWD!) so....I grab 2 of these containers and figure im gunna hide em in her room all stealth like, she wont ask me if I left them there cuz that would be dumb...i figure she will assume a friend left them or whatever and use them to avoid reeking like a drug dealer. I don't wanna hand em to her cuz then its like im condoning her stupidity.

So she leaves tonight and I wait to make sure shes gone.....and I get these containers and go into her room (the door was closed so I shut the door behind me to ensure the cat didn't get in and fuck her shit up)...I toss these things into her closet and as I am leaving I hear her come in the front door...FUCK!!!!!! (Front door is RIGHT where her bedroom door is) I have NOWHERE TO GO!! IM BUSTED! Not even Macgyver could save me! So I am standing there shitting and she has NO idea im in her room but shes about to come in and I say HI through the closed door....and then its quiet as she registers where my voice is coming thinking fuck im soooo BUSTED! Then the ranting starts...she gets QUITE upset and im sure its not helping that im smiling b/c I know im a dead and guilty as I try telling her I was just giving her something that i didn't want her to know I was giving her which just makes her more pissed off cuz it doesn't make sense and she thinks im just weaseling out of me getting busted snooping in her shit which i wasn't even doing!!

ARGG! So she is screaming, im grinning like a dumbass fool b/c im not accustomed to getting busted I just say "when u find it you'll know what i am talking about" and I leave the war zone....20 mins later...I hear this loud laughing and omg omg omg laugh laugh laugh and she comes ripping outta her room and says *omg mom you LOVE it that i smoke weed don't u!!??? U SECRETLY LOVE IT!!!!!* I'm like WHAT!!??? I have no idea why she thinks Anyway after she mocked me for a while I told her to leave me alone b/c I was embarrassed. Fuck. So much for being stealth.

Lemonade Anyone?

Have I mentioned how I loathe having to ever call any gov’t agency, especially MSP? Yesterday I was waiting a friggin hour to get through and the genius who answered couldn’t navigate the database worth shit and now I get to call again today and hope I get someone else. Today I am armed and if I do not get helped properly I will demand a supervisor....yes I am gunna be one of THOSE ppl.

Last night after work as I was strolling home I got to witness something truly awesome...a guy slumped over on a bench, lemonade in hand, vomiting lemonade...unstoppable lemonade...a fountain of lemonade vomit...a constant stream of yellowy goodness projectiling onto the sidewalk, creating a stream everyone then got to walk through or jump over...this vomiting lasted quite some time...I had to stop looking b/c I could feel myself on the verge of losing my lunch and it wouldn’t have been pretty like sparkly new lemonade...

I am eating an oat bar. I figure if that’s my only real vice (shhhh) 20 bucks a month to get one every morning for work isn’t so bad. Still smells of burned up popcorn in here...I have been waiting 20 mins now for someone at MSP to pick up...this is NOT PEAK TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMAN....this is 830 a-fucking-m. They must only have 2 ppl fielding calls for the whole province for fucks sake...and to add insult to injury they are blaring country music into my poor victimized ear.

My fucking cat has a death wish...the last 2-3 nights she has been fucking around and keeping me up and I am already staying up too late as it is so with her cat antics I am so friggin tired in the – b/c im a bad human being – I am half hoping I arrive home to her being missing...the patio door is open a crack....if she really wanted to she could open it and then weasel the screen door open and jump off the balcony again...I am not sure I would look for her this time...ok fuck I probably would...arggg I ANNOY MYSELF!!!!!!

25 mins....I hate you MSP.

40 believe MSP calls are handled by a private company...way to save $ & still be as inefficient...I love the gov’t.

Ohhhh look at the 46 min mark I got through to a snarky woman who at least knew how to do her job and let me know I over paid MSP a few yrs back (yes a few yrs ago) but the chq will be mailed out to reimburse me 288.00 in 3-4 weeks. If I didn’t call in I would never have seen that $...crooks.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Someone just burned microwave popcorn down the hall.....

Hasta Siempre!!!

