Baby Jesus Awesome-a-Thon

I have finally stopped asking myself if I have gained or lost an hour from DST and my trip to Alberta earlier this month.
Yesterday was XMAS TWIG HUNTING DAY....I arranged for my LOVING friend Lisa to take me up to Mount Douglas where there are a poop load of arbutus trees for me to get a new twig so I can hang my pickles and such this year. We get up there and this is how the whole ordeal played out:

I managed to find the ONLY icy patch on that fucking parking lot where the sun hadn't come around enough to melt the ice and I walked straight through it all driven and mesmerized by the potential branches just feet away from me. I gotta say my wipe out was not only UNIQUE...it was somewhat creative as well. I didn't just fall...I  SPRAWLED. I kind of star-fished but also managed to roll somehow...I know this happened b/c I managed to land on my whole giant front SPLAT but ended up with a dirty soaked road muck ass (yes I am sure it was road muck)...I was truly saved by my tits (seriously - there were 2 big giant wet circles where I landed on my boobs!) and my purse - they took the brunt of my fall/roll/sprawl - that was also, I might add, in amazing SLOW MOTION!!! Oh yes it was quite something I bet for Lisa...who this whole time is laughing her fucking head off about 12 feet away. I laid there laughing until I realized I was cold and wet from road muck...but I couldn't really get up (RE: Bambi on the frozen lake in the cartoon) b/c I was laying on ice. I even called her over to help me...did she come? Nooooooooo she managed to say through the tears and laughter that *AND I QUOTE* "no way you aren't taking me down!" -- she hadn't even heard the story yet of that time I was walking down a hill when Ayla was little and my hiking boot lace flew over from my left boot and hooked on to a hook on my right boot...TIMBER!!!! I took Ayla down with me that time...we even had cars pulling over to stop and help us it was THAT GOOD!...ANYHOW - so I managed to get up and off the road to assess the damage...knee feels a little tender but I can tell I haven't broke any skin which is always a treat. We carry on...only Lisa is still laughing and I am laughing/crying and trying desperately not to fall again...my camera (which was in my purse) survived the impact believe it or not...Lisa pretty much laughed all day...and did not feel at all phased by my accusatory BAD FRIEND COMMENTS b/c she wouldn't help me get off the road. DAMN U LISA COLEMAN! DAMN U hahahahaha
I ended up finding awesome twiggage! See the picture below...and click on it...there is a bunch there as I was reveling in my new baby jesus's and other oddities required for proper tree decoration!

I am not dead today but certainly feel my knee is quite sore but not fatally...and I have a few pulled muscles from the SPRAWL/FLAIL but all in all its better than my last few attempts at nature....u remember the barnacle swimming nightmare in September...or the August trip to the woods with Donna where she fell into the deep pond with her new cell phone in her pocket. I think natures trying to tell me to stay in the city.