stick legged fast walkers

Since Donna's recent discovery of RUNNERS WAX (you know...apparently it sucks to wear skirts if you have thigh rub b/c the chafe is terrible...) and her life is changing at this very moment with this new revelation I am currently aware of women with no thigh rub. This morning I walked to work behind a gal who - if I ducked right down - I coulda read street signs from between her thighs they were not only NON-RUBBING there was room for her to carry a bag o' groceries in there! She was not bow legged by any means just.....toothpick legged. What must that be like...to walk with no thigh friction? That's why they lap the shit outta me...I struggle against the enemy which is my own thigh rub whilst walking. Do you know what it is like to find a PERFECT pair of pants and in 3 mths the thigh/crotch disintegrates b/c you wore them often and the walking friction renders them DEAD. They still look like new effing jeans everywhere else....but they are crotchless. Ho Hum...perils of being a fatty.

My new shoes came...(thank you Kimmy and your awesome dealio through work!) My KEENs are awesome... I love them but my right foot is significantly larger than my left and they are a bit tight...the left foot will work itself no problem but the right foot...I have had them on at work (trying to stretch em out to avoid having to send em back for a gargantuan size 10) for 15 mins and my right foot is already asleep. Fuck. I fear the BUNION!

Highly annoyed currently. The temptation to call off all birthday festivities is soooo overwhelming I cannot even tell you. My kid has turned into a massive fucking liar and it is really annoying that she waited this long to go there...