Thursday, June 28, 2012

Judgey McJudgersons

It is a weird moment when you have one of those flashes in your mind that everything you are as a person (self perception) is perceived by others as completely false/different and stereotypically shallow (aka: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEE!!! ::sob::). Not the people who know you directly necessarily (though I am sure family and friends perceptions of me do not mirror my own)...but imagine yourself put in a room with a light shining on you for strangers to stop and look and write down what they think of you and slip the paper into a ballot type sounds like a shitty reality TV show – oh wait - there is a reality TV show that is kind of like that but it focuses on people sense of fashion and clothing. (Admittedly- I have ZERO fashion sense or interest in fashion for that matter and make it a point to avoid ever wearing anything that has a brand on it - I would be a sitting duck of ridicule on a show like that...)

I am generally unconcerned with how I am perceived by ppl I do not give a shit about - that is honest/no bullshit. Though I was recently made aware of how I feel about someone questioning how I feel about my family...that was an interesting little self-observation, watching how I reacted to someone implying family disloyalty. I can honestly say I haven't been so enraged in quite some time...and while I understand it was a useless out-of-context kerfluffle and an obvious oops it made my blood boil to be accused of such a faux pas. Upon rethinking it over and over and over again it occurred to me I need to work on that little thing inside of me that feels so indignant when anyone calls to question things of great importance to me...b/c really...who cares? I cannot be accused of EVER suffering from the awesome trait of being "logical first - reactive later"...I am a react 1st - be logical after the fact kind of person (if I am lucky)...which is kind of a left over thing from when I was 15...though I do not punch ppl in the face anymore so YAY for PROGRESS!

I guess that moment (back to the 1st paragraph) is more about how we feel about our own accomplishments or lack thereof. When you are talking to someone you haven't for a long time and giving them the rundown of your makes you wonder and question wtf you have been doing for 20+ years...reliving the trials and tribulations, taking a closer look at how you could have done things a little differently...oh hindsight...such a rotten bunghole it can be. Mind you....all things considered – the last 20 yrs have been a gargantuan challenge but at the same time an accomplishment...without a doubt it could have been easier under different circumstances but it also could have been much more difficult under those same circumstances so all in worked out well. Not like you can go back and have do-overs....OH IF I COULD the 1st do-over would be the sperm girl deserves a much better donor than she got and for that I will be eternally sorry...interestingly I would pick a different donor for myself as well...I love the do-over game....I would also pick better hair, faster metabolism, athletic abilities, a happier brain, no tourettes (hahaha), a more reasonable nature, etc...

ANYHOW....back to waffle iron steam boob burn is like a miracle...its red and looks like it should hurt but it doesn't at's like the waffle steam just obliterated all the pain receptors and nerve cells...not that I am complaining...I am sure that will come later when the titty bacon peels off exposing raw skin and I will then inflict you all with heinous details.

Recently, I told Chris the places I have lived in my life: Moose Jaw Sk - Regina SK - Shaunavon SK – Swan Hills AB - Rainbow Lake AB - Wainwright AB - Ponoka AB - Red Deer AB - Lacombe AB - Powell River BC - Prince George BC - Vancouver BC - Port Moody BC - Coquitlam BC - Lake Louise AB etc etc his response was the best quote EVER:

"…read like a horror show of boredom, dullness and strength sapping surroundathon of dumb hick people…"

Bahahahahaaaaa...omg...I so laughed.

No comments: