Saturday, July 07, 2012

Low Tech

Upon hearing the announcement that Journey, Night Ranger and Loverboy coming to Victoria in December I was thinking about how I would play the ever-loving shit out of all my records as a kid...like...not just a lot...a shit ton. Factor in that I was usually ALWAYS grounded to my bedroom - it was pretty serious obsessive behavior...now had my folks really wanted to break me all they would have had to do was take away my record player or records...mind you that would have been a terrible parenting choice b/c then I would have had to stab them in their sleep or burn the house down. I was ruled by rage and stupidity as a kid...Connie and I plotted the death of a few people...we didn't make maps or sketches of the plan but we had thought about it to the degree where it is kinda creepy...example: body disposal. We considered waiting for it to be just before a freeze so we could dump the said victim in the river and then the body would be frozen all winter and not be found until it thawed - destroying most of the evidence. (Did all the hairs just stand up on the back of your neck? Good.) Luckily...even at my worst I am rather sensible to a degree so you know...we never killed anyone.

I just saw a photo of my biological father on Facebook (his daughter Sara posted one of the 2 of them)...he is in his 60's now...I detect NO resemblance whatsoever. None. Do you see any? I know I kinda look like my mom ppl say but I can't see that either so I think maybe I just can't make that sort of connection. (A. just looked and sees it but I still don't)
Sara (half sister) & Gord (bio-father)

Moi
Mom


Pretty trippy...funny how in time none of that really matters at all...I truly couldn't give less of a shit about it. The damage is done and long gone...it is not just a novelty of searching faces in photos for a glimmer of recognition...going through loser dad stuff with A. has lead me to where I am with my own stuff...I look at A. and her life and can see plain as day that it does not need to have any grand hold over her future. It is what it is...and fuck it - carry on and live your life. I have spent far too much of my life pissed off about other peoples behavior or lack of behavior - what a waste of time and energy that should have gone into dealing with my own behavior and life.
Of course telling someone in the thick of it is generally not much good.

10 comments:

Cyndy said...

I definately see a resemblence...know you don't want to hear that. I think you have more of his nose than your moms. Maybe the eyes too? Humm. You have your mom's eyebrows for sure. God I hope you don't have his ears though.

~Jen~ said...

really...you see it...I wonder why it is so hard to see for yourself...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You do look more like your mom, but I do see some of you in your dad's face (although, strangely, not the other way around). If that makes any sense.

So, did you have specific people in mind when you were planning these body disposals?

~Jen~ said...

Yes I have someone specific...I have since found her on FB and apologized for relentless bullying...I was in grade 9 she was in grade 12...I was a no bullshit total asshole age has no boundaries bully.

Anonymous said...

you need to find God to help you deal with these murderous thoughts.

Kelly

~Jen~ said...

well I hope God is hiding in the bottom of a bucket of ice cream then....

Anonymous said...

he could be...keep looking. if you don't find him it was wrong flavour, start again

~Jen~ said...

thank you Anonymous...I am starting with butterscotch ripple!

wtfisaywtf said...

No fair, you're wearing make-up in the picture of yourself that you provided for comparison. Post one of your father with plucked eyebrows & mascara & then we'll see...

~Jen~ said...

I havent ever plucked my eye brows!