Saturday, August 24, 2013

Friendly Daily Advice From Your Friend Jen...

Never read old email fights from 20 yrs ago that you had with your baby-loser-daddy...b/c no matter how far you have come or what you have overcome in that 20 years it will transport you back to that moment of rage and wordless bitterness...and then wtf do you do with that...?

I think a burning ceremony is in order b/c I do not ever want to feel compelled to reread such mindless drivel from someone who doesn't even get it 20 years later. I am a bit shocked at the my own reaction to all of that in a way...I mean - I danced a jig of happiness when A. turned 18 b/c I gleefully cut all ties (with the exception of still speaking with his parents and brother often) with that useless tit...deleted/blocked on Facebook, all emails deleted and erased from address book, phone number and mailing address whited out, mementos was felt great...a complete purge.

And in the larger scheme of things we had very limited contact while A. grew up and it was not ugly like most ppls custody and such usually gets...not in the slightest...I can honestly say it was one of the hugest betrayals which is why I think I will never feel anything but disgust towards him. Not a betrayal towards me at all...his behavior twds me is typical and men like him are a dime a dozen...his behavior and treatment of my daughter however...never letting that go. Ever. Spent way too many years taking the high road for that little fucker...way too many and for what? Big fuck all b/c even now in his 40's he is as useless as he was 20 yrs ago with as little to offer.

One of the few things I still beat myself up about - inflicting him upon her for life. Every time there is some sort communication between them and she tells me about it I must apologize to her...we chuckle about it and keep it light but for me it is 100% genuine and legit. I am so sorry...


A postcard from Deanna haha
On the upside...I came across a pile of letters from Deanna...which I will save to read until tomorrow b/c it will likely make me cry...reading the words of the dead is a pretty profound experience I have found...a gift from the grave really. I am so happy I saved them. They do not deserve to be in the same box as assfaces emails that is for sure...will remedy shortly....and not just for me...but for A. I never want her to read the stuff he said about the 2 of us...b/c no matter how unattached she may seem to him...or apathetic twds him in general - they are word daggers dipped in cruelty that can only harm ones psyche...nothing worth reading.

Can you tell I just started menstruating?

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