Sometimes I deal with certain clients where I am POSITIVE I am being filmed for a candid camera show or something b/c they are such extreme fucking mentals. The one I am referring to today, let’s call him “Shawn”...he is the stupidest idiot alive in my world right now. He has been nothing but a complete and utter pain in the ass since the day he 1st walked in here, my only saving grace is he lives in Vancouver but that just means I am INFLICTED with multiple phone calls from the idiot it seems. He created MORE work and hassle for me mainly b/c he is a fucknut and has no idea what he is doing in life and cannot make a grown up decision and stick to it...he ends up calling me back an hour later to change his mind about things that cannot be changed and then gets all up in arms about the pain it creates for him...Uhhh hello Dumb Fuck, you are your own worst enemy here.
Rant complete.

My sprog is heading to Vancouver on Friday. I am feeling quite uneasy about’s the Olympics after all in Vancouver and the volume of ppl in the city is likely horrendous and she is only 16...thinking 16/17 I was hitchhiking from Powell River to Vancouver with my girlfriend Tammy for Metallica concerts but in 1986/87 it seemed different although I am sure it really isn’t. I really love how she tries to make it like she is actually going to Vancouver (all the free concerts right now are a big draw I guess) so Graeme & I can have some privacy HA HA HA AAAAAAAAAA Yeah b/c Ayla is well known right now for being so kind and sacrificing her own time and $ for such a gesture. PFFFT! Nice try kid. I will likely spend more time fretting about her well being than all that privacy is worth I am sure.

OK David Suzuki supporting the Liberal party in the last provincial election has totally mind-fucked me. I am baffled and horrified honestly. I haven’t looked into all that global warming stuff yet b/c frankly I am not a scientist and depend on credible scientists and advocates to feed me the factual information about such things I cannot prove for myself. If global warming is just an OPINION then...well...I am fucking confused as shit about it. I know some ppl have been spouting off that GW is all a green movement hoax and green ppl cite that the GW cynics are just concerned about profits and crap and are not credible...

Well fucking great...way 4 everyone to be on the same team assholes and making this more difficult. It’s like weight loss info...there are so many differing opinions, tactics and bullshit that trying to be healthy and eat right and lose weight requires a gawd damn Masters in Bullshit Translation. How am I supposed to know if the increase in world temp is due to pollution etc or it’s a natural cycle the earth goes through all on her own? HOW AM I TO KNOW THIS?!??!?! How am I supposed to filter out the bullshit when I can’t decipher what’s BS and what isn’t?

OK let’s lighten this up a little....Maureen sent me this cool Che Guevara bracelet recently...and my kid instantly got a boner for it and high-jacked it...I told her I didn’t mind her BORROWING it but she has to at least KNOW who he is to justify wearing i made her look into it and she came back with a smidgen of a clue so I lent it to her...well the other day she came home wearing a Che shirt she got at a 2nd hand store and I near wet myself...I quizzed her about what he was all about and she replied with “he was a fucking revolutionary, man!” be still my beating heart – there is hope for this kid yet.

Holy Gibbons, AB is lucky lucky lucky! My beloved music man Matt Good is headlining and I think all you AB ppl should be there gawd my honour! I have decided I prefer MG’s solo acoustic shows IF I had to choose...but I would never turn down a full band performance, just 4 the record.

I am excited to see WOLFMAN this weekend...I know it COULD indeed be a dud but Benicio del Toro isn’t generally in shitty movies as a rule – although I do understand sometimes things seem good on paper and the end result is not so good, no fault of the actors...I have high hopes 4 it. Fingers crossed.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Monday Sucky Monday

I admit I do root for Canada in whatever sporting event may be going on even though I am not a sports fan in the slightest...Olympics or otherwise...for some reason I love it when Canada kicks the USA’s ass in events. Likely b/c they tend to think we are lame so it’s my way to give em the ol’ EFF YOU gesture without risking being shot.

