Fish in a Barrel

There is always a weird darkness to my relationships with men...that thought just occurred to me so I thought I would start rambling on here and see where it went.

I am not sure if that darkness is my own...or part of the generally ridiculous pair ups I get myself into. Perhaps it is my own inability to communicate honestly in a relationship that creates this hue...my inability to trust and commit...the full on fear of shared intimacy...not sure...it certainly cannot be helpful in that I generally end up with broken fucking assholes with even less self awareness than sidewalk chalk. My last attempt at having a relationship (AKA The Year of Severe Inconvenience) taught me a lot of things about myself...mainly that I could easily live my life to the end not in another relationship. That is no exaggeration either. I am 100% serious. I am laughing as I type this but it is really true.

It's been so long since I have been on here blathering...shameful blogger am I!

Ms A. is loving her new life in Australia...there is talk of possible sponsorship via her employer come December....I immediately panicked when she told me that b/c that means she gets 4 yrs there to work...but then I shook my head and had a chat with myself: What is your problem dummy? This is what you worked for...for her to be strong and independent and do adventurous things, live life and have a wonderful time doing it.

Then I was OK....and even a little excited for her. She is moving into an apartment with 2 friends Aug 1...its a great little place that comes with weekly maid service. MAID SERVICE! Are you kidding me. Sign me up and start with all this cat throw up the cat kindly left outside my door at some point while I slept. She is doing well and learning a lot living on her own - it is a great thing.

What the hell is going on with airplanes this year...? Bombed by Russian rebels...hijacked by weirdo pilots...random crashes...bad weather crashes...JAYYYZUZZZZZZZZZ so much for ever flying at ease again ffs. So much death in the news these days...Israel needs to step the fuck down. Shooting missiles into Gaza is like shooting fish in a barrel...real slick you bunch of bullying whiners. The mainstream media has crawled up Israels ass and reports from there, I am pretty sure. So tired of this fighting BS around the world - and now our eejit Prime Minister has decided to write an editorial about his pissiness against Russia...why is a PM writing an editorial about anything never mind  something to do with foreign policy and a current world issue? It seems like he is trying to sway the population against Russia pretty intensely. I am not in love with Russia at the moment but I am pretty tired of wars started by western countries who basically just kill a bunch of women and children and do shit all to make anything better. I have an American Republican friend on FB who is a serious Muslim hater (I just ignore those posts and skip over them entirely) - I really like her but man she is so full of hate b/c her nephew was killed in Afghanistan - he signed up for that and it is shitty and terrible that he died...but to hate Muslims for it when FAR MORE Afghans were killed in that occupation than US soldiers...I do not quite understand her reasoning of it all. We all have biases...I certainly do and I am pretty aware of them b/c I am puzzled by my own reactions to people and situations b/c of them. Education usually solves mine...the more I learn about something I have a natural bias against the less of a bias I feel. Truth is people in general annoy me - hardly matters where they are from.



Been watching some great documentaries these days on Netflix...

HOT COFFEE about tort reform in the US and shows you corruption at its absolute finest in the US
HOT COFFEE WIKI PAGE

NIKOLA TESLA Master of Lightning WATCH HERE
Fascinating person he was...I think he had a touch of Autism or something...he was a weird dude but quite amazing. His social retardation really hindered him in so many ways...would be interesting to see what he could have done had he taken care of business instead of making so many other ppl stinking rich.

Going to make myself leave the house tomorrow and go see WISH I WAS HERE. I friggin love Zach Braff - ever since GARDEN STATE came out 10 years ago and became one of my favorite movies I have been waiting for him to make another one. I love that he writes the movies, directs them and stars in them...very full circle. Love it. Being in recluse mode has made my movie going suffer. Want to see the new Planet of the Apes movie too quite badly...I wish summer would just fuck off.

I have a million more things to say but I forget.