it's an affair of the heart...

it's true

tonight i am jamming at my desk to my beloved rick springfield - i just ordered an old record of his that i have as an LP but cant listen to currently...so i found the cd cuz i guess it was rereleased this year due to his book coming out...anyhow i recall pouring over this record as a kid...omfg i loved it...so i slap it on my MP3 player and oddly enough i still skip past 2 of the songs i didnt like as a kid lol


my child is lost to me this week...no communication...no civility...no cell phone text insults...so much left unsaid...unheard...misunderstood...it makes me sad that she shuts me out of her little world with such efficiency...i guess b/c i know how quick someone can suddenly be out of your life...makes all this crap feel like a big fat unnecessary waste of time...oh she just came home from work and i felt a chill pass over me...i think my mouse has frost on it.

Oct 24th was the 10 year anniversary of the passing of my little brother...a decade later it is still all quite surreal...thankfully this year the date narrowly missed my pms kicking in so i was ok...lol
considering i spend a portion of most days missing him or thinking about him and his funny ass self  - its just THE DAY...the shittiest day ever to date.

got a wedding to go to saturday...fml...if i could ditch without guilt i would...i dunno why i get so friggin uptight about this shit...

so i ditched some more ppl off FB this week..when im pms'ing i delete alotta ppl i wouldnt usually...but whatever...ppl i do tend to delete in these moods are ppl who get higher scores than me on bejewelled...HAAAAAA not even kidding...it makes it so i rank higher HAAAAA gawd im a dinkus.

2nd week with no hells kitchen. i am starved for profanity. not counting all the fuck yous from ayla of course...they are really code for "i love you mommy"...hahaha