Watching TRUE ROMANCE last night was totally funny to has been so long since i have seen it that it was like watching a new movie. Gary Oldman’s character is friggin FUNNY, I am sure that was lost on me when it 1st came out...him being a drug lord pimp but acting all gangsta and black when he is a skinny white boy was HILARIOUS. Brad Pitt’s stoner character is amusing as well...he nailed that portrayal without a doubt. And no one takes a fake Hollywood beating better than Patricia Arquette by Tony Soprano to boot...still love that movie. The scene with the cocaine in the car as the cops pull the guy over....omfg...pee!

I am experiencing an upset stomach today so I am being delicate with myself (haha that sounds so sexual and weird)...tea...ginger ale...oat bar goodness.

My kid was an epic a-hole last night...she’s planning a trip to Vancouver on the weekend and wanted $...I have none to give her and am not lending her $ from my savings acct b/c she is getting no shifts at work (if she is gunna treat me like a bank then I will act like one is my theory)...that conversation promptly ended with me getting told I was the shittiest mother alive...which was half assed amusing considering I spent the day cooking to ensure she had food all week and made her a special little baked pasta dish for dinner and just paid for her to get pictures reprinted b/c the fucking cat dumped water all over the ones she just had done...yeah shitty is the word alright. Asshole child. It is quite disturbing that I have spent the best portion of my life giving that fucking kid my time, energy, attention and love and now have the joy of watching her turn stupid as a bag of hair and be a complete and utter prick 99% of the time. Thankless job I tell ya.....thankless. And no matter how poorly she speaks to me or how much we argue and debate her shitty behaviour I would still slit the throat of anyone who tried to hurt her & defend her to the death. I am fairly certain she would not piss on me if I was on fire. I keep telling Graeme “this is NOT how she was raised I swear” but I am not sure he believes me.

Operation Valentine is complete...boy was gleeful and entertained by my embarrassing display of affection via giant pink heart cards and oh-so-artistic collage art decorations...the peanut butter cup treats helped too.

The rioting folk in Vancouver over the weekend: you know I am unsure as to how this helps the cause but I like it regardless of its stupidity b/c it is action of some sort – me this makes more sense than it does when a bunch of drunk temper tantrum-ing hockey or guns n roses fans start wrecking shit in downtown Vancouver...their only cause is testosterone and that is not a valid cause to me. I have always had a soft spot for extreme behaviour when “cause” is involved even if it is mental (example being the IRA). I guess terrorism could be included in that...I think its retarded as shit to kill yourself and others for any religion but u gotta admire the severe brainwashing tactics of the weak minded by the puppet masters...the pure determination...its mental and crazy as shit.

911 was fucked...but I couldn’t help but think about how the organizers of that shit show must have sat back while watching feeling pretty damn pleased with themselves...can u imagine...? Terrorist Survivor Night really...buncha terrorists sitting around a tv like we do when its Survivor night...they are watching ppl die, explosions, fear...cheering at their grand fucking messed is that...?

David Suzuki: okay I need to stir up some conversation please...I have always liked David Suzuki quite a bit but was recently talking with my friend Buffy – she always LOVED him as well but mentioned he completely sold out over global warming and he has no credibility with her anymore...I am unaware of this turn of events, something about him aligning with corporations...making them $ while global warming is a natural cycle the earth goes through naturally...anyone have insight on this debate before I look into it myself? It makes me sad to think Suzuki is a sell out...I can’t fathom it honestly...which is why it was so some reading with me thinking this is just a right wing - left wing thing.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


thats what I hate about blogspot comments....u dont have the option to tick off somewhere to send you comments that come after yours....arg! I mean I get them as the blog owner but commenters dont get that feature....

i went for a kickass walk today after i cooked a roast beef and baked pasta and it was good....nice and sunny but cool out...short sleeves ever...woohoo!
now im watching TRUE ROMANCE as I fold laundry...yes this most certainly is the most romantic day of the year isnt it? ha!!!

Happy Vaginatine Day!

I have been staying up late this I wake up feeling groggy and old...but I don't care b/c i love staying up late doing stuff when I am alone & intense about it....even if it is something lame like organizing files on my computer with good music playing so I can rock star sing along.

