Have I mentioned lately....

Have I mentioned lately all the things I am enjoying about getting older? (You decide which are sarcastic and which are not): 

1. Random unexplained aches and pains that feel like you are on the verge of death one day and gone the next

2. Going bald and being humbled to the point of extinction hopeful apathy

3. Slower metabolism/weight gain

4. Worse PMS (and you never thought that was possible!)

5. Worse periods

6. Migraines

7. Social anxiety

 
8. Clarity in realizing how many more years left you have to deal with the above

9. Clarity in realizing the importance of dealing with your shit to ensure you do live long enough to know your grand kids

10. Clarity in realizing every misstep you have taken in life, hindsight is awesome

11. Clarity in realizing how far you haven't really come at all

12. Clarity in realizing how far you have actually come

13. Knowing at 40-something you are still caught up in 20+ yr old patterns of behavior that are self defeating and demoralizing

14. A healthy 'knowing' about what is actually important - that being people and relationships you nurture, not stuff or old matter-less bullshit from times gone by

15. Looking at a hipster and thinking "omg they are so lame and that is exactly how grown ups felt about me looking like a headbanger in the 80's"

16. Knowing you are lame and not caring

17. Looking back and seeing that you actually fared A-OK and did a decent job with the little person you were in charge of raising and are extremely proud of yourself and the said little person

18. Wrinkles and lines accentuating your grumpy facial expressions

19. Getting labelled a "pre-diabetic"

20. Not caring about it being a Friday night and you are doing laundry, watching TV

21. A new appreciation for all things old and cheesy

22. Being fantastically selective about who you want in your life and ridding yourself of the ones you don't without feeling really bad about it

23. Knowing you still can't trust anyone but some ppl are less likely to destroy you than others

24. Getting blindsided by people you completely pegged wrong for almost 2 decades and being in awe of the familiar feeling - like that time when you were 13 and your pal Val called you up saying Shelley's boyfriend Perry kissed her but telling you not to tell Shelley while Shelley was on the other extension listening to see what you said and seeing if you would call Shelley and tell her anyway as a test of loyalty. (PS Fuck you Val and Shelley, you both suck)

25. Poor circulation, the impending doom of what is to come in that department

26. Achilles Tendon Bullshit, evil fucking thing

27. The weird shift in your predisposition to foul language...finally realizing sometimes you do not have to say FUCK to make a clear point

28. Knowing most of the sarcastic entries  are completely within my physical power to change but feeling like a mentally helpless asshole in carrying it out

29. Spending 20 years feeling like you needed to stay alive and available to your child who (as she should) ditches you for life and adventure and then realizing you still feel the need to be alive and available b/c you actually need her as much as she ever needed you

30. Leg veins

31. Being able to think more critically without everything being black or white...so.much.gray....

32. Heightened empathy

33. Middle aged acne - yeah I said it

34. An appreciation for art

35. Paying 60 bucks a month for 4 months and not going to the gym once

36. The ability to look at friendships and relationships and see the ebb and flow, understanding that acceptance really is the key to most things

37. Self growth and discovery of self take on a whole new meaning when the clock ticking gets louder and louder

38. Sadness knowing my memory and brain function is slipping, for real, no Alzheimer's jokes etc...seriously slipped already so by 60 I should be full blown retarded

39.  Still taking immense joy in things like music, live music, words, books, photos, art, conversation, "clicking with another human", friendship, learning, movies, justice and writing a letter

40. Realizing you have no upper lip

41. Watching society change right before your eyes

42. Still being a nail biter ffs

43. Realizing the things you thought were the be all end all of happiness are complete fallacies so you really aren't that far off the mark