Friday, March 20, 2009

Patricia the Stripper

When I graduated from high school in 1989 (should have been 1988 but I loved grade 9 so much I decided to stay an extra year) I immediately jumped on a bus with my friend Tammy and headed to the mountains. The Rockies. Lake Louise. We secured summer jobs and thought we were king shit of turd island for fleeing Powell River 2 days after grad.

The bus ride there was weird...Tammy immediately had some guy who was ripped on acid glomming on to her...cant recall his name to save my life...Terry I think. Anyway...he creeped me the fuck out b/c anyone who would get that fucked up on acid and then get on an enclosed bus was a freak as far as I was concerned.

3 days after arriving, once we were settled in the room we were sharing she announced she was leaving the next day with The Glommer to go live with him in some shit hole town north of Calgary. OHHH THANKS.
So there I was in Lake Louise...solo. Lucky for me I assimilate well and managed just fine...aside from the job. Chamber maiding is a shit job. Anyone who cleans rooms for a living is workin way too hard for way too little. It was an adventure alright. I learned how to fold toilet paper in a fancy manner...and how to make a bed real spiffy. To this day I do not make my own bed...I toss the blanket over the bed so the cat can't rub its ass on my sheets, that's it.

I worked with/lived with some weird ppl of course. One of them I punched in the face so hard her contact lens's flew out. That was kinda cool...I helped her look for them so I wasn't all evil.
I worked with this little french canadian girl...when we got paired together it was a hoot b/c we never changed the sheets...we were busted for it eventually but they were so short staffed we didn't even get canned...AS IF!
While working we were not allowed to watch TV except for the local Lake Louise channel...all it did was play Chris de Burgh songs..over and over and over...Chris de Burgh LOOPED for 8 hours a fucking day. I think foreign nations should incorporate that into their torture practices. I know a lot of Chris de Burgh songs...they come on and I just know them...it is rather disturbing.

I lasted all summer there...ONLY b/c I got wind that my gramma and family bet I wouldn't last the summer so to spite them all I made sure I did...to the day.
At the end of summer I was so fucking miserable I did acid (last time I have ever done acid too, it was not a pleasant trip) on the night before an early work day and by the time I was to be getting up to go to work I was just coming down and going to bed. Once fired/you quit you have 24 hrs to be off the premises as the housing was provided by the Lake Louise Inn. I was gonzoooooooooo...see below to share in my summertime Chris de Burgh memories...lyrics to follow as well...hahaha



Dennis is a menace
With his "Anyone for tennis?"
And he'd beseech me to come keep the score
And Maude said, "Oh Lord, I'm so terribly bored"
I really can't stand it anymore...

I'm going...out to dinner
With a gorgeous singer
To a little place I found
Down by the key

Her name is Patricia
She calls herself delicia
And the reason isn't
Very hard to see

She said, God made her a sinner
Just to keep fat men thinner
As they tumble down in heaps
Before her feet

They hang around in groups
Like battle weary troops
One can often see them
Queue right down the street

You see, Patricia Or Delicia
Not only is a singer
She also removes all her clothing

For Patricia
Is the best stripper in town...

And with a swing of her hips
She started to strip
To tremendous applause
She took of her drawers

And with a lick of her lips
She undid all her clips
And threw it all in the air
And everybody stared

And as the last piece of clothing
Fell to the floor
The police were banging on the door
On a Saturday night
In 1924

Take it away boys...

Well, Patricia was arrested
And everyone detested
The terrible manner in which
she was exposed

Later on in court
where everyone thought
A summer's run in jail
would be proposed..

But the judge said Patricia
Or may I say Delicia
The facts of this case lie before me
(knock, knock, knock)
Case dismissed...
This girl was in her working clothes...

And with a swing of her hips
She started to strip
To tremendous applause
She took of her drawers

And with a lick of her lips
She undid all her clips
Threw it all in the air
And everybody stared

And as the last piece of clothing
Fell to the floor
The police were yelling out for more (more)
On a Saturday night
In 1924

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