Saturday Sept 26 2009

Tattoo day 2009 has arrived.

My night last night was kinda of....surreal somehow. Ayla worked til 1130pm...so I had the whole place to myself for 6 hrs...which isnt UNCOMMON, most of my nights are solo ones but last night...there was a vibe of some sort. Not a laundry doing vibe, not a Havana Nights vibe, not a spazzy cat vibe....just...something.

Now that the fog has lifted in my mind and the last 3+ months are being reflected on rather thoroughly I can look back and see things for what they are/were. There is nothing like 100% clarity to set your mind in motion for change. I will say - however - that maintaining my resolve for personal betterfication (I made that word up - I own it) over the last 3 months is somewhat of an unheard of miracle in my mind. At my worst, and this summer was incredibly unkind 2 my psyche, it usually induces all sorts of self destructive behavior & I think it is all gone...I think I am FINALLY at that place where I can separate the 2...it is a place I have been trying to get to for 20 yrs. Slow learner or what? Either way...it is a good thing...no place to go but up...leaving the bullshit behind.

I have been talking rather extensively with Michelle B lately about getting in ppls heads...
I am not so pompous that I grandly exclaim that I am in someones head and know how they work (I can say that b/c I think very very few ppl would really ever have any idea the shit that truly goes on in my head)...there are way too many variables and it takes a lot of passed time to be able to say that with any certainty...but discussing the intricacies of other ppl behaviors and such is MOST FASCINATING...and she is the ideal person to do it with in case u ever wanna haha

I am listening to the new Pearl Jam album, falling in love with them again...its the best one in a long while for me...I love their old stuff but the 2000+ material hasn't grabbed me and shook me like the stuff of old....this one is rocking my world though. Also the new Alice in Chains album...omshit...yes Layne's long gone but Jerry Cantrell was/is Alice in Chains and this album has really captured the sound and vibe 4 me...plus I have always loved Jerry, his solo stuff etc so this is a treat of treats.

I am feeling a very strong pull towards writing these days...not here...obviously but...I am finding if I don't scrawl things down as they enter my head they are gone forever and im missing out on exploring brain goo...I have always journaled and the last 6 mths have been very intense in that dept. I am already half way through my newest one and sometimes it takes me YEARS to fill one depending on whats going on and how much I write...I am feeling the urge to formalize it though which I never have before...and I am not sure what that will entail or what the results will be but...I think I will have to start it and see where it leads me...

Ayla just called me from her cell phone in her room and groggily said "Can you turn that down, its only 8 in the morning!!"
Oooops.

I feel VERY restless today...not sure why...might be a blow off steam night...better see whats going on around town...