Sunday, November 30, 2008

ha ha

Early onset Alzheimer's lady here...
Ages ago I noticed Ayla left her hair straightener plugged in after repeatedly asking her to unplug it even though it turns off on its own...just want her in the habit of unplugging shit that can burn the house down....
so I see it plugged in and take it and hide it somewhere...
For days she's been searching for it and I completely forgot I hid COMPLETELY forgot, truly did not dawn on me it being missing was anything to do with me...until tonight when a wee little spark of brain matter in my head hiccupped and I vaguely recall hiding it....but even now im not entirely assuming I did b/c of the spark....and the fact it is missing.
We looked for it....I cant find it....anywhere...its here...but....
needless to say I am persona non grata around here at the moment.
and im responsible for her bad hair apparently too.
Where do u think I hid it?? LOL Gimme places to look!

FUCK YOU Robbins Parking

Arika's new doo....AWESOME! Did u know hair tattoos are BACK...? Reminds me of that time in the late 80s my aunty Pam got a horrid lesbo buzz cut and had weird shit shaved into Arika your hair does not remind me of that at just triggered a memory I swear!


Dear Robbins Parking,
I do not appreciate anal rape without lube on Friday nights so fuck off and die
Love, Jen, Cynthia and Arika.

Used to just get a 15.00 parking ticket, which was what we planned on....not an 80.00 BOOT!!!!!!!
Argggggggg Friday night sucked.....the only thing good about friday night was Arika's hair and seeing Vince Vaughan in 4 Chrstmas's.

Friday, November 28, 2008

ohhhhh mama

Ayla went to get her camera today and the teacher (assface) told her he gave it to a different teacher so she would have to track that teacher down.

I just left him a voicemail. I dare that fucker to call me back this afternoon. Priestess night.
Not going to see them til 10 pm but Cynthia and I are gunna see a movie 1st, then we will meet Arika....Ayla will be working so itll be fun to mess with her a little.
I am sure by 10 pm ill be ready 4 bed. ha ha ha Lame-o old lady.

I have been tossing around money making ideas for weekends...ROCK BAY STREET WALKING not included of course....
Any ideas??

I could go back to the evil MM for 1 shift per week, 1 wednesday (my flex day off) and then a Sunday....
I could babysit...gawd fucking help me...
I could toss myself in front of a BMW and sue.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

vampire hump

well...Gay-Shawn took me to see TWILIGHT tonight....cuz Ayla was supposed to go with him (would make it her 3rd time seeing it) but she ditched him to stay home and read the Twilight book I bought her for being my errand girl today.

It wasn't as bad as I fact I think i enjoyed the vampire sexual tension of it...i am fond of vampires to begin with and cute vampires are even better...for being a teenager movie the movie lives up to the hype @ least. It was quite funny listening to all the girls oohing and ahhing over hunky vampire Edward.

I am fairly certain I was the oldest person there.

I am going to work tomorrow regardless of how crap i feel....
the days are soooo longggggggggggggg at home, dont feel good enough to really do anything super productive but day time tv rots yer brain so bad its frightening...
I watched Dr Phil for shits sake and I hate that pompous ass...

Ayla's french teacher made her cry today.
Seems he may have over reacted somewhat over Ayla having her camera in class. Now he wont return it to her. Ive told her to ask him politely whilst apologizing one more time and if he refuses she has a note to give him from me.
I can not stand teachers who think humiliation is *discipline* in the classroom. As a former bully (ok im still a bully but I am a little more relaxed now) I see this as adult shitty bully behaviour and will not hesitate to tell that french fuck he is out of line.
If Ayla was a *problem* kid in class and he was at his wits end with her....well then I could at least understand the frustration...but she is really well behaved at school and in the company of everyone other than me (hahaha) so....he can go fuck his beret.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

jesus humping christ

The other day i was making dinner and as I always do if I am eating corn with dinner, I opened the can and ate a spoonful I did that I coughed or something and wound up inhaling CORN up into my nasal cavity...MOST UNPLEASANT I can assure u.... Corn is a lot bigger than u think when it is jammed up felt I blew my nose for 10 mins to get it all out and THAT was weird as hell too...seeing corn in your kleenex. Nothing so exciting happened today. I didn't eat any corn.
I woke up feeling not as sick as I rightly should have...what is going on with these virus's these days...generally when I would get a cold in the past it was like clockwork...a few days of dread leading up to the cold setting in, you peak then spend 3 days with it on its way out....when yer in PEAK u wanna die but then after yer so happy its over its no big deal being sick at all b/c its better than the PEAK PERIOD. I should be a day prior to PEAK and I'm no where near it...which means this is gunna drag on...which isnt surprising b/c it took me well over a month to get this cold...u know that feeling of fighting off a cold?? Yeah over a month I did that...damn germs. Government germs.

