Sometimes in life, especially as you get older, you find yourself in these weird scenarios that you could not have imagined yourself in. This happened to me last year, grand accusations made (completely off base) to a 5th party....took many months for ppl to open their mouths enough for it to get back to me, at which time I was fucking mortified...not just b/c it was no ones business and private but b/c such a demonizing spin was put on it, painting me to be something I truly am not. I am many things, which I will laughingly admit to freely even if it does paint me in a shitty light but I am not owning shit that is not mine.Many months later and after some very complicated events and drama that exceeds the Young & Restless soap opera...I have been struck with some clarity. I do not often put humans on pedestals b/c I have a pretty good understanding that ppl are just human, falter and waiver and depending on the situation - shit the bed in epic fashion. I lost a very good friend in all of this bullshit and I have lamented that loss all this time but finally I think I am just done feeling terrible about it. Gawd knows I have been an ass and ended friendships with little explanation - it is easier than hurting someones feelings telling them there is something about them you just don't like...perhaps this is karma...this unresolved friendship, dangling in the wind like a dried up corpse...it makes you question your instincts, your taste, your gullibility...it makes you question your own self worth for a moment - until you shake your head and remind yourself this is just another one of those cock-sucking speed bumps life plants in front of your driveway...just for kicks.
People disappoint you...and you disappoint ppl too. It is the way in life...the unresolved, unspoken and highly valued friendships that are laid to waste by bullshit and lies are just casualties of assholes with problems. You take inventory of your part in it, learn a few lessons and be done with it. It is really that simple. Gotta QTIP that shit...Quit Taking It Personally. QTIP the ever-loving fuck out of it and move forward...
Real friendships are usually so simple at this age...the real ones...unspoken loyalty and love binding friends together now that in our 40s we can talk about things and not be so caught up in our own crap or assuming the worst about someone. I revel in the strength of my long term friendships...and the relationships built within my family...amazing grateful for what I have and the ppl in my life...makes the losses a little easier to bare.
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