Recently read a blog where someone made mention that she thought women who shorten their given names after they are 7 yrs old end up looking like pathetic middle aged women trying to be cute and there is nothing more pathetic than a middle aged woman trying to be cute.


I can honestly say the use of the shortened version of Jennifer is generally b/c its easier to say and type. Habit. That's it. I don't think being a Jen at near 40 is cute in the slightest & certainly was not planned out in some desperate way to appear cute...don't you agree Barb aka Barbara? Mo aka Maureen? Kate aka Kathryn? Maggie aka Margaret (I know u aren't middle aged yet Maggie haha)....?

It puzzles me seeing younger woman so down on the old birds...I don't quite get it...yeah sometimes they dress weird and oddly inappropriate and try too hard to maintain their youth but I think that's generally a human issue and not about any particular age - I think in general humans try too hard to be something they are too often you get older I think it tapers off for the majority b/c we get to the point where we finally realize what matters and what doesn't and looking a certain way or being regarded in some way is fairly...silly. Just live your life...fuck it. I think what I found most disturbing was the lack of any female camaraderie...b/c like it or not the young little twats are all going to be middle aged eventually and sometimes not even fake tits can deflect that desperate middle age fact it would seemingly worsen it in most peoples eyes...but as I said...who really cares...we all get old and die. The saggy or perky are tits are at the end of the road is fairly irrelevant.

I am bothered that there is no spell check in the new Doesn't this seem ODD to you?

It's Sunday...I am gunna call my Aunty Cathy and BS with her for a while...then get down to business around the house and get ready for the impending work week that leads up to yummy weekend visitor {Graeme} for next Friday...4.5 days WOOHOO!
I am also gunna cook up a storm today I think....I don't want to cook all damn week!

Friday, February 12, 2010


I just ate a really good roast beef sandwhich for lunch...even though the bread was cold and dry-ish I didnt care.

Lotsa olympic debate over on Facebook....yowzers...its interesting to hear opposing views, see where ppl are coming from...and observe the carry out of the debate.
I am not in love with the "it's here now shut up and deal with it" advice though...gaw dammit I am the kid who always had to have the last word...

Step-Dad Don: Don't you say another word! (mad voice)

Jen: Ok I won't.

Step-Dad Don: what did I JUST tell you? Keep your mouth shut!

Jen: Fine then.

Step-Dad Don: Do you want to get spanked? Or get grounded? Gawd dammit shut your mouth!!!

Jen: I would be happy to.

Step-Dad Don: You ALWAYS have to get the last gawd damn word don't you?

Jen: No I don't

And on and on and on until I was on the receiving end of unpleasantries...yet I could not shut up....ever.
I used to think I had some sort of  mental disorder...doing things I knew were wrong, knowing I was going to get an ass kicking for it but doing it anyway...pushing pushing is a wonder I was not beaten to death at some point in my life by someone.
Anyway I wish I possessed the personality to turn my frown upsidedown...but I do not. I do know that thinking positively makes for a happier human and can be used to wield ones message in a more enlightened way but...I just don't want to ever seem like I am accpeting of somethings, complacent...when they infuriate maybe that does make me a whiny scowling asshole...I don't care. lol

Did I mention I just ate a good sandwhich?!

I am suddenly all freaked out that there was a fetus in my garbage bag this morning and you will all be reading about me in the paper next week: "GRAMMA TOSSES LIVE BABY IN A DUMPSTER" news at 11!
Jesus fuck....

Anyway- I am tired of talking about the Olymfucks...and all that it is and is not...everyone at work is talking about it....the news...the radio....ugh...I need to focus on something else...

7 days til Graeme is here for the weekend...this is gunna be cool and weird...this will essentially be his last visit b4 moving here...the last time he is a GUEST...b/c the next time he is here he will be living at my house for an undetermined amount of time...I have even cleared out half my closet for him and half my dresser...I've never played house is kind of exciting to see how the 2 of us - LIFETIME SOLO ARTISTS - will manage sharing a space HA AH AH AH HAHAH HAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA omg this will make 4 good blogging I am sure of it.

hello in there...plz don't be a fetus!

