Saturday, November 10, 2012

Up at 6 am on a Saturday...?

What the hell...disappointing to say the least. I blame the fact I watched the Theoren Fleury documentary before bed. Such an unsettling life. Though I did make some interesting observations while watching him...let me back up and explain why I have any interest at all in a hockey players life story...When I went to A.E. Peacock High School in Moose Jaw SK circa 1985 (Grade 9) Sheldon Kennedy and Theo Fleury were students there as well at that time. We were not pals or anything, Sheldon was in my grade but Theo was a few years older. They were the "hockey kids"...had no impact on my life at all...but knowing later what they were both enduring during that same time is nothing short of disturbing. 

I know how truly lost and fucked up I was at that age...cannot imagine dealing with what they were. Watching Playing With Fire
last night was really sad...clearly Fleury has come a long way - he is sober, less destructive and open about his struggles - but I kept focusing on the fact his hostility level is still quite high (says Jen the Angry Lunatic) and he often does not take responsibility for his own shit. Not a coincident, his parents don't either. His father was a drunk, his mom was a pill addict - all his mom said was is it was not her fault b/c she was on the pills and his dad blathered on about being drunk but talked more about himself and what a great hockey player he would have been if only he wasn't drunk all the time. I am sure they are sorry for how it all went down but they looked like pathetic parents in this documentary. Fleury stated he had apologized to everyone he hurt...but that would be followed up by the mother of his 1st son and highschool girlfriend crying and describing horrible abandonment and horrific drug addled parenting on his part...and her never receiving her apology. I think she is still waiting for one. Sorry to say it won't make her feel much better. Nothing wounds you like the blatant disregard your child's father subjects upon them. Layers and layers of guilt, regret, anger and resentment...I will go to the grave wishing A's father hits and rots the grave 1st just so I can revel in it somewhat. Not a lie.

While I cannot help but harbor huge amounts of empathy for Fleury, I cannot say I like him very much, which surprised me. His ego is still that of a young competitive man - being 'genuinely' humble would serve him well in life...that is the case for all of us...he tries it but I just don't find it to be legit (he does admit he is extremely competetive which is probably how someone of his stature played such great hockey - pure determination and pitbull ferociousness). But is no secret that sort of abuse is soul destroying and trying to rebuild your soul in your 40's is not easy or always successful. By all accounts he is trying to live a real, straight and narrow life and I applaud him for all he has managed to overcome. I want to like him. I do...Once I read the book that I just picked up a while ago I will have a better idea I guess. I would imagine that the book is going to be a lot more intense than a 1.5 hour documentary.

Bought myself a used (and cheap!) PVR from someone through work...not gunna is nice to click a few buttons and set the thing to record your favorite shows digitally so you don't have to inconveniencece yourself to watch them at times when you have other things to do. Now I have 3 VCRs to get rid of....ANYONE NEED A VCR?!?!?!

Hanging out with Kate today...and have a long list of stuff to get done this weekend...someone win the lotto and buy a condo with a pool I can rent from them please.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

I doubt I would sleep very well after watching a doc like that either. I had no idea you had this connection with those guys. That must be a bit of a mindfuck.

I don't even really know what a PVR is! Is it just like a VCR only without tapes?

~Jen~ said...

its weird...if I knew them as friends it would probably be worse though...sexual abuse is something I managed to avoid my whole life - no idea how b/c there was plenty of opportunity for someone to take I thank my lucky stars bc im fucked up enough. I cannot imagine the mindfuck...I have watched so many friends struggle dealing with that shit...its terrible.

PVR - yes its a digital vcr type records the programs digitally and theres a little hard drive in it that stores it like a computer...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You are a font of knowledge, Jen!