I have revamped the xmas twig for the 3rd time...holy obsessive girl. I think I am gunna leave it alone now and just enjoy it and stop fucking with it. Maggie sent me a funny and awesome singing xmas pickle:
Soooo fab! 4 verses of pickle singing!
Graeme is boiling turnips and beets...and such. Oddly Ayla ate some of his mashed up veggies one day and liked them and took seconds...YEAH! Get up off the floor ppl who know Ayla...I know! I was astounded. Not sure he can create the exact same mix again (and have all the planets aligned the same way) but its worth a shot.
I have taken a whole new stab at parenting...At some point it becomes obvious that what u are doing is futile so...its time 4 a change...so I decided that since she is so desperate to do her own thing I was gunna seriously BACK OFF...the truth of it is I cant stop her from doing what she wants anyhow so really unless its life threatening wtf is the point of fighting about shit that really doesn't matter?? This is a challenge for me - as a control freak - but...week 1 I have done pretty damn good...I had a few moments where I could have justifiably blasted her but instead I just carried on and peace was maintained...I can't stop her from drinking with her friends...or smoking weed..so rather than always being the ENEMY all the time I am opting to try my hardest to let her learn this shit on her own...she isn't doing anything I didn't do as a kid - I am still alive. I ditched curfew all together...which seems really extreme for some ppl I am sure but...it was such a source of conflict I really had to look at it and gauge whether it was worth it. I decided it wasn't. She would miss curfew when she felt like it anyway so clearly the boundary of that stipulation was long gone. Grounding was proving to be useless too...She did - AND I AM PROUD TO SAY - finally out smart me...I was seriously worried...this girl 1) cannot lie to save her own fucking life and 2) was constantly displaying such acts of teenage stupidity (getting caught 4 things easily avoidable) that were clearly needless if she would just be CLEVER about things that it was really scaring me. I cut her phone off...and she used her ingenuity and took an old cell phone and walked to the store for some pay as u go Telus mins and WHAMMO! new phone, new #, Mom can go suck it. lol I am sure you all wonder why this pleases me so...I shall explain.
Ayla has always been smart...excessively smart...and I am not just saying this as a mom...she was always VERY smart and clever...she talked early...was reading by 4...was pretty much fluent in french by the end of Francophone kindergarten...she is witty and possessed incredible cunning-ness for a kid...this was back when she would talk to me so I could see how her brain worked, how the wheels turned and the gears turned effortlessly in her head...she had depth and humor...sarcasm mastered by 3...then: BANG. She stopped talking freely to me...and without her letting me into her head I eventually could only gauge her by her actions and let me tell you...a smart teenager she is not...Not in the sense she is DUMB or anything but...she is distracted and busy with teenager shit and all of our conversations are frivolous and rarely about anything of consequence...I miss this the most about Ayla...I hope one day it all comes back for us...once shes done telling me how stupid I am and spazzing out about how I have wrecked her life. Back to where I was going - she just gets caught for shit as a teenager that I expected her to be able to get away with...I guess if I was not busting her all the time 4 shit then I could sit in a parental bubble of denial like most ppl do but...I am a fucking detective and I know shit and have an insatiable need to gather info and know stuff...more than I wanna haha Anyhow..I decided since shes only a mth shy of 17 it is about time she just ran her own shit...perhaps with it being all on her and me not nitpicking her and always being on her ass she will find a happy medium with life and the responsibilities that fall into her lap. As I said - it is going to be a challenge while she is out enjoying her freedom...but essentially...I think it is best for both of us....cord cutting has begun...Life is short and I am not spending my life fighting with her over shit that doesn't really matter in the end. This seems all awesome for her now but the real deal about being responsible 4 your own shit is what it comes down to and she clearly needs to learn on her own...I think she will do fine...
Big John Bates right now is at Lucky Bar drinking a beer looking for me in the crowd...I know it. ::sob::This weekend is all about me and my neck getting better...I have 100% completed all my xmas shit...so I don't wanna go in another GD store forever. I am pretty sure the general public is getting stupider...
3 comments:
Wow Jen...that's gotta be one of the hardest things a mom has to do. I keep thinking how my oldest is over have way to getting her driver's license and how I probably won't see much of her after that. It's kinda scary.
ya its a mindfuck alright but...after talking to a lot of ppl who survived this...this seems like a logical move.
I suppose it does have to happen at some point...just not an easy thing to do. Good for you for hanging in!
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