Something weird happened to me this morning.

I was taking out the garbage...not unusual seeing as I’m the only one that does ANYTHING at my house. {insert passive aggressive comment marker here} ...anyways...I had it out at the front door ready to go when I left so I just picked it up and started walking...and half way outta the bldg (I had my headphones on) it felt like something was vibrating in the bag. I looked down a few times at it wondering if my cat snuck in the garbage but no she would have made the bag really heavy b/c she is a lard ass like her owner...then I wondered if my cell phone fell in....nope it was where it shoulda been...kept walking...half way to the garbage can outside I felt the bag move against my gawd damn leg I SHIT YOU NOT – it startled the shit out of I started to shake the bag to see if there was something friggin in movement...I get to the garbage can and just b4 i put the bag on the ground I feel it this time I am thinking WTF!

I stare at the bag on the ground for a bit and it is not moving...I kick at contemplating the likelihood of gas build up...or rodent...or discarded vibrator...then I decide whatever is in there is NOT supposed to be so I am not OPENING the bag to see...and I tossed it in the garbage...waited a moment to see if I could hear any fearful shrieks or buzzing No screams for help from the garbage bag. I am going to ask Ayla if she threw anything suspect away...I won’t ask her if she threw out a vibrator though – not b/c I wouldn’t enjoy the look of horror on her face but just b/c I am fairly certain she wouldn’t toss once if she had At 16 I certainly wouldn’t have haha

So now I wonder what was in my garbage...I have never seen a rodent in the bldg so I don’t think it was a rodent...giant silverfish big as a that case im glad it was in the bag and I never saw it...I was more than likely experiencing an acid flashback from 1986...plz just don't be a fetus.....

Thursday, February 11, 2010


someone just came back from lunch and said that there were PROTESTERS in front of the leg bldg b/c prime minister fuckwad harper was in town and speaking....

hahahah hahahaha they all sighed disgustedly as if protesters were such a bore....

the hush was evident when i piped up: "i guess im the only subversive employee in the office...??"

ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh how i live to alienate myself.


i dont drink coffee - never have
i drink tea.
and i resent paying 2 bucks for a 5 cent cup of tea at a place like starfucks.
what i do like though is their OAT BARS...omfg it is oatty orgasmic goodness.
too bad its at starfucks...although ive had an equally good oat bar from another coffee shop in town...

i like thinking how vanoc folk and certain organizers and govt peeps are paranoid about the opening ceremonies being a flop or something WEIRD happening while the world watches...i like it when ppl i think are fraudsters sefl serving shits are paranoid and possibly stressed out...but as we have already determined im a bad person.

i watched curling on tv the opther day and was rather enthralled...all it is is giant shuffle board except its not my drunk granny playing it on ice.

i was trying to think of who i would wanna sleep with in my fantasy dreamland....graeme is hot and bothered for kate bush (i dunno what she looks like now though)...and that stupid emilie autumn i was thinking out of all my pretend husbandswho would i actually wanna sleep with....

not matt good b/c he has reached musical god status 4 me above and beyond anything ive spent years avoiding meeting him for good reason - to preserve my focus soully on the music...and avoid the nightmare of having a human experience with mr good where he is possibly not chatty or sick or worst nightmare would be to walk away from interviewing him or at a meet n greet and thinking "what a fucker"...(that and i could possibly wet myself)...ohhh no i know he is human...and while i am an epic fan i dont trust myself to be able to separate my potential hurt feelings from the music and NOTHING I MEAN NOTHING will ruin his music for me NOT EVEN HIM haha i have also made a conscious choice to NEVER associate any other human to his music...u know u get a song and it reminds you of boyfriend # 83458374 and then when that goes sideways the song is forever marred and ruined for u...NO one owns the mg songs in my head BUT ME!