I am clearly a SUCKER....I show up at work sick Friday bc I know its a busy day and ppl look at me like im INSANE...ppl who werent even sick called in
I guess I will get into the groove of being a typical gov't deadbeat in time.
REQUEST: writing for Gonzo Magazine CLICK HERE requires ideas so if any of u read anything about canadian entertainers that is of some interest plz send me the links so I can read fuel my mind and conjure up some column blatherings.

Got my first Facebook Warning email for posting this picture in a group...ha ha ha
I have to say I was a little surprised b/c I have seen more offensive stuff on FB than that...I mean u cant even see PENIS in this picture...some facebook groups have porn pictures with chicks jamming their digits in their cooch for shits sake...

I watched FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL recently and laughed at the PENIS in that movie....if u shoose the unrated version of the movie on the dvd it shows full on penis and made me howl...cuz u know...penis is funny.
I was sad that Russell Brand's character was so editted...the gag reels in the special features have the funniest sceens, the lamp breaking scenes etc...all cut from the film....FOR SHAME!

Wow BC for the 5th year in a row has the highest child poverty rate in Canada.....Ohh hello LOSER PROVINCE....yes, billions get dumped into the gawd awful olympics rather than trying to remedy a problem that is HARDLY new or unknown.
I shake my head. Fuck you gordon campbell and your olympic hard on.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

fuck monday

well I am massively mortified at the thought this gay ass pension thing is killing apes...
ayla's dance school decided to take 100.00 for costume dep's out of my acct....just ONE MORE REASON why I FUCKING hate auto-withdrawal set ups.
i avoid them when possible....i prefer to just pay my bills myself.
so yes I have 3 cents left in the bank...muhahhahahahahahahhahaa
im rather somber and homicidal can lick my ball sack and no one better talk to me...
i already had to endure a conversation with my supervisor about something i knew nothing about and did not give a shit about....i was day dreaming of killing her with my desk scissors the whole time.
i am a poor coping person
jen = crappy coping skills
i gave ayla my last 40.00 for her to get new work shoes so her other ones dont get popcorn butter all over them...
i must be some kind of down syndrome retard
i cant imagine why the girl only says she loves when when i hand her cash.
im just staying home until January 2009 - thats my plan.

Friday, November 14, 2008

fried egg

Ohhh yay Friday!
Last night I spent the evening removing the long distance from my home phone, downgrading the cable service to WELFARE cable and cancelling the cat's insurance…this after getting my 1st permanent gov't employee pay chq with pension taken off…jesus h christ…so much for having a little bit of a safety buffer.

I find this whole survival in life shit quite demoralizing. I am sorry (not really) but I DO NOT take any comfort in the fact that the gov't has a grand pension plan, I do not intend to live long enough to retire and would MUCH rather have that $ NOW rather than NEVER…anyway last night I surrended to the reality of it all and said fuck it and let it go…so today has been fine and it is Friday so…..

Tonight I have an article to write and submit (I havent even started, although I have a few ideas) to Gonzo Magazine. I did mean to get on it earlier but….anyway…that’s my Friday night…I plan on sparking up the tunes and making myself something to eat and getting on it.
Ayla got a JOB! Wooohoooooo Local movie theatre 3x a week….I am not fond of her working late but we will give it a go and if it doesn’t work with school and life etc then she can find something where the business isnt open as late. She is pumped and I am proud of her…it will be great for her honing up on her customer service skills (haha) and buying her own clothes again :o)
I am back to sleeping like a drugged donkey again since I moved my bedroom around and tore off the ugly curtain rod etc.

This weekend is XMAS DECORATING TIME!! Ohhh yes I am going to amuse myself dragging all the xmas crap out and gawdily adorning the livingroom with twinkly lights and other weird non-xmas items.

As much as I detest xmas in general I do love my xmas pickle ornaments and the lights and this year im gunan put up the awesome crucifix LED lights I got from Arika 4 my b'day! WOOHOO!
More later….

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

my cat is a vulture

Congrats to Cynthia & Jeff....they're getting married after 93875835793875 yrs together...I don't understand it but Cynthia is over the moon so yay for them!!!!!

Congrats to me...just because I woke up this morning.

Congrats to Ayla...for surviving another day in my house despite the fact she is a heartless little teenage maggot. Love you!

Congrats to Donna for convincing her BF Dan to spend 8 billion dollars on scalper AC/DC tickets.

Congrats to Guy for finding the grossest asian slut cover band of all time.

Congrats to Tara b/c she is gunna be getting laid all weekend.

Congrats to Barb B for not having a job. How I envy you.

Congrats to Adele b/c her in laws are old and will die soon....although not likely soon enough.

Congrats to Maggie on her new house and bun in the oven.

Congrats to Kelly down and one to go haha

Congrats to Tracy and Family for making it back to the island, whether they like it or not yet.

