chasing amy/chasing ghosts

I just watched chasing amy...i really like kevin smith movies...not sure why...maybe b/c i think jason lee is fanfuckingtastic and i love all the swearing and crude humor.

witty men who swear with charm and wonder make me weak in the knees...easy or what?

im DL'ing music bc im a bad person...a thief even...an immoral cad...but i got a hankering for some old TONIC songs....and some Joe Satriani...and old queensryche hahaha I cant help myself!

i came across my box of concert ticket stubs...my 1st show in 1985 was only 18.50...motley crue, theatre of pain hahahaha hahaha hahaha i progressively cooler of course...how i ended up so uncool is beyond me.

the mission by queensryche is giving me a mega boner right now (anyone who has Operation Mindcrime understands the attraction...if they were into concept albums and studied it hahaha how do u spell DORK...j-e-n) ~
i love knowing every word and groove to these old songs...back in the days when i had the time to sit and pour myself over the lyrics of songs, and learn them like i wrote them myself...
i used to dissect record sleeves and inserts...some ppl are into the bible i study record jackets & sleeves.
i used to have a binder, one of those giant mother ones and it was FULL of loose leaf paper and each page had song lyrics on it that i hand wrote, so i was able to really SUCK UP THE ESSENCE of the song by writing out the words...i was a little obsessive as a kid...does it show?
i didnt do anything half way... probably why life has always felt so exhausting, when u spend your life obsessing and struggling its a lot of fucking work.
Plotting ppls murders...plotting my own escape...plotting my unknowing happiness...wearisome.

but who cares...im getting a bedroom soon...woot! woot!
its 135 am right now...my night owl tendencies are creeping back...muhahahahahhahahahaa youll all be sorry...these late night rants and blotherings will leave you spent and unsatisfied....

my brother would have turned 30 this month...30! fuck...im not sure why this is tweeking me so much...i guess b/c i wonder what kind of person he would have grown into...gawd knows at 24 i was completely different in the head comparative to 30...thankfully.

ok well its 2 am...time 4 me to blast off into weirdo dream land...i hope i dream about making out with jason lee.