Monday, January 27, 2014

Impending doom of abandonment and other imaginary evils...

On top of Machu Picchu, Peru - Spring 2013
Miss A. is being picked up at 1:30 tomorrow (Monday) afternoon. She will take the ferry to Vancouver...check into their hotel room...and try her hardest to stay awake all night so that she can sleep like a dead donkey on the 15+ hour flight to Thailand.

Her flight leaves Vancouver, Tues Jan. 28th at 11:30am PST...She will arrive at the Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport in China 13.5 hours later, arriving at 5:20pm local time. They have a 2 hour and 25 min. wait until they fly to Bangkok, Thailand, arriving at 9:30pm local time. Thailand is 15 hours ahead of PST. I have a clock on my phone that tells me my time and the time in Thailand. It is midnight right now and 3pm in Bangkok. Weird.

Apparently the airline (China Southern Airline) sucks so it should make for some interesting stories...and the airport in China with the 2+ hour lay-over is apparently not very good either...A. is horrified that in China there is no Facebook or Google. haha

When she lands in Bangkok, Thailand it will be 9:30pm her time and the next damn day or some shit and 6:30am here...that whole day thing effs me up so yay! for cellphone apps that do all that math for you.

Due to the political unrest there (CLICK HERE) they are only staying 1 night in Bangkok (near the airport, avoiding the city) then flying right out so that is a relief. Shit is getting pretty real over there.

If you want to track her flights on your cellphone (I use Flight Aware - a free app) here is the info:
AIRLINE: China Southern Airline.... Vancouver to China flight # 330 and China to Bangkok # 361

The good ol' days...
Part way through today I began chanting my new mantra...."she is not leaving me...she is just going on a trip". Saying it out loud over and over...hearing it said out loud makes it sink in better somehow. Connie and I have talked extensively about how current day rejections and abandonment have a tendency to link themselves to every previous experience you have had in life. An emotional link is there waiting for the fuel to feed that mindfuckery fire. If you are not on top of that in your head it can really chew a hole through your soul and spit you out like a rubbery piece of meat.

I am the queen of rational thoughts...truly I am. I just have never mastered the ability to have them override the emotional portion of my 'self'. I know A. is not leaving me, intending to never return, abandoning me...this is not about me at all. She is 20 years old in a few days...and she is doing exactly what I told her to do her whole have adventure and learn while exploring the world. How could I have known she would only listen to ONE thing I ever said....I have told her thousands of things in her life...she focused on that one thing only hahaha

I liken this separation to amputation...for me of course, not her. She is eager to hit the road and be done with my anal retentive drivel...she needs to be on her own, out from under my wing...for me though it is impossible to feel anything other than a piece of me is being sawed off against my will. A heart amputation of sorts. Very poor scheduling as well...not only is there political unrest/state of emergency crap going on in is just days before my period - I am at the height of PMS psychosis...I think the impending doom of her leaving is almost worse than anything...I am often my own worst enemy in these scenarios...neurosis' running wild, making things harder than they need to be.

It is in times like these where I shake my fist at the sky and wished I believed in something to garner some comfort, even if it is a wild falsehood. Chubby baby Jesus will certainly be following you around Miss A...looking out for you, keeping you safe...of course he will...he cannot possibly have better things to do!

SAFE TRAVELS MY GIRL! Be smart, use your noodle, trust no one and go with your gut! xo

1 comment:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'll be thinking of you during the next few weeks (?) that she is away. Hope she finds some good Chinese internet!