|Little Ayla & Glenn 1999|
It is fascinating to see how different ppl process and deal with loss and grief...there is no right or wrong in it at all but it is an interesting thing to sit and observe others and their displayed level of grief....or lack thereof. This only becomes something you ponder and preoccupy yourself with when you begin to question if maybe you are fucked in the head. ha!
I hate giving today's date any more power over me. It is bad enough I see 10's and 24's every.day.of.my.life...in everything...the clock...the calendar...bank balances...lottery #s...phone numbers...tv channels...prices...everywhere. I stopped making it a big hairy deal a few years back. Does it matter if I light a candle today or not? No. I do it if I feel like it...Tonight I am drinking tea...listening to all my favorite Matthew Good songs (b/c it was my brother who sent me a mixed tape and got me loving MG way way back)...and that is how it shall be.
I just picked the scab off my Grand Canyon hand 'thing'...did I share this story? I am standing at the bottom of the Grand fuggin Canyon...and I look down and see blood on my hand...I thought my nose was bleeding or something but no...I wiped it off...carried on...turned out something either bit me or impaled me...from out of nowhere...all the helicopters landing may have stirred up the air, no idea...could be a sting...or a rogue cactus spine...no idea...it began to itch later....and it has not stopped...I thought it might be the cause of the LOVELY facial rash I was inflicted with a few days after getting home (aka THE BEARD OF AGONY) but I have no idea really...all I know is the beard of agony is still making me look like a leper and still a bit itchy and my hand is still crazy itchy. Maybe some little Grand Canyon memento is jammed in there...maybe little baby bugs will crawl out of my hand after they gestate for an appropriate length of time? Fun times. Weird.
I am brewing a rant about betrayal in my head...not sure when I will get around to blathering on about it but...it has been brewing a while now. Gotta sort that out.
Here is a song Glenn never got to hear that I know he would have loved...