uncivilized

That's right...we are all just uncivilized monkeys...
I have thoroughly enjoyed my weekend that consisted of watching the rest of Californication, walking and and a little shopping...last night Mr Milligan joined me on my beloved 5K trek...I blathered on the whole time. It became clear to me early in the walk he was not much for chatting whilst walking...I explained that the reason one walks with someone is  for the chat factor which makes the walk enjoyable and it goes by less painfully...putting him on the spot didn't help...so I warned him this meant "I" would talk the whole way b/c honestly if theres no talking I want my gawd damn MP3 player rather than the near-silence of listening to my heavy breathing. So I talked...and talked. he know knows the grand scope of the life of my Granny, all her children and my Grandad. Whether he wanted to know or not. Ha! Was a good walk...I die a little less each time I come up that 3 block bastardly hill near the end of the walk...this is good.

Tomorrow I walk it with Donna...it'll be our last walk until shes back from JAMAICA. That's right - globetrotting Donna is off the Jamaica...DONNA PLZ DONT GET ROBBED AND RAPED BY LOCAL DIRTBAGS! OR SHOT BY A STRAY BULLET! Oh wait that's Mexico...rightttttt....

Ayla's b'day is just a week away now...ooo ooo ooooo she is gunna LOVE her pressie!!!! (SHHH don't say anything - she peeps on here sometimes!) I believe we are gunna go eat some sushi for her big day and then come home for ice cream cake...I am contemplating making her an ice cream cake...got a great recipe from Doris at work...it looks divine...and I think it'll be fun to make...and even if it looks like crap it cannot taste anything but awesome so wtf! I will give it a go this weekend. I have a 4 day w/e coming up...I am stoked!

I am usually a decent decision maker....I don't fuck around - I just decide what I am doing and do it...I am finding in my old middle aged-ness that decisions are becoming much more complicated...not so cut and dry...so many variables...it makes me feel like a gawd damn waffling moron...I hate wafflers...I hate hesitaters! I hate timidity as well...COMMIT TO SOMETHING AND FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. I am becoming the person who is eating her own words...I contemplate the shit out of decisions in the last few years...everything seems so friggin complicated...so many things to consider...most of it is Ayla...I realized in 1 years time...Ayla will still be at home b/c school won't be done but I will be losing about 400.00 month (child support and child tax credit)...this is going to be a massive blow. This leads me to thinking of all sorts of options...possible scenarios...etc. The thought of a 2nd job is very unappealing to me but to afford grad and help with grad trip etc...I dunno wtf I am going to do really....start frigging saving now I guess...which means I am spending another year not doing the things I may like to do...which is kind of par 4 the course at this point but I guess I am getting impatient to take a trip to Vegas...or Cuba...or move into a cute place.
Looking fwd to having a life of sorts one day...in the mean time I shall try to shrink myself into a smaller human so I will fit into airplane seats easily.