Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thank u Mexican Jesus

Where A. is...only covered with obnoxious party-goers
I called A. tonight...she has messaged me the last few days on FB...she cannot manage to figure out how to use the phones there...the phone system being as sketchy as it is I am not shocked but it was not something I predicted obviously...or I would have sat her down and schooled her on it.

Sun & Mon not hearing a word from her was bad incredibly.mind.fucking. I know I am extremely neurotic and I recognize that I am overly spastic about her safety...I worry in an extreme way that makes me ill. I will not bore you with the inner workings of my obsessive is a dark, twisted path no one should take. So during these 2 days naturally I am beside myself...and am thinking that she is LIKELY fine...but the fact she blatantly hasn't called even though we agreed to a certain calling pattern to keep me calm/not ruin her life in Mexico - it made me so incredibly sad b/c I knew it would change things between us and not for the good. To me it was the ultimate slaying betrayal and breach of trust...I was gutted by the what ifs and more gutted by the sad prospect that she really did not care beyond her own little sphere.

On Tuesday I was back to work and sick over not hearing a damn word...I knew they landed fine through another kids mom but that's all I knew...I am at work and considering going home b/c being around ppl was proving to be too much for this unstable ninny...then at 11 am my cell phone does this weird half ring thing...then stops...I look...ITS A MEXICAN NUMBER. For a split second I thought "Yay she is trying to call home!" but then I soon shifted into retard mode and was imagining her kidnapped...or dead and someone was trying to let me know....I could feel to vomit moving up up up...I was on the verge of a stroke/puking for the next few hours... then I got a FB msg via Lisa's acct THANK GAWD that she was fine and they just couldn't figure out how to call b/c the hotel was out of calling cards and all the shit there was weird and complicated...I was so happy. I don't get HAPPY often but man I was HAPPY. I was horrified about the prospect of never seeing her again and was thinking how extra sad it would be that I wouldn't ever get to know her...the person she is and the person she will grow into being...massive fucking cheat...then I would think about Tere and how Taylor's death has affected her...she won't get to see him fall in love, have children...grow into a man...the loss is incapacitating...(You can see how my brain works a little now huh? Bad shit happens...and I am not immune thus not able to pretend I am not eligible for the horrors life has to offer up on a regular basis)...

Anyway....back on track here...I called her tonight at her hotel...had a chat with her b/c they tried calling and it was not happening...her voice was hoarse from all the drunken clubbing and screaming the night before...she was happy...said it was the most fun ever...told me about what she had been doing, how tanned she is (haha jerk), the sailboat day trip tomorrow, etc. She was doing great. She said the hotel was crappy though...their toilet didn't work yesterday so they were peeing in the bath tub and screaminggggggg "I AM PEEING IN THE BATH TUB!!!!!!" hahahaha I had read a few things about ppl saying the hotel was not that  shit hot but A. didn't seem to mind b/c the rest was fantastic.

Needless to say the rest of the week is going MUCH better than the beginning.

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