Congrats to Shawn for being gay! Yay for gay!

The End

Monday, November 10, 2008


SB2008:44137, Performance Analyst
> On behalf of the hiring team, I want to thank you for your
> interest in the Ministry of Small Business and Revenue.  We found
> ourselves in the fortunate position of having a wide range of qualified
> candidates from which to choose, but in the end, have decided to appoint Suzanne McLuckyMoFo, Clerk 11, to this position. 
> I would be pleased to provide you with feedback and answer any
> questions you may have about the selection process.  I can
> be reached by telephone
> at (250) 387-xxxx 
> I encourage you to regularly review our employment website at
> for positions that meet your skills and
> abilities and are of interest to you. Your participation in this
> selection process has been greatly appreciated.
> Yours truly, 
> Manager, SLMT

monday and friday all at once

I love it that I have tomorrow off. It's like xmas.
Guy is trying to make me vomit talking about Anne Murray and Monkees cover bands consisting of little asian sluts in tight leather jumpers....nice friend.
I am eating an old apple I cut up in Friday and left in my bag over the weekend. It is shockingly good.
My salami sandqich was not.  The salt content has ruined it in my mind now. What am I gunna do about PICKLES? I love baby dill pickles...and they are salty mofo goodness....
What the hell am I gunna live for now?
No salami? No pickles? I just went to a LOW SODIUM website....all the things i like are high in salt haha hahhaha hahahahhahahaha someone sent me a razor blade...STAT!
I am ruined. (er)
3 hrs to go...then I can go home and hemmorage (always spell this wrong).
Speaking of GROSSNESS!!! Hannibal was on last night and I watched the part where he took off Ray Liotta's skull and cut part of his brain off and fried it up and fed it to him....
it made me feel a little VOMITOUS!
I think its funny that it was Ray Liotta but....oh barf!
Went and saw the Changling this weekend with Donna....riveting actually...really enjoyed it...makes me sick they used to be able to toss women in the insane asylum simply bc she questioned a man/authority. If that still went on today they couldn't build institutions fast enough hahahahahahha
I am always amazed how ppl stand by and watch fellow humans get treated poorly....but what do I know...I am abusive...I abuse my throwing plastic hangers at it...I abuse my daughter b/c I smack her on the arm when I catch her drinking out of the milk jug....
Man she wouldn't have survived my childhood or my aunts childhood with giant hams flying around the kitchen and real beatings going on....

Ohhh the good ol days...when you got to go to school with no skin left on your neck bc you threw your moms cigarette package at her and the smokes flew all over the floor thus the maniac mom and her satanic fingernails when apeshit on was ok...she got to go to work with a wee shiner so it was all fair.
That was our last fist fight...also the last time I really lived with her...I moved on to bigger and better beatings via my grandpa...nah actually....I lucked out with him...he was over the worst of his anger by the time I moved in with him and my granny...I only had to endure one strangling from him...thats pretty decent. lol
My aunties were never mean to me....and Im sure I pissed them off plenty and deserved a few swift kicks in the ass...thats why they are my favorite aunties of all time.
Thanks for not treating me like a red headed step child! xo


Sunday, November 09, 2008

I don't care what you say....

I love Alanis Morissette...I never spell her name right i don't think...never know if its 2 r's or 2 s's and really I don't care.

Sunday...well I was productive whilst loafing today so I can not feel good nor guilty...I did get my laundry done and that was what counted most...oh and the litter box. Yay me!
I was pining for pancakes all day and finally decided to make some for dinner...they are NEVER as good as u think they are gunna be...that's why i fucking hate pancakes. They are always a disappointment. French toast, on the other hand, is rarely a disappointment but i had no bread pancake making will satisfy that urge for another 4 yrs I am sure...maybe its one of those foods that's good only when someone else makes them 4 u...??
I just googled pancakes and there are a lot of pictures of rabbits with pancakes on their heads....
SEE BELOW. off to watch another 8374583759845 hrs of CSI: Las Vegas while I fold my laundry.
Oh and yeah im on day one of my period. Look out.

Rabbits...Pancakes....and Stuff

Friday, November 07, 2008

why when u punch ppl in dreams is it never very hard!?!?!

Oh it is FRIDAY!!!!
thank you baby jesus!!!!!!

I feel like a pregnant water hands are swollen and i had 2 significantly large zits grow on my chin the other day...there's nothing like nearing 40 and still needing to do Hollywood Make-Up Magic on zits in the morning.

Cervelat Turkey Salami ~ ive just discovered it and I love it...sad that im sure its bad 4 u....anything that is good and salty and yummy goodness is bad 4 u....(ok i just realized that sounded very dirty).

Thursday, November 06, 2008


I was at some fancy hotel for the annual general meeting my ministry puts on (hoytee toytee) for all the staff....ppl said it was the best one ever... it didn't kill me but that forced socializing is never good for my psyche....the free food was great though.