henry rollins....well i wouldnt sleep with him unless he loved me and then went on to write about me in books about how i saved his broken blackened heart from a life of lonely i turned him from a broken lonely man to a man alive with love in his heart...he has so much to give after seeing as thats unlikely to happen i guess hes off the list too....

maynard james keenan....well we all know that would be a one time thing dont we....? ok ill leave him on the list so long as he has good hair at the time and doesnt try to anally rape me.

i do like hugh jackman but he cant be on my list b/c hes a good man with a family and kids and isnt a hollywood dirt bag....

johnny depp...he is too beautiful to fuck. the end.

so...great ---- i dont really have anyone in fantasy fuckland anymore....RUDE.
graeme cant have someone if i dont have someone!

SUGGESTIONS PLEASE! & who are your fantasy fuckland wishes??

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

sporadical annoyances

im pretty sure i made up the world SPORADICAL.

last night i had a hissy in my head b/c apparently Matt Good snuck some demos from his next album on the site and they were gone when i looked so.......i HAD TO HAVE THEM so it took me a bit but i got em (I love the MG Message Board of hardcore MG fans, they always come through!) and oh my shit....
if anyone wants em lemme know!

so once that disaster was averted i carried on making my soup...beef barley baby....fuck it was good too...ayla came back for 3rds! THIS IS UNHEARD OF. i will be making more of that soon i think.
today its someone at works birthday so its lunch at pagliaccis (sp) and im looking fwd to the decadence of that....i hear everything is good...and the bread is to die 4....fuck just what i need a ressurection of my bread fetish.

my work is sporadic and i dont like guaranteed busy on thursdays and fridays...but im finding the rest of the time im sitting around...trying to APPEAR busy...apparently i have not mastered being a gov't worker who paces herself...i get work, i do it fast b/c you NEVER KNOW when disaster will strike and you will run outta time so i like to do shit lickity split..apparently this is my problem....i need to SPREAD IT ALL OUT....ugh. i was hoping this job would be busier...i was told it was really busy when i started but apparently that is subjective.

guy told me the kids in the hall show on currently is FUNNY AND CRAZY....anyone else been watching?? i thought it was a one time thing, like a special and didnt know it was ongoing so im kinda sad i missed it from the start...makes me not wanna start! ::pout::

i need to sit down and get some writing on the go for gonzo...lotsa ideas in my head, gotta get em down b4 they evaporate.

i bought a juice today that tastes like medicine...FUZE REFRESH - banana colada - i admit it tasted far better when it was that it is warming up i shiver after every drink like its only finishing it b/c i paid for it and its got a crap load of calcium and vitamins added in...barf.

operation: valentine card is complete....he has it in his possession and is waiting as instructed until sunday...ha ha ha i dont think he has any idea that that is something i could NEVER do...i open all my xmas presents b4 xmas...and birthday stuff...and if someone sent me something and said DO NOT OPEN TIL FEB 14th id laugh and open it anyhow. yes im a bad person.

speaking of being a bad person...i see more ppl wearing olympic garb and just want to toss paint on them like the PETA ppl did to ladies wearing fur coasts...ok maybe not about urine or monkey feces?
tracey says that makes me a bad not opposed to that argument at all...i accept it...luckily i just dont mind being a bad person. we debated the olympics, her and ardene think the olympics are good and fun and inspire ppl...u know this conversation was destined for failure...i cannot get past whats been done in the name of the olympics to even toss around the idea they are not evil...i admit until they were in my backyard i hadnt given the olympics a thought one way or the other....couldnt have given less of a shit my whole life honestly...but when u read about displaced ppl being shuffled from downtown to maple ridge and abbotsford (and other various places) to keep them outta sight outta mind THAT PISSES ME OFF. nothing is being done to work twds helping junkies, homeless, mentally ill street ppl but lets further subject them to our indifference by treating them like unsightly garbage and keep them outta sight while the world is anyone cannot be massively offended by this is BEYOND me.

anyhoo....fuck the olympics and all that they stand for and all that the govt wants u to think they stand for....
especially u premier campbell...aka greedy self serving assfuck.

ok that was exhausting....

