I saw the lady that I love to think catty thoughts about on the bus this morning...I cannot stand this woman...she’s about 50...trying way too hard to look 30 and she has the most atrocious hair alive...I don’t generally notice this sort of thing about ppl in public b/c I just don’t give a shit...but on a bus it’s kind of a captive audience thing...anyhoo...last week she was doing the porcupine bangs thing...straightened so badly that the bangs stuck straight out like porcupine quills...today it’s just shrivelled up retarded bangs day...this is making me VERY apprehensive about getting bangs. I know – life is rough when this is your biggest dilemma.
I am tired as shit this week...can’t get my shit together at all...its making me intensely cranky and an overall asshole. 2 more days then a 3 day weekend. Last night the start of a sty erupted on my eye...I promptly boiled it to death with a hot tea bag and today its unnoticeable (KNOCK ON WOOD)...I will boil my eye tonight as well. I have no time for an sty. They are gross. I won’t even leave the house with a sty. I am not kidding, I will call in sick. Eyeball things are freaky to me...pink eye is ok cuz yer eyes still look like eyes they’re just red and puffy etc....STY’s ARE MUTATIONS! They mutate your eye and fuck up the symmetry and I cannot deal.
11 days until cohabitation. The previous hype is wearing on me. Now I don’t even wanna think about it – I just want it to happen so we can get the fuck on with shit. This likely has to do with me being extremely tired and dead...oh and while i am whining like a little bitch – my foot is sore. I went to bed with tiger balm all over it and it felt warm and nice but it is still sore. OMFG the cat was being evil last night...but I got her...MuHahahhahahahahaha! She was being scratchy and noisy as I was trying to go to sleep which INFURIATES ME b/c – well – its fucking ignorant...anyway – I laid waiting with a pillow in my hand for her to creep out twds the closet (so she could bang the 2 doors together and piss me off – she does this while looking right at me trying to get a reaction - she’s like a fucking toddler) and I fucking walloped her with a pillow and scared the ever loving shit out of her....she ran like a bat outta hell and I never saw her again all night. Sometimes life is sweet. Anyone want a cat?
HAPPY BARFDAY DONNA MARCHANT!!!!
4 comments:
give me your hand jen and step away from the ledge.... boy do you sound stressed.... the stress is probably what is causing the sty stigma... the whole drum roll cohabitation thing is like me going on a trip....big excitement and then the more you fuck with it in your mind the more you just wish it would happen and be over with...ahahahahah cheer up...it's gonna be sweet.....sweet lovin'....
so a sty would transmogrify you?
The things you say sometimes, like:
"They mutate your eye and fuck up the symmetry and I cannot deal."
make me laugh right out loud.
Kelly, Transmogrify, lol, Calvin was my hero!
i crack myself up too lol
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