This is my last BC Musician Magazine piece....they're changing direction I am told so me and a buncha others are off looking into other options...I am already lined up with the new up and coming Gonzo Magazine....with a name like that u gotta fucking love it...looking fwd to the switch up really...I need some column name ideas to submit....IDEAS PLEASE!

Zombie Barb has a story in here as well...GOOO BARBBBBB!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Can you.....

hear and feel the collective sigh of relief around the world right now????

ulcer is shrinking

Ohhhhh!!! it is looking like the Democrats are taking it....thank friggin gawd!
Tonight I was having flashbacks of the last election...I recall a lot of swearing from my couch.
This round, I am smiling and high fiving myself haha
Today Matt Good's Live @ Massey Hall was released so I went and grabbed a copy after work and stumbled upon Blue Rodeo's new acoustic Live at Massey Hall with a bootleg DVD included with the cd so I figured it was meant to be, Massey Hall Theme...bought both.
2 of my references were called today by that job I interviewed for on Friday...I am not getting excited because for all I know there are 5 candidates they are checking references for....thank you Arika for your glowing reference...seriously, I just want to make the eligibility list...that will give me HOPE that one day, without having to do shit all, I could get called and offered a job.
I am gunna go get a hard on watching CNN now....

Monday, November 03, 2008

this will make u puke

Bus Stop Adventures

So I am standing at the bus stop after work and I had just put in headphones cuz some weird guy was trying to converse with me and I wanted no part of it.
La dee da...waiting 4 the bus and this different weird man comes up to me. I instantly think *I DO NOT HAVE ANY FUCKING CHANGE*...and hes yacking away and I cant hear him so I take out one ear bud and he is smiling all crazy and talking like a tard and says to me "I just wanted to say youre real pretty and you look like my sister and..." - Immediately in my head im thinking *IM SO BLOGGING THIS*

Anyway, hes nattering on and I cant really hear him cuz theres traffic and I have one ear blasting Arcade Fire (I am starting to dig them) but I see hes coming closer to me, looked like he just wanted to whisper something TIL I NOTICE HES PUCKERING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM NOT SHITTING U!!!!

Instantly, I recoil in horror as hes muttering "Yer pretty..." and start saying Ohhhh Nnnnooononon nonononooooooooooooooooooooooo step my head im thinking, yeah im pretty like his sister WTF is he doing trying to kiss me, the fucking incestual freak show...
anyway I shoved the ear buds way deep in my ears and told him loudly GOOD BYE!!!!!
He wandered off....if I ever see him again im gunna use a different stop....


Mary & Kori...they always go all out on Halloween!

Kori & Mary's offspring -Cedar- look at him looking at you??? LOOK! Omg his eyes eat my face off they're so amazing!

Shawn (middle) computer nerd!

Cousin Kelly the Gnome! hahahaha Love it!

Ayla the up sailor? Cool hat hey, we bummed if off a real sailor to look authentic haha

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Daylight Losing Time

Another Halloween survived and mainly avoided.
Is it just me or were there less fireworks this year? (which is always a good thing in my mind) Never grew up with fireworks living in the prairies as a kid and even moving to BC as a teen permanently I cant get used to ppl running about with mini bombs making too much noise, potentially blowing fingers off or blinding ppl.

I didn't even get dressed yesterday and it was beautiful...

McCain on SNL last night trying to be hip was disturbing but it was worth watching b/c Ben Affleck the host is a raging Democrat and he made no secret of it so that made me smile.
I was thinking about this election yesterday, pondering the importance of it, not just to the US itself but for the whole world. I sure hope the Dem's have it b/c another Rep gov't gets voted in by the ppl and I seriously will wash my hands of that whole fucking country...they wont notice or care but....whatever haha I just cant imagine what would have to go on for ppl to make that change happen...if u ignore the war business and just look at the Hurricane Katrina episode in a long line of bad bullshit, to me thats reason enough for make a switch.

Watching the Fifth Estate the other night and seeing the state New Orleans is still in after Hurricane Katrina it makes u shake your head that a country as grand and pompous as the US could turn a blind eye to one of their own cities in need...Oh...wait...its mainly black ppl in plight and poverty in the New Orleans...never mind, I get it now.
I wonder if GWB has any idea the fucking mess he's made of things? Do you think he is so deluded he thinks he is a good president and has done anything noteworthy in the last 8 yrs? I hope at night when hes all alone (Laura Bush is out of course getting her groove on with someone who challenges her at a game of Scrabble) he gets it...and feels some shame...sadly I doubt he is capable of that much introspection.

All my clocks are different times...gotta fix that today or ill end up at work an hour early tomrrow and that would SUCK.

I got 2 more hats from my crotcheting jail friend....Oh they are sweet too.....must find cameraaaaaaaaaa....