Monday, February 08, 2010

thanks losers, you provided a great service

It’s just me and Matt Good today @ work....the lady beside me doesn’t work on Mondays so I listen to whatever I like at a slightly higher volume than usual. Been pretty slow today so I have been puttering and doing tidy up crap. I just spoke to the most annoying – over talking man...gawd I want to punch over talkers in the face...

One thing I will say for dirt bag men...they sure make you appreciate good guys... (Yes, Maureen they exist, same as not be discouraged) I am sure it is the same for women, being married to a crazy naggy nutbar for any length of time would make you appreciate someone a little less crazy. I am not all that experienced in long term relationships...I guess you could say I have lacked the desire and trust required to pull a real one off...that and parenting proved to be all consuming for that Ms Ayla has little to no use for me (sob!) things feel a little different. Like it is the right time...right person...being on the same page with a person seems to make a huge difference. I have always tended to end up with ppl unable to commit in the fashion in which I require - whether this was my way to avoid relationships or I just have extremely poor taste in men (likely both haha) I am not sure...haha I find this amusing thinking back to the last few people I have been involved with, seriously and not, and omfg...thank gawd I can laugh at myself. I go from being a complete mental case over this shit to being disturbingly apathetic. It is all to do with where I am at in my head at the time of the “relationship”... Example being this summer I was in a terrible head space and had no business being with anyone in any capacity...but at the same time it made me appreciate what I got at the end of that shitty summer (no not crabs!).

Time to get back on the exercise train and resume my past diligence...I am currently maintaining but I feel way better when I am being diligent even though a crap load more work with food prep and time taken to exercise are required whether I like it or not.

I am a bad person and feel the extreme urge to not have a cat anymore. I wish they had a shorter life span...isn’t that crappy of me to say?!?!?! I should stick to rodents...3 yrs max and they die. Who wants a cat...? She is a nice cat, neurotic and weird but nice, she’s quite funny and plays fetch...SEE NOW I WANT TO KEEP HER!!! I HATE HER CAT HAIR! I hate that needy look of desperation on her face all the time when she wants affection...I hate that she will not get the EFF outta the way when I am’s like she wants to die! I hate how she is so curious and jumps on my counters regardless of endless beatings and scare tactics...I hate how I have to barricade things to keep her off or out...OK NOW I DONT WANT HER...until she jumps on the couch where I am sitting with a pistachio or a peanut and wants me to play fetch with her....GAWD!!!!!!

Watched an interesting show on THE NATURE OF THINGS on CBC the other night THE DOWNSIDE OF HIGH (CLICK IT...u can watch it, it is quite interesting)...the effects of weed on the teenage brain. GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD...someone just shoot me...weed nowadays is 4-5x more POTENT than it was in the 60’s & 70’s so you can’t even compare the activity, in fact they are considering trying to get a different name for today’s weed b/c it is an entirely different drug than it was in the hippy days. Then there is the schizophrenia trigger factor and all those teenage neurons not getting to where they need to be to make for a good healthy adult mind...fuck. It is impossible to know if you are over reacting or not as a parent...u don’t wanna UNDER REACT and make it seem like you condone shitty behaviours but u don’t wanna over react either and drive them into the arms of their weed dealer...having ZERO control over situations does not feel good at all. Sure I have control to a degree or ULTIMATE CONTROL really but...unless I am willing to tie my kid to a chair and not let her out of the house I am pretty much at the mercy of her common sense and ability to make decisions...luckily she is a good kid essentially...good grades, always has a job and her own $ (see the problem with that right now though? LOL) – Just such a shitty time being 16 and a total jerk to your poor mother (hahaha)! All u can do is cross your damn fingers and hope the base you provided for them stands up... I am depressed...blogging sucks.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Sunday Spew

THEM CROOKED VULTURES were playing on SNL last night...I totally fucking loved it...I bought the cd today...such good rock & roll....fuck. Bought a curtain rod today as well...always an ordeal to put that shit up...this was as PAINLESS a process as it could have been though...I didnt mess it up either hahaha It is up sturdy & straight! WOOT! WOOT!

