Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Fat Lamentation

A is settling in nicely in Melbourne – despite being sick right now...she has a zillion resumes out and hopefully she will get a job in the next 2 weeks. She has about enough $ to make it 1 month....after that...tough choices...I am pretty sure she will have a job in a few weeks though so I am not going to worry about the what ifs. Glad that she is there and safe and connected with Zed's mom, Sasha.
I have beef barley soup in the fridge at work calling my name....the Aegean Cafe makes THE BEST beef barley soup on mouth is filling with spit as I type about it...jfc.

Last pool day today...despite being a cripple and regretting it later I am going to swim tonight and that will be it for likely 3+ weeks. I need 3 weeks of no swimming sadly to get this knee in order. I swear I am the only person on earth who injures herself no matter what kind of exercise she tries doing to lose weight. SWIMMING...??!?! Who the fuck injures themselves swimming – OH I do apparently...and it is a common swim injury too...which is probably not as bad for ppl not lugging obesity around with them once they get out of the pool. F-U swimmer's wrecker!! Not enjoying being a limper...being fat draws enough negative attention to one's self. Really looking fwd to getting rid of this knee BS and utilizing the gym etc instead while the pool is down. Not sure I can treadmill quite yet but the weights for my upper body stuff are better than nothing.

This seems to be how it is now...every waking day I wonder what kind of physical ailments await me. One would think that was serious incentive to lose is...I have incentive coming out of my arsehole – no shortage of incentive. Incentive is awesome (prepare for impending sarcasm) b/c with so much incentive you feel like an extra loser when you don't use the incentive as it should be used. And to all you "oh just do it you lazy asshole" a giant fuck you b/c you have no idea how layered this issue is for many jam your judgment up your favorite hole and mind your damn business. Even I am shocked by how deep this shit is...the key is to break it down and make it simple. In the end it is basic less, move more...a lot more. More than you want to...and do not stop. Until you break it down for  yourself though - you are essentially a slave to your own dysfunctional psyche...

I wish there was a food rehab place...a place you get sent by your Dr like drug addicts get sent to drug rehab....where you talk about your shit with someone who doesn't suck whilst being forced to be CLEAN....and are taught how to shop and prepare food and schedule your life and time so that it is a priority - permanently...brainwash me while you are at it...hypnotize me and make me forget I love fries and bread and all things evil. Make me forget about my passionate love for sitting down with dinner while I watch TV after work...Make me forget about chocolate, chips, Pepsi, candy....make for forget food is my boyfriend...make me forget I prefer food to the company of most others...brainwash me to think I am full after a small amount of food and to eat is all rather sad and pathetic. Fuck it...I will do it myself. Or I won't...thing is...time is a tickin'...control needs to be taken before it is too late. Apologies to my heart and kidneys...I will try and do better by you.

EDIT: then this was posted on CBC after long do you think it will take the medical community and society in general to shed themselves of the idea all fat ppl must be lazy, weak and inferior humans....?

Watched AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY last night with Kim....what a great movie. So dark but funny...that family dynamic....jfc. Highly recommended if you enjoy family drama and humor (and swearing!)...


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Are they really closing down your pool just when it is starting to get hot? Seriously jacked timing.

Sorry to hear about your knee. It's the worst kind of irony when you injure yourself trying to be healthy. I know, happens to me too often.

~Jen~ said... is far from hot here thus far thankfully...but it really is good timing it turns out with the knee crap...this shit is getting old!