Saw CRAZY HEART yesterday...really enjoyed it a lot...Jeff Bridges was awesome and the music was great...old country...I am not a country fan at all but old country I can was great though if you were considering seeing it I definitely recommend it.

Talked to Cassie today...they are moving away to Calgary...BOO! HISS! :o( Probably a better decision for them but not for me lol
We are going to get together so I can do some baby sniffing this week...and get a little fix in b4 they leave Mar 12...

OK my Valentine is COMPLETE & ready to mail.... :o) No u cant look at it...its embarrassingly cheesie and gooey and me this is a public service I am doing!

Work tomorrow....blahhhh.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Feb 6 2010 Saturday

Omg Thursday night @ Evolution was so fun...finally got to go out with Alex the Nutbar and meet her man Kelsey - they are friggin hilarious ppl...Donna & Andrea were there too and they are always just fun fun fun...I like fun ppl rule. 1st band of the night was HIDEOUS...jesus fuck it was the longest set in creation...Rotterdam played next and they always kick ass despite fuckface being in the band it was EXCELLENT...I fucking love that band...fuckface im sure was thinking in his head "omfg those 2 bitches Jen & Alex are here together - brace yourself" but we played it cool... was only minimal derogatory shouting from Alex, all said in joking good fun b.c neither of us really give 2 shits about fuckface anyway...the night was all about vag phobia and mocking...all in good fun...:o)
I ended up really pushing ppl around drunk - all in mosh pit fun of course...I love how Donna reacts to these situations...she kills me...I really cannot wait for Graeme to live here so we can go do this stuff...and do the Ghostly Walk downtown...and roam the beach and cemeteries with cameras...and try to out rant each other....

My Friday at work hangover was not TOO bad but by 2-3 pm I was DEAD....and then ENERGIZED when I was done work at 430 haha funny how that works. Definitely will NOT be doing that again for a long while...its hard to not get drunk at the bar when the music is so fucking good...I cant get drunk at home to save my life b/c u cant crank music in apartments and cranked music is the key for me to get a seriously good buzz on the go.

Today I am wandering downtown with Donna...we are going to see a flick...I haven't heard shit all about the EAW job...I was told they had no idea when or if they were going to be hiring anyone for the positions due to budget issues within the govt (don't get me started) for a month or so...but it would be good to know if I even made it to the HIRE-able stage. Ugh. I have pretty much just settled in with the job I have and don't really feel like looking for anything...

I made gross teriyaki meatballs last night...too much ginger...and weird texture. Hmmmf.

Speaking of balls...12.5 days til Graeme's here for a visit...woot! I am making my Valentine a Valentine card right has happened to me....?

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


why whenever i walk into the bathroom at work does it smell like someone died in there?? its like im a constant lottery LOSER walking in after someones just decimated the fucking porcelain with their bowel obstruction.....i realize that's the purpose of bathrooms but tax payers are paying for ppl to shit at work and it seems wrong!

i cant be the only one with a poop schedule can i? i do anything to avoid pooping at work! if there were private bathrooms with none of this multiple stall bullshit then that's different but the thought of shitting with someone in the room...uhhh not happening...ill turtle it all the way home thanks.

ok thats all i have to say on this matter.



another birthday gone and survived...

my freezer is not freezing at a rate in which i find suitable...

the cat still lives despite ayla NEARLY tossing her to oblivion for knocking her roses over and the water ruining a giant pile of photographs, school books, incense & papers....the cat is a menace.

thursday night out looks like a go...not feeling really stoked to see fuckface play but whatever...its all rather inconsequential at this point isnt it? matters very little. then & now.

i think im in PMS eat everything that comes near me eat a lawn chair if there was chocolate smeared on it...not kidding.

dean is with Gonzo Magazine again, big changes going on with the mag, has asked me to come back, i agreed to b/c its him and i miss the mental stimulation of writing a column...should be interesting.

ok work calls sadly. blah.